¶
New Castle, done.
Cancun, done.
Australia, guess what?
You're getting done.
The Geordie's are going down under!
To Australia!
And, deep into the bush.
Look out!
[In unison screaming]
Whoa!
Throw another shrimp on the barbie!
This one is going to be the best one yet.
This is a fucking war.
It's the day that Joel is going to get here.
[Screaming]
It's Joel!
Fuck off, man.
Can you not see that people are fucking hung over?
I'm here to give you a special workout.
He is fucking beautiful.
I flew Kate over, and I'm going away for a week.
I can't wait, because me fucking balls are like coconuts.
[In unison] For the best.
I wish I was in James place, because I don't want
to be here anymore.
He was devastated that I had more girls than him.
Tonight when from fucking mint to shit.
I do want a baby.
Babies shouldn't have babies.
They turn up literally, in the middle of the way.
I'm having such a good night.
We're all mortal, and we're getting really loved up,
roasting marshmallows on the open fire.
Ahh!
Hi.
[Laughter]
Stage one, complete.
Oh my God.
Setting stage, shag pad.
Ahh!
Every night in Australia is just topping the previous one.
I should have a degree in pulling women.
I am a Geordie girl with a VIP edge.
I would never kiss anyone without a six-pack.
Getting in this house, because I'm going to tear the place up.
I could talk the back legs off a donkey.
I'm fake, I'm flirty, and I've got double f's.
The hardest graft I've ever done is doing me hair.
¶
Last night was actually surprisingly good,
sitting around the fire, watching the stars with
an old man playing a guitar.
I never thought I'd have so much fun without being
in a night club.
Nah, you think.
I've woken up in the bush, and it's actually not as bad as I
ever would've imagined.
I'm a little bit cold, and a little bit damp, but I don't
think I swallowed any spiders.
Were you drunk last night, Holly?
Yes!
She wasn't.
She's a smut.
Recently, Scott's behavior has been getting worse and worse and
worse, especially when he's had a drink.
He becomes quite obnoxious, very inconsiderate, and he certainly
doesn't care about what anyone else wants or feels.
Me and Holly think it's high time, he curb his drinking,
and went on a drinking ban.
¶
[Phone dialing]
Hi Mitch!
I've woke up in the outback, and even though we had an
amazing night last night, it's made us really,
really think about Mitch.
[On phone] There was just loads and loads
of stars and it was just amazing, wish you were there.
I'm going to stay now though, for the whole time now, Mitch.
Last night I had an epiphany, I'm not leaving, couldn't leave
this amazing experience behind, I don't know what I
was thinking, I'm staying.
[On phone] Okay, miss ya, care about ya, fond of ya.
Normally, my morning is, dying of a hangover
and going to the gym.
Shaving a sheep, and giving it a show back inside is not
my idea of morning glory.
Morning.
Hi.
Bill's telling us that we're going to shear a sheep.
And, at first I'm like, yeah, buzzing, can't wait for that,
I've got loads of wolly jumpers.
You can take your pick, you can do one of the big graft mate.
The fat one.
Let's get the nice fat round one.
Okay.
I wouldn't even give one of my mates a haircut; never mind to
giving a sheep a haircut.
I'm going to bang birds or shave a sheep.
I just don't understand, when I'm ever going to use the skill
of sheep shearing, like, I learned maths in school,
and I've never once used it outside.
[Buzzing noise]
I'm looking at the sheep, and I'm looking at the way Bill's
holding it, and I'm like shit, this is horrible, I feel so
sorry for the sheep.
It's like, us pinning Holly down and shaving all her purple
head off and I mean bald!
[Buzzing noise]
Anyone havin' a go?
Everyone's being a great big sheep's vagina.
I'm really sorry, Mr. Sheep.
It's only a sheep, just shave the fucker.
Awh.
It shit itself now.
¶
What do you think everyone else is doing?
Who the fuck knows.
I'm proper buzzing me, while we're off to the beach, the
others are stuck in the outback, probably eating each other's
shit so they can survive.
James is saying that he's not going to bring Kate in the
house, and that's going to be really hard for him, because
he's got to keep this life, and his and Kate's life separate.
All because, Kate and Holly don't get on.
¶
[laughing]
I just realized now, huh?
What?
Oh my God.
It's a nude beach.
So, we arrive at the beach, and it turns out to be a
fucking nudist beach.
I don't know if this beach is ready for Poseidon
and his fucking tritons.
I hope its not wrong.
They're fuckin' everywhere man!
Who?
There's wrinkly cocks and wrinkly fannies
all over the place!
Oh God, it's like a big prune fest.
Penis.
Oh my God, that guys' legs are wide open.
[Laughter]
Turning your cock.
So, I get to this beach thinking there is going to be loads of
fit, naked birds, but instead, I feel like I'm at the
Antiques Road Show.
There is shriveled cocks, and saggy tits everywhere.
And, that's just Joel and Sophie.
Oh yeah, well your flap is out.
So, Sophie decides to be shy now, hold on a minute,
we've all seen her fanny and tits.
Women are all looking at you, oh my God,
everyone is looking at you.
Woo!
Me and Joel drop our pants, in the water, it's fucking
freezing, my balls are just gone.
I feel like me and Joel are doing a free strip tease for
an 80th birthday party.
Balls are ready to drop.
I'm looking around thinking, is this normal?
Scott, it's your birthday this week aint it?
On Friday.
Yeah.
Everyone thinks that I'm angirest in the house, just
because I've been angry twice, just because they are being
happy and fluffy.
You've been getting angry haven't you?
What do you think, it's a drink, that's probably making it worse?
No, no, no aye.
Trying to have a conversation with Scott, about how he's been
kicking off lately, how's he's always punching things, he's
been getting really angry, and basically he thinks he should
lay off the drink until his birthday.
It does help like Holly had a couple of days off the drink,
and she would stop getting angry.
It's hard to take him seriously, when I'm looking at
his fucking ass hole.
¶
We're going horse riding and I'm buzzing.
This is a nice view isn't it?
Yeah, it's a good view.
See Holly?
These are good.
Now that everything is all right with Charlotte and Gary,
it's like; we can all build friendships with him.
And, instead of feeling like, we're disrespecting
Charlotte by speaking to him.
[Laughter]
Hurry up Gary; I want to get on the horse.
I'm trying, I'm trying.
I've done it before, it was all okay like, it was just because
I had an operation, so I can't really do anything
that goes like this.
I'd rather have mint tits than ride a horse.
And you don't want to put a helmet on that beautiful hair.
Unless Holly can suck it off, or drink it, she doesn't want to
do it, and that's a fact.
I'm so scared.
Stay still, please stay still, do not move.
What the fuck was that?
It's hilarious that Gary is out of his comfort zone.
He's so scared of his horse.
It's moving, oh my God.
Freak.
Oh my God, oh my God.
C'mon.
You okay?
I'm really good at horse riding, because I'm just generally good
at riding anything, cock, vibrators, bikes.
[Horse neighing]
Why the fuck have I got a fucking midget horse?
Mine looks like it's built for a fucking Borrower!
¶
I'm galloping through the fields on my horse, and I look over
at Gary, and he looks pathetic, and he looks ugly.
I don't know what I ever saw in him.
It seems a little bit bitter sweet to me that Charlotte
spent all these years being in love with Gaz,
I know finally that she's over him.
He's chasing after her, sucks knowing it.
No one told me that when a horse trots, you got to go with
the horse, all I know is my balls are slapping on
this fucking seat it hurts.
¶
Here we are.
Me and Joel have always been spontaneous in our relationship,
especially in the sexual area.
Oh my God.
I'm bored of using vibrators, I'm bored of using cock rings,
what I want to get, is bondage shit.
Now that is what I'm talking about.
Now, do this.
Does this turn you on?
Do I look sexy to you?
Aww, just do this, c'mon let's pretend.
What would your dad say?
The last thing I want to hear whilst in a sex shop,
surrounded by vibrators and bondage is, the word dad.
Get it off man.
¶
The outback has been incredible, we've experienced some things
I never thought in a million years I'd do.
We're on our way back, and the bush in the outback has made me
realize that I want to make the most of this experience.
It was wicked being in the outback, I liked to bum with
the girls, I was away from Scott for a little bit.
Probably bossed them around.
Probably had to wank to his picture of Gary that he keeps
under his pillow.
One thing I've learned in this house is that you've got to keep
the girls on your side and Scott hasn't grasped that yet.
If you don't, they will have your life.
Let's get smashed!
Let's get mortal!
¶
Hello.
Hey.
Hello.
Hey Scott.
So, the guys get back from the outback,
and I'm so glad to see everyone.
I've come here in the spirit of honesty,
and the spirit of friendship.
What?
I've come to join here.
Holly has come for moral support.
What?
You know I love ya, but you're getting on people's tits.
Well, I know.
You have to stop with this house-smashing thing.
Recently, Scott has been getting so drunk, that he's kind of
lost respect for this whole family thing.
Started punching walls in our house, and just pulling girls
left right and center and not really giving a fuck about us.
And, I know I'm the fine one to talk.
That's why I've said; I'm not going to drink the next
few days until my birthday.
Okay, that's good because we were going to put you on a ban.
Scott's been acting like a massive fucking sack,
and it's all because he's been drinking too much.
We've decided to put him on a drinking ban, get the old Scott
back, and get rid of this obnoxious Scott.
Would you want to get fun Scott back, and Scott whose
not obsessed with girls?
Cuz you're a lot nicer when your not as drunk, or not just having
your life revolve around them.
It's in mine and Gaz's best interest to keep the girls sweet
otherwise they will make our life a living hell.
[Laughter]
I'm going to stay now.
So, you're going to stay at the end?
The end.
Buzzing.
I'm so happy.
I'm happy.
I don't know what the fuck happened at the outback, but
Charlotte has come back like a new woman, she's happy again.
And, I feel like she's back to her old self.
Did you talk to Gary while you were away as well?
No, I didn't have one conversation with him.
Did you?
No.
I was so worried coming back into this house, with everyone
that have happened between me and Gary last time.
But, then I realize I can't give up this experience for a boy.
I think he think that we're going to be like, really good
friends again but, that will never really happen.
No.
Gary has got no control over anything now.
She is happy with someone else, not him.
I just told him not to make it awkward for everyone else.
¶
[Cheering]
Tonight we're hitting Scary Canary, and I've got a
hairy fairy, bring it on!
I'm back in Sydney, and I want to go have a tash on!
So, we decided to have family night.
Let's see how long that fucking lasts.
So, Scott's now on a drinking ban, which we've put him on,
and I think hopefully tonight we get to actually see what
the old Scott was like.
You look so good Scotty.
Me and Gaz have decided that we're not going to bring any
birds back to the house, because we're going to have a nice
family time when we get back.
Fucking wicked.
The last person that I expected to be wearing my top on
a night out is, Charlotte.
Gary is trying his best to try and talk to us and have a laugh
with us, I'm just humoring Gary, I'm not really his friend, but I
pretend to be, if it means a dickhead will leave us alone.
Woops, sorry, didn't realize I just high-fived
your broken hand, Gary.
[Laughter]
As predicted, Scott has ignored our pleas, our advice,
and then finally our orders.
All we want Scott to do is to actually want to spend time with
us, rather than spending five minutes and then brushing us
off to some other random girls.
We're fucking sick of it, the only way he's not going to pull,
is if we actually stop him.
So, there's only one thing for it, operation cock block.
Basically it involves us ladies making sure Scott
gets absolutely zero vagina.
No matter how many times we say it's family night, we'll always
see him talking to a girl, necking on with a girl, prancing
around a girl like a little fairy with twinkle toes.
Us girls are experts in cock blocking, it's like we're
the oldest of the cock blocking empire.
This is an extremely covert operation, that can only be
called off with immense stealth and exceptional precision.
Actually, it's just us talking to the lass's Scott's trying
to pull to be honest with ya.
¶
I think Scott just thinks that we're just being dead nice to
these girls and like; I think he's thinking it's a good thing.
I don't know what is going on with the lass's but for once
they are being propa friendly.
Buzzing.
Scott got some lass's on cloud nine, he actually thinks that
our girls are being nice to the birds you've pulled.
Scott, you are getting cock blocked.
He's like a male cat bouncing up and down like, trying to see
what we're doing like, but he just doesn't understand so
he still a bit confused.
¶
The lads aren't bringing any girls back to the house tonight,
mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha.
¶
Yeah man, I'm fresh as fuck this morning.
Gym time, baby.
I wake up and find that Steve is organizing
anger management session.
To be fair, this has been a long time coming.
What a nightmare, the gym is shut, so Billy and Terry,
aren't getting a workout.
Obviously what's happened to James is, there's nee chance,
I'd get in a relationship in this house.
One thing me and James have in common is Holly and Charlotte;
he's always had the same thing going with Holly,
as I did with Charlotte.
But, now that I haven't got that, me and James have
nothing in common.
¶
So, the anger management woman is here, and I lead her to
where the anger circuit is, the sitting room.
Hello.
[Indistinct mumbling]
The anger management councilor walks in, and she's four footing
out, and seven stone dripping wet, what the fuck is she going
to do if it kicks off?
Okay, I won't stay long because I'm sure there won't be all that
much anger that we've got to talk about, is there?
Yes, so much anger.
Serious?
So much anger, wow.
Okay, so she says a lot, no there's not.
You want to tell me what's going on?
The boys are really angry.
Scott punches walls.
All they do is punch things, look at their hands.
We've got a pretty big issue in the house with the boys
punching inanimate objects.
Well, now I'm starting to understand why I'm sitting here.
The anger management woman is here for one person
and one person only.
And, his name is Scott.
Scott, it seems that your name has come up most often;
can we have a chat about why you're so angry?
Okay, can we do that?
I'm a fucking angry, smack!
I'm not that bad, it's only on two occasions to top it off.
All the nights we go out.
I see everyone in this house angry, all the time, just cuz
it's the first time I've done it, doesn't make
me an angry person.
The first time I was angry was because Holly was in my bed.
It's not your bed, right, I was in a bed, because I had no other
bed in the house, so I want upstairs in the shag pad room,
Scott's starts smashing the house up and punching
holes in walls.
I feel the need to step in and tell this woman everything that
Scott's done, but it completely backfires, because then I start
getting angry and now I'm more pissed then when
I first sat down.
No, I wasn't, I said Scott I've got no other bed.
You were shouting your head off!
Because I had no other bed!
Don't make me angry!
[gasp]
[laughter]
I know certain people thing anger management is a great way
to get everything off your chest, but in this instance
however, I think it's brought everything to the surface and
made everyone a hell of a lot angrier than when
we fucking started.
Sophie?
Umm.
I don't really get that angry.
Okay, but when you do?
What triggers it?
Umm, the only reason why I ever get angry with Joel is because
of the past, because he was such a dick before.
Jealousy.
It's usually a whole lot of things; see if you can
come up with one.
Jealousy.
[Everyone in unison]
Jealousy.
Joel's acting like this is him and Sophie's private
counseling session.
Mate, I can see the look in Sophie's eyes, you need to shut
up before you lose your balls.
I get really jealous, and I get jealous over me boyfriend, and,
when he like talks to another girl.
So, then it comes to Charlotte's turn.
Well, it was all just really, but just this one person,
he was just a dick, he was a horrible person.
Okay.
I think that Charlotte forgets that this is not a one on one
counseling session, and I actually am in the room.
Is it someone you were in a close relationship with?
You could say close, but then again, you could
say very far away.
I feel like all this blame is getting put on me, and she wants
to crawl in my bed one night and bang us, she's got to deal with
her consequences when she knows I'm going to go out the next
night, and bang someone else?
How is that my fault?
How do you feel about him not being in you life?
I'm absolutely over the moon; I've never felt happier.
I feel like I'm a different person now.
For me, this is the most awkward situation ever.
But, I feel like this is not the right time for me to pipe up
and defend myself.
He used to pretend like he was me friend, and he used to say
that he cared, and he told other people things that meant that
he didn't care, so he was a liar, and a bull shitter.
So, what kept you coming back to this person?
I think it's just physically because we live together,
and there's nothing else to do.
Because, it wasn't always sex, 'cuz sometimes
I got bored through it.
And, she just griefed him how he used to treat her like shit, how
he doesn't he doesn't care about his friends, and how he
backstabs people, and he doesn't care about any of that, apart
from how crappy he was in bed, which is true, he was shit,
because I seen it, and it bucks like an absolute rabbit.
Are we talking about someone who is present?
Yeah.
Ahh, okay.
Would it be okay if we identified the person?
Yes, yes.
It was him.
It was Gary.
I'm so happy, that I'm not in Gary's position
right now, wicked.
¶
I feel like the anger management proper worked.
I can't wait to go smash somethin' up.
So, Vicky suggested that we have a massive pool party, invite
everyone that we've ever met, have a silent disco and have
Joel as a DJ, that to me sounds like an immense party.
I'm obviously going to invite fit Dan to the party, he's
fucking gorgeous, and I'm hoping that if I get into a social
situation, we might get a fucking tash on.
¶
After that anger management session this morning, I feel
like now is definitely the right time to speak with Charlotte.
I can still remember when I first met Charlotte,
I can still remember lying up there and sleeping
with her for the first time.
And, it seems weird to think that back then there was no
issues, we could have a laugh together, we're stepping each
other a lot more and, it was the most perfect little match, ever.
But, then feelings got involved.
What you did was all the time, was wrong, it was horrible.
I'm saying, I'm saying.
Not like we all tried every option, we didn't, you --
the only option that was ever tried was you
hurting us over and over again.
That's me saying sorry.
I've been waiting for this apology for so long.
For him to admit that he did hurt us.
And, he did toy with me emotions.
I'll never, ever forgive you for what you did, and we'll never,
ever be friends.
So, you lost us so long ago.
What me and Mitch have is completely different to what me
and Gary used to have.
With Mitch, it's real, with Gary, it was all lies.
¶
You're definitely ringing...
the Dan.
Me and Holly being the only two single girls in the group are
going to invite some lads around for the party tonight.
As I'm dialing fit Dan's number, me fingers are
actually trembling.
[Over the phone]
Hi, is this Dan?
Heya, it's Vicky.
I'm fine, good, how are you?
Umm, nothing much, we're just having a bit of a, like pool
party slash house party tonight, and wondered if you wanted to
come around?
I'm sure I will manage for, babe.
Sophie and Joel have the most adventurous sex I've ever known.
Look Sophie, this is what you're supposed to do with it, you're
supposed to do --
So, Charlotte reckons that she's the bondage expert,
she standing there with her hands wrapped around a
lampshade, looking like she's wanking it off.
[Laughter]
[mumbling over phone of voicemail]
It's voicemail, I'll just leave a message.
Me and Scott are just having our own girls just to make sure
I've got a dead suit there.
Hi there, it's Scott, I was just wondering if you wanted to come
to a pool party tonight, few drinks.
I can't help but think, she will probably be here till
the house party ends.
¶
It's a silent disco.
I can't wait, I fucking love these ones!
We've got Joel on the decks, we've got loads of fit people
coming around, but is it going to be a kick off?
I fucking hope not.
The first girl comes walking through, it's a bit abandoned
the first night, I seen her I was like,
you're actually all right.
Come on in.
This is Daniel.
Hello Daniel.
So nice to meet you.
Dan, this is [mumbles two women's names]
It hasn't escaped my knowledge that Scott and Gaz seem to have
a lot of girls here that they've already been through,
like a fucking bus.
Fuck, there's the treat, five birds that I have banged in
our house, at this party.
There's literally girls everywhere.
One minute I'm on the balcony fingering someone.
Next minute I'm bringing her back down stairs to find out
which one I wanna actually bang.
No.
This is literally operation too much fanny.
In the end, I do what every other lad would do, you pick
the fittest one, and you get in bed.
Gaz.
Lo and behold, its another girl for Gary.
Gary?
Maybe we should, maybe he's upstairs, real quick.
This is the most boring Geordie Shore house party ever.
I feel like it's because I'm not shagging Gary anymore,
and I'm not kicking off.
All I can really do is sleep.
¶
I'm single, I feel like one of the fucking lads.
I've got fit Danny who I haven't tashed on before, I want to,
and a lot of who I already tashed on with.
I'm just a fucking weapon.
Really?
Vicky is with big fit Dan, and I've got the ugly friend.
Just my fucking luck.
You do know that I'm English?
I've fucking done it!
I've tashed on with fit Dan!
Women everywhere, you thought it couldn't be done,
but I fucking succeeded!
Sucker us off!
After tonight, it's made me realize how lucky I am to
have Joel, and not be single.
The last thing I would want to do is go around chasing the
cock, talking about the cock, kissing the cock, and looking
like a complete slag.
Somehow I've been left alone, in a room with Dan's friend,
and now he's naked.
And, now I don't know what to do because I'm scared of his cock,
because it's not familiar.
I've got major, major cock fright, and he
needs to leave now.
It's just familiar cock from now on.
I'm in bed with the fittest bird from the party; the others have
gone home without ripping each other's hair out.
I honestly think our house party curse been broken because
me and Charlotte aren't banging anymore.
[Laughter]
Whoa.
I'm lying in bed with a man that looks like he's been
carved by angels.
Fucking get in.
¶
So last night, the party was pretty average, well at least it
there was no kick offs, and once again Scott and Gaz pulled,
so then it was great for them.
Last night I was mortal, I got that kind of drunk where you
feel like you're really sexy, I thought I was in the fucking
Saturdays for God's sake.
I just want Dan out the house, it's nothing to do with him,
it's me, I just feel dirty.
And, I can't wait to just get rid of him.
I don't know how Scott and Gary do this all the time.
It's fucking stressful.
¶
I woke up this morning, me hand is fucking killing, I forgot
that I've got a bad hand, and I should've been using me left,
but instead I was fingering birds with me right hand with
a fractured fucking bone.
¶
Today is Scott's birthday, and I've literally got the best
surprise for him ever.
I'm buzzing to dive off this plane, but Gaz on the
other hand, is fucking shitting his pants.
¶
Oh my gosh!
Hello!
Hi!
Fucking hell, we were just talking about ya!
Aye!
Hopefully nice.
Of course I'm going to come back, I said I'm only going
to have a couple days off.
I've had an absolute amazing time away with Kate; it
couldn't have been any better.
It is really hard being in a relationship, on the
other side of the world.
I thought you were going to come last night with Kate.
It would've been good like for us, in time, in time.
Genuinely, I feel sorry for the predicament James is in.
He should bring Kate in the house, but at the same time
that will just cause more confrontation.
Whoa!
Did you have a good time?
It was amazing like --
So, James has come back from a week of swaying
off with his girlfriend.
And I'm like, great, well all right for you; we've been stuck
at work and in the fucking outback and shit.
Why don't we get like treats?
James could be going out with Cheryl Cole and Holly would
still say, "Oh she's a slag."
I have a broken nail.
The lad's are out at the minute, but I can't wait for them to get
back, and tell us about all the unreal birds they've banged.
[Plane engine noise]
I'm about to launch meself out this plane, at 14,000 feet, the
only thing that would make it better, is if I was attached to
a bird instead of a bull and she was sucking us off in the air.
Fuck all this competition 'bout that and fuck arguing every
single night with our birds.
This is a fresh start, and we need to get back in having fun.
This is the biggest rush ever, happy birthday with Scotty T.
I just hope the girls will let him be, let him drink,
and actually enjoy his birthday.
Happy fucking birthday.
Buzzing.
Barbeque, beach, booze, birthday, bicep.
I have gone from hating Joel with every inch and fiber of my
fucking being; I viewed him as nothing more than a belland who
wore too much fake tan and lipstick.
And, now look at us.
Hug it out?
Yeah, hug it out!
What the fuck?
Vicky is a new woman.
[Cheering]
Happy birthday!
Everyone is buzzing to see Scott, but the only reason he
is getting a light run is 'cuz it's his birthday.
Happy birthday!
Thanks, I went skydiving this morning.
Nice hair!
Fucking mint.
Sky diving, stop lying, you two have been sucking each
other off all day.
Eat it while you can, just put your face in it.
Anybody want any?
You're half way to 50.
Happy birthday, Scott!
Happy birthday!
Put your face in it.
[laughing and screaming]
We're all laughing, pushing each other over,
and it's so much fun, and I'm starting to think,
are we all beginning to like each other?
[Cheering, laughing]
This birthday is unreal, everyone is in a class mood,
and I just can't wait to get stuck into the drink tonight.
¶
I don't even want to go to work, man.
I know.
I got to go with him.
Just get on with it, do work, and before you know it you'll
be back out with us.
The classic bird feed preparation is for a Geordie
are, a swift workout, a shit, a shower, a shave,
and a fucking shuffle.
I just realized, I've got to go to work with Charlotte later,
it's Scott's birthday, got it.
¶
Me and Gary have nothing to talk about anymore.
We've got nothing in common, and nothing that we agree on,
so nothing has to be said.
Fuck.
Thank fuck, this awkward silence is over.
The party people are here.
Is everyone having a good night?
[Cheering]
Good!
I know that everyone else knows now that I'm over Gary, and
there's nothing there anymore, but I can't help but think, Gary
still thinks he's still got some kind of power over us.
I'll show you that I haven't anymore, Gary.
Who wants to kiss Gary?
Why don't you Charlotte?
Oh!
In a way I think Charlotte is trying too hard to convince me
that she has moved on.
Just by the look on Gary's face makes us laugh inside, makes us
think told ya, you fucking stupid prick, now go kiss
someone else, because I'm happy to watch.
I don't care.
¶
To Scotty!
Scotty!
When we arrive to the club, the music's wicked, the atmosphere
is incredible, everything's going off tonight we are going
to get smashed because it is Scotty T's birthday.
¶
Tonight Scott decided, it's his birthday and we're
not going to pull.
Me and Holly seemed to have switched roles.
All of a sudden, I'm out, I'm tashing on,
I'm having a right laugh.
And, Holly, Holly is afraid of one little cock.
I can't wing woman Vicky, I just can't do it, like she's just
going to have to take two on her own.
I am absolutely mortal, and I'm proud of me self, because for
once, I'm in a worse state than everyone else here.
Sophie and Joel are absolutely mortal, and are giving us
a little live sexual.
Fucking disgusted, you set of scruffy pricks.
Everyone knows how drunk Joel can get, so I wanted to be
in the same state, and piss me self,
and also be sick of me self.
I think someone needs to call Sophie and Joel a taxi home,
because I think any minute from now, they're going to start
shagging in this club.
I'm having an absolute mint birthday, who needs to go out
pull birds, when I got a fam like this.
I'm gradually turning back into the me that I was proud of.
I'm feeling stronger, I'm feeling more confident,
I'm feeling like me more self again.
Tonight Vicky took the piss, and she pulled,
she will not get away with it.
¶
We all get back to the house, absolutely mortal.
Standard crack, we decide to dress up in Sophie and Joel's
bondage gear.
I have it on.
Keep it down, put it down, put it down.
Scott has had it way too easy for his birthday, get this mask
on, I'm going to treat you like a little dog, and I'm going to
hand cuff you to the piano.
Ahh!
Scott dressed up as a gimp, nothing new.
But, I'd say it's turning Gaz on.
So, they try to handcuff me to the piano, howay man, have you
seen the size of this, I'll just smash the thing to bits,
Beethoven and suck us off.
Shit!
Scott's kicking off, and smashing the house up again.
This must be what happens when you spend
too much time with Gaz.
He's turning into the new Charlotte.
Ahh!
[yelling and screaming]
Yet again, Scott has smashed another thing when he's pissed,
when will he learn.
Scott's had a mint birthday, so the icing on the cake is
spending time with Gaz, with a bit of bondage.
He likes it on, have him sleep in that.
Easy man.
Awh, how romantic.
Fucking love the family, I've had an absolutely amazing
birthday, but there's a cute girl whose waiting to suck me
off tomorrow, wicked!
Me and Joel have had such a good night, and we're getting
into bed together, and once again we're too fucked
to even have sex.
What is going on, my vagina may as well be sewed up right now
and have cobwebs all over it.
[Mumbling]
We've had the best day ever; Scott's birthday couldn't have
been any better.
But, right at the last minute, guess who smashed the piano,
too pissed, spoiled it.
Nighty night.
¶