(Charlotte) This program contains strong language and sexual references
from the outset and throughout.
We are back.
I need you to go and house-sit for me in Mexico.
We're gonna have a fucking mint time.
I've got a new lass, I'm in love.
Three way kiss!
It's time we go international
and shag the shit out of them as well.
You're not just here to party.
You're here to work.
It's only when you boss Cancun Chris.
A bit pissed off.
I need a couple days on me own, I just need to calm down.
Oh, my God!
No!
Fuck.
I'm like a porn star.
For the first time since Joel's arrived, the atmosphere is
actually picking up.
People are smiling.
(Charlotte) Thanks, Sophie, thanks, Joel.
Where's Vicky at?
My first instinct, run out the door,
jump in the taxi and try and find her.
I think I'll be all right, you know. I do too.
(gasping)
Here I am in Mexico, leg all strapped up
and Holly bouncing on me cock.
He was like, fuck sake, that's tight!
Who's Holly kidding?
It'd be the width of a wheel's mouth.
To push someone away, especially Charlotte.
It is fucking hard.
I am a Geordie girl with a VIP edge.
My biggest fear is getting wrinkles.
I've got a banging body and the banter to match.
I should have a degree in pulling women.
I would never kiss anyone without a six-pack.
The hardest graft I've ever done is doing me hair.
I could talk the back legs off a donkey.
Got the looks, got the charm, it just works.
I'm fit, I'm flirty and I've got Double-Fs.
Geordie Shore, why aye!
¶
(vocalizing)
Today, we are celebrating my birthday.
We're celebrating Becca's birthday in style and what a way
to do it than a booze cruise?
Vicky and Ricci are still not back, but it's kind of good
because Vicky doesn't like boats and she might moans.
Probably best that she's not here.
Fucking hell.
The last thing I want is to go and party
and go on a booze cruise.
I want to spend it with Joel.
(Gary) It's your birthday, I hope you're fucking excited.
I am excited.
There's gonna be loads of booze, loads of dancing and loads of
lads with loads of cocks.
My idea of a booze cruise is young,
fucking fit birds, everyone dancing.
What the fuck?
And it's full of people who the average age is like 107.
I'm game for a milf, but this is
taking it to a whole different extreme.
I don't do grandmas.
Yo, let's just meet in Mexico on a catamaran
in the middle of fucking nowhere
on Becca's birthday getting smashed.
And no, not even Gary
will get with one of these old hippies.
I'm glad we got on the wrong boat.
¶
'Cause you're in love with James.
Me and James are like, on the same page.
We just want to be friends with benefits
and not gonna turn in to what Gary and Charlotte are.
I am a banker.
You are a banker.
But James is a banker too.
Holly's giving it the big'un.
She's acting like she's gonna be able to be a banker with a--
she doesn't understand how hard it is.
Every day when I was working in the bank,
I dreamt of working in the zoo.
You dip into that joint bank account,
you take a little bit of funds out,
neither of each other care because you're
both going into the same thing.
I know the more time I'm gonna be laid in his bed with him,
the more feelings are gonna get involved,
and honestly, I'm scared that I'm gonna get hurt.
When he goes out and pulls someone,
you probably is gonna kick off,
but it's okay, right when you do, just come over to me
and I'll tell you how I deal with it and likes,
I'm dead experienced of being a banker.
Uh... I really want to have sex with him.
¶
(Sophie) What's that, oil?
Zero factor carrot oil.
Hello there.
Are you doing all right? Hi.
(Sophie) Hi, strangers.
Oh, they're back?
I'm back, I've had some time to calm down and relax.
Cancun Chris is still a massive shaved cock and I no longer care
about his tiny little package.
I'm here to have fun, I'm here to spend time with
me boyfriend, I'm here to spend time with the girls,
I'm here to see the lads, so fuck 'em, I'm back.
Really?
I think she's happy to be back and see everyone.
Did you wait up for Holly? He booked her twice.
Have you booked her, is that what-- He's booked that twice.
I've barely been gone and I get back and Holly and James have
had to shag, not once, but twice.
How'd you do it? One-- One leg up.
Did you? No.
You meant to keep it elevated, don't you?
I don't know whether I'm, like, proud of her dedication
or a little bit concerned
'cause he's very incapacitated.
(Sophie) You did it sober? Did you do it sober?
Aye.
¶
(Vicky) Sophie and Joel have asked me and Ric to come for lunch
at a really nice beach.
I'm pretty sure they've only asked because Ricci's the only
one who can drive the Jeep.
(James) Go to a beach with the couples?
Fuck that and all.
I think I'd rather be with me other leg.
¶
I'm still not sure about Joel.
Even if Sophie's forgotten how he treats her,
I don't fucking think have.
(Sophie) Oh, it's a cafe
Usually in this situation,
I would shit meself for Joel and Vicky
to be in the same room.
Chew it.
Oh.
It seems like we're all getting on.
(Joel) Ugh, ugh.
I can't believe I'm actually saying this,
but I can see a real change in Joel.
I can see why Sophie wants to be with him.
¶
Now I feel I can trust you. Yeah.
We go to the beach and I feel like
I want to tell Joel something.
I feel like now it's time to go for it,
You know what I mean? Yeah.
So if we go in the next couple of days,
I think I'll be, like, fine. Okay, that's good.
So I'm happy. Yeah.
You know, it's been good having him here,
he's made us so happy.
Now that everyone's starting to accept him,
I think it's time that, you know, he goes home.
When you go home, we just gotta do the best we can.
Enjoy it, enjoy the rest of it.
¶
(shouting) Had what!
I can't believe I'm actually part of the family now, like,
they've actually remembered it's me birthday
and I couldn't think of a better bunch of people
to be in Cancun with.
That tequila on that top shelf has been eyeing me up for weeks,
so fuck it, everyone's having a shot,
we are getting on it tonight.
(James) I'm not havin' either, otherwise I'll
wobble on me fucking crutches.
I don't give a shit if it's Cancun Chris' top shelf tequila,
you don't leave a bottle of tequila around nine
Geordies and expect them not to drink it.
I have a bottle of tequila.
If you touch it, I will fuck you up.
Cancun Chris can fuck himself, we're drinking his tequila.
Kay mon.
(all chanting) Becca, Becca, Becca, Becca!
(Gary imitating gagging)
Let's party.
(Vicky squealing) Oh, watch it!
¶
I've got diarrhea coming out me bumhole like quicksand.
So it's best I just stay at home.
¶
Me leg's feeling much better, I'm back out.
I appreciate everything Holly's done for us,
she's looked after us
and I've very grateful for that, but fucking hell,
I'm out tonight and I'm gonna pull.
¶ Cyber-boy, cyber-boy
We're hitting Congo Bar, it's gonna be an unreal night.
¶ My kinda guy
¶ Hanging out in cyber space ¶
Charlotte's not here, so I'm gonna do exactly what I do best,
bang as many birds as possible.
Let's party.
I know James doesn't want to hurry and he doesn't want it to
get like Gary and Charlotte, but neither do I.
It's what?
No.
No!
Until it happens, I don't know how I'm gonna feel,
but you know I'm like, any excuse for
fucking attention and I'll fucking
start smashing the place up again.
¶
(Gary) Girls come over, I'm like, right, James, step your game up.
Before I know it, though, we're both necking on.
I'm like, yes.
I haven't been out in so long.
This is exactly what I needed.
James and Gary have pulled.
Weather forecast: I think
Hurricane Holly's about to hit again.
Take cover.
(Gary) Holly is absolutely smashed
and it's blatantly because James is pulling.
James does not realize what he's got himself in for.
Well done... for pulling.
She is actually really foaming and now she's pissed.
She's just saying whatever.
I look over, Joel is absolutely smashed
and I mean mortalled.
The plan of attack tonight is to get Joel absolutely hammered.
See if he can keep up with us Geordies.
(Vicky) I'm try and do Soph' a favor.
Taking the drinks off him, trying to keep an eye on him.
I take one drink out of his hand,
Ricci puts another one in it.
¶ Ready set go
He just looks like a total freak.
At the end of the day, I'm gonna have to take that boy home,
probably hold his hair back when he's gonna be sick.
This is the worst I've ever seen him,
making me look like a total tool.
Now come on, Joel, you're from London?
Don't try and keep up with Geordies.
¶
And I can see Holly is blatantly giving us hacky looks,
she's pissed off.
(Holly) Yeah, I care about him as a friend,
but don't want to be with him?
I don't want to people to think that I ever want to be with him
because it's not like that.
I see this heading for disaster.
I think Holly might like him a little bit more
and she's trying to kid herself.
¶
Is my hair all right?
Is my hair okay?
Whoa!
He got in this state, he gets hisself out of it.
But then Ricci and Vicky are there.
Yay... Taxi!
This is a good thing.
Ricci and Vicky helping Joel when he's drunk.
Get in there, get in there, get in there.
Fuck.
(Joel) Whoa...
Me and James neck on these birds all night, we can tell they're
not the kind of birds that are gonna bang on the first night,
so, numbers, we'll be in touch.
¶
(Sophie) Ned, he's hurt bad!
Let him go for a wee!
(Vicky) You be sick and have your wee at the same time.
Ricci, Ricci! Man!
He's pissing on himself!
Ricci, for fuck's sake.
Oh, my God!
At least-- Oh, my--
Joel decides he's gonna get his cock out, piss all over himself
whilst being sick at the same time.
(Vicky) Sophie get your, lad--
Shit, get your, lad!
He's got no clue where he is, what he's doing.
What an amateur.
Joel, do ya want a slice of pizza.
It's quite a spectacle to see a grown man
in such a disgusting state.
(retching)
(man) Go on, son.
¶
(Charlotte) I love it when Jay is drunk, it's so funny.
He's like a big, clumsy, silverback gorilla.
No it wasn't me, man, it was Soph'.
(Holly) Here we go!
I know why Holly's acting this way.
She got too drunk and too upset
because James was pulling someone else.
Pull her woman, pet.
This isn't the way to get James' attention.
(James) Fucking hell, all this time
she's been banging on, saying she doesn't care.
(Rebecca) I think James like her as a really good friend,
but at this point, I think
Holly might like him a little bit more.
Look at you two fucking lovebirds. Jay t--
Here we go again. We are not lovebirds,
we are very good friends.
Aren't we? Shmitz.
Holly's doing what all the girls
in the house does, drown her sorrows.
Good night.
(retching)
¶
(heavy breathing)
(exhaling)
Wake up, hungover to fuck,
probably not as bad as Joel, though.
(Charlotte) So it's the first time I've woke up without a hangover,
but I suppose I did still poo myself last night.
¶
What's that? It's me knickers.
Gary, everyone poos theirself
at one point in their life. How old are you?
21?
Not every 21-year-old poos-- (gagging) on their knickers.
The fact of the matter is, everyone poos theirself at
some part of their life,
even Gary.
You think I can push-- put it in this bin?
You can't put it in the food bin, man.
What if I picked some of the food out
and shove it at the bottom?
(gagging) Don't put--
Look, there's some poo.
Aw, fuck off, blech!
I don't understand what the problem is.
It's only poo.
I'm gonna put it in the bin where the food is, because,
really, poo is just food that comes out your asshole.
(Charlotte) I've hid it under the apple juice.
(Gary) The last thing you want to see when you're hungover and dying
is a bag with shitty knickers in.
I think it's okay, everyone poos themselves
I don't think that pooing myself has ruined me chances
with sleeping with Gary.
In fact, I think it's brought us closer together.
Me mum pooed on me head when I was born.
¶
(belching)
What is it? (Sophie) There we go, girls, nails time.
We maybe in Mexico, but that doesn't stop us Geordie Girls
getting our nails done.
Hol'.
So are you ready to tell us how you really feel about James?
I came back from the toilet and I was just--
I was completely shocked.
I don't know if I am actually bothered, like,
then I was, like, really... he's gonna--
Yeah, he might pull her, right?
And he might take her back and he might bang her
because she looks stunning,
but yet, he'll bang me when I look minging,
so what does that say about mine and his, like, friendship?
What is this feeling that I've got for James right now?
Because it's not just about banging him anymore.
You and Gary are best friends, but youse are in love.
Right, okay, well, if you look--
Look at Sophie now and tell Sophie
that you're not in love with him.
I need more credit.
It doesn't matter that I still want to sleep with him,
the fact of the matter is, I haven't.
¶
Me, James and Ricci are off to Mamitas.
Last time we went there, there was ass, tits, it was fucking--
It was a mint beach party.
Oh, fuck this.
I think this is more of a chilled beach
compared to Oasis. No, it wasn't last time, though.
It was kicking off here last time. Last time it was mint.
So we'll just get pissed and see what happens.
I'm fucking gutted.
Where are all the worldies in Cancun?
¶
Bonita chica. Bonita chica.
There's only three lads out, it's a decent day as well.
I'm just devastated.
(James) Holly's actually sat down and said to us,
do I want her to be me banker.
She has looked after us, she's been fucking mint.
I think that's the main reason I banged her,
just to say, like, thank you.
But now, I don't want to get into that trap.
I remember them days,
hung with me mate, the fucking shit.
I don't know how I feel about
fucking banking in Mexico, you know.
I fucking can't get me head around this pesos crap.
It's fucking confusing us.
¶
Ah it smells, doesn't it?
(doorbell)
Oh!
Hello there, Christopher.
The doorbell goes and it's Cancun Chris.
Now, I have not seen this bellend
since he sent me on that fucking stupid road trip.
Just get everyone in here.
He's angry all the time.
It might be because he's got no hair upon his little head of his
and he's really short.
He's dead small and I'd be frustrated
if I was that small as well.
The bottle I left here was full.
The house is in absolute tip
and they've drank all his tequila.
Fuck, he's gonna kick off big time.
Where's the bottle that was originally here?
Whoops.
We've all drank the fucker.
Fuck him.
You drank it? Me and--
You drank it? No, no, no, no, no-- we all drank it
We all drank it. You all drank it, but he instigated.
It was me that instigated it.
I was dreading the punishment.
What am I gonna do with this? I'll replace it.
You're gonna replace it?
Yeah. Exactly what you're gonna do.
And this did not come from, like, down the corner, dude.
(Vicky) Aw, fuck. All right?
I'm so fucking buzzing, for once
someone else is getting punished other than me,
it's Gary and he's getting wrung
for taking Cancun Chris' tequila.
So who's going with?
Charlotte can come with.
Charlotte and Gary plus tequila?
This can only go two ways.
Disaster or banging.
You, bright and early tomorrow. (Gary) Yep.
I'm so confused.
One minute, he's piein' us,
the next minute, he wants us to go buy alcohol with him,
alcohol, a drink?
To get drunk?
To maybe have sex?
(Sophie) Oh, I don't like the smell of that.
I know we're Geordies and we like to go out partying and we
like to booze and have a good time,
but sometimes, we just need a rest.
Tomorrow isn't gonna be that bad.
Gary, me and you are like best friends.
There's always the chance that me and Gary might have sex.
Don't you think we'll have a laugh together.
Saturday's gonna fly by. Aye, that's why--
Time flies when you have fun, Gary.
It is literally gonna take all the strength I've got
and willpower to not sleep with Charlotte on this trip.
Who the fuck invented drinking games?
What sad, boring bastard couldn't just enjoy having
a fucking drink on his own?
Holly, your best point is...
(Holly) This is scary.
You've been an excellent nurse for James.
What about my worst?
And your worst point is, you've sexually assaulted him on--
(Holly laughing)
It's pain relief.
Gary! (Sophie mocking voice) Gary!
Your best point is your big cock.
Your worst point is, you didn't know how to use it at first.
I'm only being honest.
He was shit at first
and I learned him how to be better.
Sophie. (all) Oh!
Best point is that you're a wicked girlfriend. Thanks.
Your worst point is...
your unbelievable squirting vagina.
(all exclaiming)
Now, let me settle this.
I don't squirt.
I gush.
There's a difference.
(all chanting) Sophie the squirter!
We've had a good time the past few weeks.
Yeah, it's been wicked.
Started a bit rocky, but--
We got through it. I know.
Things have changed so much.
He's improved.
Everybody else has changed towards him,
they're accepting him as my boyfriend now.
I want you to leave... me thinking, right,
I am the um-- his only.
Yeah, You can think that.
Can I? Yeah.
That's all I've wanted to hear from the time I've been with him
and I hope that I can just have a perfect relationship with him
because I'm falling for him so much.
Are you happy you did? Yeah.
I'm happy, too. Okay.
Muah.
¶
(phone ringing)
Hello?
Charlotte. (man) Who's this?
Listen, Charlotte, can I speak with Gary, please?
Gary's just in the shower.
Can you take the phone to him, please?
The phone is attached to the telephone box.
I'm in the shower, I hear the phone ring downstairs,
Charlotte answers it.
It's Cancun Chris, taxi's outside, we're off on this trip.
Do you want to play a game? Oh, God.
Oh, you know what one we like Gary.
I went shopping.
Do you want to play it?
I went shopping to buy James...
a guide on how to pull.
I went shopping and bought James a guide book
on how to pull and Becca a wig.
I went shopping and I went--
I bought James a guide book how to pull, Rebecca a wig,
and Ricci a penis enlarger!
(both laughing)
¶
We'll have a bloody lovely day.
It's Joel's last day and I've been getting on all right with
the kid, so we're gonna hit Oasis.
¶
We're there, the tunes are bouncing,
the drinks are flowing.
It's actually-- We're having a really good day
even though it's just the four of us.
So I say, Joel, don't look, don't touch,
stay away from the girls.
Whitney. Nice to meet you, I'm Joel, you all right?
How you doing, you all right?
Where are you from? UK.
What's that? Maine, you heard of that, Maine.
And these girls decide to come over to my boyfriend
and start talking to him when I am standing there.
Me boyfriend can't even talk to girls now.
What is happening to us?
She talked to me and I just--
I replied.
You should just say "fuck off."
No, Sophie, I'm not gonna tell
a girl to fuck off after she says, "hey."
Just say sorry, darling, I'm filming. "Where are you from?"
I'm not gonna say, "fuck off."
One little thing that Joel does
turns into a massive argument.
Do you want me to look at all the cock? What?
Do you want me to look at all the six-packs on this beach now?
But then I think, I can do one better than you.
I can get boys, too.
All right, love?
How big's your cock?
Nice ass.
Love to stick me clit up it.
Not only boys, but granddads, with saggy balls.
That's pathetic.
Exactly.
Pathetic. Exactly.
You don't like it, do you?
¶
I'm boogieing away, having a wicked time.
Next thing I see, Holly is sitting there with two birds.
(Holly) I seen this girl and she had sleeve tattoos,
like absolutely unbelievable.
Like, actually better than any girl
that James and Gary have pulled.
Me and James are friends with benefits.
But I'm not getting too many benefits at the minute.
I'm like, fuck, I think I'm gonna have to
pull some girls now.
So I was like, right, girls, neck your tequila,
neck your drink and then thee-way neck on.
Just doing a, Gary.
Woo!
¶
Chloe's on me mind, I'm missing her loads.
So I decided to ring her.
(phone ringing)
(woman's voice) This is the Vodafone voicemail status for...
All I'm waiting for is that day for Chloe to come out.
I'll have never been happier to see her.
(phone ringing)
This is the voi--
Chloe coming out will be the icing on me Cancun cake.
Me and Charlotte are off on this, like, wild adventure.
We're in the taxi with some Spanish speaking Mexican who
doesn't understand a word of English, but I don't care.
I need food.
They're all over the floor, man.
We're so hungry and there's no cheeseburgers in sight anywhere,
so me and Gary are just gonna have to go to this stupid
mud hut restaurant.
There's just bugs everywhere.
What if I need the toilet, man?
Oh, there on the tablecloth.
This place is buzzing.
Not with people, fucking beetles.
Any beers? No.
No, no tenemos.
Solo tenemos agua. Vodka?
Agua de Jamaica, tamarindo.
Yeah, two agua!
No, no, no, no!
I can't do it, I ca-- don't think I can do it.
Me and Charlotte as a couple would
be good for about two minutes
and then it would be a fucking nightmare.
Oh, my God, they do, they fly!
Oh, oh!
Help, help, where is it?
On me fucking leg!
I can never say that it's not gonna happen again.
It is more than just banging.
It is-- There is feelings there.
It's not a matter of time of if,
it's more like when.
Fuck! oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Stop, it's not like fucking hit the hippos.
Don't hit me there-- quit it!
¶
Seriously I-- All right, I'm ready.
I'm fucking jealous, I wish I was coming out.
Have a good night. Oh, God, I feel ill.
The only people staying in are Holly and James.
What the fuck is going on there, like?
When youse come in, mate, just ignore the padlock on me door,
all right?
(Vicky) Have fun, you two.
Holly's ditching the girls again.
She's staying in with pegleg
and she's only doing it 'cause she's
gonna try and hop back on that cock.
It's just me and you, then?
Bloody lovely.
What time is your flight? Early, babe.
It feels so nice for him to be there and I'm gonna be so sad
when he leaves tomorrow.
It's time to get foamy.
¶
Cheers, guys.
Spring break, what better place to go out than a foam party?
Ricci and Vicky are like Siamese twins.
Someone needs to operate on them
and keep them apart for a couple of hours.
Foam parties are bad for Geordie girls.
It's just not our natural habitat, you know what I mean?
We're like, fan tan, eyelashes, the extensions, all of which do
not do well in foamy, soapy water.
Got me bikini on, me little shorts, me shoes.
I'm ready to pull.
(Vicky) I've got big plans for the night, the drinks
are flowing, I'm in a good mood and all of a sudden,
like the sicknote I am, I get sick.
I've foam in there.
It's awful, isn't it? Horrible.
Feels like your throat's closed, doesn't it?
My throat is like so swollen.
(Rebecca) There's this boy
and I'm dancing with him on the dance floor
with the foam all over, so I'm like this soapy goddess
and basically, I just said, do you want to kiss?
And I've done really well because Charlotte's not here
and Holly's not, so I've done this
all by meself, so if I can do it by meself,
I could do it even better with the girls.
¶
It's this horrible Mexican food, it's absolutely disgusting.
It's messing with my body.
It's messing with my bowels.
I'm either shitting meself or I'm constipated
and right now I'm constipated
and I've never wanted to poo more in me whole entire life.
(Gary) What the fuck's that?
Outside, inside and all around the toilet
is a colony of these round, horrible beetles
that look like they're gonna attack us at any given moment,
and there's a scorpion.
There's a scorpion as well in the toilet.
You never go into a toilet with a scorpion.
It's always just a bad idea.
Just fucking run in, walk in.
You like animals, not me.
No, no, I can not, no, I can not.
No, I can not do it, They're in the cubicles.
I had in my head that this trip would be so much fun, we'd have
such a laugh, we'll get drunk, it'll be like old times.
And so far, it's been an absolute disaster.
Get off me arse, man!
The sex has disappeared
and no one's trying to look for it.
Not even me.
¶
So today Joel's leaving and...
I want to leave on good terms,
where we're both laughing and smiling,
but I can't help feel really upset.
Have you got everything? Yeah.
Are you sure?
When he's here with me, I'm fine, because I know I'm in
control and I can see what he's doing
and I can tell him what he's doing wrong.
Got all your toiletries and that?
But when he goes back home to London, that's when things start
Playin' on me mind.
See you later, Joel.
Come see our home, muah. See ya.
(murmuring)
The last couple of days because we know that he's going,
we're thinking about things a lot more,
which is making it more distance from each other, which I feel
now that when he goes, I haven't really got that closure.
You, I know you've been that good, obviously,
but I want you to keep it up.
Yeah, I will, dear, I promise, all right?
Otherwise you've got me to deal with. (Joel laughing)
Safe flight.
We don't want to show emotion to each other, which I know is
a bad thing, but it's because we're hurt and we're angry
that I don't want him to leave and we're gonna be sad,
so it's just our way of dealing with it.
(woman) Bye! (Joel) Ciao, bella.
(Charlotte panting) Oh, God!
Oh, oh, oh.
(screaming)
Oh, I'm having a wee.
Oh, my God.
I'm annoyed, I'm angry and I'm sexually frustrated.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
It's so much warmer than the shower water.
(Gary laughing)
This trip isn't going how I thought it would.
I haven't had sex with Gary or haven't found any tequila.
I just want to get back home to everyone.
(laughing)
(Gary) Oh, my God.
¶
Yeah, mate, thanks for driving us, yeah? It's all right, mate.
It's been wicked, yeah. Hope you had a good time,
and I hope you've enjoyed it, mate. Yeah, totally, man, I'll catch you later, yeah?
I want to go home with him.
And it's the hardest point of me life.
Don't cry, you'll get me started.
I feel like a baby and I feel like I've lost me dummy.
Sophie, you're my girlfriend, okay?
I'm going home but I'll be sitting there missing you.
I don't want to be here.
I want to go home with him.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Say it. You're gonna be fine.
Say it. I love you, too.
Promise us? Yeah.
Be safe, when you're back in London.
I'm so gutted to watch him walk through them doors
and it's hit us like a fucking ton of bricks.
It's so hard to say bye.
I know how it is. When you're so used to someone being there,
it's so hard, like...
to know that tomorrow he's not gonna be there.
But we're all gonna be here.
Aye, youse are, that's true.
There's gonna be lots of bottles of vodka.
Ugh.
And tequila. Tequila.
Oh, God.
Howay, let me jump in.
¶
Me and Jay just having a nice little walk
along the beach getting ready to start work
and we decide, it's probably best before we throw ourselves
into this wholeheartedly
that we kind of recoup.
Get a strategy together, get a game plan started.
Aye.
Not seen a lot of you, pet.
Oh, my gosh.
I never really--
I know I never really thought, like,
we are the oldest two now, aren't we?
Oldest asshole of the skies.
I can't believe when I first started "Geordie Shore," I was
necking on with Vicky.
You gotta look we're now a year on
and see how much both of us have changed.
I cannot keep up with their antics, mate.
Handle more.
With Vicky, I'm not sure
that she's made the right decision,
but I genuinely, genuinely do hope it works out for her.
Seeing Vicky and Ricci together just makes me
want to be with Chloe.
¶
Alto, alto!
Alto, alto.
Xtabentun.
(Charlotte speaking gibberish X--sunazim--shamses
We're here, we've made it.
And there's so many bottles of tequila,
I don't know which one to choose.
In seconds, Charlotte's just necking all the shots.
Muy bien. Muy bueno.
Gary, on the other hand, is having no tequila
'cause he's an absolute girl pants.
Ugh.
That's nice, that one mind--
I wouldn't mind just getting that for the crack.
She's definitely pissed all right.
That won't fill a whole bottle, so we'll take five.
What?
I think it's that one.
Let's just get that one.
Well, howay, let's go.
We've got the tequila, we're coming out the liquor store
and I'm thinking, yes, I'm on me way home.
(Charlotte) Do you want to play a game? (Gary) Oh, God.
¶
(laughing)
When I'm staying in all the time,
I can't get out, I'm a young lad,
obviously, if it's handed to us, I'm gonna take it.
(Holly moaning)
(James laughing)
I don't know if it's a good idea.
Oh, for God sake.
You can't shove me head down on your dick and then tell me that
you don't want to do anything.
You fucking hypocrite.
You just totally made me look like a mug and then, like,
you're apologizing for it?
Now 'cause we've-- Now we can't be friends? Can't be friends?
No matter whether we're best friends or whether
we're just banging, like, how it was last time in Newcastle,
I'm never ever gonna be good enough.
¶
Gary has got a hard-on.
He's saying it's the road bumps, but I know for a fine fact it's
because he wants me.
First. Wait, we're slowing down.
Just friends don't play the gear stick game.
Just friends don't do that.
First. Puttin' it in first.
Second.
Whoa, whoa, we're speeding up, third.
All I'm asking is for him to admit that he fancies us!
Whoa, we're slowing down, let's put it back to third,
and then into second, and back to first.
We're starting to feel like a little couple.
It's actually quite scary.
How you feelin'?
¶
(Charlotte) So the mission to get tequila, completed.
The mission to have sex with Gary, still underway.
It's not in me bag.
Where the hell is the tequila?
It's not in your bag either.
I've just been in fucking random villages for the last two days,
you better have the fucking tequila.
You actually did put it in my bag, though.
We genuinely have actually lost it.
So all in all, that was a pointless trip
'cause you lost the tequila.
We have lost the tequila, I swear on my life.
Wow, we must have, man.
Big night out tonight, we're all bang in the mood
and I just cannot wait to get out,
have a drink and have a dance.
Joel's gone, there's just the family left,
so we're all goin' to Smash City,
the last time we were there, it was fucking amazing.
See you later, Soph!
Bye, Soph!
Cheers.
I can't go because I'm far too busy, so me little mate Sophie
is gonna stay in with us
because she's missing Joel already.
Holly is fucking pissed off
so now I know I definitely can't go there again.
But I don't want to, like--
I don't really want to bang her.
Just 'cause I'm fucking--
I can't get out,
I'm fucking horny, I'm locked up in here.
It's just something to do, but.
When James says it's not going to happen again, he's talking
bullshit, 'cause it is gonna happen again,
maybe ten times over.
Good night.
¶
Tonight is the night
I'm going to have sex with Gary.
We've been flirting for two days solid,
it's going to happen tonight.
(Gary) Best thing about this city is it holds 5,000 people.
That means at least half of them have got to be birds.
That means thousands of girls for me to pick from.
Hi, okay!
The girls who I got into at the beach party
they don't look as nice as they did at the beach,
'cause you know people look better with sunglasses on,
but they're still pretty girls, nice girls.
I don't know what it is about Holly, but it
must be something to do with the heat,
'cause she always turns lesbian when we go on holiday.
Gary is committing a robbery on Holly,
who the fuck would have expected that?
Fucking hell, Gary, obviously I mean nothing to you?
Well, two can play at that game.
I have pulled a worldie.
It's not about quantity, Gary.
It's about quality and I am too good for you.
Gary is having a three-way kiss.
It looks like he's set up for a threesome.
Get in there, Gary.
¶
Gary's come back, he's got two lasses with him,
I'm sharing a room with Gary,
I am not sleeping in there, so I'm more
than happy to jump in and share a bed with James
and I know Gary would have done the same for me.
I got my exercise for the day.
This is gonna be, I can tell, one of the best nights
and best threesomes of my life.
I'm lying here with two amazing Australian blonde birds
and I'm buzzing because for once, I haven't got to worry
about any drama at all from Charlotte,
'cause she necked on a lad.
(woman moaning)
I can't see. The fuck.
(Charlotte) What a prick.
What did I ever see in Gary?
(moaning)
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ If you wanna go wild if you wanna go wild ¶
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ If you wanna go wild if you wanna go -- ¶
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ Let's party party gonna go wild ¶
¶ Let's party hard gonna go wild ¶
¶ Oi, oi gonna go wild ¶
¶ Let's party hard gonna go all night ¶
¶ Oi, oi gonna go wild ¶
¶ Let's party hard we gonna go ¶
¶ all night, all night, all night ¶