Geordie Shore is back in New Castle.
Home sweet fucking home.
[Cheering]
We're back with a fucking boom.
¶
Get it!
Ahh!
C'mon!
I'm back!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
She's a slut!
It's me baby cousin, Marnie!
I want to go out and get pissed with the lads.
She feels like she owns the house already?
But, I do like Scott, so I'm going to go in and try to cock
block the fuck out of him.
It's pissing us off.
Egg is really puny.
This is a fish emergency.
Everyone is smashed.
You fucking shit yourself?
I do like Scott, but if he likes us, he just needs to show it.
I should have a degree in pulling women.
I am a Geordie girl, with a VIP edge.
I'm a natural beauty, real boobs, real hair.
Get in this house, because I'm going to tear the place up.
I've never kissed anyone without a six-pack.
The hardest graft I've ever done is doing me hair.
I'm fake, I'm flirty, and I've got double fs.
I could talk the back legs off a donkey.
¶
I've woke up, and the first thing on me mind is Egg,
I just hope he's okay.
[Phone ringing]
Oh, hi, Craig, how are ya?
Egg's dead?
Egg was me favorite as well, I didn't ever want to tell anyone,
but there I've said it.
I'm taking Scott to pick up Egg's dead body because I know
if I fall into a quivering ball of emotional wreck, Scott will
be able to pick us up, because he's kind of muscley.
I do feel a bit sorry for Charlotte, because she loved
those fish to bits, but I can't help but think,
this is really weird.
You've got three options.
All right.
All right?
One, you can flush him down the toilet, two, you could bury him,
three, you can get him cremated.
Flush, bury, or cremated, but where's option four, scran?
You all right?
This is a sad day for us all, I'm distraught, Scott doesn't
know what to do, and I'm looking at Craig, and I can see it in
his eyes, just because he didn't see of Egg,
he's beating himself up.
All right?
Thanks, Craig.
Thanks so much.
You all right?
Yeah.
We're at a crematorium and we're getting him ready for the huge
flames that are about to engulf him.
¶
Oh my God!
What that's it?
That's all?
I've shaved off my pubes than that.
It's a small pile of dust; I get more when I clean the
shelves in the house.
Thanks bye.
How did it go?
Egg's been cremated.
Oh my God!
We are going to have a proper funeral for him
later in the day.
So, I'd like everyone to wear black.
Okay.
So, black, yeah, like all black, obviously I'm going to be
wearing orange in memory of Egg.
Oh, that's so cute!
We're going to go and have a funeral, that's nuts.
I don't even know if I've got a black vest.
Lads, you can carry Egg's coffin down.
Just so happy that they've all made the effort,
Egg would have loved this.
I can't believe he's dead.
¶
I can tell straight away this is a perfect place to
say goodbye to Egg.
The waves are crashing and the sun is shining down.
It's just so beautiful.
In the day, it is sad that Egg has died, Charlotte is upset,
and she generally did love them fucking fish, but I didn't have
a clue which one Egg was.
I'm so glad that you's have all been able to make it today.
From the day that we've got egg, we all know how much of
a happy fish he was.
The happiest.
He shimmered, his scales were beautiful.
The orangeness of him was just better than my time.
He always wanted to be part of a bug squad.
I know I should feel sad, but I just feel stupid saying
bye to a fish.
Marnie I know you didn't get to know Egg for long enough but --
I just wish I got to know Egg a little bit more, got to bond
with him a little bit more.
I'm feeling really left out, because I didn't know Egg
and everyone else did.
It's starting to remind us that I'm not part of this family yet.
Goodbye, Egg.
Bye, Egg.
I loved ya.
I knew that once I spread Egg's ashes in this sea,
he's gone forever.
Until I die, and I get my ashes spread in the sea,
and we're together again, holding hands,
swimming through the ocean just like dolphins.
[in unison] Ashes to ashes, dust to dush!
Right?
Anyone fancy fish and chips?
Everyone's feeling down for Vicki leaving and Egg's funeral,
so now we got the whole family back together and back in a
good mood, we're going to take off Marnie's bucket list.
So, my bucket list idea is fire walking, it's something I've
always wanted to do and I'm really excited about it.
Feel like everyone needs a lift.
A lift, oh yeah.
And to me that just sounds dangerous, stupid, and painful.
When we're doing it, we will all be giggling, and laughing
at each other, and then we'll be happy again.
All right, because we will be on fire.
Well, this is going to be a piece of piss because
I'm already hot as fuck.
Tssss.
¶
[Screaming]
I'm not going to run across fire, I'm not an idiot.
¶
Shit just got real.
[Screaming]
Well, that was fucking easy, I want to go around and do the
fucking worm across it.
I'm the first girl to attempt it, I have to do it, otherwise
I'll look like a total twat in front of the rest.
I got smoke in me eyes.
I've done it, I've walked across, it was fine,
I didn't know what all the fuss was about, I bet next time,
I could probably walk across water as well.
[Screaming]
I'm so proud of everyone giving my bucket list a go, it worked
amazing, it's made everyone feel really good about themselves
After fire walking we decide to stay, have a few drinks,
a bit of food, for Egg's wake.
We're going to toast marshmallows at the fire,
just like we toasted Egg.
For Egg!
We miss you Egg!
Fine, let's play truth or dare then.
Oh, 'cuz we're all at the camp fire.
So, we are playing truth or dare, and I know exactly what's
coming, it's all going to boil down to me and Scott because
there's nothing fucking else going on in the house,
all of them are boring.
Everyone just wants to watch me and Marnie kiss, 'cuz they're
all not getting any action, they're all boring as fuck.
I feel like I'm at a 12-year-old birthday party
playing spin the bottle.
Are you serious?
So, Marnie and Scott are kissing in front of me face,
I'm obviously going to be a little bit jealous because
Scott is the lad who I used to get attention
from in the house but, I can't say anything about it now.
Do I?
All I do with Marnie so far is spoon and kiss so of course when
I neck on with her I'm going to have a full train in me pants.
Yay!
[Laughter]
Even though that kiss was really awkward, I'm still really
pleased it happened because now me and Scott are out in the open
and I just hope everyone will now leave us alone.
I fucking don't know what the hell is going on with me like.
Well, how did you feel?
When me and Marnie are one on one, there is a bit of a
connection there, we do like each other, but it's hard
to forget about everyone else in the house.
Yeah, but that's the, yeah.
But, like in a, in a --
So, me and Scott have agreed that when we
sleep with each other, we are not going to pull other people,
but he's going to have to work a lot harder to get me in a bed.
¶
Holly, it's your day of birth!
I hope you get a big girth!
And, I will watch because I'm a pimp!
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday Holly!
Have returned your next birthday!
It's my birthday, and it's my biggest birthday yet,
I'm finally turning 21, I'm fucking buzzing.
How ya feel?
Old.
Sophie is not in our bed, what the fuck?
Holly.
We find a note to Holly.
This could only mean one thing, Sophie's gone.
Hi big tits, so sorry I'm not here on the day of your birth,
I've had to leave for a bit to sort something out.
I don't know when I will be back.
I'm gutting I got to miss out on your big day.
please look after Marnie and play nice, don't all think of
each other while I'm gone.
I can't believe that she actually left, and she's left on
my birthday, which means that something is seriously wrong
because I know how excited she was for me.
Better not wake up tomorrow and one of you is
randomly gone as well.
No.
Holly hasn't had a very good start to her birthday, but we
need to try to pick up the spirits for Holly because it is
her birthday, Sophie would have wanted this.
Everyone got some flowers for you, Holly.
Awh!
I've never had flowers before.
What do I do with them?
Put them in water.
So, they bought me some flowers, and I'm like oh thank you,
but they're obviously from a fucking garage.
After last night, I do really like Scott, and we kissed each
other in front of the rest of the house, I'm excited to see
where it goes, I just hope it doesn't all go tits up.
Where the fuck is Sophie this morning?
She's literally gone.
What do you mean she's gone?
She left a note.
She left a note on our nightstand.
And she doesn't know if she is going to be back.
When we first came in the house, there was five girls and three
boys, now there's three of each, the girls
are dropping like flies.
[Doorbell rings]
Morning everyone.
So, Anna has arrived and she better have some fucking good
news on my birthday.
As you all know, Vicky left the other night, and sadly she
won't be coming back.
I can't believe Vicky isn't coming back to this house.
I'm absolutely gutted.
And, Sophie is not sure when she will be coming back.
So no, she hasn't got any fucking good news, she's telling
me that Vicky's not coming back and she does even know if Sophie
is going to be coming back.
Thanks Anna, what a birthday spoiler.
But, enough of the bad news.
Heard it's such a very, very special birthday, I've decided
you can have house party tonight.
Buzzing!
[Cheering]
All right Anna, you've redeemed yourself, I'm having a party,
fucking buzzing.
Get prepared for your party, Holly.
Tonight will not be the same without Vicky and Sophie.
Vicky is always the one handing out the drinks, getting the
champagne and sorting everyone out, and Sophie's always the
one sucking off the DJ.
¶
I really want Kate to come to the party, but with it being
Holly's birthday, I'm going to have to ask her, I just hope
she's finally over all the past and she lets her come.
I was just going to invite one my mates, Nas, and then,
I wanted to invite Kate along because I haven't
seen her in ages.
No James, I do not want your girlfriend at
my 21st birthday party.
Why the fuck would I?
She still obviously hates me, and if she walks in this house
James, I'm not going to not say anything, because one look off
her and I will say something.
I've been with Kate ages now, and I still don't know why Holly
is holding this grudge, the only thing that I can think of,
is that she's still lost that I chose Kate over her.
I'm just warning ya, James.
Oh to be honest, fuck it then, do you know what I mean?
I just don't know how you expect me to like her.
I thought now you're 21, I thought you'd be
more fucking grown up.
Oh, shut the fuck up, if she comes tonight, all I'm saying
is, don't expect it to be fucking rosy.
And, that's all I'm going to fucking say about it.
Ahh, fucking, ahh.
I've moved on, I don't think she did.
Idiot.
Wow.
Have a good shopping.
See ya lads.
¶
I can't wait to get some crazy, fancy dress shit.
Yes!
I was born in the nineties, and I was raving in the womb,
using my umbilical cord as a glow stick, bring it on!
¶
So, we're just wondering if you've got anything
that's like nineties?
Rave.
Rave stuff, all loads of neon stuff right there.
Whoa!
Oh, that's what I need.
Headbands!
I fucking love fancy dress shops, dressing up like a slag
in loads of crazy different outfits is just the best thing
in the entire world, I love it.
I feel like the only thing that could potentially spoil this
for me is like, the fact that Kate might turn up.
Holly is completely right about the Kate thing.
If I was in Holly's situation, I would be so pissed off,
so if Kate comes tonight, it's operation ignorance.
One look at me and I'm going to be over there
like a fucking flash.
We don't like each other, I don't understand how James
can't get it into his head.
We're not friends, we never will be.
It's my 21st.
Happy birthday.
Thank you, bye!
Bye!
It was nice to meet you, take care.
See ya.
So, who have you's got coming then?
I've got some girls coming.
Do you kind of regret it a little bit.
Yeah.
I really do.
Because I'm thinking like, I'm panicking incase Scott
pulls one of them.
Yeah, like, I just look like I've been dragged through
a head bush.
That is so nineties Yeah, that is, sort of is.
Me and Scott are getting ourselves ready for tonight,
but I still don't know if he's going to wingman
us or if he's going to bottle it.
I honestly don't think that Scott has got it in him to go
bang a bird, he's scared of confrontation, and he's scared
of Marnie kicking off.
Gaz doesn't need to worry about what I'm doing,
he's just needs to focus on washing that chlamydia off his
cock and let me crack on tonight.
On your 21st birthday, you've got to get a shag you know.
I don't really know if I'm going to get rid of my cock fright
tonight, because I don't know who this mate
is ever going to be.
I can teach you if you want Holly, how do be sexy
and get the boys.
You do the funny dance.
Charlotte showed me the funny dance, and it's fucking shit,
I won't be using it.
So, I'm being very polite about it.
That's how you'll get them.
I'm telling ya, she'll be over that cock fright straight away.
Thanks for that information.
All set like?
Hell yeah.
Just buzzing.
Aye.
So, basically I've got three options, bring Kate to the
party, don't invite her, or fuck off and go see her myself.
I know which one I'm fancying, after the way
Holly went on this morning.
I do feel a bit sorry for James, because either way he loses out,
because if he does bring Kate, Holly will kick her out, but if
he doesn't bring Kate, it means he doesn't get to see his bird.
What a nightmare for the kid.
So, what now, we're back to square one,
where it's awkward again.
I know it's a decision I'm going to have to make me self,
I just hope I make the right one.
¶
Fuck it, I'm off.
After the way Holly's been earlier in the day,
I don't even want to be at her party.
I'm off to see Kate instead.
Somebody order some props for a par-tay?
What the hell?
Happy fucking birthday!
I do feel bad for Holly, two of her best friends are not going
to be at her party, we need to step it up and make it a
night she will never forget.
So, Marnie is asking me not to pull any of her friends at the
house party, I wouldn't of done that anyway, I would respect,
but in that case, she can do the same for me,
and not pull any of my mates.
So, me and Scott have made a pact, we have pinky promised
that we are not going to get with each other's friends.
I just really hope that we both stick to it.
It's finally here yet; it's finally my party.
Tonight might actually be the night that I do get
over this cock fright.
¶
My mates turn up and all of them look incredible.
They're all fit, and all together for a laugh, game on.
I didn't even realize that all these people were coming.
How's it going?
So, Scott's friends have turned up,
and they all look really fit.
But, I'm going to try to stay away from them,
because tonight I want Scott.
Oh man, Marnie has been cracking on with everyone,
it doesn't fucking surprise us.
I think for her 21st, she needs to get a birthday shot.
I don't know who Holly is trying to kid, but she turned into
some sort of crazy nun.
Everyone knows that she is a massive slag.
I used to be a red little slag, and I wish I could
be a slag again.
So, I sat with a boy that I quite like, and I'm getting
really really drunk and everything's getting
a little bit flirty.
This could be potentially a really good night.
¶
Me and Charlotte are having a right laugh about Scott, he's
trying to get me attention by pulling some dodgy dance moves
behind us, it's really embarrassing.
[Laughter]
He said, "Fuck it, I'm leaving."
This party beats any other party I've ever been too.
I love a swinging cock.
So, I'm in the sitting room, and I'm sitting with this boy called
Keiran, he's really good looking.
And, the next thing I know, I'm kissing him, what the fuck,
I have not thought this through at all.
Am I seeing things, or is Marnie necking on with Kieran,
Scott's best friend?
Eh?
She's literally playing with fire.
Shit.
Yeah.
I instantly regret it, it was an impulse thing, I just hope Scott
didn't see, I know some of the other people did,
I just hope they don't tell them.
Marnie.
Marnie kissed Scott's friend.
This is the second one of Scott's friends
she's tried to pull.
Who's next?
Gary!
I walk outside, not one person is in the Jacuzzi,
I'm going to get in and spice this party up.
Marnie, are you in with your clothes on?
This is exactly what the Geordie Shore house needs, getting
in the hot tub and necking on with all my girlfriends.
Everyone else is just boring.
I was the lesbian at this group, and it just seems a bit
like she's just doing it for attention, because I know I do.
So, I find out that Marnie was pulling one of me mates.
So much for the fucking agreement.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Scott's going absolutely mental, and he's saying it's because
I kissed one of his friends, but I know it could've been
anyone and he would've kicked off.
Scott.
Fuck off.
Scott is having a house party from hell, not only is Marnie
necking on with his best friend Kieran, he's now legging
out the house.
I'm fucked off how the night has went, I should have just pied
Marnie from the beginning not give a shit about her feelings
and then bury me nuts in some bird's squirrel.
Get in the house, go get up.
[Cheering]
Marnie's mates have been in the hot tub and they are soaking
wet, maybe the nice, caring man I am, we can up the wet clothes
into dry clothes, but a cheeky little three-way kiss in
between, now there goes a miss.
I'm standing with two girls in their underwear, having a
three-way kiss, this house party is mint.
For once I'm actually having a drama free house party
and actually having a wicked night.
So, fuck it, I'm getting this girl, getting her upstairs,
getting gazed.
The drunker I get, the hornier I get, and the hornier I get,
the more game I get, and I feel like the cock fright
has completely disappeared.
Go in this room.
I'm going to take that cock right to the shag pad, and yes
I'm probably going to ride him all over.
Buzzing, I'm over the cock fright!
So, I go upstairs to find me mate Kelly in bed with Gary.
And, then I decided to jump in with them and start
necking on with her.
What the fuck am I doing?
I'm clearly far too drunk.
Three some!
At one point I generally thought Marnie was going to join in,
that would not go down well.
I love you, bye.
Before I knew it, another one of Marnie's mates comes in
and joins in, I'm having a full on three-some in a single bed.
Where there is a Willy, there's a Willy.
¶
I'm fucking mortal, I can barely see.
I'm in no fit state to talk, speak, laugh,
dance or move with anyone.
Ow!
I really can't be asked for confrontation, so I'm just
going to go to fucking bed.
Tonight's made us realize just how much Scott likes us,
at first I thought he wasn't being genuine,
and I didn't know how much I could trust him, but after
tonight's reaction, it's made us like him a lot more.
Shock, Marnie's trying to worm her way back in me bed,
she's getting the cold shoulder tonight.
I feel like this girl is playing games,
she's doing me fucking head in.
This single bed is literally having my life, I'm going to
go downstairs and try to find a double bed.
This is the shag pad, not a cuddle pad, get out.
Even though I lost a girl in the process of coming down stairs,
I still got a girl, I'm in the shag pad, round two.
Just when I thought me night couldn't get any better,
I feel like I'm getting wet and wild.
Hashtag squirter.
Tonight has been one of the best nights of my life.
I'm going to remember this forever, I'm absolutely buzzing.
I wish I could turn 21 everyday.
¶
I've woke up, I'm 21, and I'm back to being a slag.
Buzzing!
Apparently Marnie kissed and one of Scott's friends.
Oh.
Marnie said that she would only pull if Scott pulled.
But, Scott didn't pull, and Marnie still pulled, aye?
Girls can never win at this game, and everyone knows it.
They can't.
I wish Sophie was here.
I totally regret getting with Kieran, and I want to make
things up with Scott, I need him to know that it was
an impulse thing and I didn't mean it at all.
I would've asked if you kissed him, I just thought
it would be later.
I didn't know that.
Really, you can use that excuse on me kid, I know all the tricks
in the book, I wrote the fucker.
Nothing happened.
How would you have felt if I shagged one of your
mates last night?
Oh God, you're just making us feel like shit.
So, Marnie is saying sorry for what happened last night, to be
fair, I accept her apology, but I don't think I trust her again.
We're friends, should we go for a handshake?
He's warmed up a little bit, and I'm starting to think that
maybe we can pick up where we left off.
I'm so hungry, so where best to go than for a fryer?
To deep raw on some juicy sausages and rub rashes
of bacon on me clit.
¶
[Laughter]
We're having breakfast, and not only is Vicky and Sophie
missing, where the fuck is James?
I think it's a mystery mind, like where is he now?
I feel like I'm in a game with Cluedo and I don't know
whose killing everyone off.
Still the same prick he always was.
It's Holly; it was Holly in the shag pad with a dildo!
I am a little bit worried to see what everyone is going
to be like when they get back, but I still
don't think it was the right thing by leaving.
And, after all, I was only gone for one night.
Ups and the downs.
Hey!
So, we get back to the house, and James is there.
I bet he's got some explaining to do for bailing everyone and
missing Holly's 21st birthday last night.
Why didn't you say bye to us?
I just, meant to talk, at first I was in a weird position and
I just thought, you know why not get out the house tonight.
Why didn't you even tell us that you were going?
I know I was coming back in a day, do you know what I mean?
It's not like I'm going away for fucking ever.
Yeah.
I thought you probably wouldn't have noticed.
Thought it would be fine.
Holly had sex.
How many times have you got to say it?
I had the best 21st birthday party anyone could have
ever wished for.
And the fact that James wasn't there was probably
the reason why.
All that matters is that I had a mint night.
Wet and Wild!
The weather is amazing, I'm going to get everyone out the
house, have a laugh, and we better be going and getting
Wet and Wild.
¶
I was at least expecting to see some tits or maybe some
camel toes, but all the lass's have got tee-shirts on,
what's going on?
Things are on between me and Marnie, to be honest,
it's water underneath the bridge, and I can't be an asked
to think about it.
Fuck, I thought he forgot about that.
If Scott finds out about this, on top of me kissing
his friends, it'll be fucking hell up here.
I can't fucking win.
If I put out with Scott, I'd be a slag, and now that
I haven't I'm a cock tease.
Fuck off Gary.
¶
Me and Charlotte are stuck in this hoop; it looks like
I'm trying to bend her over while I'm trying to get her out.
And, me tits are too big, so I can't get out.
Just a fucking nightmare.
I'm locked in between her massive breasts.
She doesn't need inflatables, she's got them
two massive air bags!
¶
[Phone rings]
Hello?
Me, Gaz, and James are at work tonight on the limo bus,
absolutely buzzing.
I'm also dying to see some fresh mot, Marnie dug on.
She has to pull him.
Lots of girls, lots to drink, what could possibly go wrong?
Fuck this, the average age is 38.
I feel like we just stopped off at the retirement home.
Lets go fucking nuts.
I'm still going to show the nanas a good time,
just not me pipe.
80 or 30, these milfs be having a good time,
and be professional, I'm going to make sure that happens.
Are you fucking thirsty?
[Cheering]
I think my aim in life is to look like a doll.
So, the lad's have all gone out to work, so we're going to
get ready, go out, and get fucking hammered.
I feel pale.
I'm in a caftan!
So, Charlotte and Holly come down from the bedroom,
and they're dressed in these horrific floral caftans.
I feel a little bit left out, but at the same time,
I'm not fucking wearing one of them.
We're going to have to get drunk.
¶
These milfs have had an amazing time in the limo bus,
but now it's time for the after party at Indigo, God help us.
So, my job for tonight, is to get the girls absolutely mortal,
to they've got their big goggles on, so they fancy Scott and Gaz
and not just me.
You're in charge!
It's getting proper hot in here, and I've decided
to rip me top off.
I bet this is the most action these nanas are going to get
for the rest of their lives.
Anna does not need to worry about us not being professional;
there is not a chance of us necking on with these milfs.
I just hope none of these biddies get a heart attack.
Let's go to Bijoux and see if Scott eventually pulls.
So, the lad's come in from work, and they're absolutely mortal.
I feel like I'm having to play catch-up.
I'm looking around the club and all these skinny beautiful girls
with perk bums, and I look down at me self, and I look like some
kind of multi-colored unicorn.
There's only one thing for this, is to get mortal.
All of it, all of it, now!
¶
Tonight, I can't be asked about any of the drama is with Marnie,
I just want to pull some birds with Gaz, get pissed,
and have a proper laugh.
So, Scott decides to bring loads of girls into our area,
and I know he's only doing it to piss us off.
But, they are quite pretty, so I do feel a little bit insecure.
I know that Scott is just trying to make Marnie jealous,
it's a stupid little game they've got caught up in
and it used to happen to me all the time with Gary.
So, I'm necking on one of these birds,
and I'm thinking, after party.
And, then I find out that they've all got
fucking boyfriends.
What an absolute liberty.
If that was Scott's attempt to try and get me back,
it was absolutely pathetic.
They've pied him and he's failed miserably.
Supposedly it's because they've got boyfriends,
but if that'd been Gary, he would've gone about anyway.
I'm looking over at Scott, and I'm looking at these fucking
ridiculous dance moves that he's trying to do,
like it's off putting.
To be honest, I'm fucking pleased I kissed his mate.
Scott's attempt to get pay back at Marnie's fell on his ass,
he tried to pull a bird, got pied off,
and now you see him going home crawling up her ass.
He tried to pull girls on purpose to annoy us,
it just didn't work.
I'm so fucking angry with Scott, that he needs to know that
I felt like a mug tonight, and he can't treat us like that.
All right, okay.
¶
I am so drunk.
I am so drunk, so drunk, so drunk.
So, now I'm pissing in the lad's bin.
What the fuck?
This needs to stop, someone help me, please!
Shit.
Tonight's been amazing, but for everyone else on the other hand,
I don't know, because to be honest, I don't even know what
they're called right now.
But, I'm fucking sick of him, what he did tonight
was fucking deliberate.
Is she for fucking real?
After what she did last night, there's no way
I'm going to apologize.
Scott seems to have this special power; he can piss people off
but get around them straight away by putting on that stupid
baby voice and baby face.
I'm just going to neck on with her, to shut her up.
And, I'll talk about it some other time.
¶