Geordie Shore is back!
What the hell is gonna happen this time?
Geordie Tours!
Where? Across Europe.
(cheering)
(James) She's sending us to Europe.
(girls) What happens on tour, stays on tour!
Bring on the fucking carnage.
(laughing)
Odd car double sex.
Dust this, buck that.
(Charlotte) Sex machine?
The fucking thing'll blow up.
Everybody's noticing that there's an atmosphere
between me and James.
James is being a massive dickhead.
(shouting)
Don't be a fool, grab your tool.
Gary's turned up, and I don't give a shit.
What the fuck has happened to Charlotte?
I'm in control.
And then, all of a sudden, I wanna shag him.
(moaning)
Four-way kiss, standard procedure.
Speed dating tonight.
See a bird, I take her home,
that's what I call speed dating.
(Charlotte) Find someone else to take home and bang,
and he's game.
(moaning)
I've had sex in the house,
and Gary's had sex in the house,
and it's all weirdly okay.
¶ Everyone's here to party
I should have a degree in pulling women.
I am a Geordie girl with a V.I.P. edge.
If you look up "pulling" in the dictionary,
my name's next to it.
I would never kiss anyone without a six-pack.
Get me in this house, 'cause I'm gonna tear the place up.
I could talk the back legs off a donkey.
Got the looks, got the charm, it just works.
I'm fit, I'm flirty, and I've got double-F's.
The hardest graft I've ever done is doing my hair.
(all) Geordie Shore, why aye!
¶ I can't
¶ Wait to
¶ See the
¶ Night, yeah
¶ I can't
¶ Wait to...
(hiccups)
That was unreal.
Holly?
So, we captured cock, we brought the cock home.
Oh yes, the cock capturers are in the lead.
And, excuse me, Gary who?
¶
(farting)
Huh?
(Scott) So, me and Gaz wake up, hungover to fuck,
and apparently, there's no better
than a full on facial massage.
Wicked.
¶
Hi.
(woman) You want us to put this on you
so your hair doesn't get messed up?
I'm all for it.
This feels fucking mint.
Yeah, I know, definitely.
But, to be fair, like, pulling-wise,
we've done pretty well like.
Gaz is always banging on about he's not
gonna get with Charlotte,
and he's not gonna do this, he's not gonna do that.
Hold on a minute, mate, he said this last week,
and then he ended up banging her.
It's just relaxing, isn't it?
I didn't know it was like this, I thought it was just like,
you just slap some on your face,
and then you just take off.
First ever facial massage,
unbelievable.
I'm definitely coming back.
Bye, lovely.
(laughing)
What you doing tonight?
I was thinking we're not going on that date.
I'm going out on a date with Graeme,
who I met a few nights ago,
but I've never been on a date before.
I'd rather, like, get him to set
Holly up with one of his friends.
Mm, a double date? Yeah.
(Sophie) Every girls likes to get a boy jealous,
and I can imagine, Charlotte is probably
doing this to get at Gary.
And I could imagine, it's gonna work.
(Charlotte) I'm about to pick up that phone,
because it is me who is in control
of all of my cock.
(phone ringing)
Hi, Graeme.
Yeah, I'm good, I was just wondering
if you wanted to go out tonight for a few drinks?
I don't know what's come over us.
I've never called a boy before.
This isn't like me, I'm normally really nervous.
It must be because I'm part of the cock capturers now,
and there's no room for nervousness.
Holly wants to come with us, right?
So, we wanted to make it like a double date.
But, have you got anyone who you could bring?
Well, that would be a bonus, yeah.
That's fine, yeah, that's great.
Shall we see you about 7:00?
He's got a brother, but then he has to tell us
this one detail about the brother.
His brother's a fucking hobbit.
What's he say?
He said that his, um--
He said that he thinks his brother would fit you perfectly,
'cause he said he's like-- he said--
he said he was, like, 5'5" or something.
So, I mean, he's small.
And I mean, I'm 5'3",
and with my six inch heels, that'd make me...
5'9"-- that's 5'9".
Just do it, just do it.
I'm only doing this for you.
Okay, that's fine.
You owe me big time.
You never know, he might be really nice,
and his shoe might have a bit of a platform.
(laughing)
¶
(honking horn)
See ya later.
Hey, boy.
Me and Ricci, off to get my car washed,
'cause it's important that the car
looks as fresh as its owner.
Guilty.
I'm thinking about bringing the missus out tonight like.
Are you? Aye.
Nervous?
Fucking right, you'll be.
I just-- I'm buzzing to see her.
I haven't seen her for over a week like.
James is talking about inviting Kate out tonight.
He's really missed her, and he can't wait to see her.
That's the only thing I'm worried about, like,
if there was gonna be a kick off
between Holly and my lass.
Things are so frosty between Holly and James,
that they aren't even talking,
that if Kate comes out tonight,
it could get nasty between the girls.
¶
I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna get Kate to come out tonight.
Holly might get pissed off, but to be honest,
I couldn't give a flying fuck.
She's got the night off work, so she's coming out.
I'm gonna get a quick pump on and wear some fresh clothes.
By the time I'm done, I'm gonna look like
I've just stepped out of an action man box.
He's not seeing Kate for five hours,
and he's already started getting ready.
What's wrong with the kid?
Princess James.
All I need to do is hit the gym, get a tan,
get my hair cut, spend about an hour combing it,
moisturize, shave my balls,
choose a decent outfit, and baby wipe my shoes.
It's not that much at all.
(Gary) Five hours is a fucking joke.
He's not going on a first date.
If it was my bird, I'd just walk up and be like, all right.
To our first double date together.
So, me and Charlotte are about to go on the date,
and we're getting ready.
And we realize that we're actually not nervous.
You don't suck him off on the first date.
Right, yep.
Um, and you certainly don't bang him, that's just a no-no.
Charlotte's never been on a date before,
but obviously, I have.
I'm gonna give her all the advice she'll ever need.
I just didn't know how many dates was allowed
before, like, any sort of foreplay or sex could happen.
I think it's, like, two.
At least two.
What if, like, you wanted to get fingered by him, right?
Yeah? But, like, there was
nowhere to get fingered?
There's always somewhere to get fingered.
All right, okay.
(Ricci) I think James is bringing his girlfriend out tonight.
Is he?
Yeah, he's buzzing his hair like.
(Vicky) James is avoiding Holly.
He seems hell bent on ignoring her at all costs.
He is trampling all over Holly's heart
every time he avoids her, walks away from her.
It's just heart-breaking.
She's on her way out to go on a date soon,
and I just think, if she doesn't know,
that when she comes and meets him in the club,
Kate'll be there with James, I just think it could all--
If she's had a few drinks as well. Yeah.
This could be the thing that pushes Holly over,
and causes her to really, really, kick off.
I don't know, he hasn't spoke to us
for ages though, has he?
No, I know, but I think
for her to not know, it's inconsiderate,
so someone must tell her.
Charlotte's going on a date, good luck to her.
The further we get away from what happened in Amsterdam,
the better.
These poor lads do not have a fucking clue
what they're letting themselves in for.
Not a clue.
See yous, everyone!
Bye. Bye.
I hope Holly doesn't get too drunk,
and I hope Charlotte doesn't shit herself.
¶
I'm so nervous.
What if Graeme isn't as nice as I thought?
What if his brother is an actual hobbit?
And what if they both end up killing us?
That's probably just thinking the worst.
Hi! Hi!
How are yous? All right.
This is Stephen, my brother.
Hi, Stephen. Nice to meet you.
(greetings continue)
(Holly) So, I see my date for the first time.
This is just over before it's even begun.
Yeah, well, I wasn't that drunk.
If you thought I was drunk then, God help what
you're gonna think in, like, about ten minutes.
(Holly) To getting mortaled.
Cheers.
So, Graeme dares Charlotte to down a pint.
(Graeme) If you really down that,
I'll strip off in this whole pub.
And he says that he'll take
his top off if she does it.
And I think he underestimated Charlotte's downing skills,
'cause she's really good with that throat of hers.
(Holly) Do it.
(Graeme) Without being sick.
Graeme, she's putting you to shame.
I have downed this pint, there was no stopping me.
Strip off.
Just do it?
(Charlotte) Fair enough, Graeme is true to his word.
He gets his top off, and he is looking fit.
I'm scared, 'cause I'm scared Stephen can see.
He can't.
For some reason, I told him I can fanny fart.
Then, the next thing you know, I've got my legs open
on the floor with my flaps out.
I've lost it.
You've lost what?
The ability to do it.
I mean, you just know that a date's not going well
when you've got to resort to fanny farting.
Why don't you get some drinks?
Me and Holly go to the toilet
for a quick gossip about the boys.
You don't fancy him, do you?
Well, yeah.
Yeah? Well--
No, but I mean, not fancy him like that,
but you don't actually fancy him?
Well, I don't, like, actually--
I don't wanna marry him or anything,
but I'd bonk him. Would ya?
Well, yeah, but not yet,
because this is the first date.
She tells me she doesn't like hers.
I'm so shocked, because she put on such a good front.
And I tell her, I do like mine,
but I just wanna go out and have some fun,
so let's piss off.
¶
It was real good meeting you.
And you.
Slobber?
(Charlotte) See yous later.
(goodbyes exchanged)
¶
(Vicky) Where did yous go on your date?
(both) Billabong.
So, it was good then?
Holly wasn't gonna see him again,
but, she had such a good crack with him.
We're all in the bedroom having a crack on
about Holly and Charlotte's date.
They seem to be in a good mood, it went well.
I think now is the perfect time to break it to Holly
that Kate's coming out tonight.
I was speaking to Ricci earlier,
and Ricci was telling us that James is dead excited,
'cause he's bringing Kate out tonight.
I'm not gonna start a fucking argument.
But if she dirty looks us, then I will start.
She hasn't got it in her to do an argument,
she really hasn't. I'm so much harder.
I'm getting ready, and it's just playing on my mind,
because at the minute, I don't wanna be nasty,
and I never wanted this.
But, her boyfriend isn't speaking to me,
so, why should I speak to her?
I just wanted you to be aware, mate,
because the worst thing I would have thought of,
is you getting out, and just, it happening.
I'm glad I'm aware.
Are you okay about it?
Yeah, it's just, I wonder--
I'm just wondering what she's gonna be wearing.
I reckon it's gonna be something white.
Did you though?
I thought it might be white.
Yeah, I thought it'd be white.
I wanted Holly to wear a white dress.
Why white, though?
For this special occasion.
She's always fucking wearing white,
like she's some sort of virgin.
I mean, we all know she's not,
because she's banging my sloppy seconds.
She's kind of like a pan that's just simmering over,
and ready to fucking blow.
It's definitely gonna be Hurricane Holly soon.
Oh, yeah, I can't wait to see her,
and just speak to her, just face to face
instead of on the phone.
The kid is buzzing to see his girlfriend.
Tonight's gonna be absolutely mint.
But, Holly better not even try and spoil it.
¶ Can't stop me
¶
¶ Can't stop me
So, I'm in the club, the tunes are bouncing,
I'm having a mint time with the lads.
But, all I'm really looking for
is Kate coming through the door.
Hi!
And then, this unbelievable bird walks through the door,
looking like a Greek goddess, I'm like...
Oh no, wait, that's my bird, silly.
The area is so tiny, that I just don't know
how I'm gonna get away.
But, I managed to just sneak off,
go on the dance floor, and just leave them to it.
There's only one thing for it.
Gonna get mortaled.
(Gaz) Everyone thinks Holly's gonna kick off with Kate,
and this and that with their past.
No, no, no, we're in a club, where there's alcohol.
All Holly's gonna do is drink.
Holly's keeping her distance, that's perfect for me.
When Kate's with James, I can feel that Holly is upset.
He hasn't spoke to Holly,
and he hasn't even given her a tiny bit of attention.
And that's making it harder for Holly.
Holly shouldn't be mad at Kate,
she should keep on at James,
and keep her anger focused there.
No, no, no, wait...
She's so mad and frustrated with the situation.
I don't think she would know how to have
an argument with James.
It's a bit of a shame, really, 'cause what he is doing
isn't very fair, and it deserves a firm telling off.
¶
(Gaz) It's actually an amazing night.
You've got the girls doing their thing,
we're doing our thing, happy fucking days.
Charlotte and Gary are still flirting with each other,
but then on a night out,
they're going their separate ways and pulling other people.
It's like they both want the best of both worlds.
They want each other, but they wanna make
each other jealous as well.
There's a sort of feeling of achievement,
as I am necking on after I have been on a date,
and Gary still hasn't pulled.
(Gaz) This is fucking perfect for me.
You keep her occupied, mate,
I'm up on the pull.
(Sophie) They're both saying they don't care,
they're not bothered, when everyone else
in the house knows they are bothered.
(all) Hey!
Oh, watch your step.
Me and Kate get back to the house,
so there's no messing about, straight to bed.
If you got a boyfriend as good looking as me,
it's only natural it's gonna happen.
You do the math.
We get back from the club, everyone's smashed,
everyone's all over the house.
You know, I've never known anyone
to be so pathetic and so nasty, and so--
What have I done, baby?
You know what you said to me?
Ricci's pissed, I'm pissed.
And as usual, soon as we get back to the house,
there's fucking firewords.
"You're a fucking disgusting human being."
Don't do that. No, that's what you said to me!
I love you. That's what you said to me!
(groaning)
Vicky and Ricci are arguing like a couple of kids again.
It fucking does my head in.
It affects the mood of everyone else in the house.
Vicky, come here, now!
You're a fucking...
I try to calm down.
The two times I've been in the mood,
whenever I got in the mood,
the two times I've been in the mood,
you've got me out of them.
But, whenever anyone tries to calm Ricci down,
he just bites.
(Charlotte) All of yous, out.
(Ricci) Get out!
Ricci!
So, instead of taking it out on him,
I just go on a fucking rampage.
You know how it is, fuck yous all.
Nice, boy!
I don't know who the fuck's tickled Scott's balls,
but he's gone fucking nuts.
(glass breaking)
Scott comes in, punches the fucking light or something,
smashes a dish.
And I'm just like, what the fuck's going on here?
(girls) Scott!
(overlapping chatter)
(groaning)
(Holly) Scott's, really, really angry,
and I've never really seen him like that.
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, he's fine.
Right now, I'm just trying to calm him down,
get him in the bed, and I'll make him feel better.
(Sophie) Holly is to the bloody rescue,
lying in Scott's bed, giving him some kind of oral
under the sheets.
Can't get enough of the fucking length.
Got milk.
Me and you like milk.
Piss off-- no, no.
Charlotte, I'm gonna piss off.
No!
It's all settled down,
and there's only me and Charlotte still up.
Gary...
I'm pissed, she's pissed.
I can see where this is going.
Lean.
I just wanna go to fucking bed.
Ow, my fucking leg!
For some crazy second,
me and Gary think we're in Amsterdam.
I'm not in Newcastle!
I am, I'm in the shag pad.
Fuck, this isn't the boat, this isn't Amsterdam.
(Charlotte) I don't wanna give in to Gary.
I mean, I'm a cock capturer, after all.
But, I can't resist the parsnip.
It's not even just one position,
it's every single one.
I can't believe I've done this to myself.
What the fuck?!
¶
(Charlotte) It's the morning, and I'm feeling so uneasy.
I can't believe I was on a such a roll,
and then I went back to bed with Gary.
¶ I must be dreaming
I'm just so glad I'm out of the bedroom.
(farting loudly)
(groaning)
¶ I must be dreaming
(James) Last night was, by far,
the best night I've had in here.
It was unreal just to see Kate
and spend time with her.
I'm gutted she's gotta go now.
(Holly) So, I've woken up in Scott's bed,
but I have no idea what happened, once again.
Did you kiss Scotty T.?
Well, I don't know if I kissed him,
but I definitely sucked him off.
Yeah, can't I just sleep in his bed?
And yeah, can't I just suck him off,
and there'll never be any awkwardness the next day?
It is big, big.
Is it thick?
He's a 6'3" man.
So, really it's just fucking, like, laws of physics.
But then, I've also had, like, little skinny boys
who've had massive ones.
Like Gaz.
What happened with Gary, was when we were drunk,
very, very, very drunk.
So, I can't remember it, so it didn't happen,
and no one will speak about it, ever again.
Why are you wearing Gary's t-shirt, you fucking slag?
I bonked him.
(laughter)
They are like cock homing piegons.
They will always go straight back to Gaz and Scott.
Ooh!
I love when he lies.
(Scott) It's not gonna develop into a relationship
like Gaz and Charlotte, because I'm actually--
I don't get relationships in the house,
especially when I live with 'em.
I see them as sisters who occasionally suck us off.
At the end of the day, if me and Charlotte
wanna bang, we'll bang.
If she wants to go and pull, she goes and pulls.
If I wanna go and pull, I go and pull.
Yes, I suppose we'll bang again.
Do I know when? No, I never fucking do.
Me and Ricci's row started last night
over the fact he'd had far too much to drink,
as per fucking usual.
Of course, me and Ricci's massive argument
is just brushed under the rug and forgotten,
because that's what you do in healthy relationships.
Fuck's sake.
Uh, now.
When Ricci's had too much to drink,
he will always find something that I've done wrong.
He just gets ridiculously jealous.
I just don't know how much more of this I can take.
See you lads.
(goodbyes exchanged)
After last night, I think Vicky just wants to go
for a walk, clear her head,
and just talk about what's going on in the house.
There's definite atmosphere in the house, I think.
It doesn't help when you've got
obviously, Holly and James' situation.
Yeah. I think with Charlotte
being single and us fucking sleeping together again,
that's always gonna cause a little bit of tension.
It's going to-- yeah.
Obviously, if you and Ricci argue,
that causes fucking tension.
What do you mean, if we argue?
Or when you argue, that causes tension.
I know.
Of course, we end up talking about me and Charlotte.
She does fall for you a little bit more
every time she sleeps with you.
And I just-- I don't know what the solution is.
And I know it's not--
I know, I know.
I've never really seen eye to eye with Gary.
He's always, to me, been the person who hurts Charlotte.
But, now, I think it's unfair to give him that label,
because Charlotte's old enough and daft enough
to make her own mistakes.
Would you ever...
(Vicky) Imagine if Gary and Charlotte ever made it as a couple.
I said, you would have on your hands,
someone so obsessed and insanely in love with you,
that they can create situations that aren't actually happening.
I'll go out and look at a girl,
like, breathe at one.
"Oh, excuse me, fucking get off her!"
Like, that is just-- it's not happening.
Me and Gary are having this conversation
about his and Charlotte's future together.
Will they, won't they, can they make it work?
And all this while, he's wearing a fucking t-shirt
with "I Love Sluts" written on.
He loves sluts, he just fucking loves them.
(phone ringing)
Telephone!
I'm too comfortable.
Hello?
Hi, it's Anna. Hi, Anna, are you all right?
I've got a hen party booked on the limo bus tonight.
Right, okay, babe.
The phone rings, and it's Anna,
and she needs two people to go to work tonight.
And guess who it is?
Work. Work-- who?
Yous two.
Who? Holly and James.
(Holly) Shock.
I'm actually gonna have to go to work
with that stupid, immature prick,
and sit on this limo bus and pretend that I'm fucking happy.
How the fuck am I meant to work with Holly
when I'm not even fucking speaking to her?
See yous later.
(Vicky) Tonight is the night.
Holly's had it up to here, and so has the rest of house.
It is time to get this resolved, it's time
to get to the bottom of this, and finally hold
James accountable for how he's been treating her.
(Holly) So, I'm in the car with James,
and we sat right next to each other.
And I'm looking out of my window,
and he's looking out of his.
And I'm like, whoa, I've never, ever,
ever felt tension like this in my entire life.
Like, this isn't what me and James used to be.
I used to be sucking him off in the back of taxis,
not not speaking to him.
Hi!
(James) I'm working, gonna host a hen-do.
Get into the bus, we meet all the girls.
Definitely not gonna be any complaints from Anna.
(overlapping chatter)
(Holly) James is actually doing really well with the girls.
We're kind of putting the differences aside,
just as much to say, "Can you pour them a drink?"
That's all, that's all we're saying.
And there's slight eye contact.
Nice to meet you. Have a good night.
Enjoy the rest of your night, see you later.
Enjoy the rest of your night.
Have fun, see you later.
Work's done, all the girls have left,
and it's just me and Holly left on the bus.
(James) That was all right, wasn't it?
Yeah, um, I think we need to talk though.
Aye, mm-hmm.
So, I'm thinking, it's now or never.
Me and James are alone, we're out of the house.
No arguments can really kick off,
and I just think it'd be the perfect time
to bring up what the fuck is going on.
Do you know how awkward it's been though?
I know, I know-- Do you know proper,
proper awkward it's been?
There's two sides to every story,
so I'm gonna hear what she has to say.
So, I do, and it's as if she's got
this fucking rehearsed speech,
and she's just going over and over and over it.
It's come to the point where I can't even
walk up a flight of stairs without you hesitating,
in case you're walking behind me or in front of me.
Or if you stood next to somebody,
you will purposely move away
from that person if I'm stood there.
I'm telling him every way that he's made me feel
since we've been back in this house.
Like, it wasn't even about anything else.
It was just the fact that I'd lost you as a friend.
Holly just doesn't get it.
She's never been in a serious relationship.
You'll understand this one day,
when you meet someone and you really care about them.
James is massively patronizing me,
saying, "Oh, you'll understand
when you're in love," and blah, blah, blah.
When you meet someone you really care about,
I've been in situations-- you will try your hardest not to do
anything to upset them. I've been in situations like that.
I cared about you, I've been there
and cared about you, I know how it fucking feels.
So, don't you sit there and say that to me,
because I do know.
Every single day that you ignored me
made it ten times fucking easier for me
to forget the feelings that we ever had.
Perfect. So don't you worry about that.
Looks like my plan worked then.
What, you had a fucking plan?
Like, I'm sorry,
but after not speaking to me for two weeks,
and making me feel so fucking awkward,
you really expect me to say,
"Oh yeah, we can go back to being friends"?
No, I'm sorry, we'll never, ever be friends again.
All right, get back to the house then.
Mint.
(James sighing)
¶
Hi.
(James) For one minute, I actually thought
that me and Holly were gonna sort it,
and we could go back to being friends.
But, no, she just totally contradicted herself,
and she doesn't wanna be my friend anymore.
Oh, well, I'll just go back
to my life and get on with it.
In a perfect world, I would have loved to say--
I'd be like, yeah James, we can be friends.
Let's all go back to being one big happy fucking family.
No, sorry, but you fucking treat me like shit.
I'm proud of you, like, standing your ground,
having that word with him.
I can't believe it.
I knew if you were ever gonna speak to him,
it would have to be, like, you making the first move,
'cause he's proved, like--
Quite stubborn, is he?
I just think he's proven-- He's a fucking little child.
Well, he's got no clue whatsoever,
about women, really.
¶
I woke up this morning, I feel fucking minging.
The bed sheets fucking stink,
so I'm taking the girls to the launderette.
Because I'm fucking-- my fucking bed covers
stink of, like, fanny and that,
and I need to go wash them.
(girls) Eww!
(Sophie) He's like the gay best friend to the girls.
He cooks, he cleans,
and he even wants to take us to the launderette.
Perfect.
¶ Can you feel it
¶ Can you feel it ¶
What would that be like?
If a girl was, like, bending over in the washing machine.
She's got little shorts on.
Yous giving me a stiffy.
The girls keep asking me why I'm so good at pulling.
There's no real great myth to it.
It does help, though, the fact that I'm 6'3"
and I look like I've been carved from fucking stone.
You know, if, right, if there was a girl in the house
who you quite fancied...
Yeah, thought she was decent.
Obviously, you'd be living with her, like, 24/7,
you'd be getting drunk with her, you'd be shagging her.
If she felt the same way, would you get in a--
Yeah, if she was that fit and I liked her,
then yeah, why not? Yeah?
Right, well, if there ever is a new girl,
will you please get in there before Gary?
Why?
'Cause I couldn't stand that.
With Charlotte and Gary, it's a vicious circle.
She says that she's not bothered,
he says he's not bothered.
But, I'm starting to think she's starting to get
a bit bothered about Gary pulling girls.
If a new girl came in the house, and he got with her,
like, I'd have to leave.
I love all the girls in the house.
But, I think I get on with Charlotte the most.
She is like my twin sister,
apart from the fact that she is thick as fuck.
(phone ringing)
Hello?
It is, yeah, Anna, are you all right?
Anna calls, and wouldn't you know it?
It's another fucking pointless work outing.
Anna wants me, you, and Scott
to go to work tonight for a hen party.
I don't mind that.
Anna must be throbbing over me,
'cause every time that fucking phone rings,
it's me and work.
¶ Welcome to the club we living it up ¶
¶ Come to the club and just ??? ¶
¶ Welcome to the club where you hang out at the start ¶
Hey, lad. Hi, mate.
Scott, really nice to meet you.
Charlotte. Cheers.
I'm Vicky, nice to meet you.
We're being told we've gotta make cocktails
for a hen-do.
All I can think about is the argument
between me and Ricci the other night.
And, I just really can't be arsed at all.
Can we do some tequilas?
We can.
Yeah, let's do some tequilas.
Cheers. Tequila!
(Charlotte) These jobs are ridiculous.
I don't give a shit about Anna,
and I don't give a shit about the hen party.
Let's just all get mortaled instead.
¶
Shock, Charlotte and Vicky
have just had a sniff of alcohol,
and they're already smashed.
So, I'm gonna have to do all the graft.
Cheers, girls. Cheers!
Here you go, girls.
Scott has managed to entertain all the girls.
He's in his element, running around,
making drinks, flexing his muscles, flirting.
What a wanker.
Can we all try and make a Geordie Shore cocktail?
If you're really good.
Let's do it!
Expect we need a cylinder, don't we?
So first, we start off with raspberry vodka
and blueberry vodka.
A bit like Charlotte and Sophie,
'cause they're both dopey berries.
Then, you add some rum,
'cause it packs a wicked punch like Scotty T.
Cranberry juice, like Gaz,
both associated with S.T.I.'s.
and apple juice, like James--
fucking pointless on a night out.
And then, the raspberries--
Me, a refreshing break from the rest of the madness.
Oh, my God.
It explodes in your mouth.
Fucking yes, well done, man.
You helped us as well.
Cool careers, whoo!
Result-- fun in there.
Result- pissed!
(Scott) So, we're in the cab on the way home,
and I want Vicky to know how when her and Ricci argue,
it does everyone's fucking head in.
I didn't know any of this, babe.
Well, basically, I elbowed the toaster,
I punched a light in my room as well,
and I kicked Gaz's case.
(Vicky) Hearing Scott tell us about what he did
is just horrible.
It's finally hitting home what a massive effect
our arguments have on the rest of the house.
Sometimes he's wicked, isn't he?
And like, he can be so nice sometimes,
and sometimes he's just so fucking nasty.
It's like what you said, Vick, it's just them stages,
what happens to everyone, isn't it, when you've had--
(Vicky) Scott and Charlotte are offering advice,
and trying to help, but at the end of the day,
what's going on between me and Ricci
right now isn't okay.
But, I'm not sure how to fix it.
(Gaz) We like going out as a family, we like doing fun things.
Tonight, we're going to the casino.
All right, girls, are you ready?
(girls) Yeah, we're coming!
Rush on.
All the squad are off to the casino.
I'm not usually a gambling man,
because I fucking hate losing money.
I've never gambled, so I'm hoping
I'm going to get beginner's luck.
You ever been at the cas before?
I've been a couple of times like,
but, uh, I'm going to be honest,
I haven't got a clue how to gamble like.
Everyone knows that money won
is twice as good as money earned.
I think Dan'll probably play the safest at the casino.
He'll probably bet five pounds, and if he wins
a five at it, he'll go up and have a fucking wank.
¶ Haters be illing when they see me killing on the floor ¶
¶ Looks like I'm missing competition ¶
¶ From the rest of y'all
¶ I know you looking at me I know you wanting more ¶
Put this on black.
What does that mean, I don't undestand?
The girls haven't got a clue what they're doing.
They're putting random chips on random numbers.
They're trying to ask us what's going on.
You get, uh, 80-- you get 27 quid.
What?!
Wait, wait, that's yours.
All yours, you get fives.
Yes! How much did you win?
Um, loads!
I don't know whether it's beginner's luck
or the luck of the lady from within.
But, whatever luck it is,
it didn't fucking last very long.
Oh, no! I'm running out.
I'm still in the winning.
(Charlotte) This is shit, I'm not playing anymore.
I've got something more important
to talk to Holly about, anyway.
I've got to take a holiday.
What for?
I can't do any more cock capturing just yet.
I was thinking you need a break.
You were even thinking it? Yeah.
Charlotte's saying that she wants a break
from the cock capturers,
and she says it's because she's overworked.
But, I'm thinking it's definitely because
she slept with Gary the other night.
No bother.
(Gaz) So, what happens with me and Charlotte...
It's all good, it's all hunky dory,
when Charlotte's off pulling, 'cause I'm like,
well, I'll do it as well, and she's got no grounds
to argue with us, or shout at us,
or fight with us.
But, as soon as she stops pulling,
and I keep on pulling, then go back to her,
that's when things get messy.
Yeah, yeah, but like I say, when she stops,
if it wasn't just pulling.
(overlapping chatter)
Gaz reckons that him and Charlotte are just bonking.
That's fucking tramp shit, that like.
They're definitly just not booking,
they're not kidding anyone.
With Scott and Holly, they've kind of got
the thing me and Charlotte first started off at.
It's a comfort thing.
It's a thing, you get pissed, a person you go to
when you don't really know what you're doing,
and you wake up in the morning, like, "Oh, fuck, again, really?"
But, that'll keep happening,
unless one of them stop it.
You need to start fucking just kicking her out of your bed.
I will, "Get out."
Hasn't she been noshing off for weeks?
(laughing)
Gaz and Dan think I'm gonna end up like James with Holly.
No, no, no, number one,
I don't have a fucking stupid comb over.
And number two, I'm having way too much fun
being single, to get tied down with any shit.
¶
So, we get back from the casino,
and we're all getting ready to go out.
Is it a sex free night?
(girls) Yes.
And the cock capturers are no more?
Nah. No, no, no.
We still are. Right.
We're just giving it a rest for a little bit.
We're tired.
How 'bout tonight, then,
you give being ladies a go?
I want them to realize that by having a bit
of respect for yourself, and holding yourself
in a certain way, men will have respect for you.
Therefore, they will do more than just fuck you,
wipe their dick on the curtains, and fuck off.
First of all, sit like a lady, and not like a cock capturer.
I'm pretending to be a nice bloke,
good looking, with a big cock.
I've got a massive nob, you know.
It's the size of an airplane.
I really don't want to know that on the first date.
What about my mate as well?
He's got a big cock.
Well, first of all, why don't I know
your friend's name?
John.
(laughing)
Being a lady is actually really, really hard.
Like, it takes years and years of practice.
That's why I don't believe that anyone's truly a lady
until they're like 40.
So, we're set to go out now?
We're done? Yeah.
(Vicky) Let's face it, we probably got more of a chance
of Gary settling than these two fucking half-wits
acting like ladies.
We'll be in the casino as a big family, all as a group.
And now, we're all heading out as a group.
Spirits are high, I can't fucking wait.
¶
(Scott) With Holly end up in my bed,
I just wanna check that she feels the same way as me.
(Holly) Me and Scott are just friends,
and I don't want anything more from him.
I know that everybody thinks that it's starting out
the way that me and James did.
But, it isn't.
With Scott, I feel completely in control.
Like, sometimes, something might happen,
sometimes it won't.
¶ No more fooling around
¶ I'm running as I hit the ground ¶
(Vicky) I look over to check on Holly and Charlotte's progress
in their whole new lady-like endeavors.
I find them shaking their titties at each other.
I don't remember Kate Middleton never doing a titty shake.
I'm absolutely smashed, but I'm necking on with girls,
and Charlotte hasn't reacted, she's not kicking off.
She looks like she's having a good night.
So, this is very good news for me.
(Charlotte) So, Gary has pulled.
He's brought a girl into our area.
But, still, I'm not bothered.
(Sophie) I feel like I've got my best friends back.
I was left out when they were going off, pulling boys.
To have the girls back feels mint.
All the lads have got a bird.
I'm gonna take mine home and fucking toast her.
What do you mean?
¶
Because the cock capturers have stopped cock capturing,
I feel like the boys are now thinking
that they need to go all out.
Is there any need?
Hey!
(Charlotte) We've got a full house tonight.
Three boys to four girls.
(overlapping chatter)
It's like fucking Grand Central Station in here.
Thank God the girls haven't pulled random boys.
Instead, Holly's spooning the floor,
and Charlotte's talking to the fish.
Scramble! Scramble?
Who needs cock?
(Dan) I can't wait to get these girls upstairs,
in bed, do the business.
Been a long night, I've grafted,
I got two girls back, I get 'em in the shag pad.
I could be on for two of them here.
But nope, all they wanna do is sit and talk.
Two birds, no bang.
Sometimes you just have a bad night.
(Dan) I'm taking things slow with my bird.
But, Scott's girl, she's wailing like a fucking banshee.
(moaning loudly)
It's completely put us of my stride.
I feel completely cock blocked.
It's definitely not happening for me tonight.
(moaning)
Mine's the only one who's getting plucked tonight.
(clucking)
We're back on tour, this time, Prague.
Cheap beer, wicked clubs.
(girls) Vicky! Vicky!
It's a massive Prague-ish party.
It took my fucking head off.
Whoa, fucking hell!
I'm not a dick! Yeah, you are.
Who wants to get fucking mortaled?
(vomiting)
What a tit.
Give us a kiss and go.
Couldn't have gone better.
Strip clubs, girls, what fucking better place
to send me?
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ If you wanna go wild if you wanna go wild ¶
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ If you wanna go wild if you wanna go... ¶
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ If you wanna go wild if you wanna go wild ¶
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ Let's party, party let me go wild ¶
¶ Oi, oi let me go wild ¶
¶ Let's party, party let me go own that ¶
¶ Own that, own that own that, own that ¶