1 00:00:06,905 --> 00:00:08,839 Geordie Shore is back! 2 00:00:08,841 --> 00:00:09,840 (cheering) 3 00:00:09,842 --> 00:00:10,807 Last time was mint. 4 00:00:10,809 --> 00:00:12,475 Two new housemates. 5 00:00:12,477 --> 00:00:14,276 We caused havoc. 6 00:00:14,278 --> 00:00:14,776 Hey, hey! 7 00:00:14,778 --> 00:00:16,010 There was ups, there was downs. 8 00:00:16,012 --> 00:00:18,112 I'd like to shit on his face. 9 00:00:18,114 --> 00:00:21,648 Last time the bucks were dominated. 10 00:00:21,650 --> 00:00:23,816 Where's the fuckin' fanny? 11 00:00:23,818 --> 00:00:25,184 I ended up banging Scott. 12 00:00:25,186 --> 00:00:26,018 (groans) (gasps) 13 00:00:26,020 --> 00:00:28,653 And realized I still had feelings for James. 14 00:00:28,655 --> 00:00:30,087 I got meself a girlfriend. 15 00:00:30,089 --> 00:00:31,721 Vicky and Ricci got kicked out. 16 00:00:31,723 --> 00:00:33,422 You're a fuckin' arsehole! 17 00:00:33,424 --> 00:00:34,055 I'm gonna leave. 18 00:00:34,057 --> 00:00:36,023 I had to leave and I had to be with him. 19 00:00:36,025 --> 00:00:38,392 Charlotte had a boyfriend and now doesn't. 20 00:00:38,394 --> 00:00:40,127 Me and Scott are finished. 21 00:00:40,129 --> 00:00:41,795 Feelings are coming back for Gary. 22 00:00:41,797 --> 00:00:42,896 Kiss, kiss. 23 00:00:42,898 --> 00:00:44,464 Why has he kissed us? 24 00:00:44,466 --> 00:00:47,567 This could just mean fuckin' anything. 25 00:00:47,935 --> 00:00:51,070 What the hell is gonna happen this time? 26 00:00:51,072 --> 00:00:53,038 Geordie Tours-- What? 27 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,907 Across Europe. (all cheering) 28 00:00:55,909 --> 00:00:57,975 She's sending us to Europe. 29 00:00:57,977 --> 00:01:01,979 What happens on tour stays on tour! 30 00:01:01,981 --> 00:01:04,348 Geordie Tours. Chaos... 31 00:01:04,350 --> 00:01:06,550 with a little side of pandemonium, 32 00:01:06,552 --> 00:01:08,885 and a sprinkling of insane. 33 00:01:08,887 --> 00:01:09,886 Jaeger bombs. 34 00:01:09,888 --> 00:01:10,920 Vomit... (groans) 35 00:01:10,922 --> 00:01:13,422 Bangin'... Arguin'. 36 00:01:13,424 --> 00:01:14,823 Blow jobs. Fuckin'. 37 00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:16,057 Poo. Buckin'. 38 00:01:16,059 --> 00:01:17,758 (moans) Smashin'. 39 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:20,594 Loads more cock in the hole. Party! 40 00:01:20,596 --> 00:01:23,029 This is unbeatable! 41 00:01:23,031 --> 00:01:24,630 Boom! Boom! Boom! 42 00:01:24,632 --> 00:01:27,332 Bring on the fuckin' carnage. 43 00:01:27,334 --> 00:01:30,735 Geordie Tours! (cheering) 44 00:01:31,803 --> 00:01:33,870 I should have a degree in pullin' women. 45 00:01:33,872 --> 00:01:36,372 I am a Geordie girl with a VIP edge. 46 00:01:36,374 --> 00:01:37,806 If you look up pulling in the dictionary, 47 00:01:37,808 --> 00:01:38,640 my name's next to it. 48 00:01:38,642 --> 00:01:40,575 I've never kissed anyone without a six-pack. 49 00:01:40,577 --> 00:01:42,777 Get in this house, I'm gonna tear the place up. 50 00:01:42,779 --> 00:01:44,712 I could talk the back legs off a donkey. 51 00:01:44,714 --> 00:01:46,513 Got the looks, got the charm, it just works. 52 00:01:46,515 --> 00:01:48,848 I'm fit, I'm flirty, and I've got double-Fs. 53 00:01:48,850 --> 00:01:51,884 The hardest graft I've ever done is doin' me hair. 54 00:01:51,886 --> 00:01:54,753 "Geordie Shore"! 55 00:01:56,956 --> 00:02:00,792 ¶ 56 00:02:05,864 --> 00:02:07,331 I'm free, I'm single, 57 00:02:07,333 --> 00:02:10,701 and I'm ready for me clit to tingle. 58 00:02:11,335 --> 00:02:13,469 Hol, I'm single now with you. 59 00:02:13,471 --> 00:02:14,903 I know. Can you believe it? 60 00:02:14,905 --> 00:02:17,906 This time I've got Charlotte back, wingwoman. 61 00:02:17,908 --> 00:02:21,676 So Charlotte, does that mean that you're on rebound? 62 00:02:21,678 --> 00:02:22,376 No! 63 00:02:22,378 --> 00:02:24,311 Eh, but yeah, because you're single now. 64 00:02:24,313 --> 00:02:25,912 That's when you can just run free. 65 00:02:25,914 --> 00:02:27,847 Okay, I'm on crazy rebound, then. 66 00:02:27,849 --> 00:02:30,216 When me and Gary said our goodbyes, 67 00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:31,517 we ended up kissing. 68 00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:33,352 It smacked us in the face, 69 00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:35,721 and I didn't know how to take it. 70 00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:37,823 I think I tried it to see if I liked it. 71 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:39,457 That's what people do on the rebound. 72 00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:41,358 I've heard that happens all the time. 73 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:42,692 I have said this before: 74 00:02:42,694 --> 00:02:44,360 I am not going back to Gary. 75 00:02:44,362 --> 00:02:45,994 I'm not going back to Parsnip. 76 00:02:45,996 --> 00:02:49,764 But this time around, I mean it. 77 00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:56,403 ¶ 78 00:02:57,671 --> 00:03:00,239 Rebound, rebound. 79 00:03:00,506 --> 00:03:02,673 Really, now, you've got to think, fuckin', 80 00:03:02,675 --> 00:03:04,374 last time I seen Charlotte it was like, 81 00:03:04,376 --> 00:03:05,775 that little awkward kiss right at the end. 82 00:03:05,777 --> 00:03:07,209 The last time I had seen Charlotte, 83 00:03:07,211 --> 00:03:08,743 I was kissing her, saying goodbye, 84 00:03:08,745 --> 00:03:11,245 a little peck to end it, a little bit of tongue action. 85 00:03:11,247 --> 00:03:12,412 Are you gonna bang her again? 86 00:03:12,414 --> 00:03:14,580 No, no. Right, as soon as you do, 87 00:03:14,582 --> 00:03:15,881 that's when she's just gonna-- 88 00:03:15,883 --> 00:03:18,450 No, that's it, that's it. Keep moving. 89 00:03:18,452 --> 00:03:20,318 So I'm one half of the buck squad, 90 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:21,218 and Gaz is the other. 91 00:03:21,220 --> 00:03:25,088 Together we're like a fuckin' pulling force. 92 00:03:27,391 --> 00:03:30,326 If they're the buck squad, right, what are we? 93 00:03:30,328 --> 00:03:31,727 What about the cock capturers? 94 00:03:31,729 --> 00:03:32,594 I like that one. 95 00:03:32,596 --> 00:03:34,262 That's like a flycatcher, isn't it? 96 00:03:34,264 --> 00:03:35,663 Yeah. Like a cock capturer. 97 00:03:35,665 --> 00:03:36,697 It's like a Venus trap. 98 00:03:36,699 --> 00:03:38,365 We're gonna give the buck squad 99 00:03:38,367 --> 00:03:39,299 a run for their money. 100 00:03:39,301 --> 00:03:40,500 They're not gonna know what hit 'em. 101 00:03:40,502 --> 00:03:41,534 We're goin' back into there, 102 00:03:41,536 --> 00:03:42,501 go get partnered, girls! 103 00:03:42,503 --> 00:03:45,437 I know I've still got two, we should pack. 104 00:03:45,439 --> 00:03:47,405 See you at the house. 105 00:03:49,574 --> 00:03:52,676 Last time around I got meself a girlfriend. 106 00:03:52,678 --> 00:03:54,577 We're still together. 107 00:03:54,579 --> 00:03:55,878 What's that? Oh, that's all right. 108 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:58,647 It's just a thousand girls' hearts breakin' in Newcastle. 109 00:03:58,649 --> 00:04:01,049 All that Scott and Gaz want to do 110 00:04:01,051 --> 00:04:02,583 all the time is pull. 111 00:04:02,585 --> 00:04:04,718 It's not the boys that worry us. 112 00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:06,052 I think, you know, 113 00:04:06,054 --> 00:04:08,154 it's the actions of Holly 114 00:04:08,156 --> 00:04:10,856 that I just think so inappropriate-like. 115 00:04:10,858 --> 00:04:14,693 Once upon a time me and Holly were friends with benefits, 116 00:04:14,695 --> 00:04:16,194 but that's all in the past now. 117 00:04:16,196 --> 00:04:17,995 Holly's not even gonna get the time of day, 118 00:04:17,997 --> 00:04:20,230 especially if I know that it upsets you. 119 00:04:20,232 --> 00:04:22,665 I'm looking forward to getting back in that house 120 00:04:22,667 --> 00:04:25,434 and seeing the rest of me fucked-up family. 121 00:04:25,436 --> 00:04:28,737 (sighs) Funny, I didn't have so many vests. 122 00:04:38,547 --> 00:04:41,615 So surprisingly I haven't missed James. 123 00:04:41,617 --> 00:04:43,249 It's completely old news. 124 00:04:43,251 --> 00:04:45,584 It's like a dried-up prune. 125 00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,452 So why the fuck did I ever go there? 126 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:50,621 Because he knew you were just an easy target and-- 127 00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:52,155 I'm not that easy! 128 00:04:52,157 --> 00:04:55,057 You were there for the taking, Holly. 129 00:04:56,859 --> 00:04:58,726 I just can't wait to get in there, 130 00:04:58,728 --> 00:05:01,361 see the girls, have a drink. 131 00:05:01,363 --> 00:05:03,629 We are happy being engaged, I think. 132 00:05:03,631 --> 00:05:05,464 We're never gonna be a couple who never argues. 133 00:05:05,466 --> 00:05:07,966 I think we've got to accept that. It's just realistic. 134 00:05:07,968 --> 00:05:09,734 The Geordie Shore house is a great environment 135 00:05:09,736 --> 00:05:12,002 for certain things to flourish, 136 00:05:12,004 --> 00:05:12,736 like chlamydia. 137 00:05:12,738 --> 00:05:15,138 However, it is one of the worst places 138 00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:17,707 to have a monogamous, healthy relationship. 139 00:05:17,709 --> 00:05:20,609 'Cause obviously being in the house, it's-- it is a test. 140 00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:23,979 Last time in the house me and Ricci had a lot of problems 141 00:05:23,981 --> 00:05:25,513 and quite a lot of conflict, 142 00:05:25,515 --> 00:05:27,081 and it all stemmed out from the fact 143 00:05:27,083 --> 00:05:28,115 that he's a massive tosser. 144 00:05:28,117 --> 00:05:30,917 Nobody wants to see me and Vicky arguing all the time. 145 00:05:30,919 --> 00:05:32,151 I think I'm gonna rein it in a little bit, 146 00:05:32,153 --> 00:05:35,220 be on my best behavior so I don't get any more trouble from her. 147 00:05:35,222 --> 00:05:36,454 This is our opportunity in there 148 00:05:36,456 --> 00:05:38,289 to really have some fun and just be ourselves 149 00:05:38,291 --> 00:05:40,291 and not get too caught up in all the drama. 150 00:05:40,293 --> 00:05:43,961 We love each other, so it shouldn't be that hard. 151 00:05:44,462 --> 00:05:47,030 So I'm buzzin' 'cause it's all goin' off again. 152 00:05:47,032 --> 00:05:49,532 We're back in that house and I can't wait. 153 00:05:49,534 --> 00:05:50,966 I think you'll be able to hold your own 154 00:05:50,968 --> 00:05:53,134 with the other ones now that you've settled in. 155 00:05:53,136 --> 00:05:55,402 I think I've become a lot more independent. 156 00:05:55,404 --> 00:05:56,536 I think I've matured an awful lot. 157 00:05:56,538 --> 00:05:58,437 I don't mind being the little brother in the house. 158 00:05:58,439 --> 00:06:00,172 The rest of them are all over the hill. 159 00:06:00,174 --> 00:06:03,308 That place is like a fuckin' old people's home. 160 00:06:06,612 --> 00:06:09,146 Oh, that's gross. (chuckles) 161 00:06:09,148 --> 00:06:10,247 Don't get too drunk. 162 00:06:10,249 --> 00:06:12,249 See you later. 163 00:06:14,018 --> 00:06:14,650 Who's that? 164 00:06:14,652 --> 00:06:16,018 Me and Joel are still together 165 00:06:16,020 --> 00:06:17,119 and we're stronger than ever. 166 00:06:17,121 --> 00:06:18,320 We have been through a lot of shit 167 00:06:18,322 --> 00:06:21,956 and I know that nothing is gonna come between us. 168 00:06:22,223 --> 00:06:24,390 So I'm off to pick up me best mate Charlotte, 169 00:06:24,392 --> 00:06:27,326 but no doubt she's gonna stink of fake tan 170 00:06:27,328 --> 00:06:29,895 and smell like a tart arsehole. 171 00:06:29,897 --> 00:06:32,597 Scrambled and Egg are still alive and kickin', 172 00:06:32,599 --> 00:06:36,367 and they cannot wait to come back to the house. 173 00:06:36,369 --> 00:06:37,901 (gasping) (shrieks) 174 00:06:37,903 --> 00:06:39,068 Oh, no, no! Put him back in! 175 00:06:39,070 --> 00:06:40,536 Put it back in, put it back in! 176 00:06:40,538 --> 00:06:42,304 Charlotte, put him back in. 177 00:06:42,306 --> 00:06:44,105 He's gonna die! 178 00:06:44,107 --> 00:06:46,440 Oh, my God, that was horrible. 179 00:06:46,442 --> 00:06:50,010 Scrambled, Egg, it's time to go home. 180 00:06:50,012 --> 00:06:51,845 Whoo! 181 00:06:57,818 --> 00:06:59,084 I'm always excited to get back in that house. 182 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:03,388 To me it's heaven. It's partyin', it's birds, it's banter. 183 00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:06,457 Last time I was in the house it was a fuckin' shithole. 184 00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:08,292 It absolutely stunk. 185 00:07:08,294 --> 00:07:09,259 Fuckin' hell! 186 00:07:09,261 --> 00:07:13,029 (laughs) They have a fireplace in now. 187 00:07:13,031 --> 00:07:15,632 To see the house change that much, 188 00:07:15,634 --> 00:07:18,468 it's like going from a warehouse to a mansion. 189 00:07:18,470 --> 00:07:20,236 A perfect lads' pad. 190 00:07:20,238 --> 00:07:22,137 I bet you soon as the girls get in, 191 00:07:22,139 --> 00:07:24,939 they'll start shittin' all over the place. 192 00:07:24,941 --> 00:07:26,573 I've missed everyone. 193 00:07:26,575 --> 00:07:28,074 Let's get fuckin' on it. 194 00:07:28,076 --> 00:07:29,975 Cheers. Do it. 195 00:07:30,276 --> 00:07:34,412 So we're back in Newcastle and we're gonna smash it. 196 00:07:34,414 --> 00:07:37,648 This is unbelievable. 197 00:07:37,650 --> 00:07:39,149 Oi oi! Oi oi! 198 00:07:39,151 --> 00:07:41,451 The new house is absolutely mint. 199 00:07:41,453 --> 00:07:42,518 James has got a bird. 200 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:43,986 I hope he's not as boring as he was last time. 201 00:07:43,988 --> 00:07:46,421 I'm gonna go in this comfy room again, me down here. 202 00:07:46,423 --> 00:07:49,557 I'm not gonna share a room with the fuckin' buck squad, am I? 203 00:07:49,559 --> 00:07:51,859 Maybe they should just get a tally chart on the wall 204 00:07:51,861 --> 00:07:53,493 to see who can pull the fuckin' ugliest. 205 00:07:53,495 --> 00:07:55,061 So every time, when it comes to this time 206 00:07:55,063 --> 00:07:58,798 and we're just about to go in the house, I get so excited. 207 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,533 Oh, my God. 208 00:08:00,535 --> 00:08:02,835 What the fuck? 209 00:08:02,837 --> 00:08:03,402 Alright? 210 00:08:03,404 --> 00:08:05,303 The only thing that I'm worried about 211 00:08:05,305 --> 00:08:06,304 going back into the house 212 00:08:06,306 --> 00:08:08,205 is the way James is going to react around me. 213 00:08:08,207 --> 00:08:11,208 I've told me girlfriend Kate that this time around 214 00:08:11,210 --> 00:08:12,943 I'm not going to speak to Holly. 215 00:08:12,945 --> 00:08:15,512 This is gonna be awkward. Bothered. 216 00:08:15,514 --> 00:08:19,616 But this time it's not gonna be the buck squad. 217 00:08:19,618 --> 00:08:21,851 It's gonna be the cock capturers. 218 00:08:21,853 --> 00:08:25,120 Me and Charlotte are gonna capture all the cock. 219 00:08:25,122 --> 00:08:30,058 I can't believe Holly has challenged the buck squad to a banging competition. 220 00:08:30,060 --> 00:08:31,426 Schoolgirl error. 221 00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:33,327 Game on. 222 00:08:33,561 --> 00:08:36,029 It's time to get back in that house, and I can't wait. 223 00:08:36,031 --> 00:08:38,564 This time around I'm not taking any shit 224 00:08:38,566 --> 00:08:40,032 and I'm not sucking up to anybody. 225 00:08:40,034 --> 00:08:41,967 I'm gonna go on radge, buck birds, 226 00:08:41,969 --> 00:08:44,502 and just generally be a legend. 227 00:08:45,303 --> 00:08:48,305 Last time around Dan just competing with the buck squad, 228 00:08:48,307 --> 00:08:51,007 I hope this time he just does his own thing. 229 00:08:51,009 --> 00:08:52,541 Welcome back, ol' kid. 230 00:08:52,543 --> 00:08:54,376 Whoo! Hey! 231 00:08:54,378 --> 00:08:56,878 I feel this kind of responsibility for Dan, 232 00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:57,912 just like an older brother. 233 00:08:57,914 --> 00:08:59,079 I feel I've got to guide him to girls 234 00:08:59,081 --> 00:09:00,914 and tell him what to do and what he's doing wrong. 235 00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:03,750 So you've got the buck squad and you've got the little brother. 236 00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:06,085 I go for quality and not quantity. 237 00:09:07,053 --> 00:09:09,320 ¶ 238 00:09:09,322 --> 00:09:10,721 Oi! 239 00:09:10,723 --> 00:09:12,055 Hey! Yes! 240 00:09:12,057 --> 00:09:13,089 I walk into the new house 241 00:09:13,091 --> 00:09:14,757 and it is absolutely beautiful. 242 00:09:14,759 --> 00:09:17,526 I give it half an hour before it's covered in piss, 243 00:09:17,528 --> 00:09:19,895 before Holly sucks someone off in it. 244 00:09:19,897 --> 00:09:21,296 Vicky and Ricci left last time, 245 00:09:21,298 --> 00:09:24,365 and it must be so hard in this house being a couple. 246 00:09:24,367 --> 00:09:25,833 Oh, this-- I remember last time you all-- 247 00:09:25,835 --> 00:09:28,302 you Geordies were all waitin' for that bird to come. 248 00:09:28,304 --> 00:09:30,370 "I wouldn't, like..." 249 00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:33,739 It's good to have Ricci back in the house, 250 00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:36,808 but I still can't understand a fuckin' word he says. 251 00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:38,676 I know what I'm sayin' in me head, 252 00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:41,078 but I can't get the fucker out. 253 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:41,912 ¶ 254 00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:43,813 I feel like I've got this hatred towards Gary now 255 00:09:43,815 --> 00:09:48,450 for all this shit and all the, like, mind games that he's done, and-- 256 00:09:48,452 --> 00:09:51,186 Especially after what happened last time. 257 00:09:51,188 --> 00:09:53,421 Last time around, at the end, 258 00:09:53,423 --> 00:09:56,457 Gary picked us up and we ended up kissing. 259 00:09:56,459 --> 00:09:57,958 Well, it just-- that was a head fuck 260 00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,426 and I was so upset afterwards. 261 00:09:59,428 --> 00:10:03,730 That was, like, a moment that was, like... (sighs) 262 00:10:03,732 --> 00:10:04,731 kind of breathtaking 263 00:10:04,733 --> 00:10:08,134 because I always kind of wished or imagined... (sobs) 264 00:10:08,136 --> 00:10:09,969 that would happen. (sobbing) 265 00:10:09,971 --> 00:10:14,873 I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. 266 00:10:15,374 --> 00:10:16,907 Yeah, youse are gonna get married, though? 267 00:10:16,909 --> 00:10:18,141 You know youse are gonna get married? 268 00:10:18,143 --> 00:10:19,775 I mean, the first-- the first commitment 269 00:10:19,777 --> 00:10:22,077 I'll go into I'll be like, I'll only bang you. 270 00:10:22,079 --> 00:10:23,178 Yes, Charlotte, I love hers, 271 00:10:23,180 --> 00:10:25,246 I love her a bit, but boyfriend/girlfriend thing 272 00:10:25,248 --> 00:10:28,749 it just-- I can stop it. She's the one who's conned. 273 00:10:28,751 --> 00:10:31,351 He constantly says that it's me, it's me, 274 00:10:31,353 --> 00:10:33,086 who, like, who gets the feelings back... 275 00:10:33,088 --> 00:10:35,688 But it's not. ...when he's the one who leads us on. 276 00:10:35,690 --> 00:10:37,056 He's the one who flirts with me, 277 00:10:37,058 --> 00:10:40,459 like, "Shut the fuck up. Stop being a stupid fucking 278 00:10:40,461 --> 00:10:42,761 ignorant stupid prick." 279 00:10:42,763 --> 00:10:45,797 (sobs) Oh, now I'm getting angry-- 280 00:10:45,799 --> 00:10:48,132 (sniffles) angry tears. (sighs) 281 00:10:48,134 --> 00:10:50,934 He's got Scott now so he can just go and fuckin' buck him. 282 00:10:50,936 --> 00:10:52,001 Why is he pretending to be this lad 283 00:10:52,003 --> 00:10:53,936 when everyone can see his true colors? 284 00:10:53,938 --> 00:10:58,373 (sobs) I hate being a girl. 285 00:11:04,813 --> 00:11:05,946 You two will be like Scrambled and Egg 286 00:11:05,948 --> 00:11:08,915 rolling around the bowl, so happy and so in love 287 00:11:08,917 --> 00:11:11,851 and so unaware of what's going on in the outside. 288 00:11:11,853 --> 00:11:14,053 (groans) Can that never happen? 289 00:11:14,055 --> 00:11:16,422 In all honesty, I have missed Charlotte. 290 00:11:16,424 --> 00:11:18,757 The minute we stepped foot in that house together 291 00:11:18,759 --> 00:11:20,191 our feelings come rushing back 292 00:11:20,193 --> 00:11:22,593 and it's back to square one. 293 00:11:23,995 --> 00:11:25,762 I fuckin' hate him, and he's gonna be in here 294 00:11:25,764 --> 00:11:31,534 and he's gonna be all smarmy, like, "Yeah, I'm back now, buckin' squad." 295 00:11:31,902 --> 00:11:34,403 I'm going into the house 100% single 296 00:11:34,405 --> 00:11:37,239 and I'm gonna put the biggest front on ever 297 00:11:37,241 --> 00:11:38,773 that I don't like Gary. 298 00:11:38,775 --> 00:11:40,174 What if you had got all this gallivantin', 299 00:11:40,176 --> 00:11:44,978 get it out of your system in, like, the next couple of years? 300 00:11:44,980 --> 00:11:46,212 Yeah, couple of weeks. 301 00:11:46,214 --> 00:11:47,613 Next couple of weeks? 302 00:11:47,615 --> 00:11:49,047 Then chill with Charlotte. 303 00:11:49,049 --> 00:11:50,681 Don't know what to do, I don't know. 304 00:11:50,683 --> 00:11:51,915 But you're in love with her? 305 00:11:51,917 --> 00:11:54,751 (Sophie) Ohh! Oh, my God! 306 00:11:54,753 --> 00:11:56,185 Come on, Gary! 307 00:11:56,187 --> 00:11:58,220 Is that them? Yeah. 308 00:11:58,222 --> 00:12:00,255 (Charlotte) Oh, my God! 309 00:12:00,257 --> 00:12:03,491 (girls cheering) 310 00:12:06,528 --> 00:12:09,796 And it begins. (sighs) 311 00:12:09,798 --> 00:12:11,931 What the actual fuck? 312 00:12:11,933 --> 00:12:14,566 You see the big fish tank in the middle for you. 313 00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:16,668 Oh, my God! 314 00:12:16,670 --> 00:12:18,536 It's so good! 315 00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,337 Oi oi! Hey! 316 00:12:20,339 --> 00:12:23,173 What the hell? This is so weird. 317 00:12:23,175 --> 00:12:24,908 The new house is amazin'. 318 00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:26,175 It's the perfect distraction 319 00:12:26,177 --> 00:12:28,210 so that I don't have to speak to Gary. 320 00:12:28,212 --> 00:12:29,611 Go in, go in. (gasps) 321 00:12:29,613 --> 00:12:30,178 He's doin' it. 322 00:12:30,180 --> 00:12:31,746 I think that's the deepest he's ever went. 323 00:12:31,748 --> 00:12:32,947 He doesn't know how to take it. 324 00:12:32,949 --> 00:12:35,249 It is wicked just everyone being back together, 325 00:12:35,251 --> 00:12:38,352 but things are a bit awkward still between me and Charlotte. 326 00:12:38,354 --> 00:12:40,153 So, I've just been talking to Gary-- 327 00:12:40,155 --> 00:12:43,756 Tell him he's punching above his weight, to go away. 328 00:12:49,129 --> 00:12:50,529 Can't be safe. Are you really? 329 00:12:50,531 --> 00:12:51,329 Yeah, I want him to think-- 330 00:12:51,331 --> 00:12:52,963 Don't ever want him to plan things like that. 331 00:12:52,965 --> 00:12:55,498 Clearly Gary has some kind of agenda, 332 00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:56,899 and I don't want to get involved 333 00:12:56,901 --> 00:12:58,267 in his silly little games. 334 00:12:58,269 --> 00:13:00,269 Three... two... one... Go! 335 00:13:00,271 --> 00:13:01,570 God, not this again. 336 00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,738 (gags and coughs) 337 00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:05,306 We're all back in the house now, 338 00:13:05,308 --> 00:13:09,576 let's fuckin' have it, yeah! 339 00:13:10,277 --> 00:13:12,945 ¶ 340 00:13:12,947 --> 00:13:15,247 We're back in Newcastle. It was mint last time, 341 00:13:15,249 --> 00:13:18,717 and I can't wait to do it all over again. 342 00:13:18,719 --> 00:13:21,086 Everyone's back in the house and it's mint. 343 00:13:21,088 --> 00:13:22,720 (doorbell rings) 344 00:13:22,722 --> 00:13:24,755 Go, Dan, go, go, go. 345 00:13:24,757 --> 00:13:26,223 Go, Dan. 346 00:13:26,225 --> 00:13:27,224 So Anna's our boss 347 00:13:27,226 --> 00:13:29,059 and she's the one who dishes out the jobs 348 00:13:29,061 --> 00:13:30,727 while we're staying in the Geordie Shore house, 349 00:13:30,729 --> 00:13:34,464 and to be honest, all of them are fuckin' shit. 350 00:13:34,466 --> 00:13:36,265 I've had to come up with a new business venture, 351 00:13:36,267 --> 00:13:38,200 'cause you've all proved you're pretty shit 352 00:13:38,202 --> 00:13:40,035 at everything else that I've gave you. 353 00:13:40,037 --> 00:13:41,469 I was all right massagin'. 354 00:13:41,471 --> 00:13:42,770 I literally haven't got a clue 355 00:13:42,772 --> 00:13:43,837 what our jobs are gonna be. 356 00:13:43,839 --> 00:13:46,806 I just hope it's not gonna be like last time 357 00:13:46,808 --> 00:13:48,007 where we've got to go and massage people. 358 00:13:48,009 --> 00:13:51,844 I've seen far too many wrinkly ball sacs and saggy tits. 359 00:13:51,846 --> 00:13:56,048 The only thing that you guys are good at is partying. 360 00:13:56,050 --> 00:13:58,650 Set up a new company: 361 00:13:58,652 --> 00:13:59,684 Geordie Tours. 362 00:13:59,686 --> 00:14:01,552 Specializes in hen and stag dos. 363 00:14:01,554 --> 00:14:02,419 Bridesmaids. 364 00:14:02,421 --> 00:14:05,054 And we're gonna show them how Geordies party. 365 00:14:05,056 --> 00:14:05,687 That's it. 366 00:14:05,689 --> 00:14:07,889 We've got to show hen and stag parties 367 00:14:07,891 --> 00:14:08,890 how to have a good time? 368 00:14:08,892 --> 00:14:11,492 Could this job get any easier? 369 00:14:11,494 --> 00:14:13,427 When? Where? 370 00:14:13,429 --> 00:14:14,161 Across Europe. 371 00:14:14,163 --> 00:14:16,463 What's Europe? Europe? 372 00:14:16,465 --> 00:14:17,897 Europe is a continent. 373 00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:18,797 ¶ Europe, Europe 374 00:14:18,799 --> 00:14:20,765 Where in Europe? I like European cock. 375 00:14:20,767 --> 00:14:23,801 You're going... to Amsterdam. 376 00:14:23,803 --> 00:14:24,868 Yes! Yes! 377 00:14:24,870 --> 00:14:27,136 Fuckin' Red Light District! 378 00:14:27,138 --> 00:14:28,971 ¶ Amsterdam 379 00:14:28,973 --> 00:14:30,172 And it's Amsterdam? 380 00:14:30,174 --> 00:14:33,475 I heard their cake selection is brilliant. 381 00:14:33,876 --> 00:14:36,010 You're dealing with stags and hens 382 00:14:36,012 --> 00:14:37,111 and I do not want to hear 383 00:14:37,113 --> 00:14:40,481 that you have slept with any of the hens. 384 00:14:40,483 --> 00:14:43,350 But she didn't say anything about the hens' mates. 385 00:14:43,352 --> 00:14:44,684 Hashtag #loophole. 386 00:14:44,686 --> 00:14:47,019 Enjoy getting married. 387 00:14:47,021 --> 00:14:49,688 Amsterdam is a trial. Do you copy me? 388 00:14:49,690 --> 00:14:51,022 To be fair, Anna has delivered. 389 00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:52,757 She's sending us to Europe 390 00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:55,893 to look after hen parties in Amsterdam. 391 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,094 You are representing my company. 392 00:14:57,096 --> 00:15:00,397 I want you to do a good job this time, okay? 393 00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:01,698 Get meself a little bit of Dutch fluff 394 00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:05,401 and make her yodel, like ¶ Yodel-eh-yoo-hoo ¶ Yodel-eh-yoo-hoo 395 00:15:05,403 --> 00:15:07,469 Tomorrow morning you need to be up very, very early 396 00:15:07,471 --> 00:15:10,439 and you need to get yourselves to the airport. 397 00:15:10,441 --> 00:15:12,641 Goodbye. See ya. 398 00:15:13,275 --> 00:15:17,578 What is gonna happen when Amsterdamish people mix with the Geordies? 399 00:15:17,580 --> 00:15:19,580 I went to the Sex Museum in Amsterdam and it was weird. 400 00:15:19,582 --> 00:15:22,950 There was, like, people wankin' off goats and stuff on pictures. 401 00:15:22,952 --> 00:15:25,819 It was like the buckin' squad took to another level. 402 00:15:25,821 --> 00:15:26,619 Baa! 403 00:15:26,621 --> 00:15:28,220 You know what happens in Amsterdam... 404 00:15:28,222 --> 00:15:31,523 What happens on tour stays on tour! 405 00:15:31,525 --> 00:15:33,491 It means a whole lot of chaos... 406 00:15:33,493 --> 00:15:34,525 Start now, ladies. 407 00:15:34,527 --> 00:15:36,093 Geordie Tours. Geordie Tours. 408 00:15:36,095 --> 00:15:38,628 (cheering) 409 00:15:38,630 --> 00:15:39,495 ¶ Europe, Europe 410 00:15:39,497 --> 00:15:42,431 Amsterdam is not gonna know what's hit it. 411 00:15:42,433 --> 00:15:43,465 Vicky's fanny very small. 412 00:15:43,467 --> 00:15:45,166 Mine's gaping wide for all the cock. 413 00:15:45,168 --> 00:15:48,602 Me and Holly have been doing our pelvic floor exercises 414 00:15:48,604 --> 00:15:51,438 to tighten up our walls of our vaginas. 415 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:53,139 So you think you're so wide 416 00:15:53,141 --> 00:15:55,674 you might be a giant black hole? 417 00:15:55,676 --> 00:15:57,542 I'm doing the pelvic floor exercises. 418 00:15:57,544 --> 00:15:59,677 I'm not doing the pelvic floor exercises. 419 00:15:59,679 --> 00:16:01,512 Is it the Bermuda Triangle, Charlotte? 420 00:16:01,514 --> 00:16:02,813 Get back, I've got me legs crossed. 421 00:16:02,815 --> 00:16:03,814 I'm so pleased, Charlotte, 422 00:16:03,816 --> 00:16:05,715 otherwise I'd be sucked right in that hole. 423 00:16:05,717 --> 00:16:07,049 Charlotte's giving it the big 'un about 424 00:16:07,051 --> 00:16:08,950 how she's ready for loads of cock. 425 00:16:08,952 --> 00:16:11,852 That's not Charlotte, and I can't help but think 426 00:16:11,854 --> 00:16:14,855 this may all be for Gary's benefit. 427 00:16:14,857 --> 00:16:19,259 ¶ 428 00:16:24,898 --> 00:16:26,365 Guys all ready? Aye. 429 00:16:26,367 --> 00:16:28,734 I am fluent in Amsterdamish. 430 00:16:28,736 --> 00:16:31,403 Guten tag, which is "hello". 431 00:16:31,405 --> 00:16:33,004 I can't wait to get to Amsterdam, 432 00:16:33,006 --> 00:16:35,873 even if I don't even know where it is. 433 00:16:35,875 --> 00:16:38,108 Olé, bonjour, 434 00:16:38,110 --> 00:16:39,876 lass wiedersehen. 435 00:16:39,878 --> 00:16:44,747 in my fanny hole, come, come, come. 436 00:16:44,749 --> 00:16:47,216 ¶ 437 00:16:47,218 --> 00:16:49,418 ¶ We're going to Amsterdam ¶ 438 00:16:49,420 --> 00:16:51,853 ¶ We're going to Amsterdam 439 00:16:53,956 --> 00:16:56,424 Amsterdam! Sex. 440 00:16:56,426 --> 00:16:57,691 Dildos. 441 00:16:58,426 --> 00:17:00,260 Ich bin scheizenhuse. 442 00:17:00,262 --> 00:17:02,328 "I am a shithouse". 443 00:17:04,731 --> 00:17:06,364 A late horse. 444 00:17:11,303 --> 00:17:14,972 Amsterdam, we have landed. 445 00:17:14,974 --> 00:17:18,642 ¶ 446 00:17:18,644 --> 00:17:20,243 Newcastle and Amsterdam, 447 00:17:20,245 --> 00:17:21,577 they're both very similar. 448 00:17:21,579 --> 00:17:23,579 They're both easy to get about. 449 00:17:23,581 --> 00:17:25,714 The only difference with Amsterdam 450 00:17:25,716 --> 00:17:27,415 is you've got to pay for it. 451 00:17:27,417 --> 00:17:29,683 Amsterdam is all about sex, 452 00:17:29,685 --> 00:17:32,452 so Geordie Shore and Amsterdam together 453 00:17:32,454 --> 00:17:36,722 is all about hardcore double sex. 454 00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:39,257 I'm buzzing to see what the hotel's like. 455 00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,025 I'm hoping it's got, like, a sauna, 456 00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:42,826 steam room, pool, the work. 457 00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:46,462 We can't be staying on that? 458 00:17:46,464 --> 00:17:47,362 What?! 459 00:17:47,364 --> 00:17:49,697 We end up on a bastard river 460 00:17:49,699 --> 00:17:52,700 floating on a fucking boat. 461 00:17:52,702 --> 00:17:53,834 I can't even swim. 462 00:17:53,836 --> 00:17:55,702 I get seasick. 463 00:17:58,372 --> 00:17:59,672 It's like a house! 464 00:17:59,674 --> 00:18:01,940 So how the hell am I supposed to live on a boat? 465 00:18:01,942 --> 00:18:05,343 My name's not Rosie, I don't have a boyfriend called Jim, 466 00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:06,877 and I don't live on a fuckin' river. 467 00:18:06,879 --> 00:18:09,412 I couldn't care less if I'm on a boat. 468 00:18:09,414 --> 00:18:11,414 I could be on a banana boat, a pedaler-- 469 00:18:11,416 --> 00:18:14,550 the same damage will be done. 470 00:18:15,552 --> 00:18:18,987 Everyone's sitting around being boring, as per usual. 471 00:18:18,989 --> 00:18:20,922 So me and Gaz are off out 472 00:18:20,924 --> 00:18:23,724 to smash the Red Light District. 473 00:18:24,859 --> 00:18:28,728 Are the boys gonna go out to the Red Light District? 474 00:18:28,730 --> 00:18:29,462 Probably. 475 00:18:29,464 --> 00:18:30,729 They'll do anything for sex. 476 00:18:30,731 --> 00:18:31,963 They'll even pay for it. 477 00:18:31,965 --> 00:18:34,699 That doesn't bother me, 'cause Gary can shag 478 00:18:34,701 --> 00:18:38,436 as many rank Dutch birds as he wants. 479 00:18:41,706 --> 00:18:45,809 ¶ 480 00:18:47,812 --> 00:18:50,680 Me and Gaz are like Dora the fuckin' Explorer 481 00:18:50,682 --> 00:18:52,515 walking around the Red Light District. 482 00:18:52,517 --> 00:18:54,850 Me and Scott spot a novelty condom shop. 483 00:18:54,852 --> 00:18:56,418 They've got fucking big ones, small ones, 484 00:18:56,420 --> 00:18:59,154 glow-in-the-dark ones, animal ones, fetish ones-- 485 00:18:59,156 --> 00:19:01,289 no wonder they're sex mad. 486 00:19:01,823 --> 00:19:03,156 Do you know your size? 487 00:19:03,158 --> 00:19:05,158 I kind of get around the top. 488 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:06,292 Yeah? How about that one? 489 00:19:06,294 --> 00:19:08,227 Like I'm like-- (groans) 490 00:19:08,229 --> 00:19:09,494 I hope I can find a big enough one 491 00:19:09,496 --> 00:19:10,761 to fit over my fuckin' pipe. 492 00:19:10,763 --> 00:19:12,763 This is standard, this is bigger. 493 00:19:12,765 --> 00:19:13,830 That's what I need, I need-- 494 00:19:13,832 --> 00:19:16,199 stock one of them bad boys. 495 00:19:17,267 --> 00:19:20,469 I want a condom that just says "Gazzed". 496 00:19:20,471 --> 00:19:21,203 "Gazzed"? 497 00:19:21,205 --> 00:19:22,204 Like "you've been Gazzed". 498 00:19:22,206 --> 00:19:25,473 I speak English but I don't understand you. 499 00:19:25,475 --> 00:19:27,508 Don't be a fool, wrap your tool. 500 00:19:27,510 --> 00:19:30,143 It's wicked, that shop, like. 501 00:19:34,481 --> 00:19:36,348 Put one on, then. 502 00:19:36,350 --> 00:19:37,382 If it gets hard, then. 503 00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:39,584 No, Danny, you're gonna snap it. 504 00:19:39,586 --> 00:19:41,619 Now what do you do with condoms? 505 00:19:41,621 --> 00:19:43,087 You put them on your head. 506 00:19:43,089 --> 00:19:44,688 Stop! Stop it! 507 00:19:44,690 --> 00:19:46,523 It's gonna-- 508 00:19:48,759 --> 00:19:50,059 Fair play to the kid, though. 509 00:19:50,061 --> 00:19:52,795 He's not gonna get to use it on his cock. 510 00:19:57,901 --> 00:20:01,703 We're getting ready to hit Amsterdam hard! 511 00:20:01,705 --> 00:20:05,573 ¶ 512 00:20:05,575 --> 00:20:07,107 It's our first night in Amsterdam, 513 00:20:07,109 --> 00:20:09,642 so I can't wait to get out and smash it. 514 00:20:09,644 --> 00:20:11,644 (overlapping cheers) 515 00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:14,746 ¶ Smashing in the 'dam, smashing in the 'dam ¶ 516 00:20:14,748 --> 00:20:17,548 ¶ Smashing in the 'dam, smashing in the 'dam ¶ 517 00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:18,749 We're in Amsterdam, 518 00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:21,184 all we want to do is party. 519 00:20:21,186 --> 00:20:25,087 ¶ 520 00:20:25,089 --> 00:20:26,621 We get to the club, music's bouncin', 521 00:20:26,623 --> 00:20:30,491 everyone's drinking, everyone's happy, it's class. 522 00:20:30,493 --> 00:20:34,161 This is what I expected Amsterdam to be like. 523 00:20:34,163 --> 00:20:38,532 Gaz and Scott go off to reunite the "buck squad". 524 00:20:38,534 --> 00:20:40,700 My tongue is already balls deep 525 00:20:40,702 --> 00:20:42,668 down some wicked brunette bird's throat. 526 00:20:42,670 --> 00:20:45,871 I'm doing what I do best: shockin' birds. 527 00:20:45,873 --> 00:20:50,141 We're lookin' good, and tonight is about pullin'. 528 00:20:50,609 --> 00:20:51,909 I've seen nothing like it. 529 00:20:51,911 --> 00:20:55,345 All the boys have greasy throwbacks. 530 00:20:55,347 --> 00:20:57,447 We'll just do CLS. 531 00:20:57,449 --> 00:21:03,786 CLS: consequential lowering of standards. 532 00:21:03,788 --> 00:21:07,923 ¶ 533 00:21:33,282 --> 00:21:37,285 Gary likes to dish it out but he cannot take it. 534 00:21:47,362 --> 00:21:49,262 Thank fuck I haven't consequentially 535 00:21:49,264 --> 00:21:52,064 lowered my standards with Gary tonight. 536 00:21:52,066 --> 00:21:53,765 He can fuck off. 537 00:21:53,767 --> 00:21:56,634 ¶ 538 00:21:56,636 --> 00:21:58,168 Charlotte is doing me head in, 539 00:21:58,170 --> 00:21:59,569 so I'm gonna go and see what else 540 00:21:59,571 --> 00:22:01,604 Amsterdam has to offer. 541 00:22:02,272 --> 00:22:04,539 I don't give a shit if Gary wants to pull. 542 00:22:04,541 --> 00:22:07,308 I am so in control of this situation. 543 00:22:07,310 --> 00:22:09,176 He can do what he wants. 544 00:22:09,178 --> 00:22:11,211 ¶ 545 00:22:11,213 --> 00:22:13,947 So I'm so drunk and I just can't pull, 546 00:22:13,949 --> 00:22:16,349 and at this point what usually happens 547 00:22:16,351 --> 00:22:18,417 is I just pass out. 548 00:22:19,318 --> 00:22:21,485 I've been keeping me distance from Holly. 549 00:22:21,487 --> 00:22:23,153 I just can't be bothered with it anymore. 550 00:22:23,155 --> 00:22:26,723 All I want to do is have a good time with the lads. 551 00:22:26,725 --> 00:22:29,625 ¶ 552 00:22:29,627 --> 00:22:32,928 Holly's mortal again. Shock. 553 00:22:32,930 --> 00:22:35,263 The buck squad's back in the fuckin' game, 554 00:22:35,265 --> 00:22:37,765 but, shock, Dan's letting the single side down. 555 00:22:37,767 --> 00:22:40,834 First night in Amsterdam and the buck squad haven't banged? 556 00:22:40,836 --> 00:22:45,271 I guess the two girls that we're looking for didn't come out ug and ly. 557 00:22:45,273 --> 00:22:49,208 The cock capturers might have failed tonight, 558 00:22:49,210 --> 00:22:51,743 but I have succeeded in giving Gary 559 00:22:51,745 --> 00:22:54,412 the knock back he deserves. 560 00:22:54,414 --> 00:22:55,980 Get in! 561 00:22:55,982 --> 00:22:58,816 (screaming) 562 00:22:59,617 --> 00:23:00,917 (Ricci) That was-- that was actually 563 00:23:00,919 --> 00:23:03,352 the best thing I've ever seen in me life. 564 00:23:07,957 --> 00:23:10,124 We're on a Geordie tour of Amsterdam 565 00:23:10,126 --> 00:23:12,059 and it's fuckin' mint. 566 00:23:12,061 --> 00:23:14,161 Last night we absolutely smashed Amsterdam 567 00:23:14,163 --> 00:23:19,065 and I'm ready to do it all over again tonight like a pure hero. 568 00:23:19,533 --> 00:23:20,666 It's Vicky's birthday today. 569 00:23:20,668 --> 00:23:23,001 I want to spoil her and I want to see a smile 570 00:23:23,003 --> 00:23:24,002 on that girl's face all day, 571 00:23:24,004 --> 00:23:26,137 and I want everyone to be involved with it. 572 00:23:26,139 --> 00:23:27,671 Birthdays in the Geordie Shore house, 573 00:23:27,673 --> 00:23:30,940 it's another excuse to get shitfaced. 574 00:23:30,942 --> 00:23:32,942 (cheering) 575 00:23:32,944 --> 00:23:34,944 I've got a really great feeling about today. 576 00:23:34,946 --> 00:23:36,445 I'm surrounded by all me friends, 577 00:23:36,447 --> 00:23:38,280 me fantastic fiancé. 578 00:23:38,282 --> 00:23:40,616 Whoo! 579 00:23:42,418 --> 00:23:45,453 Guys, I need everyone in the living room, please. 580 00:23:45,455 --> 00:23:48,055 So this blonde bird walks past us. 581 00:23:48,057 --> 00:23:48,688 I'm thinkin', "Eh?" 582 00:23:48,690 --> 00:23:50,356 I go, "Lads, she's gonna tell us something." 583 00:23:50,358 --> 00:23:51,757 I'm just here on Anna's behalf, 584 00:23:51,759 --> 00:23:53,925 so I need you all here, quickly, please. 585 00:23:53,927 --> 00:23:56,160 I was starting to think that they'd forgot about work 586 00:23:56,162 --> 00:23:59,730 and we were just allowed to go out to party and get pissed. 587 00:23:59,732 --> 00:24:03,366 Her name's Sam and she's apparently Anna's friend. 588 00:24:03,368 --> 00:24:04,467 She obviously can't be here, 589 00:24:04,469 --> 00:24:06,268 so I'm gonna be her representative 590 00:24:06,270 --> 00:24:07,102 whilst you're here. 591 00:24:07,104 --> 00:24:08,503 We've got a stag group that's arrived this morning. 592 00:24:08,505 --> 00:24:10,505 So today I need Holly and Charlotte ready 593 00:24:10,507 --> 00:24:14,442 in your uniforms; you can go and show the guys a good time. 594 00:24:14,444 --> 00:24:16,544 ¶ Dance, dance, dance, dance! ¶ 595 00:24:16,546 --> 00:24:18,946 And I cannae think of two better girls 596 00:24:18,948 --> 00:24:22,950 to show a bunch of cock how a party is done. 597 00:24:24,452 --> 00:24:28,855 ¶ 598 00:24:32,092 --> 00:24:35,360 Mine and Holly's job today is that we're on a massive bike 599 00:24:35,362 --> 00:24:37,428 with loads of pedals and a beer pump. 600 00:24:37,430 --> 00:24:38,395 Hi, lads! (Holly) Hi! 601 00:24:38,397 --> 00:24:41,431 Come on, get on the bike and get your feet on the pedals! 602 00:24:41,433 --> 00:24:43,199 All the stags sit around it 603 00:24:43,201 --> 00:24:45,501 and have to pedal the fastest for us to move 604 00:24:45,503 --> 00:24:47,436 and there's this man steering it. 605 00:24:47,438 --> 00:24:48,670 We don't even know who he is, 606 00:24:48,672 --> 00:24:51,172 but he just sits there and joins in on the craic. 607 00:24:51,174 --> 00:24:52,439 Want a good head? 608 00:24:52,441 --> 00:24:54,274 Everyone likes a good bit of head. 609 00:24:54,276 --> 00:24:56,409 Me and Holly are drinking the beer 610 00:24:56,411 --> 00:24:57,977 that we don't even like. 611 00:24:57,979 --> 00:25:00,946 ¶ Down it, down it, down it, down it ¶ 612 00:25:00,948 --> 00:25:04,182 ¶ Down it, go, go, down it ¶ 613 00:25:07,052 --> 00:25:07,985 Today it's me birthday. 614 00:25:07,987 --> 00:25:09,519 I'm gonna see the sights of Amsterdam, 615 00:25:09,521 --> 00:25:11,020 see what it has to offer. 616 00:25:11,022 --> 00:25:14,256 Amsterdam is known for its radge foods, 617 00:25:14,258 --> 00:25:15,523 so I'm gonna take the squad 618 00:25:15,525 --> 00:25:18,792 and make them try some vile things. 619 00:25:19,827 --> 00:25:22,495 What is it? Herring. 620 00:25:22,497 --> 00:25:23,262 Herring? Aye. 621 00:25:23,264 --> 00:25:26,431 So is herring a fish or a bird? 622 00:25:26,433 --> 00:25:27,565 Fish. It's a fish? 623 00:25:27,567 --> 00:25:28,566 I thought it was a bird? 624 00:25:28,568 --> 00:25:29,633 I thought it was a bird. 625 00:25:29,635 --> 00:25:33,169 It smells like Charlotte's vagina. 626 00:25:33,171 --> 00:25:35,137 It's fuckin' disgustin'. 627 00:25:35,139 --> 00:25:37,105 Deep throat that herring. 628 00:25:37,107 --> 00:25:38,106 Oh, ohh! 629 00:25:38,108 --> 00:25:39,240 (laughing) 630 00:25:39,242 --> 00:25:40,908 It's wicked. It's wicked? 631 00:25:40,910 --> 00:25:41,975 So I think I'm gonna be sick 632 00:25:41,977 --> 00:25:44,978 but I bypass it, 'cause I'm fuckin' brick. 633 00:25:44,980 --> 00:25:45,478 Neet! 634 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:47,012 Get me out of this place. 635 00:25:47,014 --> 00:25:48,113 I want to get with the girls 636 00:25:48,115 --> 00:25:50,248 and get pissed on a fuckin' bike. 637 00:25:50,250 --> 00:25:52,216 (cheering) 638 00:25:52,218 --> 00:25:54,017 ¶ And let's get down on the cock ¶ 639 00:25:54,019 --> 00:25:55,618 ¶ Let's get low on the cock 640 00:25:55,620 --> 00:25:57,586 ¶ Let's get down, let's get low ¶ 641 00:25:57,588 --> 00:25:58,954 ¶ Let's get down on the cock 642 00:25:58,956 --> 00:26:01,823 ¶ It might be a big cock, it might be a small cock ¶ 643 00:26:01,825 --> 00:26:05,793 Don't get me wrong: these lads might not have been anything to look at, 644 00:26:05,795 --> 00:26:07,027 but they did have good banger. 645 00:26:07,029 --> 00:26:10,230 ¶ It might be a big cock, it might be a small cock ¶ 646 00:26:10,232 --> 00:26:12,799 ¶ It might be a round cock but any cock's good ¶ 647 00:26:12,801 --> 00:26:14,767 ¶ But it's cock, cock, cock 648 00:26:14,769 --> 00:26:15,300 What cock? 649 00:26:15,302 --> 00:26:16,567 I think Sam will be really happy 650 00:26:16,569 --> 00:26:17,768 with what we've done today. 651 00:26:17,770 --> 00:26:19,836 We showed them a good time and we've got them all pissed, 652 00:26:19,838 --> 00:26:22,071 and that's basically what she asked us to do. 653 00:26:22,073 --> 00:26:28,077 ¶ Party, party, party, party, party ¶ 654 00:26:30,213 --> 00:26:33,014 I'm a bit worried about the Charlotte and Gary situation, 655 00:26:33,016 --> 00:26:34,348 and I know deep down it's none of me business 656 00:26:34,350 --> 00:26:37,217 but I can't help being protective over her. 657 00:26:41,322 --> 00:26:43,022 So you're just gonna keep it casual? 658 00:26:43,024 --> 00:26:43,789 Only friends-- 659 00:26:43,791 --> 00:26:45,524 Gaz and Charlotte aren't the Geordie Shore fairy tale. 660 00:26:45,526 --> 00:26:47,759 Rapunzel doesn't hoy down her hair extensions, 661 00:26:47,761 --> 00:26:49,494 the prince climbs up, gives her a kiss 662 00:26:49,496 --> 00:26:51,262 and then fucks off, has a threesome, 663 00:26:51,264 --> 00:26:53,163 and leaves here with nothing but an STI 664 00:26:53,165 --> 00:26:54,864 and a fuckin' broken heart. 665 00:26:54,866 --> 00:26:55,898 That is not what happens. 666 00:26:55,900 --> 00:26:58,000 If it's gonna go as far as seeing Charlotte again, 667 00:26:58,002 --> 00:26:59,901 I'd just be seeing Charlotte. 668 00:26:59,903 --> 00:27:01,135 Just be careful 'cause-- 669 00:27:01,137 --> 00:27:03,637 you know how much she feels about you. 670 00:27:03,639 --> 00:27:05,271 That's why I wouldn't go so far as thinking that. 671 00:27:05,273 --> 00:27:07,740 Do I go off with the boys and go on a rampage 672 00:27:07,742 --> 00:27:09,108 and bang as many birds as possible, 673 00:27:09,110 --> 00:27:11,677 or do I chill with Charlotte, get less grief, 674 00:27:11,679 --> 00:27:15,447 and just bang her and have a nice, easy life? 675 00:27:15,449 --> 00:27:16,881 I just don't know what to do. 676 00:27:16,883 --> 00:27:18,616 If Gaz and Charlotte got together, 677 00:27:18,618 --> 00:27:19,817 that would just leave me. 678 00:27:19,819 --> 00:27:20,751 I would be a one-man army. 679 00:27:20,753 --> 00:27:24,354 I'd be like the fuckin' Jean-Claude Van Damme-age of pullin'. 680 00:27:24,356 --> 00:27:26,823 (chuckling) 681 00:27:26,825 --> 00:27:28,257 Whoa! 682 00:27:28,259 --> 00:27:29,157 Happy birthday. 683 00:27:29,159 --> 00:27:30,024 It's Vicky's birthday, 684 00:27:30,026 --> 00:27:31,191 and the flowers are just a start 685 00:27:31,193 --> 00:27:33,960 of the surprises that I've got in store for all day. 686 00:27:33,962 --> 00:27:34,760 We're gonna shoot. 687 00:27:34,762 --> 00:27:36,928 Where are we going? You'll find out. 688 00:27:36,930 --> 00:27:37,828 See youse later. 689 00:27:37,830 --> 00:27:40,864 One of the things that pisses me off most about Amsterdam 690 00:27:40,866 --> 00:27:43,233 is all the fuckin' bells on bikes. 691 00:27:43,235 --> 00:27:45,335 You like this bike here? 692 00:27:46,036 --> 00:27:47,269 Thought we'd go for a little bike ride. 693 00:27:47,271 --> 00:27:49,271 So imagine my surprise when Ricci announces 694 00:27:49,273 --> 00:27:51,706 for my birthday he's gonna take me 695 00:27:51,708 --> 00:27:53,774 on a tandem bike ride. 696 00:27:53,776 --> 00:27:54,975 Oh, my God! 697 00:27:54,977 --> 00:27:56,710 You fuckin' ball bag. 698 00:27:56,712 --> 00:27:58,745 (both scream) 699 00:27:58,747 --> 00:28:00,546 The look on her face is quite funny, 700 00:28:00,548 --> 00:28:02,881 but I know this is going to be quite a laugh. 701 00:28:02,883 --> 00:28:04,816 Fuckin' Tweedledum, Tweedledee here. 702 00:28:04,818 --> 00:28:06,284 Tweedledum, Tweedletwat. 703 00:28:06,286 --> 00:28:07,618 Look out! What-- 704 00:28:07,620 --> 00:28:09,252 We're not from Amsterdam! 705 00:28:09,254 --> 00:28:10,253 This is so hard. 706 00:28:10,255 --> 00:28:12,655 Look out! (bell ringing) 707 00:28:14,724 --> 00:28:18,259 I've noticed it's getting more and more awkward with me and James. 708 00:28:18,261 --> 00:28:21,028 I'm just completely getting pied in the fuckin' face 709 00:28:21,030 --> 00:28:22,396 whenever I try and do anything, 710 00:28:22,398 --> 00:28:23,797 and it's frustrating me so much 711 00:28:23,799 --> 00:28:25,265 that I don't know what I'm gonna do. 712 00:28:25,267 --> 00:28:27,800 I'm gonna fuckin' hit him in the face or burst into tears. 713 00:28:27,802 --> 00:28:29,635 I do eventually want to get back 714 00:28:29,637 --> 00:28:30,636 to being friends with Holly, 715 00:28:30,638 --> 00:28:34,039 but for the minute I just want to keep that space 716 00:28:34,041 --> 00:28:38,743 and hopefully there'll be nothing else. 717 00:28:40,412 --> 00:28:41,745 Tonight's me birthday night out, 718 00:28:41,747 --> 00:28:44,481 and we're all getting ready, we're all dead excited. 719 00:28:44,483 --> 00:28:45,615 And then the phone goes. 720 00:28:45,617 --> 00:28:48,751 It's Sam, the bearer of bad news as per usual. 721 00:28:48,753 --> 00:28:50,652 (Sam) I've got a big group tonight 722 00:28:50,654 --> 00:28:52,186 and so I need you and Scott 723 00:28:52,188 --> 00:28:54,154 to come and help me do a guided bar crawl. 724 00:28:54,156 --> 00:28:57,524 Me and Gaz have got to go and guide a bar crawl. 725 00:28:57,526 --> 00:28:58,992 It's, um, it's Vicky's birthday 726 00:28:58,994 --> 00:28:59,792 and we've got to go. 727 00:28:59,794 --> 00:29:01,994 You've gonna have to work tonight, unfortunately. 728 00:29:01,996 --> 00:29:04,930 Gary and Scott are not gonna be that much of a miss 729 00:29:04,932 --> 00:29:05,897 at Vicky's birthday meal 730 00:29:05,899 --> 00:29:07,665 because I doubt the topic of conversation 731 00:29:07,667 --> 00:29:10,134 is gonna be about buckin' birds. 732 00:29:10,136 --> 00:29:13,971 ¶ 733 00:29:13,973 --> 00:29:15,672 I hope it's full of young birds. 734 00:29:15,674 --> 00:29:17,707 Apparently Amsterdam is famous for tulips, 735 00:29:17,709 --> 00:29:20,509 so I'm gonna deflower the whole fuckin' country. 736 00:29:20,511 --> 00:29:21,676 You're not here to have a good time. 737 00:29:21,678 --> 00:29:24,578 You're here to make sure that other people have a good time. 738 00:29:24,580 --> 00:29:26,446 No flirtin' as well. 739 00:29:26,448 --> 00:29:27,780 Sam says "No flirtin'." 740 00:29:27,782 --> 00:29:29,014 You've got more chance of Hugh Hefner 741 00:29:29,016 --> 00:29:32,717 handing me the mansion keys than that ever happenin'. 742 00:29:32,719 --> 00:29:34,852 No drinking. What? Come on! 743 00:29:34,854 --> 00:29:36,720 No drinking, no drinking. 744 00:29:36,722 --> 00:29:37,721 Is she radge? 745 00:29:37,723 --> 00:29:39,222 I'm definitely getting pissed, me. 746 00:29:39,224 --> 00:29:42,458 I'm just gonna have to be a pure sniper with the drinks. 747 00:29:42,460 --> 00:29:44,460 Go, go, go, go! 748 00:29:44,462 --> 00:29:46,195 Ohh, we've got to go work. 749 00:29:46,197 --> 00:29:48,197 Let's get fuckin' smashed. 750 00:29:48,199 --> 00:29:51,033 ¶ 751 00:29:51,035 --> 00:29:53,902 Ten blondes, a couple of brunettes, all up for it. 752 00:29:53,904 --> 00:29:55,904 That's not work, that's fuckin' heaven. 753 00:29:55,906 --> 00:29:59,741 This is just gonna be an excuse to get pissed and craic on. 754 00:29:59,743 --> 00:30:01,976 (cheering) 755 00:30:06,715 --> 00:30:09,650 So the easiest way to pull a girl on this planet 756 00:30:09,652 --> 00:30:11,151 is the ice cube game. 757 00:30:11,153 --> 00:30:14,821 All you need is one ice cube and about ten girls. 758 00:30:14,823 --> 00:30:15,922 Pass it to me, pass it to me. 759 00:30:15,924 --> 00:30:17,757 You pass it to the next one, you get it off her, 760 00:30:17,759 --> 00:30:19,425 you're neckin' on with six girls 761 00:30:19,427 --> 00:30:21,026 and you're playing a "game". 762 00:30:21,028 --> 00:30:24,863 It's also a mint excuse to watch other girls neck on. 763 00:30:24,865 --> 00:30:27,098 Works in every country. 764 00:30:30,569 --> 00:30:32,770 We're all planning on hitting Amsterdam hard 765 00:30:32,772 --> 00:30:34,838 like only a bunch of Geordies can. 766 00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:39,475 ¶ 767 00:30:42,679 --> 00:30:45,047 The club's gonna be as good as last night. 768 00:30:45,049 --> 00:30:46,815 I should hope so, it's a Friday. 769 00:30:46,817 --> 00:30:50,051 Last night was good but there was no boys. 770 00:30:50,053 --> 00:30:51,118 Uh, not one. 771 00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:53,653 ¶ 772 00:30:53,655 --> 00:30:56,856 To be honest, I'd been that focused on banging a Dutch bird 773 00:30:56,858 --> 00:30:59,625 I forgot we're here to work. Whoops. 774 00:30:59,627 --> 00:31:03,862 We're gonna go for a Geordie Shore record: a six-way kiss. 775 00:31:03,864 --> 00:31:05,663 (overlapping clamor) 776 00:31:05,665 --> 00:31:08,766 Hot, but can't actually get all our heads in, 777 00:31:08,768 --> 00:31:11,702 so I'm just gonna neck on with them all one by one. 778 00:31:11,704 --> 00:31:13,470 This job could not get any better. 779 00:31:13,472 --> 00:31:15,672 I think it was actually made for me and Gaz. 780 00:31:15,674 --> 00:31:16,906 To be fair that was not a bad shift, 781 00:31:16,908 --> 00:31:20,609 and if Sam wants I'll happily put my name down for overtime. 782 00:31:20,611 --> 00:31:21,443 ¶ 783 00:31:21,445 --> 00:31:23,111 It's a shame I've got to go meet the others 784 00:31:23,113 --> 00:31:24,680 or otherwise all those birds 785 00:31:24,682 --> 00:31:27,516 will be coming back to the boat with me. 786 00:31:27,518 --> 00:31:29,651 ¶ 787 00:31:29,653 --> 00:31:31,486 Me and you just went off the rails there. 788 00:31:31,488 --> 00:31:33,821 I think we necked on with about ten birds each. 789 00:31:33,823 --> 00:31:36,590 Sam should be impressed with the work me and Gaz did tonight. 790 00:31:36,592 --> 00:31:40,060 I won't be surprised if she asks us to work again. 791 00:31:40,062 --> 00:31:42,262 ¶ 792 00:31:42,264 --> 00:31:46,299 Tonight it's Vicky's birthday and we're gonna go all out. 793 00:31:46,301 --> 00:31:50,803 It's time to celebrate in Amsterdam! 794 00:31:50,805 --> 00:31:55,707 ¶ 795 00:31:59,178 --> 00:32:01,546 Gary's turned up, and I don't give a shit. 796 00:32:01,548 --> 00:32:04,515 I'm just gonna have a laugh with the girls and craic on. 797 00:32:04,517 --> 00:32:06,049 I walk in the club, see Charlotte, 798 00:32:06,051 --> 00:32:07,917 and for once I'm gonna go and sit down, 799 00:32:07,919 --> 00:32:11,120 have a drink with her and just take a different approach. 800 00:32:12,155 --> 00:32:14,489 Usually Charlotte is chasing Gary, 801 00:32:14,491 --> 00:32:19,360 but for once he's all over her like a fanny rash. 802 00:32:20,862 --> 00:32:22,028 Wingman down. 803 00:32:22,030 --> 00:32:24,964 What the fuck? Is he going soft on us? 804 00:32:28,068 --> 00:32:29,735 For once I feel like the ball 805 00:32:29,737 --> 00:32:34,539 may be in my court, and I am in control. 806 00:32:36,108 --> 00:32:39,777 And I'm telling Gary that I don't have feelings for him like I used to, 807 00:32:39,779 --> 00:32:43,080 so if he wants to pull it's not gonna be awkward. 808 00:32:45,083 --> 00:32:47,417 Gary doesn't know how to take it. 809 00:32:47,419 --> 00:32:48,518 I can see it in his face. 810 00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:51,888 That's because I am so independent. 811 00:32:53,056 --> 00:32:56,758 If he wants to get wifed in, then he can get wifed in. 812 00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:57,859 That's not gonna stop me. 813 00:32:57,861 --> 00:33:00,795 I'm on the dance floor hoying me wang around. 814 00:33:04,933 --> 00:33:06,967 What the fuck has happened to Charlotte? 815 00:33:06,969 --> 00:33:09,336 Is this even the same person? 816 00:33:09,338 --> 00:33:12,038 ¶ 817 00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:15,508 For fuck's sake Holly keeps shooting us daggers. 818 00:33:15,510 --> 00:33:16,575 What the fuck does she want? 819 00:33:16,577 --> 00:33:19,110 At the minute I'm just feeling absolutely shit 820 00:33:19,112 --> 00:33:20,678 about the whole James situation 821 00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:22,913 because he's just completely ignoring me. 822 00:33:22,915 --> 00:33:25,849 I just want to keep that space between her. 823 00:33:25,851 --> 00:33:27,750 I don't want any dramas. 824 00:33:27,752 --> 00:33:30,419 ¶ 825 00:33:33,022 --> 00:33:36,557 James has point blank ignored Holly. 826 00:33:36,559 --> 00:33:38,025 It is killing her. 827 00:33:38,027 --> 00:33:38,892 I think it must be 828 00:33:38,894 --> 00:33:42,662 the harshest thing I've ever known him do. 829 00:33:42,664 --> 00:33:47,900 ¶ 830 00:33:51,604 --> 00:33:52,770 Amsterdam is buzzing. 831 00:33:52,772 --> 00:33:55,606 We're living on a boat and we're having a mint time. 832 00:33:55,608 --> 00:33:57,374 We're having a radge time in Amsterdam. 833 00:33:57,376 --> 00:33:59,743 I've always wanted to come to Germany. 834 00:34:01,112 --> 00:34:06,349 She's noticed now that James is avoiding her at all costs. 835 00:34:06,351 --> 00:34:09,719 Everybody's noticing that there's an atmosphere between me and James. 836 00:34:09,721 --> 00:34:12,354 There's tension that you could slice with a knife 837 00:34:12,356 --> 00:34:13,855 and it's frustrating me so much 838 00:34:13,857 --> 00:34:15,323 that I don't know what I'm gonna do. 839 00:34:15,325 --> 00:34:16,924 I can understand that, though. 840 00:34:16,926 --> 00:34:18,725 You can understand it, right? 841 00:34:18,727 --> 00:34:20,727 Yeah, because he's like... 842 00:34:20,729 --> 00:34:22,295 He doesn't want to hurt-- 843 00:34:22,297 --> 00:34:23,663 He just wants to have his girlfriend. 844 00:34:23,665 --> 00:34:24,730 But at the same time, 845 00:34:24,732 --> 00:34:28,600 the amount he's hurting Holly is really bad. 846 00:34:30,269 --> 00:34:33,337 ¶ 847 00:34:33,339 --> 00:34:37,541 So all you ever see in Amsterdam is dust this, buck that, 848 00:34:37,543 --> 00:34:38,742 so what else there to do 849 00:34:38,744 --> 00:34:41,578 but go to a fuckin' sex museum. 850 00:34:41,580 --> 00:34:43,279 The Sex Museum, I'm looking forward 851 00:34:43,281 --> 00:34:45,481 to see where my ashes are going to be scattered. 852 00:34:45,483 --> 00:34:50,252 This will be like your house when you roll the Gaz on it. 853 00:34:51,454 --> 00:34:52,587 (Charlotte) Sex machine? 854 00:34:52,589 --> 00:34:54,589 (Holly) Oh, it tells you about your sex life. 855 00:34:54,591 --> 00:34:56,524 So there's a sex machine and you put your palm on it 856 00:34:56,526 --> 00:34:59,527 and it's supposed to tell you what your sex life is like. 857 00:34:59,529 --> 00:35:03,597 "Concentrate more on foreplay." 858 00:35:03,599 --> 00:35:04,331 (laughter) 859 00:35:04,333 --> 00:35:05,932 You just dive in, you swan dive. 860 00:35:05,934 --> 00:35:07,733 That machine's definitely full of shit. 861 00:35:07,735 --> 00:35:09,201 I'm not doing that 'cause I know for a fact 862 00:35:09,203 --> 00:35:11,636 that if I do the fuckin' thing will blow up. 863 00:35:11,638 --> 00:35:13,304 How much are you, Dan? 864 00:35:13,306 --> 00:35:15,572 It's basically statues, what me mom has 865 00:35:15,574 --> 00:35:17,740 on our kitchen table, what we do. 866 00:35:17,742 --> 00:35:19,675 I was hoping to see a little bit of porn. 867 00:35:19,677 --> 00:35:22,010 James is just being a complete prick 868 00:35:22,012 --> 00:35:24,145 and he's still ignoring me. 869 00:35:24,147 --> 00:35:27,715 I hope the Sex Museum isn't giving Holly any ideas, 870 00:35:27,717 --> 00:35:30,551 'cause the only girl I want to get erotic with 871 00:35:30,553 --> 00:35:32,686 is me girlfriend Kate. 872 00:35:36,824 --> 00:35:38,691 Me and the girls are leaving the lads. 873 00:35:38,693 --> 00:35:40,459 It's time to have some girly time 874 00:35:40,461 --> 00:35:42,928 and catch up on all the gossip. 875 00:35:42,930 --> 00:35:45,897 I'm talking to the girls about the situation between me and James 876 00:35:45,899 --> 00:35:51,168 because I feel like I've lost me best friend. 877 00:35:59,343 --> 00:36:01,544 He's making everyone feel uncomfortable in this house. 878 00:36:01,546 --> 00:36:03,612 It's not nice that you would have to lose a friend. 879 00:36:03,614 --> 00:36:05,380 I think James is being a massive dickhead. 880 00:36:05,382 --> 00:36:09,884 Let's leave all of this emotion behind in Amsterdam, leave it on the boat. 881 00:36:09,886 --> 00:36:13,821 It'll get washed away when the Titanic sinks. 882 00:36:15,824 --> 00:36:17,491 It's our last night in Amsterdam 883 00:36:17,493 --> 00:36:19,593 and we're gonna tear it a new one. 884 00:36:19,595 --> 00:36:23,096 But James has got a face like a smacked arse. 885 00:36:23,098 --> 00:36:24,497 James, you coming out? 886 00:36:24,499 --> 00:36:25,798 Nah, not tonight. 887 00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:27,132 You're not gonna get ready? 888 00:36:27,134 --> 00:36:29,234 Nah, I'm just gonna have a chill one tonight. 889 00:36:29,236 --> 00:36:30,401 I'm just gonna stop in. 890 00:36:30,403 --> 00:36:31,668 James is full of shit. 891 00:36:31,670 --> 00:36:33,403 The only reason why he's not coming out 892 00:36:33,405 --> 00:36:35,238 is so he can avoid Holly again. 893 00:36:35,240 --> 00:36:36,806 ¶ Let's get down, let's get low ¶ 894 00:36:36,808 --> 00:36:40,409 ¶ Let's get down on the cock, cock, cocks ¶ 895 00:36:40,810 --> 00:36:41,943 ¶ It might be a round cock 896 00:36:41,945 --> 00:36:45,112 ¶ But any cock's good when it's cock, cock, cock ¶ 897 00:36:45,114 --> 00:36:46,246 (groans) 898 00:36:46,248 --> 00:36:47,580 It's our last night in Amsterdam 899 00:36:47,582 --> 00:36:49,515 so we're going out to celebrate. 900 00:36:49,517 --> 00:36:51,083 What is that? It's paper? 901 00:36:51,085 --> 00:36:51,917 I thought it was knickers. 902 00:36:51,919 --> 00:36:53,318 I thought you couldn't knickers. 903 00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:55,119 I didn't know it was actual paper. 904 00:36:55,121 --> 00:36:57,387 But I can't wear any knickers 905 00:36:57,389 --> 00:36:59,021 'cause I've got VPL. 906 00:36:59,023 --> 00:37:00,389 She's made knickers. 907 00:37:00,391 --> 00:37:02,557 Out of what? Paper. 908 00:37:02,559 --> 00:37:06,460 Paper knickers is the best idea I have ever had. 909 00:37:06,462 --> 00:37:08,662 I am a genius. 910 00:37:08,664 --> 00:37:09,996 It's our last night out in Amsterdam, 911 00:37:09,998 --> 00:37:14,200 so it's time to head out and do some serious damage. 912 00:37:14,202 --> 00:37:18,137 ¶ 913 00:37:18,139 --> 00:37:20,072 Look out, look out! 914 00:37:23,042 --> 00:37:24,142 It's completely pathetic 915 00:37:24,144 --> 00:37:26,077 that James doesn't come out on our last night. 916 00:37:26,079 --> 00:37:28,145 But it does mean that I can just go out 917 00:37:28,147 --> 00:37:31,548 have a good time and just be meself. 918 00:37:33,417 --> 00:37:35,584 James isn't coming out tonight, but who gives a fuck? 919 00:37:35,586 --> 00:37:39,421 The only thing he does well is makes us look good. 920 00:37:40,456 --> 00:37:44,125 James isn't just pie-ing Holly by not coming out the last night, 921 00:37:44,127 --> 00:37:46,160 he's pie-ing everyone. 922 00:37:46,162 --> 00:37:48,729 ¶ 923 00:37:52,767 --> 00:37:56,603 Tonight we are going to commandeer all the Dutch cock. 924 00:37:59,173 --> 00:38:02,008 I can't believe that I am slut-dropping a man 925 00:38:02,010 --> 00:38:04,176 who is three times my age. 926 00:38:30,736 --> 00:38:34,105 And you know what happens to paper when it gets wet. 927 00:38:35,006 --> 00:38:36,639 And me paper pants have come apart. 928 00:38:36,641 --> 00:38:39,241 It looks like I've got a hanging gammon. 929 00:38:43,446 --> 00:38:45,914 Once again Charlotte is commando 930 00:38:45,916 --> 00:38:48,016 with her flaps out. 931 00:38:51,754 --> 00:38:56,090 Luckily Holly brought a spare pair of knickers out 932 00:38:56,092 --> 00:38:57,091 because she's got thrush, 933 00:38:57,093 --> 00:39:00,260 and in case you wanted to pull she'd have to change them. 934 00:39:00,262 --> 00:39:02,362 They're on, they're on! 935 00:39:02,364 --> 00:39:04,564 Yeah! 936 00:39:06,433 --> 00:39:09,301 We've had a fuckin' boss last night out. 937 00:39:09,303 --> 00:39:11,269 ¶ 938 00:39:11,271 --> 00:39:12,937 And this radge Dutch kid 939 00:39:12,939 --> 00:39:16,407 starts going akka, pipin' off his saxophone on the stage. 940 00:39:16,409 --> 00:39:20,577 I thought Amsterdam was supposed to be about live sex shows, 941 00:39:20,579 --> 00:39:22,378 not live sax shows. 942 00:39:22,380 --> 00:39:26,181 ¶ 943 00:39:26,183 --> 00:39:29,884 Fuck this. It's time to get back to the pirate ship. 944 00:39:31,253 --> 00:39:33,687 Okay, the last night. 945 00:39:33,689 --> 00:39:37,190 ¶ 946 00:39:37,192 --> 00:39:40,126 It's been a great last night in Amsterdam. 947 00:39:40,128 --> 00:39:41,994 To the Toon, to the Toon. 948 00:39:41,996 --> 00:39:43,195 ¶ Down it, down it 949 00:39:43,197 --> 00:39:47,299 I think to meself, "Let's have loads of drinks to celebrate," 950 00:39:47,301 --> 00:39:49,401 and I'm mortal. 951 00:39:49,702 --> 00:39:55,073 And Gary really, really wants us to come and cuddle for five minutes. 952 00:39:55,075 --> 00:39:58,309 He can't stop asking us and I'm kind of thinkin' 953 00:39:58,311 --> 00:39:59,877 the rules have reversed here. 954 00:39:59,879 --> 00:40:03,080 You want me and I don't want you. 955 00:40:04,282 --> 00:40:07,450 Me and Holly take ourselves off to bed. 956 00:40:11,354 --> 00:40:13,421 What the hell? 957 00:40:13,889 --> 00:40:15,322 So Gary's come in the room 958 00:40:15,324 --> 00:40:18,158 where me and Holly are lying together. 959 00:40:28,435 --> 00:40:29,334 So I go and cuddle him 960 00:40:29,336 --> 00:40:32,937 and there's nothing wrong with that. 961 00:40:32,939 --> 00:40:34,138 I've been independent, 962 00:40:34,140 --> 00:40:36,140 I've got where I wanted with Gary, 963 00:40:36,142 --> 00:40:37,241 I've put him in his place. 964 00:40:37,243 --> 00:40:40,210 I've told him I don't have feelings for him anymore. 965 00:40:40,212 --> 00:40:41,844 We won't be having sex. 966 00:40:41,846 --> 00:40:42,544 (moans) 967 00:40:42,546 --> 00:40:45,847 And then all of a sudden I want to shag him. 968 00:40:45,849 --> 00:40:47,415 Charlotte's bouncing on top of us 969 00:40:47,417 --> 00:40:49,617 screaming in fuckin' Holly's ear. 970 00:40:49,619 --> 00:40:53,454 All of a sudden I start hearing these noises... 971 00:40:53,456 --> 00:40:54,154 (moaning) 972 00:40:54,156 --> 00:40:57,056 ...and I'm wondering, am I awake now? 973 00:40:57,058 --> 00:40:59,258 (panting) "Oh, yeah," 974 00:40:59,260 --> 00:41:01,960 in this crazy American accent. 975 00:41:01,962 --> 00:41:03,161 (moaning) At first I'm thinking, 976 00:41:03,163 --> 00:41:05,329 "Why the fuck is she moaning in American?" 977 00:41:05,331 --> 00:41:07,564 And secondly I'm thinking "Why the fuck are they having sex 978 00:41:07,566 --> 00:41:11,467 right next to me in the bed?" They've taken it too far this time. 979 00:41:13,203 --> 00:41:15,771 What the fuck is going on with me and Gary? 980 00:41:15,773 --> 00:41:16,438 This is so weird. 981 00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:20,475 I wonder if it changes when I get back to Newcastle. 982 00:41:25,013 --> 00:41:27,415 ¶