Geordie Shore is back.
Last time around, Ricci and Vicky split up.
We just need to be on our own.
¶
Dan and Ricci are gone.
[Charlotte screams]
Me and Charlotte are done.
I'm sick of arguing, I'm sick of shouting,
and this time I fucking mean it.
I love ya.
Me and Gary still aren't speaking.
I want nothing more to do with him.
[screaming and a crash]
Goodbye James.
See ya.
I do regret what happened between me and Holly
'cause we did use to be really good friends.
I don't want anything to do with the boy anymore.
He's just not the person that I used to know.
¶
New Castle, done.
Cancun, done.
Australia, guess what, you're getting done.
¶
The Geordie's are going down under.
To Australia.
I've met someone who I really care about.
It's still quite new.
Throw another shrimp on the barbie.
Hello?
Help!
The Geordie's are going down under.
And deep into the bush.
[screaming and squealing tires]
[grunts]
So Heidi and Audrina have had a face lift, and they are ready
to go on holiday.
You're a stupid little prick.
No one even likes ya.
They don't move.
[playful scream]
¶
It's fucking Jay?
I'll wash me face me self, man.
This one's gonna be the best one yet.
Round yourselves, this is a fucking war.
¶
And boom.
[yelling]
Here we go again.
A load of cock's going down under.
What's changed?
[screams]
I should have a degree in pulling women.
I am a Geordie Girl, with a V.I.P. edge.
I've never kissed anyone without a six-pack.
Get in this house, time to tear a piece off.
I can talk the back legs off a donkey.
I'm fit, I'm flirty, and I've got double F's.
The hardest graft I've ever done is doing me hair.
Geordie Shore, way ay!
I'm moving to Australia and like the typical belland that I am,
I forgot me fucking passport.
What an absolute nightmare.
Gaz is gonna be in Sydney fucking cleaning up and I'm
gonna be stuck having to tug in the fucking hotel room waiting
for me passport to get dropped off.
¶
Australia, the Geordie's have landed.
Weee!
Why is it rainin'?
Oh my God.
I don't like it.
I could've looked out me fucking window in New Castle
for fucking rain.
I'm gonna end up looking like Diana Ross as well cause me hair
is gonna get fucking massive.
My hair is gonna run.
I'm gonna look like I got paint on me face.
Charlotte has just decided to not fucking turn up.
Is it because she's scared of what might happen with her
and Gary?
Is it cause she's too busy soaking up the new man
in her life?
Who fucking knows.
Can I borrow your umbrella?
No.
We're good.
Everyone's friendly as well.
We've all got a bed.
If we were shagging people, we would still make the
effort to come.
I don't like it.
I don't like the way we flew 24 hours for this.
I'm sure it's meant to be sunny.
If James is coming to Australia, and he is still with Kate, and
he has got the same attitude, I want nothing to do with him.
You go first.
Come on.
She's coming.
I'm coming.
Oh, I'm in the puddle, great.
Can you watch your feet?
Your feet are tan.
[laughter]
Me and Ricci are no longer together.
I'm not engaged anymore, and I'm single.
Back to the old Vicky.
Gary will shock those heels.
[laughter]
What the fuck is that?
We're gonna have a lot of mystery.
It's a shaggin' wagon?
Mystery solved, it's a shit hole.
All right, let's go girls.
Holly, set that down.
[cheering]
All the way to Australia, and it's fucking raining.
[sighs]
A fucking 24 hour flight, so me and Gaz are nackered.
This is gonna be so good man.
I just landed off a 24 hour flight next to that boring
fucker and now it's raining.
Do you know how many fake babes are in Sydney, man?
It's gonna be fucking unbelievable.
I will miss Ricci and Dan.
Dan's like a little brother, a little apprentice.
Australian birds alone are some of the best birds ever.
Ricci, I won't miss the arguments, but I do have a bond
with him and I will miss him as well.
All right, let's go.
[cheering]
¶
[engine revving]
I do wanna be with Kate, but that's not gonna stop us
from having fun out here.
I can't fucking wait, like, there's gonna be so many girls.
And all the girls have got like healthy looking and just like,
the love themselves don't they?
Ahh, I just wanna like get out tonight.
Get to the house, unpack, and start drinking.
[engine revs]
¶
[horn blows]
I can not wait to see our house.
I've got a feeling this could be the best one yet.
¶
Wow.
And it's absolutely sick.
¶
To our new house.
¶
Now this is the shag pad.
Good God.
The shag pad is the best shag pad we've ever had.
It's upstairs, out of the way of everyone.
No one's gonna interfere.
Give em the old romantic shit.
Look at the view, do you want a glass of wine, when really we're
gonna turn around, get in bed and bang.
You looking at the moon, it's up there, anyway,
enough of that babe.
Yeah, let's get into bed.
All I know, is once I'm finished with these Australian girls,
bond-aye rescue's phone is gonna ring off the hook.
For all mc views.
[horn honks]
[screams]
Here.
The boys aren't in that are they?
[horn honks]
And then we hear horns going, we think shit,
wait, this has gotta be the girls.
[horn honks]
[girls scream]
And they all pull up in that stupid fucking camper van.
You all right?
Did yous drive in that?
Yeah, fuck it, we're here.
[laughter]
Where's Charlotte?
She's not here yet.
She's not here?
She's arriving fashionably late.
Right.
Apparently Charlotte's got a boyfriend.
As much as I love her as a friend, and I care about her,
that is music to my ears.
I was sick of arguing with her, I was sick of fighting with her,
I wanna have fun with her, and I wanna enjoy myself in Australia.
I'm pullin birds, so for me, that is fucking perfect.
Oh my God.
[screaming]
Oh my God, it's absolutely unbelievable.
I'll show you my room, my double bed.
Why the fuck do you get the...
[screaming]
Oh my God.
How cool is it?
It is fucking incredible.
Oh my God.
Fuck off.
Shit, this is amazing.
I wanna have fun, let me hair down, and fucking tash on with
loads of random, wicked, lads.
And probably Harold Bishop just for the van.
To Australia.
[cheers]
¶
I just wanna fuckin' get out, man.
I can't wait.
Man, I love this little thing.
We're all just chillin, having a drink, enjoying our new house
and our new surroundings, when I hear a rumble.
¶
It sounds like an Austintacious motor bike, an owner of which
is guaranteed to be a complete and utter wanker.
[musical bells]
Is that our doorbell?
Watch this.
Who's there?
And the owner of said motorbike is our new boss.
Steve.
Steve Shearer?
Yeah.
Shearer.
He's looking like fucking Crocodile Dundee gone wrong.
And he smells like the horse he rode in on.
Today?
Yes.
Are you kiddin'?
We've just been on a 24 hour flight.
Bad fucking luck.
You keep forgetting that we're here to work,
when all I wanna do is bang.
[laughter]
Drinks?
Here you go.
Great.
This time last year, I was getting proposed to in Cancun.
Now I'm in a fucking bedroom with Scott and Gary.
Are we gonna lay down some ground rules?
What kind of fucking ground rules?
Well, cause I'm a girl and you're a boy, and we're sharing.
Yeah, but you're a lad as well.
Bit of lad banter definitely.
I can not go there.
Can I?
Nah, nah, no.
Gaz, no.
I'm not gonna like bang in front of you.
'Cause that was like me number one rule.
Was it?
I thought, please don't....
Me and Char did it, so I'm not gonna like leave you out,
do you know what I mean?
Thanks Gary, you're all heart.
It's so nice to feel like I can just kind of sit and have a
conversation with Gary without the pressures of Charlotte or
Ricci being there, and I actually feel like in Australia,
we can get on and be friends.
I just hope he doesn't fall in love with this 'cause let's
face it, it's fucking inevitable, isn't it?
Come on roomie.
To Sydney!
¶
Our first big night out, let's show Sydney exactly
what they've been missing.
¶
We get to the King's Horse Hotel, get in there,
birds everywhere, the tunes are mint.
This is what I imagined Sydney being like.
¶
I'm just looking around at everyone and I'm thinking,
we're back.
¶
It's my first night out, back with single Vicky,
just having a laugh, just having drinks.
We're necking drinks together.
It's mint.
¶
This is not flirting though.
Or is it?
¶
She's confident, she's got banter, she's flirtatious, she's
in your face and it's just so nice to actually have her back.
There's a huge elephant in the room.
Charlotte, is going to arrive at some point,
and where do her and Gary pick up?
¶
I do wanna make it up with Holly and I do want us all
to be back to a family.
I seriously think that James just thought, oh yeah
I can apologize and everything will be fine.
But no, she wants to carry on the drama.
It's as if she wants to carry on this shit.
No I'm sorry, it's gonna take a lot more than one word
to be my friend again.
Fuck me, it's just all been thrown back in my face.
I can't believe this is the first night and it's all
kicking off already.
Charlotte and Gary haven't even started yet.
¶
The Aussie birds aren't gonna know what's hit them,
especially when they get a bit of Scott T's English pipe.
¶
In bounced Scotty fucking T, the family is nearly complete.
¶
So now Scott's here, the whole night's changed.
It's back to it's old ways.
¶
It's nice to have a bit of healthy competition.
Scott's here, let's see who can get down first.
Beware girls, 'cause spunk is before you.
¶
Before Scott got there, Gary was fun, he was family oriented,
and he was having a laugh.
Me and him were having heart to hearts, and the minute Scott
turns up, he just becomes a fucking giant walking
erection once again.
¶
Within two minutes we got two girls, we're both necking on.
Scott, he hasn't even been at the house and he's
already fucking pulling.
Get your priorities sorted Scott Teal.
¶
I'm pissed off, I'm jet lagged, I'm tired,
and I'm getting pissed.
And I'm worried cause I don't want it to get back to
how it was.
¶
I said hello to everyone, got me self a drink and within five
minutes I'm taking a bird home.
This is fucking mint.
¶
This is day one in Australia and already it's kicking off.
For fuck sake.
Enough of all this shit, it's time we get back to the house
and christen that shag pad.
I tried to make an effort with Holly cause I do want everyone
to get on again, and she chucks it back in my face.
With Gary and Scott pulling, it's left up to me to look after
James and you can tell he's really upset.
Basically, I just, I said, look like, fucking hell,
I apologized for last time.
Like, I was in the wrong.
Yeah.
I says, I shouldn't of done it.
I didn't ever intend for the way it was, do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
I don't want James to be lonely, and I wanna be there for him any
way I can, but I'm not a boy.
I get so fucking worked up about it.
I know well hey, James, you know we're human, and Kate's
not talking to me and now I'm getting worked up.
Ricci's not here, and I took James' friend away and
because of that I feel guilty, I feel like shit.
Lads don't give a fuck, like...
'Cause lads...
All they're bothered about is pulling, like I can't bond with
them even if I was single.
I couldn't bond with them 'cause it's not normal lad crack.
You don't have, yeah, yeah you talk about funny right,
you wanna pull birds?
Like fucking, that's standard, but it's not everything.
Vicky can understand why I'm angry and why I'm upset.
Everyone can see what's going on and they're all sick of it.
And I'm trying to make it better but Holly's
not having any of it.
And just know that you're trying.
And that's all it takes James.
No one's gonna let you fucking be on your own
when you're trying.
And you know what?
See what speaks volumes is Holly still cares about you.
Things aren't lost between you, it's just she's super hurt.
¶
So we get back to the house and fuck it, I'm going to bed.
I'm sick.
I wanted to have a good night with everyone, have a laugh,
but now it's all fucked.
I do just want to be his friend again, but the way that he made
me feel, and how horrible he was about me, I just can't do it.
Vicky's gonna be his friend, but it doesn't mean I have to.
¶
Fuck me, this house is mint.
Scotty T hasn't even seen his own bed yet and
he's got a girl back.
How does he even know what bed to go in?
¶
I couldn't give a fuck, I'm taking this bird in the first
bed that I see and that's that.
¶
So I've got this bird in me bed and I'm having to play a
wicked game of scrabble.
¶
I get back to the house, get in the shag pad,
this amazing sea view...
And all she wants to do is talk.
The graft begins now.
Eventually the ground work pays off and I'm down under.
Good day mate.
¶
As a fucking really good housemate, I opt to take
the sofa, take one for the team.
I'm already on the fucking sofa and it's only the first night.
Fuck's sake.
¶
First night.
Bash!
¶
Fuck right off.
I'm not driving that piece of shit.
Since I'm in Australia, I don't understand, you can't get more
Australian than a fucking yute.
Get in!
[honks horn]
Gary, I can't.
It's, oh my God it's hurting me arms.
It's like being at the gym.
Turn it that way.
I know.
Oh my God, this is pouring out.
What if Charlotte comes back?
I don't know how she's gonna feel.
Yeah.
I feel like she's just gonna come.
She's just gonna probably bang you for a bit.
But like eventually...
Say the odd words, yeah.
Say the odd words, whatever.
I'm happy with that though.
I'm okay with being civil.
Eventually we'll get back to having a laugh like we used to,
and I'll get and go pull girls out of the house.
That is what I want.
¶
So me and Vicky walk up to this party bus.
¶
The work is our usual Geordie Tours.
Just tashing on and getting fucked.
Brilliant.
Australia's party bus knocks Anna's fuckin' piddly little bus
right out of the water.
It makes it look like your with your fucking grandma,
and this is frat house week.
It's fucking amazing.
¶
Scott's running around like a giant vibrator
in a fucking blond wig.
He's completely in his element buzzing his tits off.
¶
This is what a party bus should be.
Everyone's having a fucking mint time,
the vodka's getting thrown about.
¶
Job well done.
¶
It's my first Saturday night out in Sydney so there's only
one place to go, Pasha.
Scott and Vicky still aren't back from work, fuck this,
it's Saturday night, I'm going out.
¶
All right, this is to not being at work on a Saturday night.
Cheers.
Like unlucky Scott and Vicky.
Not being at work and we're first cheers.
Cheers.
All I'm worried about now is Charlotte coming and
ending up in my room.
Cheers.
Go.
Let's do these shots.
¶
[club music]
I'm in Sydney, I'm newly single, I'm on the fucking party bus.
Who needs more drinks?
I'm getting fucking marriage proposals, I'm getting cocks
thrust in me face, drinks handed.
It was, it's been a long time since I've had a
night out like this.
If I'm going to tash on, this is the fucking place to do it.
I spot a man and he's making eye contact with me and I'm making
eye contact with him and we started gravitating
towards each other.
And his tongue's in me fucking mouth and it's kind of wicked.
I am fucking tashing on.
Single Vicky is getting her first tash on.
¶
God, I don't know, I can do anything I wanted.
This is just fucking amazing.
I've just got so much excitement and nervous energy.
People better watch out, me lips have got like a fucking
mind of their own.
It's gonna be like a great big tashing on tornado.
Nobody's gonna fucking know what hit it.
¶
So we're in the club and it's like a massive circus show.
¶
I love Sydney.
¶
Tonight, for me, it's all about just enjoying me self.
¶
Me and Sophie are on the way to getting very very drunk.
¶
The look away, me and Gary are really good friends, and
Sophie's really good friends with James, so we're kind of
just like keeping apart and distracting each other.
¶
I don't love Ricci anymore, and we're not together, and
I'm single, and I should be able to do what I want.
But I'm a fucking girl, I'm a real person, with real emotions,
and I loved him.
I loved him for fucking ages and I can't just t urn that off.
I wish I fucking could, but I can't.
And tashing on with this random tonight just proved that.
Fuck!
The first time, pulling for V was always gonna be hard,
especially when she's just got out of a serious engagement,
but it will get easier.
¶
Scotty!
Scott's turned up, there's no Vicky.
This might just be too soon after she's just had a
massive break up with Ricci.
Why is that, all our girls do, cry, neck on, cry, neck on,
cry, neck on.
Basic.
¶
It did upset me last night seeing him crying and I didn't
realize that he would get that upset.
So I feel like I do need to go and clear the air with him.
And I'm thinking, oh shit, I just don't want
another repeat of last night.
And it's just isn't looking good at all.
He's patronizing me, he's shushing me.
[Holly screams]
Oh my God, I'm just absolutely fucking furious.
Boom, it's kicked off.
Holly's getting excited, her hands are over here,
she's kicking off.
All she wants is attention and people to feel sorry for her.
[Holly screams]
And then the next thing I know, I'm getting escorted
out through the fire exit.
I mean, Sydney's best night club, and 20 minutes later
I'm getting kicked out of it.
We're probably not gonna be allowed back in there
again thanks to me.
[Holly screams]
¶
To be honest, I don't give a fuck what's happening
between James and Holly.
All I care about is me, who I ride in Australia.
¶
For once, it's not me involved in all the drama.
Fuck this fighting, I'm a lover, not a fighter.
I'm gonna get a bird and fuck her.
There's one.
What's your name darlin'?
Actually it doesn't fucking matter, get in the taxi,
you're getting Gaz'd.
¶
Everyone's ready to leave the club and I haven't even thought
about nesting a bird because of all the kick offs and I've
literally got a power minute to find someone to go home with.
¶
I had the shag pad last night, Scott's got the
shag pad tonight.
Vicky's already in bed so I can't have my double bed.
I can't go in the girls room.
¶
I need a fucking bed.
James, I need your room.
Tonight's been absolutely shit and now to top it all off,
I can't even sleep in me own bed because fucking Gaz
has brought a bird back.
The shag pad's mine tonight, so it's straight up the stairway to
heaven which just happens to end at my fucking belland.
¶
In me head I'm thinking, shit I'm banging a bird
in Charlotte's future bed.
Fuck.
Put the cuffs on this, guilty.
¶
Me and Gary haven't spoken since last time but I feel like I'm in
a much better place right now.
I've met someone who I really care about, but it's still
really new, so I can't stand the thought of anyone ruinin' it.
¶
I wake up, and Holly's no where to be seen.
I know for a fact that sheep shagging Steve is gonna
have something to say for Holly's actions last night.
That means one thing, Holly's lost her place in the house
for a while cause she's getting a boligan.
Hello?
Hello!
I hear shoutin' and straight away, I know exactly who it is.
[piano music]
[Charlotte screams]
Out of the blue, I just hear that screeching,
screaming, stupid voice.
And it is, it's Charlotte.
She's back.
Seeing Gary again is, it's not weird.
It doesn't really feel like anything.
Like, it just feels like nothing.
How are you?
Sophie's coming down as well.
I'm nervous but I'm excited to see her.
Is she speaking with us, are we not speaking?
And I was like, ugg, but still I wanna go downstairs and
I wanna see the girl.
How are you doing?
Where's Sophie and Holly?
Is that my Charlotte?
[Charlotte screams]
Thank fuck she's here.
I am fucking buzzing.
How are you?
This is when my time here starts.
Been going a little bit wild.
Weirdly the atmosphere between Gaz and Charlotte is sound at
the moment, but let's see how long that lasts before they rip
each others fucking heads off.
No one's slept in their own beds yet.
Gary's had sex in your bed.
Has he?
Oh well that's great.
Sophie that was a really...
Welcome home.
Same shit, different day.
I'm not really off, just change the fucking sheets.
What do you think about him.
I haven't.
It's just weird, like it's weird.
It's always weird seeing him.
I don't really feel like any, I don't really have
any time for him.
I think he's a bit ugly now.
Oh have you gone that way?
Like he makes me sort of repulsed.
Nice.
Sometimes that can happen can't it.
Yeah.
You can fall out of love and there's no attraction.
This is a real, real progression for Charlotte.
I feel like it's a sign that she might finally be starting
to get over Gary.
I just, I just can't believe he had sex in me bed.
Why not?
Why does anything bother you.
So did he know I was gonna be sleeping in it now?
I am sick to death of Charlotte and Gary
and that silly relationship.
For her sake I hope she walks away from him in Australia and
never speak to him again.
Just tell him you want him to clean the sheets.
Oh I'd just rather not mention it.
I don't want any excuses to talk to him.
¶
We've been in Oz a couple days now and we haven't been
to the beach yet.
So, it's in the cars and off to Manny.
¶
In Australia it's mad, you can just walk up to 10 fit birds
playing volleyball and get involved.
In New Castle, if you walked up to a girl and were like,
can I play with you?
You get a backhand.
¶
Evidently all they're interested in is half clad bikini babes.
Who would have thought it?
¶
I tried to kiss someone the other night.
I was waiting for this to happen.
I can't even remember who kissed who.
I know he was leaning in and I know I was leaning in, then all
the sudden we're like tashing on and I couldn't tell you a
fucking thing other than I felt guilty.
And I just felt like shit.
It's your first time.
Your first time's gonna be like that.
'Cause I burst into tears like a fucking...
Did the boy see you cry?
Yeah, I cried in front of him.
Oh my God, what will he thought of ya?
Probably that he's a lack shit of a kisser.
How embarrassing.
Thanks Charlotte, I'm really pleased I can count on you.
[laughter]
And then I fucking told Scott about it, he gave
me a fucking prick.
I thought I could just fucking act like Donald Longshlong and
neck on with loads of people but it turns out I'm just a
teeny tiny testes.
[laughter]
The tables have definitely turned.
I find me self sitting on this beach, enjoying a few,
getting relationship advice from fucking Charlotte?
It's like the twilight zone.
Well we're going out tonight and I'm gonna give it another go.
You're gonna give another kiss a go?
I'm gonna give it a try.
Well what about just a talk and flirt?
Let's just roll with the punches.
Let's just see how it goes.
Oh shit.
Towel hug.
What the fuck, you creep.
¶
Well I'm gonna go to sleep 'cause I've been
on a 24 hour flight.
I'm not gonna come out tonight.
You're not gonna come out, yeah.
I'm not coming out.
I'm not.
I need me sleep.
Like I haven't had any sleep for a day and a half.
I'm not gonna get drunk and kiss loads of other lads, or jump
around like a tit like Scott, cause I'm just not in the mood
because sometimes I can't always be happy, just like every other
human being on this planet!
¶
Tonight we're off to a backpacker bar and
I can't help but feel a little bit jubious.
Something tells me we're gonna stick out like
sore fucking thumbs.
[club music]
It's my first night out in Australia without Holly
and I'm actually buzzin'.
I'm finally gonna get to enjoy me self.
[club music]
Every night out we've had up until now has revolved around
James and Holly, and ultimately ends in confrontation.
In her absence, James' flourishing is the old him,
he's dancing, he's having a laugh, and he's having fun.
And it's so nice to see.
[club music]
It's backpacker night, so I've gone out in my flat trainers,
and everyone knows backpackers can't afford heals.
That's why they all wear flats.
So I'm mingling with the backpackers.
¶
Me and Soph venture off into the club like travel explorers
searching for the native animal, the elusive Australian till.
They're all disgusting and I can't even pull in here,
so I don't know how Vicky could.
¶
In the end, me and Soph actually strike quite lucky and get
two reasonable looking lads.
Vicky wants to pull, but she hasn't got the whole power
herself, so I'm like right, I will wing-woman you.
Vicky's fucking living the dream.
She's got a blond haired lad on one side, a dark haired lad
on the other side.
I was thinking, is Vicky gonna have her first threesome?
¶
Hello, hello, hello!
I'm asleep and all I hear is someone kicking off.
Guess who's fucking back!
What the fuck?
Hello, is anyone in like, or what?
Hello?
[Jay screams]
This is fucking Jay?
What the hell?
[Charlotte screams]
What are you doing?
Is this some kind of fucked up nightmare.
Have a drink.
Come on Char, have a drink.
Jay is back.
Yay!
¶
It's so weird seeing Vicky on the pull again.
And she was like Gaz which guy do you think I should pick?
The dark one, the blonde one?
I was like, what the fuck?
I was like fuck it, just have a threesome.
[club music]
Listen, I've only just got to Oz.
I don't wanna go around breaking hearts straight away.
So there's no chance I'm tashing on with either one of them
in front of the other.
It's just not cool.
¶
Me and Jay have come up with a plan and to be fucking honest,
I can't wait to see the reaction.
James come on in, come this way.
I've been by me self and I've been shitting me self.
I saw something from the window.
You guys please, come look at this.
You're full of shit.
No I'm fucking not, I swear to God.
I've been by me self no one's fucking tried to help us at all.
Come on, everyone come look.
It was over there by the window!
Ha ha ha!
[yelling and cheering]
I'm back in the fucking Geordie Shore house
and I'm fucking mortal.
¶
Charlotte pee'd a hat of lies.
It's fucking, Jay?
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I finally got a fucking decent mate back in the house.
The silver back, the grayest old man.
The daddy of all Geordie Shores has came back.
[shouting and laughter]
¶