"Geordie Shore" is back!
What the hell is gonna happen this time?
Geordie Tours. What?
Across Europe.
(all cheering)
(all) What happens on tour stays on tour!
Charlotte's going on a date. Good luck to her.
He's looking fit.
How the fuck am I meant to work with Holly
when I'm not even fucking speaking to her?
(all cheering)
We're back on tour. This time Prague.
It's a massive Praguish party.
Strip clubs, girls--
what better place to send me!
This is where things get complicated for me and Gary.
You're a dick! Yeah, you are.
Whoa, fuckin' hell!
Dan's acting like a complete fuckin' dildo.
(moaning drunkenly)
Yeah, I'll jump on your dick, too!
Nightmare. Reeoww!
¶
(all, chanting) Vicky! Vicky!
(laughs)
Stop-- it fuckin' is!
He'll cut me with a knife.
Fuck off, man!
It couldn't be goin' better.
I should have a degree in pulling women.
I am a Geordie girl with a VIP edge.
If you look up "pulling" in the dictionary,
my name's next to it.
I'd never kiss anyone without a six-pack.
Get me in this house 'cause I'm gonna tear the place up.
I could talk the back legs off a donkey.
Got the looks, got the charm. It just works.
I'm fit, I'm flirty, and I've got double Fs.
The hardest graft I've ever done is doing me hair.
"Geordie Shore," why aye!
It's the first morning in Newcastle after Prague,
and I'm freezing me tits off.
(groaning)
Prague was fuckin' mint,
but you cannot beat Newcastle and this "Geordie Shore" house.
(phone ringing)
Go on.
The phone rings, I answer it, And who is it?
Charlotte's new little bloke, Graeme.
What the hell?
Gary's just answered the phone to my dating partner.
Ha ha1
Hi.
Yeah, am I ever. Are you?
What the fuck? This is crazy.
I don't know how to cope with this.
This never really happens.
I don't normally tolerate a boy for this long.
Again?
Yeah, yeah, I do, I do. I really do.
Last time, Graeme took us on a double date with Holly.
This time he wants to take us on a second date... tomorrow!
I couldn't care less if Charlotte goes on a date.
It's gonna go two ways. It's gonna go really well,
and I get a free pass that night.
Or it'll go really bad, and end up in my bed-- two ways.
We're ice skating definitely, right?
Right, okay, yeah. Thank you, bye.
I'm going. I'm doing it.
I can't remember if I still like him.
But I'll soon find out.
Oh, God, shut up.
It's weird that Gary's taking the mickey out of Graeme
because that should only mean that he was bothered.
'Cause if he wasn't, why would he even
be mentioning it?
What is this... like, this date,
like, right now?
Is this, like, your future husband?
That could happen.
I was never meant to marry anyone called Graeme.
Me and Holly have went upstairs
to find a porn magazine.
Buzzin'. I'm gonna play with me clit.
It's Dan's porn magazine.
What the fuck?
Has he not got internet access?
No one buys paper anymore.
Destroys the forest.
Where's the fuckin' flap?
What the fuck? Where's the flap?
One of the girls looks like she could be a he/she.
He's been bunkin' over a man! (laughter)
The girls are flicking through Dan's magazine,
slaggin' off the girls.
I wouldn't mind, but it's not like their fannies are perfect.
(Holly) What's Charlotte's like?
Long legs, black hole.
You know, you can lose things in there.
Gary's saying that my fanny's like a black hole.
It's not a black hole.
It's just like any normal, average-size hole!
A socket hole, like a plug socket hole.
Just like what you put your straighteners in.
Why would you say that? (laughter)
(phone ringing) Hello?
Phone rings, and it's Anna. She wants me and Scott
to go work some bird's 21st birthday bash-- wicked!
She wants us to be professional.
I'll be necking with her client,
and be mortal within the next half an hour.
She said we have to behave ourselves.
Fuck her.
So Anna calls, and what a surprise.
She wants the employee of the month to work again.
Hi, girls. Are youse all right?
So me and Dan get to the bar.
It looks like they've mopped the floor with fanny
'cause it's fuckin' everywhere.
Basically, me and Dan are here...
Well, whatever you want.
Serve you drinks and anything else.
To do anything for my birthday?
Yeah, anything you want. How sexy.
Youse all are mint. Cheers.
We've gotta control ourselves and be professional.
Not gonna happen.
Watch, watch.
(all cheering)
So it's the girl's 21st birthday,
and what does every girl want for her birthday?
A lap dance of the fuckin' T-dog.
I'm grinding all over her,
and she obviously wants a happy ending... a kiss.
Who here thinks that Scotty should
get his top off for the lasses?
I'm not gonna do it.
All right, lasses, do it, do it...
Scott's not game.
Fuck it, I'll step up. Top off.
So little Dan's got his top off,
and they're pouring drinks all over him.
(Scott) Go on, girl, go on, girl, go on, girl, go on, girl.
The last thing Anna said to me was behave.
Before I know it, I'm fuckin' mortal,
cross-eyed, and there's some bird taking shots off me chest.
I fuckin' love work!
I think Anna turned a blind eye
in me pulling girls at work.
'Cause I'm sure she just imagines it being her,
and then sits at home and fingers herself.
Happy birthday. (all cheering)
We're done, the girls are happy.
If anything, Anna should be handing out the high fives.
Now we're back in Newcastle, I'm gonna get me snatch radar out
and find some mint bird tonight, like.
The whole squad's going to Bijoux tonight.
Ooh...
As soon as we get to Bijoux,
everyone's straight back to their old tricks.
Off on the pull. Mint.
Me head is all over the place.
Do I want Graeme, do I want Gary?
I'm necking on with some random in the club?
Whoever?
¶ Come to the club
It doesn't take long before Charlotte's pulled,
Holly's pulled, and Scott's pulled.
We are definitely back in Newcastle.
I don't give a fuck what her name is,
I just wanna neck on.
Vicky and Sophie have taken us to one side.
They're not happy with the lad I've pulled.
I might be drunk, but this boy is fit!
¶
Me and Ricci have decided to take Kate and Vicky
on a double date so the girls can
get to know each other better.
I'm really looking forward to me double date
with James and Kate.
She seems like a nice girl.
And now I can sit and get to know her
while Ricci and James are just talking about
how much they love each other's
tiny little vests, and sucking each other off.
If Vicky's up for it, get in.
I want the kid to feel that she can talk
to people in the house without worrying
that Holly's gonna come at her with a craving knife.
Shock, Charlotte's fuckin' mortal.
I'm gonna have to take her home
before she necks on with any more 18-year-olds.
We've all had a class night, we're leaving the club,
and boom, Dan kicks off again.
I didn't know he threw a sandwich in your face.
Get off! Chill out.
He just threw a sandwich in my face.
Did I know that?
As we leave the club, some fuckin' goon
throws a sandwich right in me mush.
I'm fuckin' ragin'.
Did I know? Chill out now.
Next thing I know, Scott stood there laughin',
and I think he's laughing at me.
Is he fuckin' joking?
Dan's brutin' off.
I don't have a fuckin' clue what's going on,
so I'm biting him like a fuckin' pike.
Baby, baby... Scott, Scott, Scott...
No, I'll go take him for you then, will I?
I'll go to jail for you. Go ahead, who is it?
Who pushed that in his face?
Dan's always been, like, the little brother of the group,
and Scott's just trying to look out for him.
He's got his best interests at heart.
But unfortunately, Dan's so pissed
he cannot work it out and he can't see that.
(Dan) Fuck off, man!
(Scott shouts indistinctly)
I'm mortal, I'm ragin',
and I've just had a sandwich full-force in the face.
The only place for me right now is home.
So we get back to the house, and me and Gaz sit Dan down
and tell him exactly how it is.
All right, number one, I did not know
you had a sandwich up in your face.
Number two, when you start arguing and kicking off,
I find out, I go shake the lads.
Dan's mortal and got the wrong end of the stick.
He thought Scott was bantering him,
when really, Scott was sticking up for him.
I have always got your back, we showed you that.
The boys have got my back. I'm just angry that
I kicked off with Scott over a ham sandwich.
(Dan) It was a misunderstanding.
That's what I want you to realize, you little twat.
Dan's finally clicked that he's part of the family.
We're always gonna be there for him.
But I don't know why he's whingin' so much anyway.
The kid loves sandwiches.
Charlotte's fucked, I'm fucked.
It's been a wild night,
and it's definitely time for bed.
Step, step.
Charlotte is absolutely mortal,
so now, seeing as I'm the grown-up of the house,
I'm gonna put her to bed, like her dad.
You gonna be all right?
Good night, Charlotte.
Some crazy, fucked up shit has happened.
I've woken up pissed.
I don't know what's come over us,
and now I'm pissin' in the kitchen sink?
Next thing I know, I'm sneaking into Gary's bed.
Fuck, this isn't good.
Who gets up through the night and thinks, "Right...
sink... I've gotta piss in it"?
This is from Charlotte.
"Your grandson is in love with me."
You're happy, and I'm not.
With or without him, I'm fucked.
I'm fuckin' miserable.
It's time I walked away.
I love her so much.
"Geordie Shore," why aye!
I wake up in the morning, and Charlotte's next to us.
What the fuck? Did I bang her?
I wake up next to Gary, and I can't remember a thing.
What the fuck have I done? This wasn't the plan.
How on earth did you get in his bed?
Well, I walked.
Well, what bloody time?
I think I walked-- I don't know.
I walked outside and pissed in the sink as well.
Oh, no, you didn't. Yeah, I did.
So I wake up to find that Charlotte
has pissed in our kitchen sink.
She's actually sitting there admitting it to us.
I go downstairs, and there's a bowl full of my piss
in the sink.
What the fuck is wrong with us?
Who gets up through the night and thinks,
"Right... sink... I'm gonna piss in it"?
Sophie's disgusted, I'm disgusted.
I'm a dirty, dirty human being.
But at least I didn't shag Gary.
Gary's going to see his granddad today,
and I've never, ever met him,
so I'm taking this opportunity to write him
a nice little note.
I just want to let his granddad know
that we haven't met yet, but when we do,
it's going to be amazing.
Hi, Gary.
I want you to give this to your granddad.
(coughs)
You haven't met him, though. Oh.
Yeah, it says that in the letter, too.
I know that me and Gary's granddad would really get on.
And I need to let him know that his grandson
is in love with us.
There is literally, I think, only five girls
that have ever met my granddad.
And I've shagged a lot of fuckin' girls.
And Charlotte knows this, so Charlotte's desperate
to meet me granddad and be in that category.
But I'm not sure yet, and that is why
she's trying to win him over by writing him a letter.
Gary's reading the note, and he's laughing.
This means it's good.
Later.
I wanna make sure I'm looking mint for me double date
with Kate, Ricci, and Vicky.
So me and the lads are off to the gym.
I'm buzzing. I can't wait.
I really want Kate to come out with we all
after the date.
I'm just worried about Holly.
She's got no reason to even say anything.
It has nothing the fuck to do with her.
Holly needs to mind her own fuckin' business.
She better not get pissed tonight and kick off.
In the madness of this house, it is just sometimes nice
to get a bit of fresh air, go and see me granddad,
and just chill out.
Actually good to get out of the madhouse for a bit.
I'm not pestering you. (laughs)
My granddad, in my eyes, is just the biggest legend ever.
I've got so much time for him.
Well, how is Charlotte and them doing?
Oh, I knew you'd ask that.
This is from Charlotte.
This is from my Charlotte at the house-- you haven't met her.
Don't know how me granddad's gonna take
a letter from Charlotte, 'cause she probably just wrote
like a fuckin' five-year-old.
That's for you to keep. That's from Charlotte.
Aye, more or less.
I've said I'll never be with her,
I will bang her, and I'll always pull other girls.
That, to me, is the truth.
It's not as easy as your day, now.
There's a girl, marry her... done!
Yeah.
Hiya, darlin'. Come in. Hello.
Today is the day we paint the town orange.
Some of the girls are gonna get a spray tan.
So everyone's buzzing for the spray tan.
We've been pale for ages, and thank God
someone can come to the house and just bronze us off.
There's just one fly in the ointment,
and that is my fantastic fiance,
who seems to think that if I get a spray tan,
everyone's gonna see me naked.
So Ricci doesn't want Vicky to have a spray tan
because he doesn't want her to get naked
in front of us lot?
Ricci's being, like, a little bit
overprotective with Vicky at the minute.
I mean, it's only a spray tan.
All the girls are getting one.
And I just don't see the issue.
I don't mind her getting a spray tan whatsoever,
but not naked in front of people.
I'm not comfortable with it.
It's never been a secret to anyone
that Ricci is possessive and controlling...
but I can't cope anymore.
(crying)
No, you haven't. Vicky, don't do this.
Don't do this, man. I can't.
Ricci's thinking, "Oh, here we go again.
She's crying, she's upset. This, that, and the other."
And he might be all right with this little dance
that we've been doing for a year, but I'm not.
He doesn't listen because he doesn't ever think
he's done anything wrong.
If I met meself a year ago,
I wouldn't recognize meself.
I wouldn't recognize this version.
Because she's sad.
Because she's miserable.
Because with or without him, I'm fucked.
It's easy for you to say all these things
because you're happy and I'm not.
You don't cry all the time, you're not miserable.
You're not controlled, you don't hate where you are.
I was strong and I was confident,
and I was all those things, and I made decisions on me own,
and I wore what I wanted, and now I'm none of those things.
And I have to get them back.
I've never felt this good ever in my entire life.
I just love her so much.
As the only other bloke in the house in a relationship,
Ricci comes to me.
It's time I walked away.
Vicky's upset, so I go in to see her,
and she's crying her eyes out.
She's telling us she can't do it anymore,
and she can't be with Ricci.
Ricci's staying, and Vicky's going.
This has never ever happened before.
Vicky and Ricci argue all the time.
But this time, it just feels like it's more serious,
like it's final.
Even though Vicky said it's over,
I'll fight tooth and nail to get her back.
I just couldn't imagine life without her.
Close your eyes.
I don't know whether he's gonna slap his cock in me hands
or propose to us.
Aah!
Would you have sex with a prostitute?
He's scared of hurting me.
God, I could actually go out for tea with you one day.
'Cause I'm not that fuckin' hot?
Fuck off, you dirty slag! Fuck off!
Psycho Charlotte has went a step too far.
"Geordie Shore," why aye!
Hello.
Hi.
So after all the shit that's went on
in the past couple of days, me and Sophie have decided
we're gonna get out of the house
and go and get our nails done.
What you think's gonna happen to Ricci and Vicky?
I don't know, all's I can...
she walked out when it was so calm. I know.
Me and Holly are in the nail salon,
and we're talking about Ricci and Vicky.
And we can't help but feel
it's not like normal arguments.
It's just weird. I don't know.
I think they'll sort it out, though.
She said she doesn't want to.
She's never ever said this.
I'm gonna see my missus now.
I was meant to be going with Ricci and Vicky.
Vicky's had a bust-up with Ricci and left the house.
What am I gonna do about me double date now?
Fuckin' hell, it's not gonna be Ricci
who goes cryin' back to his mama,
marriage on the rocks or what.
I just wanted for, like, people to get to know Kate and that.
Do you know what I mean? So if you want, you--
I'd come, but I don't wanna be a third wheel, now.
No, we'd get, uh-- get Sophie or someone.
Fuck me, I'm stuck going on a double date
with Casanova and his missus.
I think I'd rather go to a knitting class
with me fuckin' Nana.
I've asked Scott. Scott's gonna come along, like.
Charlotte, you're going on a date, aren't you?
Yeah, I'm going on a date... I'll go.
You wanna come? Yeah, I'll come, defo.
Scott and Sophie are the best of a bad bunch.
We'll get some food and that. Right?
It's a bit weird.
Great, I've got a fuckin' double date
with James and Scotty T, but Kate's there.
And hopefully I can find out what her problem is with Holly.
Give us a couple minutes, I'll put some clothes on.
(indistinct)
Hello. How are you, darling?
You look gorgeous. So do you.
Nice to see you. Hello.
Nice to see you.
So we get to the restaurant, and Kate's there.
And I can't wait to give our girl a grilling.
Do you find it hard, then, Kate?
Like, do you miss James when we're gone?
Yeah, all the time, 'cause it's like now knowing.
Like, I don't know anything. Yeah, I know.
And then it's just like waiting around for phone calls.
It's just horrible
I do understand that it's hard for Kate
to be away from James.
But I want to know if it's her
that's making James be an asshole and not speak to Holly.
I'm gonna go to the toilet. Come to the toilet with us.
Things are going really well,
but I want to have a proper chat with Kate,
so we're going downstairs for a girly gossip.
When we're in the house, James does not speak to Holly at all.
Kate hasn't seen the way James is going on with Holly.
She doesn't realize that he blanks her constantly.
He's scared of hurting me. Mm-hmm.
That's why he's put such a barrier up.
Maybe he has took it too far.
And maybe I was responsible for partly that.
Kate is admitting that she could be the reason
for James being such a fuckin' dick.
I don't, like-- I don't mind them talking.
It's just the little comments that get us.
And I'll explain that to him, and I'll explain that to her.
It's okay saying she wants to clear the air,
but that means she's got to speak to Holly face to face.
So tell her tonight...
I will try. Yeah.
Kate seems like a lovely lass,
but I can't wait to get home and tell Holly
everything she's been saying.
I've got a second date now, Holly.
Whoa, a second date?
That means if you have one more,
you're gonna have to put out, I presume.
No, it's not so fast, eh?
I don't care what Charlotte says,
Graeme's a lad, and he's gonna want some fanny action soon.
And she doesn't want to get a reputation
for being a cock tease.
Charlotte... So, so, so, so, so...
I'm talking to Holly about me date with Graeme
when Gary walks in looking all smug.
Close your eyes. Eh?
Hands out.
Oh, what the fuck?
Don't know whether he's gonna slap his cock in me hands
or propose to us.
All right... Aww...
So whenever you need us, you just ring this.
We're in Prague, and I buy Charlotte a little bell.
'Cause I'm sick of her going, "Gary, Gary!
"Where are you, Gary? Gary, come here.
Gary, do this."
So this way, she rings the bell,
I'll come rescue her.
(bell rings) Aah!
It even has a little heart on the top.
It's a love bell.
It's a love... belland.
Gary is presenting me with his bellend...
to keep?
Let it ring.
Thanks, Gary.
Gary must have planned this.
She's just about to go out on a date.
This isn't the right time.
You fucked with her head now.
Why else would you give someone a bell
before the go on a date?
He's trying to manipulate me
and play me as a game of cards.
I am not a game of cards.
I am a game of KerPlunk.
Me head's not in the date now. Oh, fuck.
This is fucked up.
Now I don't want to go on the date.
I just wanna sit and ring me bell
while I twiddle with me nipples.
So I get back from the date,
and I've gone straight upstairs to find Holly
and tell her all the juicy gossip.
She was actually really nice. Yeah?
Not just, like, nice, like, actually,
I could, I thought, God, I could actually
go have tea with you one day.
So Sophie's back from the double date,
and she's telling us that Kate's actually all right?
I was, like, in the house, Holly's scared
to pick up her shoes next to James'.
I went, "And I don't know where it's coming from."
And she said-- put me hands up, "It's me."
Apparently, Kate's admitted that she's to blame
for James' behavior, but she didn't expect him
to stop talking to me completely.
And I told her all that, she was like,
"I don't want that."
She went, "I've gotta talk to him."
Then she went, "I've got to talk to Holly."
She was like, "Tonight I'm going out."
She went, "I'm scared to talk to her."
I said don't be. Do you know what she said?
You've got to talk to her.
It sounds like Kate never wanted it to get this far.
And I'm gonna have to talk to her tonight.
And to be honest, I'm completely dreading it.
Hi. Hello, how are you?
How are ya? I'm all right.
Are you excited?
No, we're gonna die.
No, you're not. We are.
Come on, get your boots on.
I'm on me second date with Graeme,
and he's taking us ice skating.
I can't fuckin' ice skate.
Why didn't we just go for a meal?
¶
Oh!
I'm trying to look cool in front of Graeme,
but I'm shit at skating,
and I look like a fuckin' tit.
I think I've been cursed by Gary's bellend thingy.
Would you have sex with a prostitute? No.
Tell the truth. No.
I've never had to pay for sex.
If I was a boy, I'd probably have sex with a prostitute.
Why don't you just go and have sex?
'Cause you've just gotta try, haven't ya?
I'm talking absolute shit.
It feels like Gary's stolen me mojo.
I don't even like Graeme. I don't know what to do.
I'm so confused. Where's me bell?
You wanna go for a cup of coffee or something?
Just wanna warm. Yeah, let's go.
I'm freezing.
So it's the end of the date,
and everything's a little bit awkward.
I know he wants a kiss,
but I just can't do it.
I need to get out of here.
I'll maybe ring ya.
Okay, see you after.
Bye. Ta-ta.
So we're going out again,
and we're going to the House of Smith,
and it's a mint club.
Can see your fuckin' pubes in that, Gaz.
Oi, oi!
Can't wait, I'm buzzin'.
Kate's coming along tonight.
It's gonna be unreal.
I just hope that there's no kickoffs
between Kate and Holly.
¶
So the pressure's building, and I know I've got to
go and speak to Kate, but I don't know what to do.
I don't know how to go, and I don't think I'm drunk enough.
But I think, fuck it, I'm going in for the kill.
Holly's came over and talked to Kate.
I'm off.
So I'm talking to Kate, and I'm basically explaining
everything that's going on in the house
and how awkward it's been.
So Kate's saying that James has handled the situation badly,
and I'm thinking, well, at least
that's one thing that we agree on.
Kate and Holly have been talking for a while now,
and still no shouting, handbags, or pulling hair.
I think I'm all right. Phew.
So I'm glad that me and Kate have sorted our our differences.
But there's always gonna be one thing
that we're gonna disagree on,
and that's that I think James is a complete,
total fuckin' prick.
Ricci is having a really hard night
seeing me and Kate so happy.
I really feel sorry for him.
I know how much he's missing Vicky.
Charlotte's been on a date with Graeme today.
The way I see it, that's a free pass for me tonight.
So it's the end of the night,
and Gary still hasn't pulled anyone properly.
He's got a point to prove tonight.
I've been on a date.
He needs to have sex with someone.
He is a man on a mission.
That's it, I'm going to approach Gary
in a sensible manner.
I'm just gonna go over there
and tell him that if he has sex with that girl,
I will never have sex with him again.
Fuckin' hell, it sounds like Charlotte
is purely chewing Gaz's ear off.
When Charlotte sees me with a girl,
Charlotte's like, "If you have sex with her, I'll leave."
It's like, oh, you've just been on a fuckin' date.
I don't understand how it works for me
and it doesn't for her.
You're not bothered about me going on a date?
Well, you are, because you're trying desperately
to get a shag and rub it in me face.
You give us your bellend thing,
and now you're off pulling someone else.
Fuck this, I'm going home.
So we're all back from the night out.
We're in the kitchen, as per.
being fuck-ons a bit, loads of food.
And next thing you know, Charlotte's winding Gary up
about the girl that he pulled.
(Charlotte) I thought you were bookin'.
What? All this effort,
and you didn't even bring her back?
Gary, we all want to know about your girl.
Gary! Gary! Gary?
I walk in by meself and get question after question
after question and abuse and a question and abuse.
That was by meself.
Imagine I brought a girl back.
Where's Graeme?
If it was such an amazing date,
why didn't he come over after?
I didn't want to invite him out.
However, you wanted to desperately
pull your charming girl.
So where is she now? So where is she now?
Charlotte... Charlotte...
As soon as Gaz walks in, Charlotte's straight onto him.
Ginger fuckin' bitch!
(shouting indistinctly)
Why? Why not?
Why didn't I invite him out?
'Cause I'm not that fuckin' arsed.
I'm not that fuckin' arsed!
Fuck off, you slag! Fuck off!
Fuck that. Come on, then.
All of a sudden it all kicks off.
She's chucked this broom at him, he's chucking ham at her.
Charlotte is literally going mental.
I wasn't gonna retaliate and stick up for meself.
(all shouting at once)
All of you, stop it!
Whoa, psycho Charlotte is back, and she's on the warpath,
and I've got to restrain her.
Now you know what I have to put up with.
I like to just stand here and watch now.
So I look over to Kate, and she's shocked.
Welcome to "Geordie Shore."
Is that why he has to keep on giving it the biggin' all time?
Talking about me and Graeme.
I've said I don't like Graeme.
I've said I don't want to go on another date with him.
That's why I didn't invite him out.
When she is on dates, do I care?
But you-- I know, I know.
No, no, man, I don't.
I know, you don't ever kick off...
Charlotte can go on a night out and kiss a lad and bang a lad.
She can do whatever she wants, and I never say anything.
If I talk to a girl in the club,
I get a plate launched off me head.
How does that work?
I'm going up, hey, saying,
"What are you being such an asshole for?
Just 'cause I went on a date and you couldn't pull?"
This night is fucked up.
You don't care about anyone.
He cares about you.
No, he doesn't. He fuckin' does!
He fuckin' does, Charlotte.
Seriously, I wouldn't-- Scott! Scott!
No, no, no, Gaz. Scott!
Don't push away, man.
(all talking at once)
Well, what's your name, then?
Charlotte's just bounced a lamp clean off Gaz's face.
Time to get our kid out of the firing line.
(overlapping chatter, indistinct)
Psycho Charlotte has went a step too far.
Last night's behavior was completely unacceptable.
Gary's golden boy in Anna's eyes.
I'm sure he's buckin' her.
Dan's pulled himself a cougar.
The penis could have been inserted into the fairy hole
for, like, a couple of seconds.
It's like the fuckin' best night in the "Geordie Shore" house ever.
I bet her vagina is dusty.
"Geordie Shore," why aye!
Me and Kate wake up,
and the house is a fuckin' mess.
Kate can't wait to get out the war zone.
I woke up, and there's, like, shit everywhere.
Last night, Hurricane Charlotte swept through the house,
launching everything she can off Gaz.
There's fuckin' ham everywhere.
What's the fuckin' obsession with ham at the moment?
Firstly, Dan gets a ham sandwich hurled off his face,
and then Gaz is throwing ham at Charlotte?
(phone ringing)
Hello?
I've just put Kate in a taxi,
and the phone goes-- it's Anna.
And no surprise, she wants to speak to Charlotte.
Anna's on the phone for you.
She wants to speak with you. Aw, shock.
James is telling us that Anna's on the phone,
and I still remember what I did last night,
and I'm feeling a little bit bad.
And I know that Anna's gonna kick off again.
'Cause the last time I broke that light,
she was fuckin' furious.
Hi, Anna.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Okay. Yep.
Anna's so, so angry.
What the fuck's she bothered for?
I didn't hit her.
Calm down, Anna, it's only a fuckin' light.
Yeah.
Okay. Good-bye, Charlotte
Because it's Anna's house, she has the authority
to tell me when I can leave and when I can stay.
So it looks like I've gotta leave,
and I don't even know when I'll be back.
As soon as Anna tells Charlotte that she needs to leave,
she kicks off again.
I thought after one night's sleep she'd be all right.
Fuckin' hell, this girl needs a restraining order.
Gary flung ham at me.
He's not getting kicked out.
Gary's golden boy in Anna's eyes.
I'm sure he's buckin' her.
Give us a hug, man.
See you in a couple of days.
All right. Bye.
I've been kicked out.
I don't know when I'm gonna be back.
And Gary probably hates us.
I've massively fucked up this time.
I wake up, and Charlotte's already been
kicked out of the house.
I knew this day would come.
I knew we'd have a massive argument.
I don't understand how she can go on a fuckin' date
and be all hunky fuckin' dory and do shit like that
and bang lads next door and fuckin' bring lads back
and go on dates, necking with boys in clubs...
But when I do it...
It was that way that you said it, though.
I don't give a fuck the way I done it.
It's not about the way I pulled.
It's just I pulled.
This time Charlotte's taken it too far.
And to be honest, Gary's fuckin' fumin'.
And I don't know if they'll ever be able to talk again.
I've decided to leave the house.
There's just too many memories here.
It's not right without Vicky.
I've literally never seen Ricci this sad before.
(Scott) What the fuck?
Vicky's gone, Charlotte's gone,
and Ricci's gone?
This house is like a fuckin' sinking ship,
and the rats are making a run for it.
When I come back to the house,
there's a note from Ricci on me bed.
Ricci says he's giving us space to think,
and that's what makes this all so much harder is that...
I know I've already made me decision.
So I know that no matter how I feel now,
the worst is most definitely still to come.
I'm just gonna have to take every day as it comes.
Of course.
He wrote us a note... Did he?
... saying how, like, he loves us,
and he's gonna give us me space,
'cause he knows he's smothering us,
and that's not gonna work.
He just still doesn't even know what he's doing,
so how can we possibly move on?
I can't see me and Ricci getting back together again.
for me, the engagement's off.
You know you've always got your girls.
Ehh!
It's been a shit day with Charlotte and Ricci leaving.
So the rest of us are gonna go out on the town
and get mortal.
I am actually buzzin' for a night out. Me, too.
Like, it's gonna be so good.
I finally feel a sense of freedom.
I'm going out tonight, I'm getting smashed,
I'm having a laugh.
Everyone better fuckin' watch out!
The old Vicky's back.
Gaz has got a fuckin' night with Newcastle.
Yee-hoo.
I've never seen Gaz this buzzing for a night out.
It's probably because he's not gonna have Charlotte's
fuckin' hawk eye on him every two minutes.
It feels like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've got one night to go out, pull, enjoy meself.
Fuck it, let's get smashed.
By the looks of it, Vicky's having a really good night.
She doesn't look like she's got a care in the world.
Me and Gaz are taking tequila shots to the next level.
And, shock, he's crying like a baby.
Aah! Fuck!
Dan's pulled himself a cougar.
I'm fuckin' buzzin'.
haven't seen me Nana in ages.
Oh, wait a minute, it's Dan's bird.
This bird's slim, blonde, big tits,
nice ass, nice eyes, and a bit more mature.
I'm fuckin' lovin' it.
Are you taking the fuckin' pace?
Who invited fuckin'
Grandmother Willow to the party, like?
With age comes experience, and I think this girl's
gonna teach me a trick or two, and I can't fuckin' wait.
¶
So I'm bangin' on forms, suckin' on tits,
left, right, and center, and wingman Gaz is
sinking like the Titanic.
The one night Charlotte's not here,
I've got a free pass, and I'm doing fuck all.
To be fair, I do miss Charlotte.
If she was here, at least I'd have someone to argue with,
and not be sitting here by meself.
Tonight, there's no kickoffs, there's nothing going on.
This girl's coming back to the bungalow.
I'm buzzin'-- my night's sorted.
This bird is well up for it.
Hopefully at night, the boys'll let us have the doubler.
We're all back at the house, and we decide
we're gonna have a few more drinks
and get absolutely mortal and go in the hot tub.
(laughter)
So I'm in the hot tub, and I'm mortal.
And when I'm mortal, all I want is attention.
And especially male attention.
And I'm quite wanting to bang Scott at the minute.
Neck her again, neck her again.
Neck her again.
Come on, kiss.
I've got the girls necking on,
Scott's cross-eyed...
It's like the fuckin' best night in the "Geordie Shore" house..
ever.
So we're all in the hot tub neckin' on,
and Gaz looks like he's turned up at the wrong party.
He must be missing Charlotte.
Normally, I'm the one pulling.
How the fuck am I sitting in a hot tub
with these four like a fuckin' tool?
There's a fuckin' orgy going on downstairs,
and I'm on me own.
And I've never felt so alone.
I'm dripping wet, and not even in the nice way.
Me and Holly are getting into bed,
but there's gonna be no bangin'.
Just the usual polishing me rod.
So everything's a little bit of a blur,
and I feel like I don't really know what's going on.
But the penis could've been inserted in the fairy hole
for maybe like a couple of seconds.
But, like, it wasn't very long,
so it doesn't really count.
¶
I'm buzzin'. High fives all around.
I bet her vagina is dusty.
¶ It's coming out
Holly's sucking off Scott.
You got the granny downstairs moaning in the hot tub.
I'm lying in bed like a tit.
Where is Charlotte when you fuckin' need her?
Round three in Barcelona. Hi again.
Charlotte's back. (speaking Spanish)
I feel like I'm in a porn film.
Vicky is back!
I've only gone and pulled meself a Spanish cougar.
I fuckin' love Barcelona.
You're not gonna believe this.
There's ham that's still on the hoof.
I feel fuckin' sick.
This is it, I'm going to talk to Gary.
She just drops the bombshell.
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ If you wanna go back if you wanna go back ¶
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ If you wanna go back if you wanna go back ¶
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ If you wanna go back if you wanna go back ¶
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ Let's party party Wanna go back ¶
¶ Let's party hard Wanna go back ¶
¶ Party party Wanna go back ¶
¶ Let's party hard Wanna go ¶
¶ Hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on ¶