"Geordie Shore" is back.
What the hell is gonna happen this time?
Geordie Tours.
What? Across Europe.
Yes!
What happens on tour stays on tour!
Bring on the fucking carnage.
[cheering]
What the fuck has happened to Charlotte?
I am in control.
Good-bye, sex with Gary.
We're coming home.
Charlotte and Holly are the Cock Capturers,
an excuse for being massive slags.
They're going up against the Buck Squad.
Charlotte has shit herself.
There's fucking fireworks.
That's what you said to me!
We'll never ever be friends again.
Me and Gary think we're in Amsterdam.
Fuck, this isn't Amsterdam.
Rah!
I should have a degree in pulling women.
I am a Geordie girl with a VIP edge.
If you look up "pulling" in the dictionary,
my name's next to it.
I would never kiss anyone without a six-pack.
Get me in this house 'cause I'm gonna tear the place up.
I could tore the back legs off a donkey.
Got the looks, got the charm, it just works.
I'm fit, I'm flirty, and I've got double "F"s.
The hardest graft I've ever done is doing me hair.
"Geordie Shore"! Why, aye!
¶
We're working for Anna
showing stag and hen do's how to party across Europe.
Hi, it's Scott.
What's crack?
Ah, mint. [laughs]
She's sending me and the whole crew to fucking Prague to work.
We're back on tour. This time, Prague.
I've heard-- I've heard that.
I don't have a clue where Prague is.
Prague is in Germany.
Is it in Holland?
Sex, drink, and boob jobs.
Holly, you should be in your element.
Strip clubs, girls, beers, stag do.
Loads of cheap beer, wicked clubs.
Boob job, blow jobs.
It has everything "Geordie Shore" loves.
What fucking better place to send me?
Wicked.
Fucking bring it on.
¶
21.8? How many are you allowed?
Oh, get in!
All we need to know is where the clubs are,
where the birds are,
where we're staying and how to get back.
I want to find out how we say, "Drop your pants" in Pragueish.
That's grand.
So we get to Prague, it's fucking freezing.
Apparently, it's one degree.
Oh!
Mother Nature has give us one degree to play with
and apparently, she takes that off at nighttime,
'cause it's minus one.
What a fucking bitch.
I'm still not wearing a coat.
Aye, yae.
This is fucking swagger pad.
Fucking hell.
This is all right, innit?
Got this fucking swanky apartment.
Best thing you can do is huddle the girls in one room,
Vicky and Ricci in their little couple room--
Aww.
It's gorgeous, innit?
Isn't it cute?
The lads just go wherever the fuck you want as girls come.
Yes!
What if Gary comes back,
sticks his cock in some random girl,
and I can hear the moans?
What if I can hear the squelching of the wet fanny?
This won't be on.
I'll have to cry myself to sleep!
Thank fuck.
It's too late to work tonight,
so we're going to go out on the town
and see what all these Pragueish men are about.
Let's go.
First night in Prague!
I can't wait to go out tonight
and smash it Prague-style featuring Scotty T.
Oh, my God.
It's fucking Baltic, but who cares?
As if it's not fucking cold enough already,
we're going to go to an ice bar.
They made us dress like twats.
I look like a fucking astronaut in this silver puffer jacket.
Wicked.
Ice absolutely everywhere.
Ice bar, ice cups, ice cubes, ice walls.
This is fucking icy.
Knock it back.
[all chanting] Vicky, Vicky, Vicky, Vicky!
We've got vodka in our glasses,
vodka in our hands, vodka coming out of our eyeballs!
I'm just thinking, "Fuck, I'm carrying her home later."
[cheering]
¶
We're about to hit the second club,
and this is where things get complicated for me and Gary.
We slept together in Amsterdam
and we did the same back at the house in Newcastle.
I'm so worried that it's going to happen again.
¶
I want to do my own thing and be the boys in...
You got your ex living with you,
so you don't wanna hurt her 'cause it's your ex,
but then you end up sleeping with her when you're pissed.
It's just a mess.
Come on, lad, let's go.
¶
The club is full of boys.
It's like ten boys to every one girl.
So it's only right that boys would want to chat me and Holly up
'cause we're looking so damn hot.
It doesn't take long for Gaz and Scotty are straight over,
cock blocking the fuck out of them.
I know he's jealous,
so I'm going to go over and help him out.
Thanks a lot, Gary.
Do I do this to you?
Probablies.
But it doesn't matter!
They don't want them,
but they don't want anyone else to have them.
It's almost as if they don't want anyone else
to ... their back-up plans.
¶
We look down at the dance floor
and there's a group of lads having a dance-off.
So Scotty T. is going to be like John Travolta
and rock the fucking dance floor.
¶
And he's jumping.
He's like Barbie on ice.
¶ Where did you go...
Halfway through dancing,
I get this weird feeling in me crotch.
¶
I ripped me fucking jeans.
What a tit.
Nightmare.
¶
Going to leave the club and we're just waiting for Gaz.
It's all right for Gary to pull,
but when I want to pull, it's cock-block central.
This is a fucking joke.
"Guys, we got to go. Come on, guys, mah, mah"
And it's Charlotte.
Gary cock-blocked me earlier and I didn't say one thing.
But now I'm getting accused of being the cock blocker.
He causes a massive great big scene,
goes on like a dick,
and just generally behaves like a wanker.
¶
Charlotte has obviously got to him really badly.
The kid looks like he's gonna fucking blow.
Back at the apartment and it's all on edge.
You could cut the atmosphere with a knife.
I'm angry, I'm pissed off, I'm tired.
So I end up just start necking drinks.
To the first night in Prague.
Think it's clever.
Ahh!
It definitely wasn't.
I want you to enjoy your night.
[Charlotte] I can see Gary talking to Ricci,
hands are in the air.
His face looks weird like it always does.
I know he's talking about me, so I'm gonna confront him.
That's why you're pissed off.
Youse aren't talking about me, are you?
Ricci's gone like a flash.
He knows what happens in confrontation times.
You've chose the worst time to pull someone--
the very end when we're all walking out.
Piss us off.
Like who?
You. So it was just me?
Don't cock-block us.
Don't come in and tell me I've got to leave.
Don't butt in my conversations.
You admit that you're a dick.
I'm not a dick. Yeah, you are.
How am I dick for talking to a fucking girl?
No, that's not why you're a dick.
You're a dick for choosing your times.
Hold on a second.
Is this really Gary and Charlotte having a row,
falling out, making or breaking up?
I've never seen anything like it in me life.
Oh, hang on a fucking second.
I see it all the fucking time.
I'm bored as fuck.
Why don't they fucking just grow up?
Every girl that goes fucking minging.
So was she.
Oh, well, she was minging.
Everyone in the club was minging.
Be careful, everyone!
Gary might smash something now.
I actually fucking might.
He might punch the wall.
Nice change from you fucking doing it.
Two seconds later, Gaz is in the bathroom,
smashed out of his fucking face.
[retching]
Try to sober Gaz up.
Holding his head underneath the sink.
But I just want him away from Charlotte
so he doesn't kick off again.
He's drank himself daft.
He's a mortal mess.
Not too much of a hashtag lad now, are you, Gaz?
Normally, I'm the one putting people to bed.
Carrying people to bed.
Watching other people being sick.
I can't stand up. I need to get to bed.
The one person I know that will look after us is Charlotte.
All I can hear is, "Charlotte, Charlotte!"
It's Gary.
He's a fragile man.
[growling]
Charlotte, Charlotte.
And I feel like such a tit.
I want to video him and say,
"This is what you are deep down--
a little bitch."
The amazing thing was
we'd been arguing five minutes before that.
So for her to put all that aside
and literally come running to my need is amazing.
Oh.
Even though I am so angry at him,
I've gotta be there for him 'cause I do care about him.
He is me soul mate after all.
Thank God for Charlotte.
This is my hour of need and she's come to my rescue.
[singing in foreign language]
It's no longer the shag pad, it's the spew pad.
Who wants to get fucking mortal?
[cheering]
¶
[laughs]
Two slippery nipples.
Why the fuck am I standing next to an eight-foot ram?
"Geordie Shore"! Why, aye!
¶
We're working for Anna's company Geordie Tours
doing stag and hen do's all over Europe and now in Prague.
[loud yawning]
I've just woke up.
I can't see.
Only thing I know is Charlotte's lying next to us.
This is great.
Me and Gary are cuddling in bed.
Could this be the beginning of something special?
I've got fanny flutter.
I can hear the distant sound of Pragueish violins.
I wonder what Gary's thinking.
Gary wants us to give him a blow job.
I'm horny, I didn't have any action last night
'cause I couldn't even see.
I'm not giving him a blow job
and I'm not giving him a wank either.
So it looks like Gary's about to take matters into his own hands.
I don't want to have sex with him anymore.
That's the new rule.
I'm in bed with Charlotte.
One minute, she's kissing us,
the next minute she's saying we're just friends.
I'm in Prague to have a good time.
I don't need this.
¶
We all wake up, hung over as fuck,
but I'm pretty sure Gary will take the cake
for hangover this morning.
[groaning]
Whoa.
I'm starting to get flashbacks
and thinking, "Oh, fuck."
The fucking sick bin.
Lot of puke.
It's no longer the shag pad, it's the spew pad.
[cell phone ringtone]
Oh, fuck.
Oh, no.
Anna's right-hand woman, Sam, is in Prague with us.
Hi, Sam.
The last thing I want to hear is that phone ringing
and Sam telling me I've got to go to a bar crawl in Prague.
[Sam on phone] Okay, see you in a bit, bye.
Is she fucking nuts?
You think this'll be good?
To be fair, this is what I used to do
in ... for two years.
So I'm obviously mint at it.
Bye, bye.
¶
I need everyone to make sure that everyone's happy,
they've all got a drink.
If they need a seat, find them a seat.
Just make sure that they're happy all the time.
Is there any rules?
No kissing. Nothing ...
And no getting drunk, okay?
Sam is talking wet as fuck.
She's telling us that we can't drink
and we can't pull in a bar crawl.
Hello, this is "Geordie Shore," bitch.
What we all want to do in Prague is get fucked.
The only way I'm gonna make this a good bar crawl
is if I get pissed meself
and show these how it's done.
I am going to be a role model.
Nobody can leave this place sober.
That includes me as well.
So who wants to get fucking mortal?
[cheering]
To Prague!
[cheers and laughter]
Yes!
[crowd cheering]
Even though I'm hanging,
even though I'm dying from last night,
I've got to lead by example, get this party started,
and start necking straight vodka.
[coughing]
Fuck.
[Sophie] One, two, three, four, five.
[crowd cheering]
One, two, three, four...
... next bar and get another bottle of vodka.
On your feet, come on, let's go.
[crowd cheering]
We're in Prague and we know it's famous for its nightlife.
But we want to see a little bit more.
... like frisk.
I can't wait to get out and see the sights.
Ready? Let's go.
Bye! Let's go.
Let's go see the sights.
¶
Oh, for God's sake.
[band music playing]
So we're on this bridge and we hear this band.
[trumpeting]
And they play this amazing music,
and me and Charlotte just start dancing around
like crazy Pragueish people.
[band continues playing]
[Sophie] Come on, everyone!
Sam!
[crowd cheering]
I'm pissed, Gary's pissed, Sophie's pissed.
Everyone's pissed.
[crowd cheering]
I fucking love Prague.
[crowd cheering]
[all chanting] One more, one more, one more, one more!
[Sophie chanting] Gary, Gary!
[all cheering]
Towards the end, four gorgeous Scottish birds rock up.
I thought they were just chatting and flirting.
Get her number?
A number.
When we get outside,
Gary reveals that he's got the number.
Even when I'm hung over,
I'm still gonna be a lad and I'm still gonna pull.
¶
Prague's mint, but it's icy as fucking shit.
[chuckles]
Should we just ... and then walk around?
Come on.
Fuck them. [laughs]
Me and Charlotte decide to go and have some fun,
even though with her,
it's probably gonna turn into a disaster.
We're all on the bridge having a bit of banter,
looking at some padlocks and discussing the history.
They're mint.
Next thing I know,
Scott and Charlotte have fucked off.
Hey, where's Scott and Charlotte gone?
[trumpet playing]
What the fuck?
[Vicky] This can only mean trouble.
¶
To be fair, wherever we are-- Prague, Amsterdam--
always like doing some random shit
to mix up a little bit,
so what better than some mad Czech dancing?
Ricci looks like a gay sheriff.
Dan looks like a cross between Aladdin and Dick Van Dyke.
We all look ridiculous.
[singing in foreign language]
[music playing]
[squeals]
It was like some man and woman, spinning about.
The girl's yelping like she's getting banged.
The man's whistling every now and again
in some fucking dress.
What's all this about?
[music playing]
We all thought Czech dancing was gonna be shit,
but you know what, it's lifted us all up,
we're all in a good mood, and it wasn't that bad.
[music continues]
[laughter]
Them moves will not be getting used later.
[laughter]
¶ De de de de de de ¶
[Sophie] Bye!
¶
Oh, you're gonna-- No.
Out of the corner of me eye, I spot a shop.
No.
Oh, my God. Look at that.
A shop with thousands of animal hats.
This is amazing!
So I need to buy another one.
It's a-- it's a-- it's a yak.
Can we have these two hats?
Ha ha ha.
That's actually funny.
Come on. We should get them.
Let's get these.
With Scotty T. by me side
and a reindeer hat on, I'm game for anything.
¶ I want to show her...
Let's go in here.
What is it?
Absinthe, have you ever tried Absinthe before?
No. It's not that strong.
¶
Let's touch.
Let's rub horns sensually.
All I know about Absinthe is that it's illegal as fuck
and it gets you absolutely hammered.
Sold.
Whoa, I'm worried.
I'm amazed at the way this girl's making the Absinthe.
She's burning sugar over a metal gauze
and flipping it 'round and fucking shit.
Oh, my God, this is gonna burn a hole in me face.
Cheers. Naked.
I've got a feeling I'm about to get fucked up.
That's so strong. [laughs]
She looks like she's gonna die.
I don't know how I feel about that.
[coughing]
Who am I? What am I doing?
And why the fuck am I standing
next to an eight-foot fucking ram?
I'm sure she means our soul.
What's a Slippery Nipple?
Slippery Nipple, Bailey's, Absinthe, half-half.
Whoa, can we have one of them?
What the fuck is wrong with us?
Two Slippery Nipples. [makes squeaking sound]
[laughs]
Go on. [laughs]
To the gazelle tribe.
Oh, God.
As soon as we've left,
I'm absolutely smashed out of me face.
[blows raspberry]
Oh, sorry. Sorry, sorry.
Shit. We're fucked.
Prague, Prague, we all love Prague.
You love Prague. You love Prague.
Charlotte is running down the street
shouting, "I love Prague" at random people.
Everybody loves Prague!
Oh, there's me brother.
[both laugh]
I fucking knew it would come to this.
Prague, yeah! Prague!
[crowd cheering]
Fucking nuts.
¶
Fucking fluff's all on me face still.
What the fuck?
Aye, aye.
Hi, everyone.
Gary considers Charlotte as "his"
and funny enough, he also considers Scott his.
So this is gonna be quite a tricky situation.
We ended up in a fucking Absinthery.
It wasn't just a shot, though.
She was poured like a half a glass,
setting it on fire for like ten minutes,
doing all this shit.
And she's like, "Neck that."
I necked it, right.
It literally, it felt like it was burning a hole through me.
Slightly funny 'cause you can see Gaz getting annoyed.
[Vicky] Youse look so cute together.
Your little hats.
[Gaz] Nothing would ever happen.
Scott wouldn't be that stupid
'cause I would never talk to the kid again.
[Vicky] Glad youse had fun.
So realistically, I'm not arsed.
¶
Gaz is clearly jealous that I've been out with Scott today,
but why is bothered 'cause he got a girl's number.
Daniel! Daniel!
Come here.
Just jumped out of the shower
and I get summoned to the girls' office.
I've got Gaz's back,
so I'm going to be very selective
about what I tell them.
Dan thinks he's being clever and giving nothing away,
but Charlotte's finding out exactly what she needs to know.
Sorry, girls.
No information out of me.
Unlucky.
She's a size fucking 8. Shit.
Charlotte's acting like she's not bothered, but she is.
She's gutted that Gaz has asked another girl to come out
and if she does turn up, there's gonna be hell on.
¶
We're all out looking great, feeling good.
Kiss, kiss.
It couldn't be going better.
And now I feel like a freak.
Dan is just absolutely smashed.
[moaning]
The last thing I want to do
is be associated with alcohol this morning.
[gun popping]
Ahh!
"Geordie Shore"! Why, aye!
¶
So we're all together in Prague
working for Geordie Tours, getting fucked up.
Follow the yellow brick road.
¶
Second night in Prague,
we're all out looking great, feeling good,
can't wait for the night to start,
and the club is amazing.
¶
We're getting smashed. We're all dancing.
And I spot them Scottish girls from the bar crawl.
[instinct chatter]
Buzzing.
Hi.
Yeah. [laughs]
So the girls who Gary met at the bar crawl
turn up at the club.
I didn't feel bothered any of the other times.
I was empty, like the Tin Man.
But now it's stabbing us in the heart.
Last night, she was playing Florence Nightingale for Gaz,
running around, looking after him.
And now, he's acting like she doesn't even exist.
I'm necking on this fit brunette bird.
It couldn't be going better.
I don't want Gary to see that I'm crying.
And now I feel like a freak.
At this point, I'm thinking, right,
I need to go find Gaz and get this sorted.
[Gaz] Ricci comes running over...
...telling me that Charlotte's crying again.
This is like going back in time.
Charlotte hasn't cried about me pulling a girl in ages.
As soon as I know Charlotte's upset,
I'm not bringing these Scottish birds back.
She was there for me last night
so I'll be there for her tonight.
¶
The night's going mint.
Me and Gaz are pulling a couple of birds,
and shock, Dan's spinning ... out
'cause the bird he's been cracking on to all night has completely pied him.
All of a sudden, Dan is just absolutely smashed.
¶
Oh!
Toucan Dan is at it again,
making a right fucking prick of himself
and letting his mouth go.
Out of the blue, he's telling Ricci to fuck off.
Dan's had far too much to drink.
The best thing to do is get him out of this club
and back to the house ASAP.
¶
[shouting gibberish]
So I've made it home without any more incidents.
[moaning]
Dan's fucking smashed.
Some cheese.
I like cheese.
He's acting and looking like a complete fucking dildo.
Get yourself to bed, sleep it off,
and we'll talk about it in the morning.
I'll call you a wanker then. I can wait.
[Dan retching]
[Sophie] Daniel!
... bed.
[Dan] My God, man, why?
¶
Yes, we're all feeling rough,
but not a patch on how rough Dan's feeling.
[groaning] Fucking hell.
Girls, we're going off to do something a bit girly
and have some girl time.
And boys, we found something really good for youse to do.
We're all hanging.
The girls say they've got something nice planned for us.
The girls never have anything nice planned for us.
¶
While the boys go and relax,
us girls are going to get all of our aggression out
at a shooting range.
Come on, hurry up. I want to shoot shit.
I feel a little bit worried for all of our lives.
Hi. Hi.
Nice to meet you.
I don't know who I'm more concerned about--
Charlotte because she's got absolutely no aim and flaccid arms
or Holly because I think she's a little bit fucking unhinged.
Charlotte goes first.
Whoa, God, this is really scary.
She's nervous, she's shaking.
She's holding the gun while it's going like this.
I'm ready to shoot this gun
like a boy shooting his load
all over a girl's breasts.
Ahh!
Go, go. Boom, boom, boom!
[gunshots]
Ahh!
¶
When we get there, it's a spa.
Wicked.
But it's a different kind of spa.
You've got a beer pump next to you
while you're bathing in beer.
To me, it doesn't get much better than that.
Dan, all the best, mate.
[Dan] The last thing I want to do
is be associated with alcohol this morning.
[Vicky] Yes!
Go, lass.
She hit the 10.
Sophie gets all into it.
I've gotta get the head.
All Rambo and Charlie's Angels all at once.
Whoa! Fucking hell!
Me aim's so good.
I'm just getting on the board and that's all I want to do.
Whoa, look what I've just hit.
But then I realize I fucking killed the hostage.
For some reason, the woman decides to hide
what looks like mushy peas all over me knob.
I can see beer.
I'm drinking beer.
I just want to go home and end my life.
Oh, my God. I'm so nervous.
Ahh!
Go on, Holly. Aim at the cock.
Ah.
Am I getting anywhere near the cock?
Close, you may have took out a testicle.
I definitely shouldn't be allowed a gun.
I won't be buying one of them.
[cell phone ringtone]
Sam, the other boss, is ringing.
Yes, boss.
I hate her as much as I hate Anna.
Today's Geordie Tour's job involves me, Vicky, and Scott
guiding people around Prague on top of a bus.
We are good at fake tan.
We are good at drinking.
Tour guides, being sober? Not our thing.
Everyone's paid good money to get a good tour out of Prague
and here we turn up--
Tweedle Dum, Tweedle Twat, and me.
[cheering]
We've got about 50 pairs of eyes staring back at us,
and we know fuck-all about Prague.
Everyone, if you'd like to look to your right,
that restaurant is actually favored by the king of Prague.
Vicky fucking "P" is on the M-I-C
and it's going fucking shit.
That's where the king of Prague gets his sandwiches.
Certain members have realized that there is no king of Prague.
Everyone look. There's some water!
Don't swim in the river. It's cold and very dirty.
Stop the bus 'cause I'm fucking offsky.
Last night in Prague.
Last night, big night, family night.
I love family time.
So do we.
How about we have tonight no pullsies?
Pullsies. No bringses backsies.
The first night, I was with all of youse.
The second night, I was birdsies.
Right, well, then the third night, families.
Yeah? Wicked.
[crowd cheering]
It's a massive Pragueish party.
¶
[Dan] Strip clubs, girls.
Dan just came in his pants.
¶
Scott's misinterpreted family night.
I can't help it if 300 birds want me cock.
Stop! Hey!
[cheering]
"Geordie Shore"! Why, aye!
¶
Gaz tonight has come up with a wicked idea--
strip club.
What are you gonna do instead?
[laughs]
I trust him and I know he's not gonna do anything there
than have a drink and have a bit of banter with the lads
and probably feel very uncomfortable
because all he can think about
is my questions when he comes home.
¶
I've just thought, mate, I'm 20 years old
and I've never, ever been to a strip club.
Dan reveals he's never been to a strip club in his life.
What? You're gonna love it.
No, no. The lads are mortified.
You're gonna love it.
Be in his element.
Your fucking tongue and jaw is gonna be on the floor, son.
What's he gonna tell we're next?
That he's just grown his first pube--
#babycock.
And the boy became a man.
¶
We get seated right at the front,
and Dan already looks like a rabbit
caught in the headlights.
My eyes are like golf balls.
It's better than Christmas morning.
"Dan, do you want a drink?"
"Dan, are you enjoying Prague?"
I've only been here two minutes,
and I'm dying to go to the toilet and knock one out.
Money in the thong, she gives us a little kiss.
Wicked.
Can't believe I'm 20
and I've never been in one of these places before.
Membership?
[Scott] I've got this mint stripper grinding on me pipe,
and I reckon she's enjoying it more than I am.
It's not very often you get to grind on Zeus himself.
I'm all right, thank you.
I've never seen James and Ricci
so scared of a pair of tits.
The girl tries to sit in my lap,
and it's never, ever gonna happen.
I don't know who's the most uncomfortable.
James is running away.
Ricci's just shit his self.
And Dan's just came in his pants.
Tonight, we're being the lads.
Girls grinding on.
I turn around, Scott's got a fucking bra on his neck.
I think this has been the best night in Europe.
[Dan] James and Ricci have been looking
at their watches all night.
Time to go.
Let's go see the girls.
¶
It's a tradition in "Geordie Shore"
when there's been too much drama,
too many randoms on nights out
that we'll call for a family night.
It's all about us and not pulling.
¶
No shagging, there's no necking on,
spending a lot of time with each other
and them are the rules.
And we take them very seriously.
¶
[cheering]
This is the best club I've probably ever been to.
We're doing shitloads of shots.
What more could you fucking ask for?
Girls on the bar,
they're dancing practically half-naked.
The fire breathers.
Fish bowls, music's unreal.
It's a massive Pragueish party.
¶
I think Scott's misinterpreted family night.
The girls have asked for one simple thing,
but Scott can't help himself.
Me and Sophie decide we need to talk to Scotty T
about his ridiculous behavior.
Two seconds fucking later...
¶
...Scotty T over at girls, necking on, taching on,
couldn't give a fuck about family.
¶
Yes, I do love the family, but what am I supposed to do?
Become a fucking monk?
[Charlotte] It's in one ear, out the other
and I don't understand how
'cause he's got quite a large head
and I would think it would take a while for it to come out the other,
but no, it's so fast.
It's 'cause there's nothing in the middle!
He hasn't got a brain!
Next thing I know, Charlotte's giving us a fucking ...
for trying to pull.
Sorry, Mom.
I can't help if 300 birds want me cock.
That's it, I'm sick to death of these stupid boys.
¶
I'm going to let my stress out
and dance on the stage with the deejay.
I'm showing all the boys that who gives a fuck
'cause I'm ready to rock on their dicks.
And then the deejay even notices this.
¶
I'm like, "Yeah, I'll jump on your dick, too."
¶
So I'm chatting to two English guys.
And Gary's getting angry about it,
saying this is family night.
I'm not trying to pull them.
I know the difference between having a friendly conversation
and wanting to get someone's cock out.
I hate him! Why's he bothered?
He was sitting with a girl the other night.
He's unreadable.
He's like the Spanish Bible.
Why are you angry when you get into other girls?
This is why I cry!
This is why I'm upset.
I want Gaz to loosen his reins.
It's really not fair.
Charlotte and Gaz are having another fucking argument
about one of them pulling.
In other shocking news, water is wet.
[cheering]
¶
We're all absolutely smashed,
so it's straight to bed for everyone.
My head's absolutely spinning
and the last thing I want is Holly spinning on me cock.
After tonight, the last place I thought I'd be is in Gary's bed.
But for once, it's just as friends.
After everything me and Charlotte have been through in the last few days,
lying here with her now, it actually feels quite right.
¶
Shit, I've woken up in bed with Scotty T.
We both know that nothing happened.
She kept on her side of the bed and I kept on mine.
Sorted.
Last night was good, wasn't it?
[giggles]
I've woke up in bed with Gary
and I feel bad about arguing with him.
It's time to mention the lads now to the strip club
before Vicky starts the inquisition.
It was funny. ... onstage.
Well, I hope you enjoyed looking at them
'cause you're never gonna see mine again.
Did you get a dance?
Nah.
What? No.
They're all ugly compared to you.
[both laugh]
Me and Charlotte are like the sun and the moon.
Every once in a blue moon, they'll cross like an eclipse.
Newcastle!
We're back in Newcastle.
Buzzing, I'm gonna play with me clit.
You've been wanking over a man.
[laughter]
¶ I think I've had enough to drink ¶
Fuck off, man!
Fucking ass.
Fuck off, you slag.
Who invited fucking Grandmother Willow to the party, like?
The cock could have been inserted into the fairy hole
for like a couple of seconds.
Time I walked away.
High-fives all around.
I bet her vagina is dusty.
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ If you wanna go back wanna go back ¶
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ If you wanna go back wanna go ¶
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ If you wanna go back wanna go back ¶
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ Let's party, party wanna go back ¶
¶ Let's party hard wanna go back ¶
¶ Let's party, party wanna go back ¶
¶ Let's party hard
¶ Wanna go now go now, go now... ¶