Geordie Shore is back!
What the hell is gonna happen this time?
Geordie Tours. Where?
Across Europe.
Yes!
What happens on tour stays on tour!
Bring on the fuckin' carnage.
Hardcore double sex. Dust this, buck that.
I don't know whether he's gonna slap his cock in me hands
or propose to us.
Time I walked away.
Fuck off!
Whoa. Psycho Charlotte is back.
Last night's behavior was completely unacceptable.
Gary's golden boy in Anna's eyes.
I'm sure he's buckin' her.
Who invited fuckin' Grandmother Willow to the party, like?
The cock could have been inserted into the fairy hole
for like a couple of seconds.
High fives all around.
I should have a degree in pullin' women.
I am a Geordie girl with a VIP edge.
If you look up "pulling" in the dictionary, my name's next to it.
I've never kissed anyone without a six-pack.
Get me in this house 'cause I'm gonna tear the place up.
I could talk the back legs off a donkey.
Got the looks, got the charm, it just works.
I'm fit, I'm flirty, and I've got double Fs.
The hardest graft I've ever done is doing me hair.
"Geordie Shore"!
¶
Last night I'm in a proper whirlie
and had some hot tub action.
I don't want her doing the walk of shame
so I'm gonna sneak her out early.
So I'm waking up and I feel sick,
and I look to the side and I'm in Scotty T's bed
and I'm like, "Fuck, oh, not again."
I didn't sleep with Holly.
We just had a bit of fun, as usual.
She's a good mate of mine.
My breakup with Ricci is still really fresh in my mind.
Me head's all over the shop
and I just don't know what I would say to him
if I spoke to him.
With Charlotte out of the house, it does feel so quiet.
And even though I had a free pass last night,
it just didn't feel right.
Morning, guys.
Scott hasn't listened to any of me advice.
He ran and got straight in bed with Holly.
Don't come crying to me, Scott,
when it all goes tits up.
Like really badly afterwards? I thought it was inevitable.
Personally I think it's a little bit sad,
but not as sad as Dan and his grandma.
Oh, no, lad.
No, no, it sort of happened but it sort of didn't, but--
As usual, everybody wants to know
what Casanova got up to last night,
but a real gentleman never tells.
Well, maybe just a little bit.
No, it was inserted.
"Inserted"?
What is he, a fuckin' tampon?
¶
(Vicky laughing) Hi again.
Hi.
Oh, hi, Vicky. Hi, Char.
Anna's allowed us to come back into the house.
Buzzin'.
Although I do miss Charlotte,
her coming back this soon is the last thing I expected.
Only now our hope is she's sorted herself out,
'cause the last thing I want is to get back in that ring with her.
Have you thought about what you've done?
Yeah. You little fuckin' psycho.
I've walked back in the house
and I'm so relieved that Gary isn't there.
I need to find out from the others what's been happening.
Holly shagged Scott.
I never-- Yes, you did.
I was just vigor--
Like, you know, when you bounce him in your mouth.
Oh, it went in. Like, it felt like a couple of seconds.
What have you been doing?
Shaggin' his ma.
Scott inserted his penis into Holly's vagina
and Dan shagged a GILF?
Obviously the buckin' master must have pulled.
A free pass night and he didn't pull?
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Everybody knows you're into him a bad ways
and everyone knows that you and Gary argue.
And sometimes it gets very, very heated.
We just have to work out why you keep acting this way--
'Cause I was jealous.
You were jealous? Yeah.
Whilst I've been gone, I've been thinking a lot about what I've done
and I know I need to go up to Gary and apologize
because I feel so awful about it.
Hi.
Yeah.
Thanks.
I'm happy to see you.
Okay.
Hope he washes his cock
after dipping it in Holly's sewage pipe.
Charlotte walks in.
It's not only a relief to see her,
it's a relief to see her not holding a fuckin' lamp
and actually coming in peace.
You know, I'm sorry, you know.
No, no, I really am sorry.
Like, I didn't ever mean the light for you to hit you in the face.
I'm over the moon Charlotte's apologized
and she's actually remorseful.
However, I think now I need to keep me distance,
as I cannot have that happen again.
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have thrown the light off your head.
It won't happen again, I won't get jealous anymore.
For the first time ever I actually had her admit that she was jealous.
Is this a new thing?
¶
(telephone ringing)
Phone. Telephone!
Phone calls mean one thing:
fuckin' work.
Gary.
Mm-hmm.
Again?
(chuckles)
You're fuckin' kidding.
Anna calls, I'm off to Barcelona.
By the time I finish it might as well be called
Barce-fuckin'-boner.
¶
You thought Prague was good, or Amsterdam,
Anna got back to us, we're going to Barcelona tomorrow.
Really? Really?
So while we're in the Geordie Shore house,
Anna's sent us across Europe
to work for her company that's called Geordie Tours.
Like, Prague and Amsterdam, like, oh, it's stag and hen dos.
Barcelona is such a nice-- it'll be fuckin' mint.
Because we're going to Barcelona,
we need to do Spanish lessons.
And I'm gonna take Vicky
because she is very intelligent, just like me.
¿Cómo están? ¿Cómo están? Hola.
Muy bien. Me llamo Diego.
Me llamo Charlotte.
Me llamo Vicky.
Vicky, Vicky, nice to meet you, guys.
We're at the lesson, and there's a lot
I need to learn before tomorrow,
so game face on, it's time to study.
How would you talk to a guy in Spanish?
What would you say?
Come on.
¿Qué tal, Diego?
Curiously I think it's more likely
that Gary's gonna come out as bisexual
than Charlotte's gonna be bilingual
by the end of this fuckin' lesson.
She's an absolute nightmare.
If you say "I want to have sex with you",
it's quiero tener sexo.
Quiero tener... Quiero tener,
so it's... Quiero tener...
Quiero tener sexo.
If you put contigo in the end, it's "with you".
Quiero tener sexo contigo.
I am so good at Spanish
me old Spanish teacher Mr. Flores
would be so proud of us.
You know what, Diego, I can't do the rude ones
and that's all we need to know.
How would you say "cock capturers"?
Capturadores del pene.
Twat? Sex right now in the anus?
Ball bag. Blow jobs.
Meterlo en mi boca.
Dillhole. Skinny prick.
Deep vaginal drilling.
Sexo bien adentro como un taladrillo.
Huevón. Huevón.
Huevón. Yeah.
What's "huevón"?
"You fuckin' idiot", like, uh, "you twat".
You got to really shout that one.
Huevón! No. Huevón!
Huevón! There you go.
I leave Spanish lesson feeling so Spanish.
Adiós.
I can't believe we've got to be up at 5:00 AM
to go to Barcelona, so there's no clubbing tonight.
It's straight to bed, early night for everyone.
¶
I can't wait to hit Barcelona.
The buckin' squad need to get their international wings.
Why the fuck is it still dark?
I feel as though I've only been asleep for five fuckin' minutes.
Well, the fuckin' tour of Europe continues.
But it is far too fuckin' early, though.
I cannot wait to meet some Spanish birds.
¿Cómo te llama? Me llamo Scotty T.
and I wanna buck you.
Every place we've been to in Geordie Tours has been shit.
In Amsterdam I slept with Gary.
We fell out in Prague, and back in Newcastle
I flung a lamp in his face.
What the fuck is gonna happen in Barcelona?
We're all packin', we're all getting ready to go to Barcelona
and I think this is the perfect time
to test Holly on some of our Spanish phrases.
We learned proper wicked things that we're actually gonna use.
Like what now?
Capturadores del pene.
Cock capturers? Yep.
Cock capturers, well done.
So Vicky and Charlotte are testing me on Spanish phrases
and I can't actually believe how good I am.
Tiro en mi boca.
Does that mean "I want to suck you off"?
Yeah! (screams)
How the hell did you know that?
So if you learn nothing else, Holly,
make sure you learn that one.
Holly is getting all of the answers right.
I think the cock capturers are single, bilingual,
ready to mingle!
Condoms, check; lube, check;
passport, check.
Let's fuck off, get on that plane
and get on to Spain.
Fuckin' right, boys. Let's have it.
Barcelona, here we fuckin' go.
¶ Barcelona, Barcelona
I know I should be excited for Barcelona
but all I can think about is Ricci.
Right now I feel like I really do just want to fuckin' get drunk.
Vicky's thinking about Ricci,
Charlotte's thinking about Gaz.
Which leaves Holly with Scott.
I find him attractive and I do fancy him
and I think he's a lovely person,
but I would never, ever want anything more. Never.
Everyone thinks I'm starting to fall for Scotty T.,
but they just don't understand I only get with him
when there's no other options.
Barcelona!
Whoo! Whoo!
¶
Turbulence. Hey, turbulence!
Are you excited?
Yeah, I can't wait.
Just keep your mind off that certain one.
Yeah. Good.
We're on the plane to Barcelona and Vicky's telling us
how she's gonna keep us away from Gary
'cause she doesn't want us to get hurt again.
Let's just drink and have fun and forget it.
Yeah.
Vicky's telling us to stay away from Gary,
but as much as I try it just never works out that way.
¶
Geordie Shore back on tour,
round three in Barcelona.
Oh, my God!
It's a restaurant?
So we get to where we're staying,
and it's a big fuck-off villa.
After staying on a canal boat in Amsterdam,
this villa looks like fuckin' Buckingham Palace.
(screaming)
It's got about nine bedrooms,
it's got a swimming pool, it's got a Jacuzzi,
and so many crazy chairs
I feel like I'm in a porn film.
Oh, my God!
It is absolutely amazin'.
But the lads are nowhere to be seen.
They're probably somewhere arguing
over who's gonna buck who and where they're gonna fuckin' do it.
I think this may be the shag pad.
I've never seen so many rooms I want to christen
and I haven't even been outside yet.
Anna must be absolutely mental letting us stay here.
Shit! This is mint.
Oh, my God, what's in here?
Sorted.
What are you gonna do now that Charlotte's back?
Like, what's happening, Gaz? What's going on?
So I'm talking to Gaz at the pool,
and I just want to make sure
that that is it with him and Charlotte.
I don't want him to hurt her anymore.
That's the-- that's the conver--
I think you just got to tell her,
like, to be honest, she is single and she will go out
but while you're here you're on her mind too.
I mean, it's like you go into her bed.
Speaking to Sophie always helps 'cause she understands my point of view
and Charlotte's point of view, she has from the start.
All she said is the bed sharing has to stop, and I agree.
No bed sharing and a lot less contact.
She said she doesn't want to feel a lot worse.
Fuckin' right, Barcelona!
I've never been so happy to see Dan.
That was getting way too serious.
I've only been in Barcelona two minutes for fuck's sake.
This is fuckin' crazy.
Fuck me, me Jacobs have gone to Tic-Tacs.
This pool is not heated.
Ha ha! Goobers.
Let's test it again, Dan.
(laughter)
It's not funny anymore.
What's going on with Charlotte and Gary?
So while everyone's unpacking,
I decide that I need to have a word with Scotty
because I'm just getting sick and tired
of everyone saying that I'm falling for him,
and I just hope that he understands that I'm not.
So Holly's grabbed me for a chat
and she says she wants to talk about Gaz and Charlotte,
but I know that she really just wants to talk about me.
Hashtag #heartthrob.
I mean, if we're both drunk and we don't pull anybody else.
Yeah, exactly.
The relationship between me and Scott
compared to Gary and Charlotte is completely different
'cause from day one Gary and Charlotte have been in love with each other,
but me and Scotty, it's just a bit of fun.
You only want what you can't have,
that's why me and James went the way that we went
and that's why Gaz and Charlotte went the way that they went.
And that's why me and you have completely just stayed, like, normal 'cause--
Me and Holly are talking,
and have came to the conclusion
that we're not gonna turn out like her and James
or Charlotte and Gaz and that we're just mates
and everything's kosh. Drop your pants.
We've been in Barcelona five minutes
and already I can hear the phone ringing.
I bet it's Anna. Fuckin' bitch.
Oh, really?
Anna's rang, and she wants me to go to work.
Obviously this means she's forgiven us for wreckin' the house.
Right, okay.
What's the job?
To show a big group of stags Barcelona.
I can't help but think that if Ricci was here
he'd have a major problem with us spending time with all these lads.
Get changed, let's go.
Okay.
Vicky and Charlotte have gone off to do a sightseeing tour.
I have decided to take the rest of the house on my version.
What's this?
These are the cars, two to each one,
and just blast around Barcelona.
Let's go, bitches!
Only us, to tour a city like Barcelona,
would jump in a little fuckin' three-wheeler yellow car
with stupid helmets on and drive around like tits.
¶
We're driving around in little yellow fuckin' noddy cars
and I could hardly fit in it.
It's like a giraffe trying to get into a fuckin' budgie cage.
Let's go.
(horn honking)
These yellow cars are the best way
to check out the Barcelona talent.
You can get the wind in your hair,
you can wave at the locals.
I'm a better driver than all of youse.
This is mint. I want one of these cars
to take back to Newcastle and have a tour.
¶
I'm standing outside this great big cathedral with Charlotte
and I should be excited,
but I'm just nervous at the prospect
of spending time with all these lads.
Pretty good church.
Bet they've got a canny good Mass.
I don't know, but I smell fart.
Me and Vicky are waiting for the stags
and we're feeling nervous,
but we know that the stags are probably gonna be ugly
'cause Anna never finds a decent bunch of lads.
¶
Until I walk around the corner
and there's, like, there's at least four or five average ones.
This is gonna be a good fuckin' day
and the only sight I want to be showing them is me fanny.
Yeah. Congratulations.
Thanks very much. As the saying goes,
the best way to get over someone
is to get under someone else
and there's plenty choice here for Charlotte.
Fill your boots, pet.
Basically I heard youse wanted to see some sights.
There's the sights, you've seen it.
Shall we just go and get pissed?
Yes? Fuckin' brilliant. Come on.
So we show them this great big massive church
that's right in front of us,
and say "Let's go to the fuckin' bar"
'cause that's where all of the good stuff happens.
In here.
To Ed.
To Ed and Nora.
Ed and Nora! Yeah!
(man) Let's get fuckin' shitfaced.
Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed!
I've never been to a stag do because I haven't got a cock,
but even I know that a good stag do means drinking games.
The boys are making it really complicated
with all these fuckin' rules and stuff.
One fuckin' rule even says you can't fuckin' swear.
Absolutely fuckin' ridiculous.
Right, let's do this.
These lads don't understand that in Newcastle
it's all about downin' drinks and suckin' cock.
¶ Down it, down it, down it, down it ¶
(cheering)
¶ Down it, down it, down it, down it, down it, down it ¶
Whoo!
I don't know what it is.
I didn't know that was the rule!
The lads are wicked and I looked to Charlotte
and she just got the biggest smile on her face.
She is genuinely having fun
and that's when it clicks-- so am I.
At this point me and Charlotte
have got a new game to play, okay?
You need to go to the toilet and take everything off
but your underwear.
(cheering)
It's tradition, everyone knows if you're the stag
you're gonna get mugged off, and this was no exception.
It feels so nice to talk to a group of lads
who aren't just sitting there fuckin' moaning on
about buckin' and pullin' and birds and box
and all the rest of the fuckin' shit banter.
So me and Vicky have got some cling film
and wrapping him up and leaving him there like a little earthworm.
Right, I'm-- I'm just trying to pat.
Pat it down. Pat him down.
Stag dos are up there
with some of the best dos you can ever have.
Eddie, your pants are here.
It's only right that the stag
gets tortured like a victim on his stag do.
Congratulations, pal.
This day couldn't be going any better.
I will not be wiping the smile off my face
until...
they come on it?
I had such a good time.
Me and Vicky have had the best day ever
and I can tell that Barcelona is looking up.
You remember how much fun we used to have?
Let's go and have more fun tonight. Come on.
Yes! Come on!
It's all about the fun!
And the booty!
(groans)
So we're all in Barcelona and the lads have decided
to go out minus the girls.
The food and the waitresses are fuckin' mint,
so I thought just the boys will go
and get some free drinks.
It's not often we let Dan plan anything.
Tonight he's like, "Look, lads, I've got a wicked bar,
free drinks, there's fit waitresses."
My thought is let's give this boy a chance.
Tonight, Dan, it's on you.
¶
The lads were already on their way out,
now it's time for the girls to plan our night out
and me and Charlotte can fill Sophie in
on the craic about all the stags.
What happened at the do, then?
Amazing. Best day I've ever had.
Right. I want to know more.
I've had such a good day at work, and meeting the stags
has totally taken me mind off Gary.
Just the type of people who I've not have gone out with--
Bang on. Had such a laugh.
And we didn't want to come home.
So hearing that Charlotte's met a new group of lads is great
'cause she's finding it hard to be around Gary right now,
and if this keeps her mind off that bloody parsnip then boom!
But, like...
Good, that's what you need.
It's our first night out in Barcelona
and we're gonna hit that city like we're fuckin' mad at it.
You know what, youse?
I say, 'cause we're having a night out with the girls,
let's forget all about the lads
and from this point on,
anyone who mentions one of their names...
Drinks! ...has to down a drink.
Sounds pretty simple and straightforward, right?
You think, "Oh, how can you go wrong?"
Put it this way: we all ended up fuckin' mortal.
Like, I get upset now with James
because the fact that--
Aah! Down it!
¶ Down it, down it, down it, down it! ¶
The first person to mention him was me.
To the fuckin' wanker.
To the wanker!
Fuck's sake, tequila down me neck, mortal already.
¶
First night in Barcelona
and I've been entrusted to sort the venue out.
Hopefully the waitresses will be fit,
otherwise I'm getting fuckin' ripped.
Hello. This is crackers.
As soon as we walk in,
I know we've got the wrong location.
A table for four.
Two kisses? Two words: Adam's apple and stubble.
Dan, what the hell am I doing in a tranny bar?
I'm starting to worry about Dan now.
Bringing me here and the fact that I'm sharing a room with him.
Fuck.
I was told that this was the place to come for girls.
What the fuck? I am never gonna hear the end of this.
If the food's not nice,
your night has been a fuckin' disaster.
Let's drink some beer. Hi.
Relax, relax. Darling, relax.
I'm wiggin'.
(laughter)
Fuck me. He's got bigger hands than all of us put together.
¶ Cha-cha cha-cha cha-cha cha-cha-cha ¶
Chicas, chicas! Yes!
To all the chicas.
So me and the girls are playing a drinking game
where you can't mention the boys' names.
I'm going to be the sober one
while all them talk about the boys and get mortal.
I changed for Ricci.
Aaah! Down it!
I think our crazy little drinking game has definitely proved
that we think about the lads far too much.
To the girls. To the ladies.
To the girls! Yeah!
To the Geordie ladies! Whoo! Yeah!
¶
The entertainment starts and I don't know what to expect.
Now I know I'm in a fuckin' drag bar.
Oh, no, no! No!
So Gaz is getting a bit of a lap dance
of this bloke/bird.
But I think Scott's getting jealous.
We all know that's his favorite job.
I love a lap dance.
I just don't need a lap dance
from a man with bigger calves than me.
Cheers, Dan.
And for once, they're not just banging on about fanny
'cause there's fuckin' none in here, just cock.
To be fair, we've had a laugh with it, we've got involved,
it has been quite funny, but enough's enough.
It's time to hook up with the girls
and go to a proper club.
Everyone's in the club having a brilliant time.
We're all back together again,
and I've brought the news to the lads that we've invited the stag party.
So Vicky's just told us that some bunch of lemons
has been invited to our "family night".
I wonder how they're gonna react
in the presence of fuckin' Zeus.
Whoo!
The stags have arrived with roses for us all,
and I'm already starting to fancy one of them.
It looks like it's game on for the cock capturers.
Everyone's together, but I can see that our boys are pissed off
because Essex boys walk in and give the girls a flower.
Are they fuckin' serious?
These boys have actually just brought us flowers.
Like, I've never ever had flowers
and if there's a way to make a girl suck you off
then you've just got to buy her flowers.
¶
How can one play it worse and not them?
If it was the other way around and we brought girls in,
you know for a fact the girls would have something to say.
¶
So right now I'm absolutely mortal,
I'm necking on with this boy, I fuckin' love Barcelona.
Tonight is amazing.
I can honestly say I'm having the best time.
I have emerged from my chrysalis of commitment
into this beautiful social butterfly
downing Jaeger bombs and dancing on fuckin' tables.
Vicky is back.
Vicky seems to be having a mint time without Ricci.
I'm seeing a whole different side of her,
but I wonder how long it'll last.
So glad that Ricci's not here to see it,
'cause it would kill him.
I've only gone and pulled myself a Spanish cougar.
I'm on form with these MILFs at the moment.
International box diver.
We're on the dance floor, we meet a couple of Barcelona students.
Everything goes to plan, we're necking on with them.
They want to come back later on.
Wait, there, have I been talking with a girl for five minutes
without anyone kicking off?
I am so independent,
and the lad I'm dancing with is so hot
I think I'm gonna make a move.
Tonight has cheered everyone up
just because of cock.
I'm absolutely buzzin'
to see that Charlotte is starting to move on.
I just hope it's not just a big act
to try and make Gaz jealous, 'cause that'll not work.
Shock: Charlotte's fuckin' mortal again.
It's time to take her home.
Definitely no sex for her tonight.
I'm gonna leave the buck squad to it, as per fuckin' usual.
¶
One minute I'm necking on with this gorgeous lad,
and the next I'm being taken home by Vicky and Sophie?
How the hell did that happen?
¶
Holly's going on about some lad that she's pulled,
Charlotte's bloody mortal, the boys are getting with girls.
We may as well be back in Newcastle.
¶
I'm buzzin', me and Gaz are taking these birds home,
and I'm gonna give mine a private Spanish lesson.
(chuckling) Shh!
So me and Gaz are back at the house
and we're hoping we can get these two birds in
without the others giving us grief.
#ninja.
I'm lying in a villa on a balcony
on a sun lounger staring at the stars
and necking on with some bird.
I love Barcelona.
While Gaz is outside having a cuddle,
I'm straight down to business. Shock.
Eventually the buckin' squad
have got our international wings.
Top night.
¶
What a mint first night in Barcelona.
We all got mortal, the singles pulled,
and no one kicked off. Quality.
I had such a good night last night.
Do you know what? So did I.
I just can't open me eyes today.
Last night was the most stress-free
easy night we've had in fuckin' years,
and we both pulled.
And why? 'Cause the girls were talking to boys.
Did the boys pull last night?
Yeah. Did they bring them back?
Yeah. Did they buck them?
It's the bucking squad, of course they bucked them.
I pulled a girl that lived in Barcelona.
That's good enough for me.
She lived here, so she's Spanish.
Vicky was dancing,
I've never seen her have such a--
she looked like she was having so much fun.
What a night. We just woke up,
but already it's the afternoon,
so I'm not wasting my day.
I'm gonna grab some of the others and go out.
¶
James has dragged us all out of bed to go to the market.
There's markets in Newcastle as well, you know.
They're all the fuckin' same.
¶
Dan, you're not gonna believe this.
No way. Ham.
So I'm having a cheeky day through the market
and what do we find? A ham store. Buzzin'.
Not just any ham, all different sorts of ham.
We all know just how much Dan loves ham,
and back in Newcastle Gaz threw Dan's last pack at Charlotte,
so it's only fair if we buy him some more.
Kid in the candy shop.
Why don't you get one with a foot on it?
Why don't we get some?
There's pigs in the window, like actual baby pigs.
There's ham that's still on the hoof.
Get a big bit.
(soft shriek)
Unreal?
Nice, now.
That's a pretty good piece of ham.
I feel fuckin' sick.
I wouldn't dare try that.
It's not even cooked, it's fresh off the joint.
Don't want to hit Charlotte, right?
I'm gonna buy this for Dan, all right?
but if you have an argument with Gaz,
don't try and throw this one off him
'cause I think compared to weight
that will probably just knock him out.
Visit in this ham shop has literally made Dan's trip.
He could go home now and be buzzin'.
Cheers. Gracias.
You've made his week.
Gracias. You've made his week.
(ringing and buzzing) Thank God.
Get to work, then.
Hello?
Hi, yeah, it is.
So we've had a nice relaxing day,
we're all back at the house
and obviously something's got to go and ruin it.
Yeah, no worry.
All right, then. Thank you, Holly.
Thanks, Anna, bye. Bye.
I'm angry.
Hair done, jeans ironed.
Fuck it, off to work.
There might be some good-lookin' birds.
¶
I've done a bar crawl in every single European city we've been to.
I should have fuckin' shares in Geordie Tours.
So I'm praying that for once
it's not just a group of amazing, stunning girls
and for once that there is good-looking boys,
but it's never gonna happen.
Youse already got on, eh?
We walk up at work, and the ratio
of girls to boys is pretty good.
Me and Gaz are absolutely buzzin'.
This is shit.
(Holly) Everyone.
(cheering)
Holland, whoo!
So Charlotte and Vicky get a load of hot stags,
and I get left with these.
What the fuck? Jeez, Anna. Bitch.
Shot two! Shot two!
Shot number three! (cheering)
I'm mortal already and I'm not gonna be able to remember tonight.
Brill, let's go.
So I'm getting ready to go out
but I'm starting to feel
like I really need to talk to Gary.
Wait a second, what's Charlotte talkin' about?
Is this about Gary?
'Cause last thing I heard, they both said
that it was all right for each other to pull
and they were gonna stay out of each other's way.
Now we all know how she feels,
we know that she gets jealous, she gets angry.
She gets upset when he pulls other girls,
but for her to tell him that, that is a different story.
This could go a good way or a bad way.
Booze, birds, banter, Barcelona, bar two, now.
All in in here.
(cheering)
So I'm trying to lead these random people
down this weird street that I really don't even know meself
down to the next bar,
and I'm thinking, "Whoa, I'm actually really good at this."
Then I'm thinking, "Whoa, I'm actually really mortal."
(chanting, indistinct)
For once I'm actually behaving meself at work.
Anna has got fuck-all to cry about now.
I'm so friggin' covered.
All in all, it was really good.
Oh, steady.
Really. Off to the right.
Finished work, I want to get ready
and get out in Barcelona.
It's the first time I've ever been to Barcelona,
so I'm absolutely buzzin' to get out
and get absolutely mortal.
Yeah! Wicked!
I'm gonna neck on with some chicos-- chicas.
You want all the penis!
¶ Barcelona, Barcelona
Everyone's in a fuckin' mint mood.
Time to go out and find some fuckin' guapas.
So we walked into this bar and it's unreal.
White leather sofas overlooking the beach.
You've got little heaters, cocktails, shots.
To Barcelona! Barca!
Geordie Tours! Cheers.
So we're all having a mint night
and for once Scott's not actually snaking after birds.
But I know for a fact once his boyfriend comes back,
it'll all change.
Come on, down it! Down it!
It's great to be out
but I can't stop thinking about Gary.
I know I've got something to tell him
and I don't know how he's going to react.
It's ruinin' me night.
Come on, youse!
Craicin'.
The others turn up from work
and it's great to see them,
but I know this is all about to change,
'cause Charlotte still needs to talk to Gaz.
Gaz, do you want that you're in the buckin' squad
or that you like gentle sex?
Work's over, Vicky's giving everyone Spanish things to learn.
Everyone's together, things couldn't be any better.
This is it, I'm going to talk to Gary.
All right?
Out of nowhere Charlotte's like, "Gaz, can I have a word?"
And it doesn't look good.
Hi. Hi.
I just felt like I needed to talk to you.
Gary's got no idea what I'm about to tell him,
but I've been feeling so awkward around him.
I just need to get things off me chest.
I feel like lately I'm totally spoiling your time here.
And we sit down, and she starts talking
about how she thinks she's spoiling my time in the house,
and I see her crying. I hate Char crying,
so I stopped that straightaway.
Yeah, and you think it's so easy but--
No, no, you don't understand.
No, you don't understand.
Gary, you don't understand.
No, no, no, you don't understand.
Like, literally, like...
(sighs) I love you and I-- I always have. (sobs)
So I'm finally telling Gary that I'm in love with him
and have been ever since day one,
and that he's all I've ever known.
And without him, I just-- I'm lost.
I wanted to try and get over you, I can't.
(sniffles) I literally-- Gary, I love you.
I'm thinking this is just another me and Charlotte chat,
she's gonna say I spoil your nights, I'm like, no, you don't.
Let's go have fun in Barcelona and that is that.
Then she just drops the bombshell.
I know that he doesn't care about me
the same way I care about him,
or else he would have stopped having sex with people ages ago
but he hasn't, and I know that.
So I don't want him to say anything back.
I want to know the truth.
Why did you lead us on?
Why did you act like you did care about us?
Why do you do some of the things you do?
I know Gary says that he cares about us
and that he loves us so much as a friend,
but after I've told him this, I don't think anything'll change.
So he can't care about us that much.
When she gets up and walks away,
this is where it starts.
We're not speaking and I think
this is the only way we can go forward,
but I just hope we can sort something out.
(Charlotte) I am just another girl
who really fell in love with Gary
and who he doesn't like and he has to let them down gently
and I didn't ever want to be that. (sobs)
So Gaz is back from talking to Charlotte
and I can see that all the girls are crying.
What the fuck's going on?
She just said how it was?
Gary's dropped a bombshell:
he said that Charlotte's come out and said she loves him.
He looks shocked.
To be fair, I think it's been going for a long time.
For her to tell Gary everything that she's felt
throughout the whole time of being in this house is heartbreaking.
I think it's finally sunk in to Gaz
just exactly how Charlotte feels,
and it's about fuckin' time.
We've all been waiting for this moment
since they slept together in Amsterdam.
To be honest I'm surprised it's taken so long.
After telling the girls everything
and seeing how they'll all react,
I know that they're going to be there for us.
¶