New Castle, done.
Cancun, done.
Australia, guess what?
You're getting done.
The Geordie's are going down under.
To Australia!
Deep into the bush.
Look out!
Ahh!
Whoa.
Throw another shrimp on the barbie!
Can't even have five minutes crack with the lads,
without getting fucking birds in.
No one wants them here anymore.
Charlotte turned everyone else against us.
You could literally put me and Scott on the moon
and I would still find birds.
I'm sick of this constant competition between
Gaz and Scott, howee lads?
Who's the alpha male?
Gary and Scott are going to have to make a first move
because it's all of us pissed off at them.
I'm sorry.
Good.
I love yous.
Friends.
Aye, I'm pleased; we're starting to make progress.
It's our new boss.
[in unison] Shearer!
I've known before I came here, that Joel was going to come.
I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to do it?
Voulez-vous tash on avec moi, pet?
I should have a degree in pulling women.
I am a Geordie Girl with a VIP edge.
I've never kissed anyone without a six-pack.
Can't wait to get in this house, I'm going to tear the place up.
I could talk the back legs off a donkey.
I'm fake, I'm flirty, and I've got double fs.
The hardest graft I've ever done is doing me hair.
¶
Last night was actually really nice, I got to chill out.
And, it was nice for us all to bond.
I've woke up this morning next to Gary, and I think I'm the
first girl in the history of the world who can say that and
not worry about an STI.
My ex-boyfriend was a prick, because I can't get over him
properly, because I'm pushing it.
I don't want to think about him and I don't want to be hurt, and
I don't want to miss him because I don't know what I'm missing.
It was horrible.
You're still here provin' that you're stronger than that,
and your walking out with all of us, have a mint night out,
comfortable wearing what the fuck you want, doing what you
want, seeing what you want, and having a laugh.
For me it's weird, being able to get close to any other girl in
this house without getting shouted at or arguing about it,
so now I actually am friends with Vicky, I actually do
get along with her.
You are better off without him, you know it's right.
I don't know what it is about Gary, I don't know if it's
because him and Charlotte aren't ripping each other apart.
Thanks Gary for being so nice to us.
He's just being so fucking nice and considerate and thoughtful.
¶
It's the day that Joel is going to get here,
and I've been waiting for this for so long.
I am fucking so excited.
And, boom!
Joel's arrival has made us so positive and I just can't wait
for me and him to spend so much time together.
I missed you!
[crying]
I missed you too!
Even though people have wanted Joel in the back of people's
minds, and I know they still think he's the player that he
used to be, I want him to prove that he's not that boy anymore.
And, me and him are stronger than ever.
¶
We have just enough time for me and the lads to fit in a cheeky
little gym session because we keep looking sculpted for
all these Aussie birds.
In an Australian gym, there is so much fanny.
What the girls haven't tweaked on yet, is all these
good looking lads they're seeing in the clubs,
all training in our gym.
They need to get themselves here.
I think the girls should start coming to the gym more 'cuz
after all, they've probablys got more chance
of pulling here than on a night out.
¶
I'm excited to see everybody.
But when I left, everyone is fast asleep.
Vicky is in Gaz's room, which is really weird.
Scott is in the shag pad, which will probably be our bed.
Which is like, me in the chateau the other night.
There was blood all over the sheets and shit, time and
blood and cum, whatever.
Oh, no.
This is beautiful ain't it?
This is home.
Look at that kangaroo.
This is me and you.
Joel loves to piss everyone off, and he loves to make a
good entrance, so we've got to be loud.
Go on!
Aye!
[shouting]
It's your favorite person from London!
At first glance, I honestly thought it was Jay, and
I was like yes, Jay's back, nah its fucking Joel.
Joel and Sophie's fucking pots and pans up his fucking hoop.
Oh!
To be honest, I'm quite pleased because now James has
got someone to hang around with and he can stop pestering
me and Scott.
I am pleased to see Joel.
But, what the fuck is with them skinny white pants?
Thought I would surprise you, man.
Sophie's got Joel now, and James is missing Kate, Charlotte's
missing Mitch, and I just feel a little bit fucking lonely,
no one misses me.
This is so sick.
This is so beautiful, aint it?
This is amazing, man.
Last night, Gary and Vicky shared a room, it's just a bit
weird that they're so close now.
Because before, they were the total opposites and they
wouldn't even stand in the same room together.
[yawning]
[mumbling]
Are you okay?
Are you feeling all right?
I haven't been able to speak to him, and I don't even know
what's happening between us, it's really starting to get us
down, I don't know whether I'm going to be able
to stick this out.
Like, when I was with Ricci the amount of times, I had to leave
the house to be with him.
Right.
Because I missed him so much so, don't think for one second that
I don't understand where you're coming from.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
The person that I do care about and who I do want to be with is
all the way on the other side of the world.
She's trying so hard to prove she's got no more feelings for
Gary, and all she wants is Mitch's approval.
And like, now Joel is here, yeah.
Oh God, that will make things lonely.
It's so much worse.
She's left Mitch at home, and it's becoming increasingly
obvious that that's where she has left some of
herself as well.
Like, one day I want Mitch to be here and making eggs with the
lads, because I think he would be good at making eggs
with the lads.
Aww, yeah.
He would get on with them really well, you know.
Yeah, him and Gary would had fucking gunna like a house on
fire all they've got in common in that.
[Laughter]
¶
We've decided to go white water rafting, get every one together.
Why you's making me do this?
And, just fucking go mad.
Who's excited for white water rafting?
I'm excited for white water rafting!
Woo!
Girls we're here, look!
Good day.
This is fucking mint.
So, Charlotte has gone overboard and I'm starting to worry.
The current is sweeping us under; I'm getting bashed off
every rock on the way down.
It just looks like a big floater on the toilet.
I feel like I'm fucking the womb, and me mom is giving birth
to us again, and I just don't know what to do.
That was actually fucking mint you know.
You don't want the shit?
Don't want the shit man.
Me and Charlotte are really happy for Sophie, that Joel is
here, but we are starting to miss Kate and Mitch.
I hope that one time, she will be able to come out and then
like, fucking Holly and that, I just want them all to
forget about everything.
Just like me and Holly now are getting on sound.
I just don't want to bring her into drama because she doesn't
deserve it really, at all.
¶
The only way that the girls will ever do any exercise,
if it involves a lad, whose fit, and then dolled up,
pretending to exercise.
So, this morning I've got a personal trainer to come give
the girls a session.
Hi, are you all right?
Hello darling.
I'm here to give you a special workout.
Follow me.
All right.
So, I open the door, and I'm like.
Hi, this is our instructor.
The big buster can barely get through the fucking door,
he's got shoulders like that, he is fucking beautiful.
Swoon!
How ya doing, I'm Charlotte, nice to meet ya.
Lovely to meet ya.
I can tell Holly and Vicky both fancy Dan, I can see their clits
frothin' underneath their jogging pants.
Holly's like, spraying her fucking wild
pheremones everywhere!
I've got no idea how I am going to exercise
in front of this man.
Me knees have gone weak at the mere sight of him.
Okay, guys, 30 minutes, easy.
Do you think I was fine on that?
It was all right.
See you again soon.
All right, my ladies.
I'm being very lady like, giving him the old handshake.
Bye Dan.
Holly goes over and kisses him right on the face.
See you, darling.
Just want him to come back.
Dan.
¶
It's going to be so good.
Woo!
You ready?
Woo!
Yes, I am.
I can't wait to go out tonight, have a drink in me hand,
and just kick back, and have a good time.
¶
It's so funny to watch the relationship between
Gary and Scott.
The friendship is probably mainly based on competition.
So, Gaz is telling me that we're competition, mate,
I know exactly where you're coming from.
The music's so loud it's hurting me head;
I don't want to be here.
No one is enjoying this club at all, so we're going to go home.
What a shock, the buckets got us here.
¶
Never in a million years, I thought, a Geordie lass like me,
could go out with a southern lad like Joel.
It's the perfect way to start my first night.
This is the best time I have ever had, ya know.
We're so different but at the same time, it works,
because opposites attract.
Marriage, getting engaged, or anything like that,
he freaks the fuck out.
I live in New Castle, you live in London, and it's just easier
for me to live with you.
I can see that.
We'll think about it.
And a dog?
Oh God, I know what's coming next.
And, then the child.
So, I'm going to wind him up, and I'm going to play along that
I want a baby, but it's true, I do want a baby, baby nah.
Now, that they've gone, it's time to have fun.
Drinks, girls, music, dance; this is what Sydney
is all about.
¶
I've been up all morning.
I understand that Joel has flown half way around the world just
to come and see us, but, I'm tired and I can't be up.
¶
There's no one watching over, no one giving a shit, no one
talking a boatload of bollucks, we can actually pull,
and instantly will do.
This is just standard procedure, I'm smashed in a club,
I'm necking on with a bird, Scott's on my right side,
it is just what we are meant to be doing.
So, me and Gaz have got these two girls in, and we're ready
to take them home but, mine won't leave without a friend.
Okay, okay, okay.
Don't worry; I'll dust her as well.
¶
It's the real deal, fucking Zeus, that's fucking two people
drinking from his fountain.
First threesome in Australia boxed off.
[inaudible]
[laughing]
Last night, absolutely epic, first three-some, tick.
Me and Scott, no hassle, no drama, no arguments really,
birds, home, drink, bang, up, bye, done.
So, saying bye to the birds, you can tell they've had a good
night, because they're all walking like a rooster.
¶
What happened last night then?
Didja's pull?
None of us wanted to stay in that club, to just watch the
boys being like little meerkats around the club just searching
for a half decent lass.
Yeah, but how do you just find them in that dark space?
[laughter]
That club is so weird.
The last thing I want to do is be out in the club,
and watching them just pull.
It's getting hard for me on nights out,
now that Joel is here.
Vicky will be tashing on, Holly will be trying to pull, Scott
and Gary will both be with girls, and Sophie and Joel
will be loved up in the corner kissing each other,
and I'm alone.
[laughing]
¶
[Over the phone] Hello?
Hello.
You all right?
I've been really missing Kate, and I wish that I could bring
her into the house, like the others can, but I know I can't
because things will just kick off again with her and Holly,
and I don't want that anymore.
[Over the phone] Are you missing us?
How much?
[Laughter]
Would you come over here?
It will, I'll try and make it happen.
Being in the house is important for us, but so is
me relationship, I think it's better for everyone if I just
keep them both separate for now.
Have a nice sleep; I'll give you a ring soon okay?
¶
So, it's a rainy day, and I'm at work tonight.
Thank fuck it's a party bus though, so James can line
them up, and I'll knock them down.
Party bus, they're nice.
Is it?
Yeah.
Right now.
¶
Oy!
For a change, we decided to go down to the beach
and have a work out.
And, we're going to take Vicky and Holly with to it,
this should be interesting.
Hi, y'all all right?
Dan.
The weather is absolute shit, and they want us to start
running around and doing press ups?
We're there; I've got a bad hand, fuck doing this.
So, y'all going to do some stairs, do some beach stuff.
And, we might get short in the shop.
Me and Sophie decide to pie it off, we're just going
to watch Dan work out.
Let's go.
The beautiful God-like man.
Be faster boys, be faster.
[Laughter]
I'm starting to worry that my little crush on Dan, is getting
to be out of control, the more I see him, the more I want
to tash his fucking face off.
Kick push-ups, put your triceps here.
The girls all realize what great blokes we are,
we bring them to the beach, just so Vicky can check out Dan,
and get a fucking wide-on.
Like, I don't know what he does to people;
he's got a raw sexual magnetism.
Vicky could definitely pull him.
There's a training session, and Dan joined us for breakfast,
I've never seen Vicky look so giddy after one time like.
All she is doing is this.
That means Vicky wants to fuck.
I really want Dan to see us, out of me gym clothes,
because let's face it, who looks good in gym gear?
Vicky is never going to ask Dan the night out, I can tell
looking at her, we've stepped in, invited him on a night out,
and the rest is up to her.
C'mon Vicky, I thought you were confident, a little tashing
on all over, I thought you'd be straight in there,
what's happened?
If he ain't that popular then why you sit there
and fucking stare at him?
Ahh.
I can't, I can't- It's actually quite nice to get out the house
and be with the lads, because they're happy, and they're
having fun, and they enjoying being here.
Have you's noticed Charlotte's mood at the moment?
No, she's a bit down.
Whereas at the moment with the girls,
it's a totally different story.
She's missing home and that, she's missing Mitch.
She is so home sick.
She deserves a bit of happiness, doesn't she?
I think she won't last more than a week.
Charlotte is still hum and hawing about leaving,
"I want to go, I want to stay, I want to go, I want to stay."
Shut up and just make a decision.
¶
That might be bad.
I think it's lush that we would start having a separate deal.
I've got something to tell the guys,
I just hope they understand.
I'm going away for a week.
Like, I flew Kate over, and I've got like a fucking
unbelievable beach resort.
It's a good job that James isn't bringing Kate to the house,
because Holly fucking hates her.
She hates her when she wears white, then she hates when
she calls Holly a fat slag and a whale.
The way everything's going, yeah I didn't want to
have dramas or get upset.
It'd be nice to spend time.
It's not just Holly I'm worried about bringing Kate into the
house, Charlotte hasn't been feeling too great lately,
and I know if I bring Kate in, she'll want to leave and
go home and see Mitch.
Charlotte is so down, constantly talking about wanting to leave,
and missing Mitch, and I get that, I understand it,
but at the same time, it's just so demoralizing.
All the best!
Cheers to Kate!
[in unison] Cheers!
¶
Everyone knows about the big competition between Gaz and
Scott, and basically now, Scott is in the lead by so far, and no
one would have ever that this would have happened.
Gary is getting beaten at his own game.
¶
Tonight, we are going to Trots.
Trots is massive Australia, like we're in Sydney,
we might as well check it out.
Yeah, yeah.
Hello, Hello.
We're at Trots, and it's not as bad as the dogs,
but it's not as good as I imagined.
To the wombs.
To the wombs!
Well, no talking about wombs.
Why?
Now, we're talking About babies, marriages,
getting houses together.
Fucking hell, hope he's thinking the same lass.
Awful, a little Sophie and Joel hybrid, wrong.
Babies shouldn't have babies.
¶
So, while everyone gets to go to the races, me and Scott
have got to go to work.
Mint.
Are you Aussies ready to go fucking wild or what?
Seeing as I'm apparently Scotty T's fucking best mate,
I may as well try and help him pull.
I've much rather be on the fucking party bus, than at
the Trots, because me and James are having a proper frisk.
DJ Jamesy T and MC Scotty T.
Getting fucking smashed.
Get booked, and fucking love it!
I'm leaving Scotty T to do what he does best, dance around
like a tit, and try and pull.
Everyone wants to neck on with Scotty T, it's how we do,
I've got loads of time on me schedule.
I'm not one to waste me time, so I'm going to get my
birds sorted for tonight.
I've also told her to bring her mates, for Gary, so he doesn't
fall too far behind, now there's a competition.
Woo!
Tonight has just proved, that I can have a good night with
Scotty T, when he's not with Gaz; I just hope it doesn't
change as soon as we get to the club.
So, we all have had pre-drinks at Trots, and we're prepped,
and we're ready to go out.
¶
Just seeing as if I'm apparently Scotty T's best mate now,
I'm going to help him out, I'm going to wing man
the fuck out the situation.
Tonight I'm dressed like this, because I'm going to meet Dan,
the wicked fucking instructor from the gym.
And, I'm not sorry.
¶
So, I neck on with a bird, and she's brought three friends
with her, but I cannae cope with this.
I'm going to concentrate on keeping these three happy,
so Scott can pull her.
This could be the first ever, four-some in the
Geordie Shore house.
¶
Dan has given me a full on pie tonight, but there's no point in
crying over spilled cock, I'm going to get me some out there,
and find another wicked fit Australian bastard
to tash on with.
YOLO.
Dan who?
I already found me self another wicked Australian lad.
Vicky is absolutely on fire, tonight she was meaning to meet
Dan, but before he's even got here, she pulled someone else.
Whether we like it or not, me and Gaz are in competition.
Now, he's kicking off and getting jealous because I've got
three and he's got one, what is going through your head?
Scott is such a dick; this whole competition thing
is going too far.
Watching Gary and Scott is like watching two babies like
fight over one dummy.
What Scott doesn't understand if I want to take these three girls
back, his girl is not coming back.
He can't get that in his head.
Shock, the minute Scott and Gaz are back together,
they're back to arguing about birds.
Me and Joel are both about to get up, we're having a laugh
together, we're having a drink together, I'm dancing on him.
Charlotte is watching Sophie and Joel, and I can almost read her
mind, I know what she is thinking, he wishes that
was her and Mitch.
It's all getting to be too much for me.
So, I started a cry.
Being away from him, must be killing her.
And, I just know I just got to get her out of this situation.
Right now, I'm feeling so devastated.
No amount of family dinners, stupid nights out, activities
during the day, are going to make us forget
I miss him so much.
I wish I was in James's place, because I don't want
to be here anymore.
Me and Gaz are fucked off each other;
I just want to bounce out of here.
Eventually, after devoting me whole night a wingman,
we're leaving the club, he's with one girl, I'm with her
three friends, let's go home.
Wee!
We get back, and I'm explaining to Scott,
that he's got one girl, and I've got three.
And, for the first time ever, I could see in his eyes,
jealousy and, that competitive look.
He was devastated that I had more girls than him.
And, I'm not the type of person to argue with
when I'm that pissed.
So, you can either bang her or go-
I'm in your face, I'm in your face, with you..
You can bang her!
Oh my God, I can't get a word in.
You can bang her, you can bang her!
Scott is smashing the house up again, I don't understand.
Stop it.
When the boys are angry, why can't they just go have a
wank or something?
Boys and girls.
And, to top it all off, all the birds are fucked off.
Just get a drink of water and go to bed.
I'm not going to bed.
I can't believe it.
Tonight, Australia has went from fucking mint, to shit.
This house is an unhappy house, all that happens in it, is
drama, fights, and arguing.
I can't be bothered, I can't even bother to be here.
I didn't realize someone could be that thick.
I'm always really bad man.
I can't wait, cuz me fucking balls are like coconuts.
¶
The black bone went flying off the wall.
What?
Scott is apologizing for last night, cuz he did fuck up,
at the end of the day, my friendship with Scott is more
important than a competition.
If he wants a competition, we can do it, but I can guarantee
we will not be speaking, by the time we leave Australia.
I don't know whether to follow me head or me heart,
how are you supposed to know?
¶
Surprise!
We are here.
Oy, everyone, get your asses down here!
Aye!
We didn't do anything wrong.
Sydney Steve shows up and he's absolutely fooling with Scott,
Scott has gone wild again, smashed up the house again,
and Steve is just not going to stand for it.
You're behavior is totally fucking disgusting me.
Sorry, mate.
No, no there is no sorry.
Scott has gone too far this time, and Steve
is absolutely raging.
So, Steve's giving us wrong for smashing up the
house last night.
But, I'm like nah, I loved it.
Catch ya's later.
Bye Steve, bye, bye.
There's a treat, way going to be out back, to be honest,
I don't see the fucking difference, they both sound
like a load of shite to me.
I think we should just keep our hopes up.
[in unison] Bye.
Don't miss us.
We're all going on a happy holiday, a happy holiday.
Shut the fuck up!
Let's get smashed.
I'm not going to the outback because I get to spend time with
Joel, but then again, Scott's here, and that'll just be like
me and Joel having to babysit him.
I'm not really bothered about getting stuck in the house with
Sophie and Joel, as long as they don't start shagging
each other up the ass.
Scott's getting punished, and it's the most pathetic
punishment I've ever heard in my life.
Gary's with the girls as well.
Girls don't even like Gary.
I'm really happy to be away with Vicky, Gary, and Holly;
I just need a break from Scott because he's really
starting to piss us off now.
It's getting dark, even better; this means it's going
to be really scary.
Yes!
¶
[Screaming] Ahh!
Look out!
We turn up literally in the middle of nowhere.
Where the fuck am I?
What is it?
Oh my God.
Is that a fucking, old fellow?
I'm not kidding; this looks like something out of fucking
Hostel or crasher.
I can't see a thing!
We get to the Bush, and it's dark, it's smells a bit funny,
it's a little bit spooky, and there is always the fear of
feral animals, so far, not so good.
No way, no way.
Guys, welcome to Unavale, I'm Sally.
Nice to meet you, Gaz.
Gaz, good to meet you, Gaz.
I would've thought, staying over in the outback experiencing the
real Australia wouldn't be one of my world's worst nightmares.
Give it a go, sheep shearin', why the fuck not?
Come on down, I'll show you where you are staying guys.
I need to give you a few warnings.
I can hear the sounds of these animals; I don't think it's
right; I'm going to die.
The toilet is in here guys.
Apparently the thing they say, if you go for a toilet just for
a shit or something, and a frog can climb up your bum hole.
And, the least of your problems though, you don't need to worry
about the frogs, because they're really friendly and nice.
Oh my God, I've heard about these bears.
Well, they're like koala bears.
They just, they like to drop out of trees.
They jump on ya, to attack ya.
It's so dark, I can hardly see me own hand in front of us,
I bet there is a murderer here as well.
Oh my God.
I don't know what's actually worse, these crazy noises,
being stuck in the outback, well actually being stuck in
the outback with the girls.
Do you want to come and see your sleeping arrangements guys?
Is that where we are staying?
It looks like it.
Yeah, yeah.
There's two beds in here, so.
I'm in there.
No we're all in there.
Fuckin' shit eh.
No way in hell doin' this one.
After all the short straw, and I'm the one who has to share
the fucking tent with Gaz, Chlamydia isn't airborne is it?
[Screaming]
Vicky and Gary are in a tent, maybe it's third time lucky,
all I need to know is that I am very aware of this.
No!
¶
You know, you can bring a girl if you really wanted.
Have you got anyone's numbers?
Aye?
Go on then you ring them, crack on.
Sophie and Joel bet me that I can't get a bird 'round in a
half an hour, booked, I know if I make one phone call,
I'll have that boxed the fuck off.
Basie, right?
I've got this birds number, all got written under her number is,
"Scary canary."
And, that's the name of the club I went to.
I know she had blond hair.
And, I've also got a number, which says, a random number,
and under the number I wrote, "I dare you."
I'm so glad I didn't have to go to the outback, I can't imagine
it being much tighter than the bush for Gaz, and I'm in the
shag pad with a mint bird, laughing.
[On the phone] Hello is Olivia there?
Hi.
Hi, you all right?
I'm good, how are you?
Aye, you're very cheery on the phone.
Listen, literally we're just sitting having a few drinks,
had a barbeque, and I was wondering if you wanted
to come around for a bit.
Yeah, sounds good to me.
All right babe, see you soon bye.
Bye.
Wicked.
I's the man.
Shag pad tonight.
Gary could never do this, and I can imagine when Gary gets
back from the Outback, he's going to be so pissed off.
How long will she be then?
She'll be in about 40 minutes, I'm going to go and ahh,
wash me dick and then, no wash me face.
Oh!
¶
We sat here in the middle of the outback, in Australia,
and it's just amazing.
Despite it not normllay bein my cup of tea, it's actually
something quite nice about it, I'm sitting with the girls,
watching them have a laugh, there's no stress, there's no
noise, no nothing, and I'm actually bonding with the girls.
Vicky and Gary are flirting; I don't know what the
hell t' make of it.
If Vicky got with Gary, I'd be shocked, because
I expected more from her.
Woo!
Since the people who own the campsite are being so
accommodating and nice to us, and sharing all their
traditions, I think it's only fair that we share our
traditions with them.
1, 2, 3, go!
To Bill and Sal.
Yeah.
You normally do this right?
Nah, I usually have a beer and a steak.
[Laughter]
Well, I think this has been amazing.
And, it's really nice of yous to have us, Bill and Sal,
thank you.
I've never met nicer people.
Aww.
That's what we feel about you as well, Bill.
This is what Australia should be, isn't' it?
Yeah.
I really wasn't looking forward to coming to the outback, I
thought it was going to be horrendous, well I'm here, I'm
soon to be pissed, I've got good company, a beautiful view, and
I'm having such a good night.
We've got to go to bed; we have to get up early in the morning.
Okay, well, Bill we'll see you in the morning.
Oh, I'd love to see you in the morning.
Definitely.
I don't know if it's the stars, the campfire, or Bill playing
his guitar, but we're all mortal, and we're getting
really loved up, roasting marshmallows at the open fire.
Oh!
Hi.
How are you?
Great.
What's your name?
Olivia?
Olivia.
Hi, it's nice to meet you.
What's up, I'm Joel, nice to meet ya.
That's me boyfriend.
So, this bird turns up, looking lethal.
Well, worthy enough for the pipe.
It's just us four, because everyone else has went camping.
To be fair, Scott is doing it here like, he's been able to
pull a girl in a half an hour, and even get her around
to the house.
[Laughter]
Scott and his bird are absolutely mortal.
Gary could never do this, and I can imagine when Gary gets
back from the outback, he's going to be so pissed off.
Are you in the caravan with me?
Yeah.
How did you say the caravan?
The looks.
She has glasses, wicked as per usual.
You fucking set of knobs.
I can't be angry, he was never me boyfriend, and we live under
the same roof it's too hard to hold a grudge.
But, what the fuck.
Fuckin' hell.
I'm shagged.
In the past, I've always shared a tent with Charlotte.
But now, I'm with Vicky.
The only good thing is, I'm not waking up in the morning,
regretting banging her.
The only thing I'm a bit worried about is Scott.
I hold me hand under me heart and say that.
To be fair, I've been in a bad position for girls in the past,
Scott is fucked.
My friendship is more important to Scott,
than this stupid competition.
Like, the whole Scott situation is like, like I know he has
getting' on every body's tits are like-
Scott needs to wake up and smell the coffee
if he thinks he's king dick of this house.
Idiot, what he says, goes.
It's all about him.
Scott does annoy me quite a lot like, some of the things
he does, some of the things he says, I just think,
for God's sake, but I do love him.
I feel like that night like, I said I'm not going to have sex
with him, but at the end of the day, I was mortal,
I said it could've been anyone.
It's the fact that he's the only person in that house,
who I can get attention off like that.
¶
Oh my God.
One last shot in the hot tub.
Lets have a, lets have a-
I actually feel like the third wheel.
Don't you feel a bit embarrassed, we've been
together like 2 year, were not even this fucked up.
You need to shut the fucking ranker.
This is starting to feel really weird, watching Scotty T in this
hot tub with a girl is starting to make us feel sick, I would
much rather watch Charlotte shave her bum hole,
than seeing them kissing again.
I think the fact that me and Ricci aren't together anymore,
that's how, that's how me and you can finally be friends like,
I just think everything has come together really nicely.
And, we are all starting to be like a proper family.
When I was in a relationship, I felt like I couldn't have a
friendship with the lads in the house, now, I'm single,
it's a really liberating feeling.
It was nice tonight though.
Nighty night.
Night babe.
I'm really starting to like Gaz, and I never thought I'd say it.
Fucking hell, I hope he doesn't think that this is going to lead
to me suckin' him off though.
The last few hours have been eye opening and deep,
and full of emotion.
You don't got socks on either?
No, I gave my socks to Gary.
Ahh, I'm gunna puke stop!
And, just really, really good.
And, I may just want to stay.
I think this may be the one night we actually got to spoon.
Will you get under the covers already?
Oh God.
Scott wants the shag pad for him and his girl tonight,
Scott wins, but I'm not even that bothered because
that whole shag pad is full of Joel's cum.
Sophie and Joel have been mint crack tonight, but now this bird
is here, it's time for pipe-a-tron to do
what he does best.
¶
At least I'm not stuck in the outback over night.
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah.
Joel always seems to find the best in everyone,
even with Scotty T.
Scott's been going on like an absolute twat lately.
But, Joel seems to think that he's going to change,
which I think Scotty will never change.
¶