(Sophie) "Geordie Shore" is back!
(Holly) What the hell is gonna happen this time?
Geordie Tours. What?
Across Europe. (all) Yes!
(all girls) What happens on tour stays on tour!
Bring on the fucking carnage.
(Charlotte screams)
(Anna) I want you to leave with no further notice.
Hi again.
Charlotte's back.
(James) Dan's pulled himself a cougar.
(Scott) I'm fucking buzzing, haven't seen my nana in ages.
Oh, wait a minute, it's Dan's bird.
(Anna) I'd like you to start packing 'cause this time,
I'm gonna send you to Barcelona.
(Sophie) Barcelona.
(Charlotte) I feel like I'm in a porn film.
What the hell am I doing in a tranny bar?
(Scott) Vicky seems to be having a mint time without Ricci.
(Vicky) Vicky is back.
(Scott) I wonder how long it'll last.
(Sophie) Charlotte's bloody mortal.
The boys are getting with girls.
We may as well be back in Newcastle.
(Charlotte) This is it, I'm going to talk to Gary.
(Gaz) I'm thinking this is just another me-and-Charlotte chat.
I love you.
And she just drops that bombshell.
(Charlotte) I am just another girl who fell in love with Gary.
¶
I should have a degree in pulling women.
I am a Geordie girl with a VIP edge.
If you look up "pulling" in the dictionary,
my name's next to it.
I would never kiss anyone without a six-pack.
Get me in this house 'cause I'm gonna tear the place up.
I could talk the back legs off a donkey.
Got the looks, got the charm, it just works.
I'm fit, I'm flirty, and I've got double Fs.
The hardest graft I've ever done is doing my hair.
(all) "Geordie Shore"! Why aye!
¶ (upbeat music)
(Holly) We're on a Geordie Tour of Barcelona,
and we're showing stag and hens how to party,
and it's fucking mint.
We've absolutely smashed Spain to pieces.
Newcastle, one, Barcelona, nawt.
(James) Last night got messy.
Everyone's woke up, and you can just tell
there's an atmosphere in the house.
¶ You got it all figured out ¶
What the hell is happening?
(Charlotte) Last night, me and Gary were talking,
and I told him I loved him.
What the fuck was I thinking?
I feel like I've had a weight lifted off my shoulders.
Like, I've got so much off me chest.
He totally pied us, and now I just feel like shit.
That's the last time I'll have a heart-to-heart with Gary.
His heart is dead and black inside.
I just want Gary to acknowledge my feelings
instead of sticking his head in the sand.
(exhales sharply) Go to the beach.
Buzzing-- get some food and just fucking chill out.
It's our last morning in Barcelona,
so everyone's heading down and hitting the beach.
I think for her to finally verbalize
what she's been feeling for so long
must have come as a shock to you, Gary,
whether you knew it was coming or not.
I do respect Charlotte being honest,
but I can't lie and tell her that I love her.
I'm gonna be honest like she has been with me.
Must have been, like, nice for her
to get it off her chest and stuff like that, Gaz.
But at the same time, do you think it's--
do you think it's done her any good?
Normally, when a bird drops the "L"-bomb
and says they love you, you bin them off,
but I can't do that with Charlotte.
Just have a word with her, and just try
and get my point of view across.
Honestly, I do see your point of view,
and I think-- I'll just keep her away.
(Scott) Gaz has got the right idea by not getting
wifed in with Charlotte.
Relationships in the "Geordie Shore" house
are a one-way ticket to sheer disaster.
(all) Hey!
(Vicky) Thank you.
(Scott) I'm gutted at leaving Barcelona.
I've had a fucking mint time.
Hasta la vista, chicas.
(Vicky) To Barcelona.
(all) Hey!
(Gaz) We've had an amazing time in Barcelona,
but my head's in bits-- get me home.
(Sophie) All I want to do is get back to Newcastle
and get back to the Geordie language.
¶
(James) We're back in the Tyne, so bring on
the banter, the booze, and the gym.
(Vicky) Before we left for Barcelona,
me and Ricci had a huge argument.
He stormed out the house.
He didn't even come to Barcelona,
and he hasn't come back, and now,
I just don't know where I stand.
Aye, lads.
And I've got a mint idea to get them all back on track.
What, like, just, like, fucking circuits and presses--
Circuits and, like, just military training.
We'll get the birds to do it as well. Way, aye.
Girls! (Vicky) Yeah?
I'm not sure how the girls are gonna take it, though.
I think we should go and do a military boot camp.
(Holly) What the fuck is boot camp?
I signed up for "Geordie Shore", not the fucking SAS.
¶
(James) The only bicep curls they're used to
is having a fucking cock in their mouth.
I want to sit there with a pasty
just to prove a fucking point.
May we please pull over at these services?
(laughter)
Boot camp is gonna be a piece of cake
'cause I'm already fucking solid.
(Charlotte) Mm! Fast food.
Everyone knows it's called that
because it makes you go faster... duh.
(Sophie) Don't you dare think thin.
Think fat! (Holly) Yeah, you did it!
(sighs)
To everyone who wants her to be skinny.
(Holly belches)
(Holly sighs)
Well done.
¶ (upbeat music)
(Scott) Whoa!
(James) I love fitness, but I fucking hate mud.
(Dan) Shit the bed, I didn't realize bald Rambo
and skinny Rocky were gonna be our instructors.
I'm getting cold waiting here, come on, let's go!
Move yourself!
(Holly) Fuck off, I can't be bothered with screaming like that.
Fuck boot camp.
Come on, ladies, move yourself.
I'm coming, pet! Don't call me pet!
Move yourself!
(Sophie) Why are you talking like that?
(James)( I thought we were coming to fucking military training,
not a fucking pirate ship.
Turn your hair down, it's too bright, move yourself!
(Charlotte) Fucking hell.
Sergeant Big Balls has made my fanny hole
shrink to the size of a lentil.
(Scott) I'm going fucking akka with the camouflage.
No one's gonna spot me proper stashed.
(Holly) I don't get why James would think
that going out in the freezing cold in the mud,
getting shouted at by some big man, is fun.
Captain Cock-sucker.
Really? Yeah, here to suck you off.
Really? Yeah.
Well done, see me later-- next one.
Captain Can't-Be-Arsed. Really?
Well, I'll sort you out, Captain Can't-Be-Arsed.
I'm starting to think that this man is sexually frustrated.
Get away, move yourself, come on, get up there, get up there!
That's it, come on, let's see a little bit of that!
I have a little bit of Army training, obviously.
I'm the UK's number one drill sergeant.
Move it, move it, you best get yourself up!
Get up, get up, get up, get up, stand up!
We've been there nearly one minute before
Charlotte-Letitia is on the floor, covered in shit.
(skinny Rocky) Keep it moving, keep moving all the time!
(bald Rambo) You can't go that way! Get back here, you two girls!
(Holly) Run!
(Charlotte) He's only chasing us because he wants
to put it in me bumhole, and I don't like bumhole sex,
so I'm running as fast as I can.
(Vicky) It's like some sort of crazy sheepdog training gone wrong.
(bald Rambo) I'll get you in a minute!
(Charlotte) He's given up the chase.
He's probably after someone else's anus.
(skinny Rocky) Good-- keep the elbows in tight.
Four, three.
Get those knees nice and high.
(James) Military boot camp is my idea of heaven.
(Holly) James thinks he's Mr. Fucking Motivator.
And, I mean, if he wants some exercise,
why doesn't he just go and motivate
the instructor's cock with his right hand?
Whip the ropes! Go!
Come on, work those ropes! (Scott grunting)
Hit that tire! Go!
Let's get the pain train, let's get the pain train.
(Charlotte) What the fuck? I've just had my heart broken.
The last thing I want to do is break into a sweat.
Vicky was able to draw a line under her and Ricci.
Why can't Charlotte do the same with me?
Go, go, go, go, go!
Flip it over, and again, that's it.
(Scott) I might as well be born to boot camp
'cause I'm modeled on Troy himself.
I flip tires like I flip birds.
(bald Rambo) One more, one more!
(James groans) Fucking hell.
So I'm getting a bit more competitive,
and I challenge the instructor to a game of tug-of-war
'cause I'm fucking solid.
Come on, show me what you got.
That's it, come on.
I'm about to smash him, and I slip because of my shoes.
But if I had better grip, I would have toasted him.
(groans) That's it, show me what you got.
(James) The instructor's totally rinsed Scott here.
Maybe it's 'cause the only thing
Scott's good at tugging is Gaz's rope.
(Sophie) I hate boot camp, it's horrible.
I've got rabbit shit all over me foot.
I need to get out.
(James) Boot camp's been absolutely mint.
And somehow, me biceps feel like
they're getting even bigger.
Didn't even think that was possible.
(exhales sharply and groans)
(Holly) So James is still flipping tires,
and all we want to do is get out of here.
He's just a fucking twat.
(James exhales sharply)
¶
(Vicky) Before we came away, me and Ricci had a huge bust-up
'cause he's a control freak
and a bit of a tit, if I'm honest.
It's the longest I've ever not spoken to him.
(Charlotte) Hey, you've dealt with it so much better this time.
Yeah. So some things have definitely changed.
Vicky's relaxed so much since Ricci's gone.
She's getting changed in front of us.
I've seen her tits-- I've seen her fanny flap.
I've even seen her bumhole.
Since Ricci's gone, she's a nudist.
I know I have to speak to him sooner rather than later.
(Vicky) I've discovered that I can stand on my own two feet.
It's about time I found my lady balls
and told Ricci to fucking jog on.
(dial tone rings)
(Ricci) Hello. Hello.
Hiya.
Um...
(Vicky) It's at this point that I'm reminded
that Ricci's communication skills are basic at best.
It's like trying to have a sensible conversation
with a fucking courgette.
Good, thank you.
I've decided I need to speak to Ricci in person.
If you're gonna try and get sense out of a courgette,
it's probably better that you do it face-to-face.
Courgette-to-face... face-to-courgette?
(Vicky crying)
(Holly) So Vicky is bursting into the room in tears,
and I mean, Vicky and Ricci have been together
for so long now, it's no wonder she's emotional.
I think, though, you haven't supported him in ages.
This is the first time.
It's just weird, isn't it?
Are Ricci and Vicky gonna stay together?
Because at the moment, I just don't know.
Charlotte, she's not finished crying yet.
I felt like I was gonna be sick.
¶
(Vicky) We've been on an amazing Geordie Tour of Barcelona,
and now, it's back to Newcastle.
(Ricci) I've had a break from the house,
and to give Vicky space, I didn't go to Barcelona.
(Vicky) Now, back to reality, and that means
I have to deal with the Ricci situation.
I've been saying I've lost so much of myself,
I don't even know who I am now.
It was because of me wanting to be with you,
I can't leave you fucking alone.
How am I-- who wants that?
It shouldn't have to be that way.
By having some time apart from Vicky,
I'm proving I can give her the space she needs.
I don't want you to say right now, "Oh, let's go back."
I don't want that, I want you all to myself.
I want you to see me as a person changed,
and I fucking know that, like...
I was expecting Ricci to bool in,
all fucking guns blazing, kicking off.
How can I sit here and finish Ricci
when he's saying everything I've always wanted to hear?
The thing is is that I've been
back to my old self this weekend.
Giggling, laughing, having fun.
You used to make me feel like that.
It's been so nice this last week
to be able to let me hair down, and have fun,
and not worry about Ricci kicking off about something.
I think this is it.
I have to tell him I can't be with him anymore.
We just need to be on our own,
and discover or find out--
work out who-- who we are, who we used to be.
Ricci is being so understanding,
and this is the lad I fell in love with.
(crying)
Come here.
I never, for one second, wanted
any of this to end up like this.
Cheer up, Vicky, what needs to happen is we need to change.
(Ricci) It might be a bad move for me to go out of the house now,
so for once, I'm gonna do the right thing and stay away.
I'm gonna go and let you have tonight with the boys
'cause they miss you, huh?
Well, go on then, fuck off.
Right.
(Vicky) That was so fucking hard, but I'm worried
that if we get back together again,
history will just repeat itself
and I'll be opening myself up to loads more heartache.
I can't go on feeling like this.
¶
Hi. (Holly) How did it go?
Not how you would expect.
(Holly) I thought Vicky would come back in tears.
She must have sucked him off last minute.
Imagine him just saying absolutely
everything you want to hear.
"I realize my mistake, I smother you.
I tried to control you."
Whoa, that just doesn't sound like Ricci at all.
Know how hard that makes walking away from him?
He's not coming back.
With Ricci and Vicky right now,
I feel like this might actually be over.
Was he saying these things 'cause he means them,
or was he saying these things 'cause he thinks
he should be saying it?
(Charlotte) It does seem like Ricci's changed,
but Vicky needs to be careful.
He might have went to the same dishonesty class as Gary.
They might have sat together in the back row
wanking each other off... whilst being dishonest.
(Charlotte) "I have had a lot of time to think
"and get my head around things,
but this has been the biggest..."
"Wake-up call." "Wake-up call."
(Vicky) Ricci's coming back to the house to say good-bye to the boys,
and I think it's best that I clear off.
¶
(Vicky) Where are we going, hon?
(Charlotte) Oh, my God, I've had an amazing idea
to cheer me and Vicky up.
(giggling)
(Charlotte) Hi.
Let's get another fish!
Hey, fishies.
(Charlotte) So we could get one of these ones?
Put one of them with Scramble and Egg, no worries.
(Vicky) Charlotte has been so upset since she told Gary
how she felt about him, so marine-based retail therapy
is obviously the answer.
I kind of like this black one here.
I like the black ones.
(Charlotte) Scramble and Egg need to meet new people,
but they're a little bit shy,
so we're gonna find them a new friend.
Can we have him, Craig?
(Charlotte) He's got the googliest eyes I've ever seen.
And we'll call him "Toast".
I like that.
(Vicky) In your professional opinion, Craig,
will Scramble and Egg take to Toast?
(chuckles) Yes, of course they will.
(Charlotte) What if they pick on him at first?
Who would have thought that a slippery, slimy,
google-eyed creature would actually help
take Charlotte's mind off Gary?
¶
(phone rings)
Fuck off. (Holly) I'm not going to work, no.
Aye, aye?
Anna's called, and she says that me and Holly
have gotta go to work.
Fucking hell, man.
Me and you, Holly, we're doing a stag do.
Oh, man!
I'm like, for fuck's sake, I can't
entertain people right now.
¶
So me and Scott are taking this stag party
to a bucking bronco, and I'm thinking
the last big thing that I've probably been riding
is Scotty T.
(Scott) So we get there, it's a big bunch of lads,
so we're just gonna do what we do best--
get fucking smashed.
Holly's single, so I'm gonna get her
set up with one of these lads.
That's what friends are for.
These two are just hammering the shots.
So there's one lad there who's actually quite hot,
and I'm thinking I don't really
want to neck on with everybody else.
(Scott) How the fuck?
He's like fucking John Wayne, this kid.
(man) I don't know how. (laughter)
(cheering)
I said the person with the best score
gets to get a kiss off Holly.
This lad's got a girlfriend, so we're gonna go
with the kid with the lowest score,
which is this kid right here.
(Scott) I bent the rules of the game
so that Holly can neck on with this lad she likes.
She should be thanking us.
Give her a kiss-- for God's sake!
People are always banging on about me
having a thing with Holly, but this just proves
that I don't and I've got no feelings for her.
(Holly) I mean, it's so good that Scotty's
actually being my wingman.
So Holly, was he a good kisser?
Yeah, but just not as good as you.
Fuck off. (laughs)
No one's as good as me, though. (giggles)
¶
Lads! (Scott) Aye, aye!
We hear Ricci come back in the house.
What the fuck? I thought those two had split up.
(Ricci) Tonight, I'm gonna have a night out with the lads,
but at the end of it, go home.
Me and Vicky still need that little bit of space.
I want to fucking smash it with you lads tonight.
I'm getting ruined.
¶
(Scott) I'm absolutely buzzing.
It's gonna be a fucking mint night out.
¶
No girls, no drama.
One place to be-- Bijoux.
¶ (club music)
(James) I want to make sure that Ricci
has a mint final night on "Geordie Shore".
Cheers to Ricci. Let's get fucked!
(shouting)
¶
(Charlotte) I'm letting Toast out.
Set free.
(gasps)
Whoa.
(Charlotte) Oh, my God, Scramble and Egg love Toast.
It's a little bit like watching Dan, Scott, and Gary
all hanging out and sucking each other off.
Can fish suck each other off?
He's called Toast.
What we want to do is go out for a meal,
a nice girly chat, just to discuss
what the hell's been going on.
Let's go! Why do we still look like a girl band?
¶
What happened with you and Rics? Is it all right, or...
The short version is just that he was lovely.
(Sophie) I think Vicky just gave Ricci a bit of false hope
that they might get together when really,
this is the end.
Rather than feeling down and depressed,
I feel like I've been given a new lease on life,
and I'm just going to enjoy myself.
If I can get over Ricci,
it's about time Charlotte pulled them slaggy socks up
and got over Gaz.
What do you think we'll be like in a couple of years?
You'll probably still be drinking that fucking drink.
(laughter)
¶ (club music)
(Gaz) Ricci's got a massive smile on his face.
If this is his send-off, this is how it should be.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Lindsay.
So it was, "Lads, see yous."
(Scott) So this cougar who Dan necked on with
before Barcelona has just turned up.
I hope she remembered to put her fucking teeth in.
(Gaz) Dan, this is meant to be Ricci's send-off.
This is no time to go home with your bird and get breast-fed.
Ricci and Vicky have had a few nights out
apart from each other, and I've never seen them so happy.
Maybe they should split the fuck up
and do everyone a favor.
(Scott) It must be a massive weight off Gaz's shoulders
to not have Charlotte hawkeye-ing him all night.
(James) Tonight is just meant to be about a good send-off for Ricci,
but no, all of the lads have went off
trying to get their dicks wet.
I feel sorry for Ricci.
Motherfucking classic night... Tonight--
With all you boys that I miss, seriously.
You slag off home to your tiny little house.
(laughter)
But honestly-- Really miss me, all right?
You too, man, have a good night, man.
(overlapping good-byes)
Fucking hell, I'm mortal.
It feels so weird knowing that we're all going home
and Ricci's not coming back with us.
The only one thing I'm buzzing about
is now I've got me own room.
Cheers, Ricci.
(Dan) Lindsay's jumped in a cab with us,
and after all their hard work,
Gaz and Scott are going home empty-handed.
(Scott groans)
I can't get my shoe off, man.
Oh, my God.
Fuck me, Scotty T's mortal.
No wonder he didn't pull tonight.
His chat's bad enough when he's sober.
Yes.
(laughter)
(shouts excitedly)
(James) Every time Dan's brought his bird back to the house,
he's failed to buck her.
This is the third time he's brought her back.
The cougar is in the nest.
Every lad knows that if you've got a bird
you casually bang now and again,
you do not bring the same bird back three times in a row.
This bird has got him jumping through fucking hoops.
(James) I hope for his sake that Dan's
gonna make the third time lucky.
¶ (upbeat music)
Last night was mint.
Ricci's left the house, but we've given him
a proper send-off.
(Dan) I brought Lindsay back again.
We just necked on in the bucking bungalow.
(both) Hello!
(Scott) So me and Gaz have gone to find out
if Dan sealed the deal with his bird.
#DidHeFuck.
Snugglepuffs. (laughter)
(Gaz) Lindsay's still got her underwear on.
Dan, epic fail number three.
(Dan) Why the fuck have Gaz and Scott
suddenly taken an interest in my sex life?
Maybe it's because they didn't pull last night.
(laughter)
I'm not bothered about not banging last night.
You don't need a fucking Steely
to have a good time with a bird.
(James) Fourth time lucky.
(Gaz) Shut the fuck up.
(farting)
(Vicky laughs)
We had a nice dinner last night, just the girls.
We tried to get the boys out of our system.
Me and Holly were sitting up.
Why were you sitting up?
Waiting to see if Gary brought any girls back.
Charlotte has been so upset since she told Gary
how she felt about him, and him being
the sensitive fucking scrotum that he is,
has not acknowledged her feelings whatsoever.
¶
(Vicky) Lads, come through!
(Vicky) We have called this family meeting
to announce that we want to have a house party.
We've had a bit of redecoration done.
It's time to full-on have a proper house party.
I want it to be themed fancy dress.
What do you think of that?
We're gonna make it American-themed,
which means everyone needs to get fancy-dressed,
loads of American stuff.
(James) That sounds mint. Doesn't it sound good?
It sounds absolutely mint.
We want to have the most massive
and epic house party in history.
(dial tone rings)
(Joel) Hello? Hi.
How you doing, you all right? How are you?
(Sophie) First things first, when you're having a house party,
you've got to have some mint tunes,
so I'm gonna ring Joel and see if he'll DJ.
You can DJ, you can dress up,
and then-- and then obviously just stay with me as well.
It'll be nice that I get to see you too.
Let's go to the fancy dress shop and go all out.
(Holly) See yous later!
¶ (upbeat rock)
Dan said to me, "Don't stitch it up."
And I was, like, "Blow on."
(Sophie) We are gonna choose what the boys wear,
so we want to make the boys
look like twats so they can't pull.
(James) Get him, like, an old man's outfit, right?
And then, they could go as an old couple,
and she wouldn't have to dress up.
(Vicky laughs)
¶
(Holly) I don't know who thought of the American theme.
Me because basically, American people go over the top.
That's what I mean by it.
(James) We're all looking for fancy dress costumes.
I wanted to go as Action Man,
but then I thought, "then, I wouldn't be dressing up."
I definitely think you should go as this,
like, with a little rock.
(Charlotte) I love doing this face...
so the KISS rock outfit just seems like the obvious choice.
(Vicky) I don't think anyone's that stupid.
I'm just a little bit worried that it makes us
look like a total bellend,
and I won't be able to pull anyone.
(Holly) I think you look really funny.
So we've got so many crazy costumes,
and I just can't wait for everyone to get dressed up
and just make total fucking idiots of themselves.
¶
We all want to look pure fucking lethal
for the house party tonight,
so we're all off out to get ready.
She's a sound bird.
Aye, but she's not banging him.
If Dan's bird comes to this party,
he's gonna get totally cock-blocked
'cause he's not banging her and he can't bang anyone else.
Oh, my God.
(James) It's the house party tonight, and Kate's coming,
so I've gotta make sure that the SBC is looking slick--
Short, back, and comb-over.
All right, Dan, you had that bird back again last night.
Man, that's, like, the third or the fourth night now.
Ah, she's good quality...
(James) It's fun rinsing Dan about his bird,
but at the end of the day, he's getting more action
that the Buck Squad put together.
(Scott) All right, sweet.
Yes.
(Gaz) Me and Scott have gone for a full body massage.
This is the only time that Charlotte
probably won't kick off when another girl's
got her hands all over my body, naked.
(Gaz) Does she mean naked?
(Scott) No, boxers. Do you reckon?
(Scott) I hope there's a couple of people that do it, though,
'cause I'm pure massive.
Send in the troops.
¶
(Scott greets)
(whistling)
(men) Way aye! Here, here!
Us girls love getting pampered.
It's time to go and get some nice facials at a spa.
(Sophie) Think there's gonna be any boys for you and Char-hole?
No, when is there ever any boys for me and Charlotte?
Aye, you fucker.
(Holly) So obviously, Scott and Gaz are gonna invite
a load of slags to the party
because they just want to get bucked.
Why don't you and Charlotte get them back
and pull their mates?
I don't want to kinda shit on my own doorstep
by getting with one of Scott's mates
and then not being able
to crawl into Scott's bedroom if I want to.
Yeah, that's right, you definitely want
to keep that window open
'cause it's such a good window of opportunity.
Yeah, but it's just a convenient window.
I didn't say it was good.
¶
(Gaz) At this point, if it goes smoothly,
it would be a lot of boys for the girls to talk to
and a lot of girls for the lads to pull.
That would be perfect.
The house party depends on Charlotte's mood.
(Scott) The best suggestion to keep Charlotte away from Gaz
is to find Charlotte a lad she likes
to keep her occupied all night.
I just can't wait for tonight.
¶ (upbeat music)
Ah, it's getting close!
(Charlotte) Anyone feeling horny, girls?
(Holly) No, I'm on my period.
Well, if the river's red, you take the dirt track instead.
With all the experience that we've had
planning parties across Europe,
we obviously know how to throw the best house party.
¶
The girls are decorating the house,
and so far, it's looking fucking mint.
(Joel chuckles) How are you?
I'm good, how about you? Yeah, I'm fine.
So my boyfriend Joel's came to DJ at the party,
and I know he's gonna play some banging tunes,
and I hope he bangs me too.
(chuckles) (screeches)
(Scott) I think the girls thought that I'd refuse to wear
the Tweety costume, but I'm absolutely buzzing.
I'm a banana.
(Sophie) Instead of making them angry,
they think these outfits are mint.
They can't wait to wear them.
I'm going as a Smurf.
(Charlotte) Gary's gone blue 'cause he's had STIs for so long.
(chuckles)
(James) And I'm getting into my Rocky costume.
Ding, ding.
(Charlotte) So I'm going as Gene Simmons from KISS,
the ultimate American rock band.
(James) Every house party we've had in the past,
there's been fights.
I just hope there's gonna be no drama or kick-offs.
(Holly) Tonight, no drama!
(cheering)
¶
(Holly) I've got my pirate costume on.
That's looking unreal.
It's just gonna be a fucking unreal night.
(Dan) Lindsay walks in, and straightaway she stands out.
She's fucking gorgeous.
In walks Lindsay dressed as fucking "Baywatch".
(Dan) "Baywatch"-- fucking right.
So I'm at the house party, and Kate walks in
dressed as Wonder Woman.
Of course she fucking does.
What else would she come as?
(Sophie) Joel's DJ-ing tonight, and he's DJ-ing on the balcony,
and the only thing I want him to do in the balcony
is not DJ, but buck us.
It's every DJ's dream to get sucked off
while they are playing on the decks.
I'm on my hunkers, and I'm giving him
the best BJ a DJ could ever have.
(Vicky) This is the first time I've ever been at a house party
without Ricci, and it's a weird feeling.
It's almost like I can relax,
and spread my bat wings, and just fly.
(James) The atmosphere's mint, everyone's having
such a good time.
I'm starting to think that a "Geordie Shore" house party
might actually have a happy ending.
¶ (upbeat music)
So we're having a massive house party,
and we're blasting the roof
off the new "Geordie Shore" house.
We're all back in fancy dress.
We're all having a wicked time.
I'm hoping that for once, the house
isn't just full of pretty girls,
and that there are some boys there for me.
(Gaz) There's a girl, then another girl, then another girl.
Five girls, ten girls.
Shit, this ratio is getting out of hand.
(Scott) Oh, my God!
Hi, what's your name?
(Scott) So there's flocks and flocks of girls coming in,
and hardly any lads.
This is exactly what we don't want
because now, the girls are probably
gonna try and cock-block us.
We are knee-deep in clunge.
It's fucking ridiculous.
The ratio of cock to vagina is just crazy.
We need some boys.
Oh, my gosh.
(Charlotte) This always happens at every house party.
It's all for the lads and nothing for the girls.
(Vicky) I can just see Charlotte's face,
and it's a fucking picture.
(Holly) Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, you'll ruin your makeup.
Don't, promise me you won't.
There's still way more girls than boys,
and already, I don't know where to put myself.
I'm dressed like Gene Simmons, man.
Well, why don't you-- The leader of KISS!
Why does no one know who I am?
I do feel really sorry for Charlotte.
You've got all the rest of the girls turning up
with next to nawt on, and bless her,
she's dressed as a fucking bloke.
(Holly) Come on, and just have a laugh with us.
This is our party.
(Charlotte) I thought that Gene Simmons sounded like
a really good idea at the time,
and I thought it's gonna be crazy,
it's gonna be funny, it's gonna be wild,
and I am standing there
looking like an absolute wanker.
This, to me, is the weirdest party I've ever been to
because there's lots of girls but there's no boys,
so Charlotte's just gonna be watching
and just waiting for me to pull.
(Charlotte) The party's in full swing, I'm trying to have a good time,
but I can't help but keep watching Gary.
(Gaz) But I can just feel these eyes
burning in the back of my head.
(Sophie) Fuck... she's keeping all eyes on Gaz.
(James) Charlotte hasn't been the same
since she's told Gaz she loved him in Barcelona.
(Vicky) Right now, she's laid all her cards on the table,
and all he's got to do, as a nice human being,
is just respect it.
(Gaz) I spot this girl, and I decide
to take her upstairs and give her a little house tour.
(Charlotte) I catch a glimpse of them going up the stairs,
and I just get really angry.
Out of nowhere, so angry.
Boom, Charlotte darts past us.
(overlapping shouting)
Fuck knows what's just happened.
(Charlotte) I don't fucking like that! No, I don't!
(overlapping shouting)
Fucking spoil the party, man! Fuck off!
So I'm dancing, having a wicked time,
and everyone's just pure kicking off.
(Vicky) You fucking deserve this!
Everyone's pushing and shoving-- it looks like
a fucking sailor parade, man.
(Charlotte shouting)
I've never seen venom in her eyes like that ever.
(overlapping shouting)
Everyone's getting in the middle of us,
and I'm going for Gary now,
and I'm just so angry.
(Charlotte screaming) Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop-- stop it now.
Stop.
(James) I've seen Charlotte and Gaz argue before...
but this one tops it by a mile.
Gary, chill!
Chill, chill, chill.
(Gaz) This has just gone too far,
and I'm honestly stuck.
I don't know what to do.
(Scott) All of a sudden, I see a massive,
angry, blue Smurf coming down the stairs.
What?
What the fuck's he on about?
(Gaz) I need some space, and for once,
I'm leaving the madhouse.
(Gaz screams)
Fuck off! (groaning)
(Vicky) Gary storms out in a rage,
and it's a pretty good fucking thing he does
because there are far too many people
at this party who are seriously mad at him.
Let's craic on.
There's shock-- we've had a house party,
and it's all kicked off.
Hands in the air if you want to party!
(cheering)
Kick-off or no kick-off, I'm getting balls deep tonight.
(Vicky) Where is Scotty T in this massive confrontation?
Sniffing around for fucking fanny.
Nice one, Scott.
This is the angriest I've ever been.
I mean, it just comes over us.
(screaming)
(sniffles) I feel really bad.
(Vicky) You're not gonna faint. No, I'm really gonna faint.
Get her on my bed, get her on my bed.
Ready? One, two, three.
(Vicky) Up she comes, up she comes. Oh, gosh.
It's all right, I've got her.
(Scott) So Gaz has left the house, Dan's on naniji
and she won't even fucking bang him,
so Scotty T's left to clean up.
I thought Scott had wing-manned us,
pulling one of Lindsay's friends.
It turns out he's pulling all the party stragglers.
That kind of hurts.
(Dan chuckles)
(Dan) While Scott's going around giving his number
to random birds, I'm gonna take Lindsay off to bed.
Fuck, Scotty T's been caught red-handed
doing a bit of multitasking.
(Dan) Looks like Scott's overstretched himself,
and he's blocked his own cock.
#Nightmare.
(Vicky) Charlotte seems to have sustained a bit of an injury,
and her ankle is a little bit swollen.
(Holly) Obviously, everybody knows that I'm really
into being a nurse, but the only thing
I can find is turkey dinosaurs.
(Vicky) This isn't the party that we planned.
I just thought it might get past the hour mark
before it transcended into complete
and utter fucking anarchy.
Love you.
I'm gonna call it a night.
Rocky's off for 12 rounds with Wonder Woman.
Lucky girl.
¶
So I've got rid of the hangers-on at the party,
and I think, right, now the tunes are off.
Now, it's time to get me to bed.
Joel, just bloody give us some loving.
I've grafted with Lindsay all night.
I've played all my cards right.
I've been a total gentlemen, and hopefully now,
it's time to seal the deal.
What a lifesaver.
(Charlotte sobs)
(Charlotte) I can't believe he would do this in front of my face
when I'm just so angry.
He's just destroyed us as a person,
and I hate him for it.
(sniffles)
(James) I think it's finally sunk into Gaz
just exactly how Charlotte feels,
and it's about fucking time.
(Charlotte) I feel like slowly, but surely, he's broke us down.
It took us so much courage
to tell him that I was in love with him,
and he still goes on the way he does.
I feel like he's just destroyed us.
Ow!
(James) Charlotte couldn't have picked a worse person
to fall in love with.
Everyone knows that Gaz is about one thing,
and that's banging.
He doesn't do relationships.
I hope that he's gone forever.
I don't ever want to see him again.
Everything was going brilliantly,
but now Gary's left, Charlotte's foot's probably broken.
I don't know how the fuck
Charlotte and Gary can ever be friends again.
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ If you want to go wild, if you want to go wild ¶
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ If you want to go wild, if you want to go ¶
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ If you want to go wild, if you want to go wild ¶
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ Let's party, party
¶ Get Geordie, Geordie
¶ Let's party hard
¶