When I got told I was going to Spring Break,
this what I had in mind.
Jason's got a girlfriend now, as if I'm bothered.
You're me best friend in the whole world.
It's time for me to go home now.
(slapping)
I'm not gonna bite me tongue anymore.
Have you got engagement rings?
I just hope he's not gonna regret it.
Vicky and Ricci will not be allowed back into the home.
I just hope this is for the best,
and it does help the relationship.
She'll look like a laughingstock
when she says yes 'cause basically
it's a mockery, this is a joke.
I need to meet the girl that is Team Jay.
I haven't seen her for weeks.
It's gonna be the last night.
I'm gonna leave "Geordie Shore".
We're looking like porn stars.
Good night!
Becca might as well have a needle and thread
and have sewed me fanny flaps together.
I've just been pied again.
I am a Geordie girl with a V.I.P. edge.
My biggest fear is getting wrinkles.
I've got a banging body and the banter to match.
I should have a degree in pulling women.
I would never kiss anyone without a six-pack.
The hardest graft I've ever done is doing me hair.
I could talk the back legs off a donkey.
Got the looks, got the charm, it just works.
I'm fit, I'm flirty, and I've got double F's.
"Geordie Shore", why aye!
¶
There's only six that were left.
Fuck knows who could be leaving next.
Cancun is definitely starting to feel
like it's coming to an end.
I'm the oldest in the house.
I'm not sure if it's for me any more.
I think me time's up.
I can't fucking believe it.
Holly robbed the bank last night.
It's definitely not happening again.
I'm gonna get better security.
So should I give you a massage?
(Gary mutters)
I fucked me sex mission up with Gary last night
because of cock-block Becca.
Becca, man-- what are you doing?
¶
Tonight's our last night in Cancun,
and we're going out for a meal
because we've gotta leave tomorrow.
I think it's the best thing after that fight, to be honest.
I'm proposing to Vicky. This is the most important day of my life.
Hope it all goes well.
(Ricci) I'm absolutely bricking it.
I'm really excited,
but I'm shitting myself at the same time.
For some reason, Ricci just doesn't
look like he's enjoying himself.
(Vicky) He looks nervous,
something's not right.
All I hear is...
(mimicking motor revving)
and I'm thinkin', what is that noise?
(plane overhead)
What's that?
"Vicky.
"Will you...
Marry me?"
Oh! What?
What is that?
What?
Oh, God. What?
Seriously, though, you wanna marry her.
After everything that happened the other day,
and you want to marry her.
(exhaling)
Mumble mumble,
"Vicky, will you marry me?"
(James mutters)
These places just keep getting prettier and prettier.
I just couldn't ask to be in a nicer place.
I'm so relaxed and so happy.
But Ricci's just completely on edge.
He's sweating like a fucking fat lass at a disco.
(Ricci) Even thought it's been hard this time around,
by proving we can come through this,
and get through absolutely anything.
Me and Ricci still got a lot of work to do
on our relationship.
But deep down, I know we really love each other.
Cheers to our last night in Mexico.
Burstin' about propose to Vicky,
can't wait, nervous, scared.
Don't know what the fuck's gonna happen.
Hopefully she'll say yes.
It's fucking nerve-wracking as fuck.
I love you.
I love you, too.
And I wanna prove it.
Check that.
I genuinely wanna spend the rest of my life with you.
(sobbing)
You can't be serious.
I'm not the girl who gets proposed to
by the man of her dreams.
And all of a sudden, I am that girl.
And I'm so, so happy.
Will you marry us?
Yes.
Fucking yes.
(both chuckling)
I love you, baby.
¶
This has to be the happiest I've ever felt in my life,
but I just am not taking anything in right now.
Well, that's the hard bit over.
Now I can relax.
After hearing her say "yes,"
going through all that planning,
making sure everything was perfect, it was all worth it.
My God.
I don't really care
what anyone else has to say.
Unless they are over-the-top
thrilled for us,
then I don't fucking care.
¶
Guess what? What.
We were-- we were sitting out here, right?
Right. And all of a sudden,
this plane goes past with a banner on it,
saying, "Will you marry me, Vicky... heart."
Two days ago, Vicky was busting Ricci all over.
Now he's got a banner on a fucking plane
asking her to marry him.
What the fuck's going on?
When she just sees that, she sees the big ring.
Well, at least one good thing's coming out of the proposal.
Nee fucker else is gonna marry her.
You think she said yes?
I don't think she'll make it, nah.
She's definitely said yes, like.
¶
It's Chloe's first night in Cancun,
so tonight... I wanna go out,
enjoy it, get the drinks flowing,
and absolutely smash it with her.
¶
The bank's been on to us.
They've told us no more withdrawals
from non-worldies.
Sorry, Holly.
¶
Me and Gary last night were one blow job away
from having sex.
But why does Gary always have to play it cool?
I know that he still likes us.
(laughing)
We're getting pissed, the drinks are flowing.
Chloe's here.
At this moment in time, I couldn't be any happier.
I'm so happy to tell
and so excited to tell me friends.
I am ecstatic, I'm over the moon.
(all screaming)
Vicky's walking in like this.
She said yes.
She's got the ring on her finger,
and they're actually gonna be spending
the rest of their lives together.
Seeing them together that night, being
so happy and in love with each other,
Vicky's showing her ring off.
If they're happy, then go for it.
Yay!
We're not the type to go and get married.
We just shag people, shag each other.
Shag fucking anything.
Happy Engagement!
(all cheering)
Ricci, when he first come to "Geordie Shore",
thought he was gonna be exactly like Gary.
Banging birds left, right, and center.
Now he's engaged to Vicky.
He couldn't be less like Gary if he tried to.
At the end of the day, this is Ricci and Vicky's relationship.
It's got nothing to do with anyone else.
She must mean a lot to him.
I'm heartbroken.
I can't believe that Vicky's going.
I'm happy for them, but I'm sad at the same time.
I just wanna know that she's making the right decision.
I just want her to be okay.
If she wants to go ahead and marry him
and be with him for the rest of her life, then good on her.
Oh! All right, all right, okay, okay.
(Vicky) I can't wait to go home with Ricci.
I can't wait to start
the next chapter of our lives together.
But what's in store for us, I've got no clue.
Vicky and me have got a little bit of history,
and I think the decent thing to do is say goodbye properly.
I'm leaving "Geordie Shore".
What-- forever? For good.
It's the hardest decision I'm making.
I'm leaving, and I'm not coming back.
I can't do it.
For good.
Me and Jay have just come so far together.
Now he's got Chloe, and now I've got Ricci.
That all seems so far in the past and so irrelevant.
But the fact of the matter is, it did still happen.
And I'll always have a lot of respect
and a lot of time for him.
My last night is, it's me birthday night.
And that is my last night.
With Vicky, I'm not sure
that she has made the right decision.
But I genuinely, genuinely do hope it works out for her.
Don't tell anyone else, like, anyone else here
'cause I'm gonna tell them.
You can tell he's really happy with Chloe.
--be wanting to say the whole time--
I've been here in body but not in mind.
To find out he's going
and he's not gonna be part of this anymore.
It's heartbreaking.
¶
I still can't get me head around last night.
Vicky and Ricci are now engaged,
and we've only got a couple of days left in Cancun.
(crying)
Today, we're going on a booze cruise.
(Holly) I'm so hung-over.
I can't be fucking arsed.
This is a perfect opportunity for me
to spend time alone with Chloe.
Chloe is one of the main reasons
why I'm leaving.
While you're in a relationship,
you can't keep on going out
and getting smashed five, six nights a week.
The girls got face, like, smacked off.
I honestly don't know why they're pissed off.
We're going on a booze cruise.
I hope this boat fucking sinks.
¶
I'm leaving "Geordie Shore" with a fucking ring on me finger.
We've had our ups, we've had our downs.
It's been a massive learning curve,
and I wouldn't change any of it for the world.
I can honestly say
this experience has changed me life.
From now on, everything I do will be with Ricci,
And it will be the real me, and it will be the real him.
And it will be a real adventure.
¶
Why is that-- is that the boat?
All right, it's got a slide.
Me and Gary are still talking and having fun.
And last night's random engagement meant that Gary
was preoccupied and wasn't bothered about any other girls.
(Charlotte) This feels so good.
This boat is rammed with fanny.
It's absolutely dripping.
It's wetter than the fucking sea.
We're outnumbered at about 20 to one.
Bang, spot these six Norwegian birds straight away.
Yeah. Celia, all right, I'm James.
James? James.
James? Yeah.
They're all sound, mint crack,
blonde hair and woppies.
Being attached like Charlotte is to Gary
just isn't an option.
Fuck me, this is my playground.
There's drinks flowing, shots flying everywhere.
This is where I am at my best.
It's basically a day for the lads
so let them get on with it.
We'll top off our tan.
¶
Yeah!
I'm glad Holly's downstairs.
'Cause I don't really wanna be necking on with this bird
in front of her.
Just in case
it does go like Charlotte and Gaz.
This isn't working, I just want to get off.
(Charlotte) Hurry up, man!
I hate boats.
I hate the color orange, and I hate Gary.
Oh, my God.
(Gaz) Out of the corner of me eye, I see Charlotte
doing the 100 meter sprint, flying down the jetty.
I'm like, look, I didn't bring girls in front of you.
What the fuck is the matter with you?
This whole Charlotte thing has just gone too far.
Actually has gone too far.
I literally can't win,
and Charlotte's upset because I haven't
pulled her but I can't talk to these girls because
Charlotte won't let--
I just, generally, I'm lost.
I don't know what to do anymore.
Why the fuck is she fucking doing it, man?
Oh!
It's been the worst day ever.
Hangovers and shitty boys.
(Jay) Ah, look at this.
Straightaway, I know something's up.
I'm gonna go to bed for a bit.
Yeah, I'm gonna have a shower.
¶
Hello. Hello.
Did you have a good day, boys?
Hands down, the best day possible.
We're telling them how good of a day we've had.
What it's been like, the birds...
We can hear every word that they're saying.
Two hours, we were just sitting, talking to them.
And then we left the boat, had a bit of food,
and they all kicked off.
I'm literally scared to talk to a girl.
Fear for your life and that?
Fear and-- for me life 'cause what she will do.
What are you, 12? Seriously?
Don't come in the house and say-- say things to people--
Like, say things to Jay and Chloe
that blatantly aren't true.
The girls are pissed off.
They heard what I was saying,
and now they're blaming Gaz.
I didn't want this grief,
this argument, me and you arguing, I thought...
I haven't done anything.
I walked away, I walked away.
This is the first time I've let him do what he wanted to do,
and I haven't tried to attack him
or try and have an argument with him.
Don't fucking say things to us
that you don't fuckin' mean!
Good luck with your mug!
Fucking hell, I didn't expect for it to kick off this much.
Only these birds could do this.
I won't do it anymore, man.
I can't do anything right.
I can't say the right thing,
it does me fucking head in.
And it's gotten to the point now,
at boiling point, I never ever kick off.
But fucking hell to do me head in.
Hoo-hoo-hoo!
Can't do anything to them so I just start
smashing the fucking place up.
Oh!
Do you know what, it's all done
with the girls, it's their fault.
I can't believe I'm crying over Gary again.
Oh! Fuck off!
Stupid fucking idiots!
I hear, like, a massive crash.
I'm like, "What the fuck?"
Aren't you, like, one big happy family?
(crashing)
I thought it was hilarious until he started throwing
me crutches about.
How the fuck am I gonna get about now
with bent crutches?
Fuck off! Everyone!
(shouting)
Fucking... fucking...
Ooh...
What the fuck's going on, man?
(exhaling)
¶
(Gaz) We'll stop in, let them go out.
I can't be arsed to be around the girls.
I don't wanna go out with them at night.
I'm gonna stay in and just chill.
This'd be the first night I've stayed in
since I've been in Cancun.
Fuck, I wish it was my first,
it's about my 30th. (Gary laughing)
30th night in, staring at the ceiling.
The Three Musketeers.
Taking the strip by storm.
The day may have belonged to the boys,
but the night's gonna belong to ours.
We're going to a sweet club,
and we're gonna fucking smash it.
All about the girls!
¶ (dance beat)
I'm so excited, I've pulled again.
(Rebecca) And he's dead sexy.
He's Australian.
I thought this night was gonna be amazing,
and it's just completely gone downhill.
Holly's been in a bit of a mood tonight, like...
she hasn't really bothered much.
Holly has fallen for James
like a poo about to hit the toilet bowl.
And she's not even hiding it
with skiddies all over.
(Holly) I just feel like shit.
It has nothing to do with James pulling today.
If it did have something to do with that,
I'd just neck on with the first
half-decent person who was there.
Okay, yes, I am bothered about James,
but I'm not gonna let them know.
Bye, Jays, bye!
Holly's pissed off, Becca's necking on,
and I'm just thinking about ways
I can make Gary fuck off forever.
Mmm, looks nice.
Gary and James are passed out in bed.
So for me, I'm just gonna
spend a bit of time with Chloe.
When I've been speaking to people, they've been like,
"Oh, cannot wait, it's gonna be really--
"God, it's gonna be a mint day
for Jay's birthday."
And then...
you're just gonna drop this bombshell.
I'm gonna let them know it's a really special night.
It's not just me birthday.
It's me last night, not in Cancun,
but in "Geordie Shore," period.
I'm actually, definitely going.
¶
I found him!
Today's the day
that I've got to tell everyone in the house
that I'm leaving "Geordie Shore" forever.
I've got some brilliant things planned for you today.
¶
The last day at-- (doorbell rings)
What is this? I'm sure it's something for me.
And they've arranged a birthday present for us.
Hey. How you doin', mate, all right?
How you doing?
It's fucking Cancun Chris.
He's here again to give us a fucking bollockin'.
(Chris) This is really fucked up, I'm looking at it right now.
Explain this.
Uh, had a little party yesterday.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know straightaway it's me.
I'm due another fucking bollockin'.
Did two people just get kicked out of here
for this kind of bullshit?
I know this will be the last time this happens.
You'll get the bill. Let's get everyone down here.
Charlotte, Becca, Holly!
Let's get down here right now.
I wanna see some making up.
I wanna see some peace.
I'll make up with them when I want to.
When they stop being fucking bell-ends.
Well, let's go, let's see something.
(Holly) There's only two people in this house who are
actually arguing at the minute,
and that's Gary and Charlotte.
And there's no way they're ready to make up yet.
(Chris) Where you going?
Upstairs!
I don't want to look at Gary.
I don't want to speak to Gary.
The last thing I'm gonna do
is make up with him.
Nothing like that will happen again.
I just wanna know there's gonna be peace
as soon as I leave, all right?
Happy with that? Yep, sure.
We'll sort it out when we wanna sort it out.
Bye-bye, Chris!
¶
At the minute, I'm absolutely buzzing.
We're gonna go and have a fun day with Jay
while they're stuck on the beach.
Going out in Cancun in speed boats,
looking for alligators,
it's gonna be fucking unreal.
¶
(girl) Whoa!
(girl) Yeah!
(girl) Whoa!
(Charlotte) I'm not gonna talk to Gary
for the rest of the duration of being here.
Jay knows me and Gary better than anyone.
He never judges us, he just listens to us.
(Jay) The best thing to do is just...
forget about it and not even flirt.
Unlike the other night, you come in, he was necking on.
I know.
That's what-- that's how it carries on,
do you know what I mean?
Me and Charlotte have become
a lot closer.
I think Charlotte looks at me
like a father figure.
(Charlotte) The best thing to do now
is just not to speak anymore.
I think that's a good idea.
Charlotte needs to get over Gary and move on.
(Charlotte) Now I'm gonna go fast, okay?
Right.
¶
I wanna make his birthday fucking good.
Like, I don't want any of them girls kicking off.
That's why the only reason they're kick-off, though,
Charlotte will kick off soon as I go talk to a girl.
I'm definitely not for banging Holly anymore.
There's no way I'm letting meself
get into the Charlotte-Gaz situation.
I'm sorry, Holly, but the bank's closed,
the shutters are down,
and the key snapped in the fucking lock.
You never want to get in this situation, honestly, ever, ever.
It's not fucking worth it, do you know what I mean?
James has said that he's never, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, gonna bang Holly again.
Yeah, bet you're not, mate?
(tooting)
Let's just have a good night with Jay's birthday.
I'm gonna try and sell some of these
fucking Chloe things.
Enjoy, I'll kick back here in the sun.
¶
Find your places. Find your places,
there's little clues underneath the hats.
(all laughing)
It's Jay's birthday at dinner,
and we wanna make it really special for him.
That's you, and that's Holly
giving you a blow job, and that's her red hair.
(all laughing)
(chatter)
So the plan is, have a barbecue,
have a few drinks, a birthday cake.
Pre-drinks and then go out and have an amazing night.
(Charlotte) I know that not everyone's here tonight.
So we got-- we brought them with us.
So we got Sophie.
(all laughing) What the fuck?
That is... We've got Ricci...
...Dicky.
And we've got Vicky.
Oh, quite fancy stuff.
(all laughing)
We're all reunited round the table.
The family's back.
Everybody has made an effort,
but there's only one thing going through my mind
which is how to tell people that I'm leaving.
This is me moment.
This is me last night.
Not just in Cancun, but "Geordie Shore" period.
No. (Holly sobbing)
No one expected it.
Everyone is in bits.
All the girls are crying.
Jay is even crying.
(crying)
Don't get upset about it.
It's like, fucking,
the worst news I've ever heard.
I'm absolutely devastated, like,
to imagine being here without Jay.
(sniffling) Fucking killed it.
How many months we've-- don't get upset.
We'll have a fucking good night.
I'm gonna miss him so much, and I think everyone is.
(crying)
We've already lost Sophie.
We've lost Vicky.
We've lost Ricci.
And now Jay's going.
Tonight, actually, I'm not coming back.
I know that he's leaving for a good reason.
And I know that this just isn't him anymore.
I just don't want people to think that it's me...
No, don't-- no.
Jay's getting older now--
He's been trapped. He just wants to be happy.
I didn't think people were gonna be upset as much as they are.
(sniffing) And what we've done in a year...
mates don't do in a fucking lifetime.
I don't want you being upset about this.
He's my right-hand man, he's like me rock.
He's, like, the only person that understands us.
I couldn't care if everyone else left,
but I can't... for you to leave, man.
To see that reaction was...
it was unbelievable.
It's so hard to stand and watch him so upset.
I've never seen him cry like that before,
but I've stopped caring now.
I don't care anymore.
I don't want to comfort him,
and I don't want to be a shoulder to cry on,
and I don't want to be used by him anymore,
and it's breaking me heart, but it's what I want to do now.
¶
Let's go out tonight and smash this.
(laughing) Smash it!
Put your fuckin' hands up!
The main priority now is for us all to go out
and have the most amazing last night and birthday night
of his whole entire life.
I wanna go out tonight and have a good night.
I don't want everyone being upset.
¶
This is the way Jay needs to leave "Geordie Shore,"
how he came in, with a fucking bang.
I'm actually devastated with Charlotte.
I can't believe, no matter how many petty arguments we had,
she's looking at me crying, and she's not coming over.
Basically, I just want him to know
like, Charlotte's point of view.
I want them to just be able to make up
because I'm sick of seeing them argue.
I needed the one person that I'm closest to the most
to come over and say, "Are you okay?"
That is Charlotte, and she didn't do that.
Gaz really needed Charlotte tonight.
Obviously, I can understand
why Charlotte's not gonna be there for him.
But at the end of the day,
this could actually be the end for them.
It's an amazing night, I'm mortalled.
But me head's all over the place
for the simple fact that this is me
last night in "Geordie Shore".
(passer-by) Geordie! Geordie!
Ooh!
I'm absolutely fucking mortalled.
Nurse Holly's back.
She's had to put us to bed.
You look dead.
I bet in her mind, she's thinking,
"Right, I'm in here."
But really no, I'm flat out.
There's definitely no chance of any action
in that wheelchair tonight.
James!
Oh, and Holly, fucking, I didn't expect this.
I didn't pull...
What on Earth's been happening last night?
Jay's in our room shouting something
about going down to breakfast.
And then I remember, he's leaving.
Before I leave, I wanna sort one thing out,
and that's Charlotte and Gary.
You don't hate each other,
you don't despise each other.
And that's the reason why you always argue,
you always kick-off.
Jay's telling me and Gary
that we've got to sort this out.
I know it's not a relationship,
but there's something there.
I'm all for saying fuck, just care about each other.
One more day left, please, sort it out.
I'm totally agree, Gary.
All right now.
We're cool. Okay.
For Jay's sake, I will try to lay it out with Charlotte.
Sorry, Charlotte.
It's okay, Jay, I know, I know.
¶
(chatter)
He's met a lovely girl, he's happy,
and he just wants to move on.
All right, I'm off.
It's the first time I've actually got upset
and cried properly in "Geordie Shore".
It might've been the family that I never wanted,
but I've been through so much with them.
I love them all, I'm gonna miss them,
and I'm proud to have been a part of it.
It feels a little bit awkward.
But I'm glad that we're leaving on good terms.
Honestly, it's fucking devastating.
I had to watch me two best friends leave,
in Sophie and Jay.
Like, he was one of me best friends as well, like,
I could speak with him about anything,
and I know sometimes I felt scared,
but I love them all so much.
And I just wish they were coming back.
I know this sounds stupid, but the arguments,
I'm gonna miss the arguments.
(horn honking)
Never in a million years
did I imagine that it'd just be the five of us left.
¶
(mariachi music playing)
We've got this villa for one more night.
Cancun's dead now so we're gonna have
a fucking mint night,
all together as a family.
(laughing)
(whooping)
(all cheering)
You know what, we'll give
Vicky and Ricci tequila with us.
Don't drink too much 'cause you'll get drunk
and you're likely to punch each other.
(all laughing)
I may have built meself up a little bit too much
saying I was gonna bang 30 birds in 30 days.
But I still got one bang, Holly, if that counts?
Stopwatch-- but Vicky!
Ten seconds.
Oh, shit, his head's fell out.
(laughing)
I really wanna bang James again,
and he better not get too drunk
because I've got fanny flutter.
We do care about each other.
We do mean a lot to each other.
And it's the last night, so we're gonna have some fun.
Gary, just to let you know that, um...
these last about five weeks, and it doesn't come off.
It's so much fun until he discovers it's permanent
and wants to rub it off.
Show us!
(all laughing)
That's my mitt!
He's wiping his balls and his dick
all over me mitt which I now can't pack and take home.
Even though me and Gary haven't had sex,
we're still in the same position,
and it's starting me to think,
"What am I gonna do?"
Last night! (screaming)
Whoo!
I've heard about Spring Break.
I've always wanted to come to Spring Break.
And it just blown my expectations away.
(all cheering)
Oh shit!
Whoo!
End of Spring Break!
(all) ¶ Mexicano
All of us together!
(all) ¶ Mexicano
The final five!
(all) ¶ Mexicano
¶
(Charlotte) It's our last night in the house.
I want to spend it with Gary.
(Gary yawning)
(chuckling)
N-- no.
I've been pied off so many times.
I love Gary,
but I hate him at the same time.
It's the last night, and I wanna go out
with a bang, literally.
I've banged her a few times already.
Fuck, now one more won't hurt.
It's better than having a wank.
I look over, I see me wheelchair,
I think, fucking hell.
I've had enough shit times in that.
I may as well try and have a couple of good ones.
Its actually harder than I thought.
I look to the side, goes,
"Hi, Charlotte, it's very nice
"to spend me last night with you.
And you, Holly."
Fuckin' hopeless slags.
¶
It's the last day so it's time to pack.
We're going home.
Cancun, you've been fuckin' unreal, bosh!
Mine and James is like holiday romance
kind of coming to an end.
But I am gonna miss him.
Thanks for looking after us.
I really appreciate it.
It's all right. Help us get through it.
I'd have been fucking all over them worldies
if it wasn't for me leg.
Stop that! No--
(chuckling)
I suppose Holly maybe is a worldy
in her own special way.
I'll be seeing your bell-end another morning.
I wanted to bang James, and I did bang James.
But it's not just about sex anymore.
I feel so comfortable around him.
He's like me best friend.
We still haven't slept together.
(both sighing)
I can't believe that I'm not gonna be
waking up with them,
getting ready with them,
goin' for shits with them,
doing absolutely everything with them.
It's gonna be so weird.
Me mission was to be a part of this family,
and I've achieved that,
and it's been the best experience of me life.
I know I've said it before, and I went back on it.
But this thing between me and Holly,
it stays in Cancun.
There's nothing going on in Newcastle.
(laughing)
I've kind of been, like, trying to lie to meself
because I do have feelings for James,
but I've held them back,
and I feel like that was the right thing to do.
Bye!
See's you later.
The women out here, unbelievable.
But you know what?
I can't wait to get back to Newcastle
and balls-deep in Geordie birds once again.
(sniffling)
¶
I've tried everything. I know.
(sobbing) I hate seeing you cry,
I hate seeing you upset.
I hate... I know.
I can't lose Charlotte as a friend.
She is irreplaceable.
I really do love you to bits, you know, Gary.
I know.
I can't be his best friend.
(sniffling)
He might want that, but I don't want that.
I think I'll always want a little bit more.
Bye, Gary.
At the start, it was the same old me and Charlotte.
Were we gonna bang, or were we not?
And I just got it in me head that I was
not sleeping with her,
and I think we've done really, really, really well not to.
I wanted less grief, but I probably got more grief.
But hopefully, in the long run, it'll be for the best.
(exhaling)
I can't believe that Cancun's over
and so are me and Gary.
Bye, house in Cancun, see you later.
I just want to be happy now.
Try and find someone to be happy with.
I don't want Gary to be in me life anymore.
I know that one day he will make
some lucky girl so happy,
but it's just not gonna be me.
(sniffling)
Where is all the cock?
I can't wait to get meself some Mexican muff.
How big's your cock?
What is happening to us?
Oh!
I pissed in a box outside me room.
We're gonna spend the rest of our lives with each other.
Yes.
Oh, fuck it.
If that was me, I'd rather make
dippy eggs and soldiers.
Come on, baby, let's go for a cuddle.
(tooting)
I will fuck you up.
It is just "flanter."
(crashing)
Psycho Charlotte is back.
I'm not used to getting saltwater in me eyes
apart from cum.
Get that out of me face, fuck you!
Me and Vicky have gone from being on cloud nine
to rock bottom.
Don't fuckin' say things to us!
Fuck off.
I'd rather shit in my hands and clap.
Oh, oh, oh!
How am I supposed to bang him if he's only got one leg?
(panting) Yeah.
I think my balls are more swollen
than me knee at the moment.
Your unbelievable squirting vagina.
I don't squirt, I gush.
Oh, my God, no!
Fuck.
I feel like a porn star.
¶