(rock music)
Do you know what?
I wouldn't change it for the fucking world.
One big family who all have sex with each other.
We'll stay friends forever, to the end.
I really hope Ricci's everything I think he is.
(overlapping arguing)
I don't regret anything I've done 'cause I've been meself.
I don't think I can do this.
Fuck you. You're not worth it. It's over.
I'm gonna be a slag.
Fuck it, let's do it.
The perfect ending to the most perfect experience.
I'm still really confused about Gary.
I don't know what's going on.
I can't just start seeing her. I'll just hate her too much.
Fuck, no. Not again, eh?
¶
It's bigger, better, and badder than ever.
¶
You're fucking idiots!
I was doing so well, and I've lost it.
I don't love her!
I've never experienced pain like this.
(siren wailing)
(vomiting)
Don't fucking say things to me
that you don't fucking mean!
This is the worst thing that's happened to me ever.
(crying)
Saucing you.
She's back!
¶
(clattering)
(slamming)
(wailing and groaning)
We're like one big family.
I'm gonna miss him so much.
The family has just been broken up,
and I'm absolutely devastated.
We should just get pissed and see what happens.
¶ Everyone's here to party
I am a Geordie girl with a VIP edge.
My biggest fear is getting wrinkles.
I've got a bangin' body, and the banter to match.
I should have a degree in pulling women.
I would never kiss anyone without a six-pack.
The hardest graft I've ever done is doing my hair.
I could talk the back legs off a donkey.
Got the looks, got the charm; it just works.
I'm fit, I'm flirty, and I've got double Fs.
(all) "Geordie Shore"!
Bug! And we're still in Newcastle!
I think I've getting deja vu!
¶
(cheering)
We walk in the house and Anna's there.
Some kind of shit job again, obviously.
(cheering)
Welcome back, people.
We are back!
It's the family I never wanted. Bring it on.
You have got a job to do. Oh!
I need you to go and house-sit for me
in Mexico.
(cheering)
Mexico!
I am so fucking excited! It's Mexico!
We're gonna have a fucking mint time!
Mexico, spring break. I'm fucking ready!
Six weeks of Sexico in Mexico.
We're house-sitting in Cancun, Mexico,
for spring break.
Damage will be done.
¶ Mexico, Mexico, Mexico, Mexico, Mexico ¶
I fucking love tacos. Bring it on.
You need to get packin'.
I want you out of this house now.
Yes! Oh, yeah!
¶
I'm not gonna party, I'm not gonna get mortal,
and I'm not gonna shag Gary.
Hmm!
(laughing)
Youse-- have you been? Yeah, yeah, I've been.
Uh-huh, it's brilliant, and it'll be like--
But, ma'am, have you been on spring break?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you haven't.
I have. There's North Americans and--
What are the American boys like?
Fantastic. Ah!
Do they have six-packs?
Loads of them. They've got 12-packs. Ah!
Me mom's been on spring break! How cool is that?
I bet no one else's moms have.
Ew! What is it, Charlotte?
Charlotte, what is it? Let me look, Charlotte.
Charlotte, why do you have that?
Why have you got that in there?
What is it?
It's bondage.
(cheering)
I'm not going near Gary,
because he reminds us of a bean sprout.
Then again, I do like bean sprouts.
¶
Yeah, I can't wait to get out there,
see Vicky in a g-string, getting those boobs out.
Any relationship, you get excited,
and especially when you feel like everything's right,
and with Ricci, I feel like everything's perfect.
We're gonna slip it in there-- boom.
We're gonna have fun with our lives.
You're gonna slide off with the girls--
Ricci mad! (laughing)
I never thought I'd go on "Geordie Shore"
and find love-- I couldn't be happier.
All right, so are you
gonna speak to Rebecca then?
Actually, I'm not gonna speak at all.
Like, at all?
Rebecca and Vicky--
I don't see any making up there whatsoever.
We're best off to just leave each other alone.
I feel like she brings nothing to my life whatsoever.
¶
I've ended up in the UK. I've cracked it.
It's time to go international and take this player abroad--
adapt, learn, learn their ways,
and shock the shit out of them as well.
Oh, I've got one, and I need fucking thousands.
There's one thing since the very start of "Geordie Shore"
that I'll never, ever change, and it'll keep on happening,
and that is-- shods love the parsnip.
(groaning)
¶
Hi.
Sophie's back, and yeah, I have got a boyfriend,
but that doesn't mean
I'm not gonna get on it till I vomit!
(Charlotte) Imagine all the nice boys!
Charlotte! Sorry.
I didn't mean-- I didn't mean--
No, no, I meant for me!
I can't believe Sophie has got back with Joel.
He's such a prick.
But it's her life.
No, I'm not! No.
It's time for Charlotte to forget that parsnip.
The heat makes you horny, you know, Charlotte. Does it?
Hop on the Mexicans and feel them coconuts.
We've had ups and we've had downs,
but right now, it's the strongest we've ever been,
and I do-- I actually physically love him.
I'm done with that-- I could care less,
the American boys on spring break.
You look at girls. But you can't touch.
No, I'm not gonna touch.
What's the point, touching anything
when I've got you at home?
¶
Oh, my God. Oh, they are!
I've got a new lass, I'm in love,
and I think I might be growing up.
Yeah-- no.
Still be fucking not? Definitely not?
I'll still have a fucking mint time.
I never, ever, ever thought I'd see the day
that I lose your wingman,
I lose your best mate to a bird.
He's got a girlfriend. I just can't believe it.
I'm gonna get meself a Mexican girlfriend, me.
(laughing)
I am. Arriba, arriba! Fucking right?
(laughing)
I'm not gonna be tempted.
I'm not even gonna flirt.
Why have scabby kabob when I've got steak at home?
¶
30 days. I've got 30 condoms.
I give it 30 minutes, and I'm gonna be buzzed,
thinking the world will be funny.
(laughter)
We can come back and release Holly.
All before this?
(laughter)
Me and Holly-- pfft! That's over and done with.
Old news. I will not fucking bang her again.
We're gonna be absolutely buzzing.
I'm just gonna be part naked-- bikinis, little tops,
shorts, more bikinis.
In Mexico, right?
You know, we have certain dinners, like, traditionally.
Do they have some there?
Uh, nachos. Oh, okay.
That makes sense.
Cancun better watch out for me,
because I am gonna be banging for fun.
Literally, I am gonna be the new Gary.
Well, everyone knows that I'm kind of
a little bit of a lesbian when I go away.
So maybe I'll get a boat of banging boys
and we're off to bang girls as well.
Ah, it's just gonna be amazing.
North Shields? No, South Shields.
No. So, the opposite way.
So, if that's that way, then it must be this way.
Me and Vicky got off on the wrong foot.
We're still on the wrong foot.
God knows what's gonna happen.
Please turn right at the end of the road.
Please suck my dick.
So, Jason's got a girlfriend now.
As if I'm bothered.
Do a U-turn.
Have you heard it when it goes,
"You're going the wrong way!"
(laughing)
¶
It's all changed for me. I'm loved up.
Chloe's me new bird,
and I've even got a tattoo to prove it.
Cancun for five weeks-- Sun, sea, sand.
And no sex, Jason. Not at all.
You're gonna be bagging none.
This holiday is gonna be unreal.
It's gonna be five weeks of mayhem.
You can look but you can't touch,
'cause I'll rip your balls off, and I mean it.
This time around, I'm in a relationship,
I'm loved up, and there's gonna be no nagging on for me.
You're only human, you know, Jason.
You're unreal-- glasses over there.
You're not gonna be like the Trumps,
walking about your castle half the time.
¶
The comb-over's back!
More partying, more banging, more touching.
This is gonna be unreal.
When I get out there, you're gonna see
the tiniest little red row shorts going.
All you've got to know how to say when you're in Mexico
is, "Dos Yager, por favor,"
or, "Dos fucking Red Bull, por favor,"
and you're fucking laughing.
(laughter)
Bye, Newcastle!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you, Charlie.
See you later, yeah.
Cons...
(laughter)
¶
Whoa! We've arrived in Cancun and I'm with me best mate.
Where is everyone?
We've got here, and no one's to be seen.
¶
Mexicano! Mexicano!
What's the word for--
Tequila! Tequila!
Mexicano! Mexicano!
Where's all the nice boys?
Where is all the cock?
I've got a boyfriend. Charlotte hasn't.
I need to help this girl on this holiday
to fuck loads of different boys
apart from that stupid, big parsnip cock.
What will the boys of Mexico be like?
It's all American jocks, isn't it?
With muscles and sex parts and big hands.
We need to find all the hotties--
all the hot spring break Americans.
Fuck Gary.
Fucking mates, man. Cancun, man.
Fucking mates, man.
¶
(cheering)
(wolf whistle)
Beep beep beep beep beep!
It's been a fucking long trip-- 12 hours
stuck with Holly and Becca.
All Holly was doing was trying to grab me cock.
¶
I'm just gonna, like, chill.
Try and keep a chilled level.
Vicky's probably the least person
of everyone that I want to see,
and we're gonna argue and we're gonna get on.
Who knows?
¶
We've just arrived in Cancun.
Let's get this fucking party on the road.
Let's get fucking mortal before we go to that house.
Oh, my God, Charlotte. Think we're here?
I think we are. (gasping)
We are?
¶
Sophie, come and look at this.
¶
I feel like I'm in a different world.
I've never seen anything like it.
Oh, my God!
Everybody's tanned, tattooed, gorgeous.
Stunning music's on. This is Cancun spring break.
¶
It's this one. Oh, my God.
Fuck me.
¶
(all gasping)
It's fucking nothing like I expected, know what I mean?
It's unreal. It's massive.
There's a shark in the pool! Aah!
I can't wait for the lads to come
so we can get the party started.
Oh, this is a decent bed to fucking bang on.
Fuck off. No.
I'd be kind of pissed off if I had to share a room
with Vicky and Ricci-- like, I'm actually dreading to see Vicky.
¶
The first time there's ever been double beds in "Geordie Shore."
¶
Hey, Gary, we're sharing beds now!
Ah!
Like, fucking hell. We're sharing beds with guys!
He's like a fucking predator.
If he doesn't have his fucking leg in a couple of days,
he might even fucking try and bang me.
Fuck! Oh!
Oh, my God!
This roof is made for shagging.
Balls deep, standard.
Oh, my God.
¶
How do you feel about James?
Good. I mean, I feel like...
I feel like if I wanted to have him,
I would have him, do you know what I mean?
Yeah. I've already been there.
I'm not... Going back for more?
Going back for more.
Let's get this straight once and for all.
I don't actually fancy James.
Right now, I just want to be banging
left, right, and center.
He might get jealous when you try to bolt.
Do you think? He might, yeah.
If he's not pulling, then you are, to make it.
If I'm pulling, I'm not--
What if I get jealous if he's pulling?
Well, then, that's when you'll know.
That's when you'll realize if you like him a lot.
¶
I'm just going to sleep. I don't even care who's in.
I'm going to go to bed.
¶
Me, Holly, and James are going out
because the others aren't here yet.
Yay! Let's go, let's go, let's go!
Fucking hell-- are you Evel Knievel?
I can't wait to get meself some Mexican muff.
First night out in Mexico.
¶
(cheering)
¶
(rattling doorknob)
How do you get in? (doorbell ringing)
(knocking)
Hola!
(pounding on door)
Ai, chica!
(overlapping shouting)
I can't get in! (groaning)
Hello?
What? Eh?
There's someone here, 'cause there's a Corona.
Me and Charlotte are like, "So where is everyone?"
What's this one? I'm scared.
There are names on them. Ricci.
Vicky-- and me! Vicky.
How on earth am I gonna sleep
when they're shagging, they're arguing,
they're kissing, they're making up.
Ricci's a nightmare when he's pissed anyways.
What are you gonna do when they're shagging?
God help Sophie.
She's in a room with Ricci and Vicky,
who probably is more than likely
gonna be getting sticky and icky,
and Sophie probably is gonna see Ricci's little dicky.
Oh, I desperately need to poo. I need a drink.
Can I go in your bathroom?
You can have a poo in mine if you want.
I go drop the Mexican kids off at the pool,
and it just so happens that these Mexican kids
are wearing huge, massive sombrero hats.
Oh. Ow.
Oh, no, I think I'm gonna have to take some tablets.
Why? It's too big.
¶
Right. I'm going to sleep now.
¶
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
The first night in Cancun, we're gonna get absolutely mortaled.
¶
Oh, hey, where are you going there?
You didn't get enough.
Me and James got a little bit flirty,
but is that just the way we are,
or does he secretly fancy me?
Caution!
Caution-- this might ruin you.
(laughing)
¶
Vicky's okay with this. I miss my girlfriend loads.
Hopefully, she'll be here soon.
¶
I arrived in the villa, expecting to see everyone.
¶
Hello?
Fucking no one inside whatsoever.
¶
I'm just like cool without England.
It's been freezing lately.
Woke up at the airport-- boom!
Oh, it was just perfect, and it just--
I just wanted to get to the villa
so that I can just get snockered.
¶
We're home.
Oh, there's fuckin' Ricci, man.
Thank fuck, it's just not me and them here anymore.
What about Vicky?
Secretly, I am a bit relieved.
Like, I've got a few more days
to get me head 'round being back with everyone
without her being there.
I fucking love that room, man.
Man, it's unbelievable.
I hear a boy's voice, and it's Ricci without Vicky.
¶
(doorbell rings)
Oh!
Boom! Fuckin' Mexico.
Gaz is here. The party's fucking starting.
Get a drink down me. I'm going out.
Glad you decided to come.
I did.
Man, I've been having so much fun,
and now you're here to spoil it all.
What's up, brah?
I didn't see you.
Gaz is here now.
I've finally got myself a wingman.
Gary! Gary, come here a second!
Have a bed, bro?
Oh!
So, what's been going on?
A lot.
Charlotte is here.
We're gonna be friends. We're gonna be this.
I know if I want to bang Charlotte,
I can bang her.
How's it hanging?
Charlotte's trying to prove
that you and him are best friends.
If I want to bang her, I will bang her.
We will have such good,
friendly times here, won't we?
Definitely.
Yeah, he'll still have friends here.
If I can make it through the first day
without sleeping with Gary, then I can definitely
make it through the rest of "Geordie Shore"
without sleeping with him.
But I'm thinking, oh, one of the lads.
Hi, Gary.
We'll have a coffee.
We'll set one up so you can catch up.
¶
Time to get out in Mexico and pull some birds.
¶
My usual wingman Jay isn't here yet.
Now I've got James,
so I've got to adapt to a new wingman.
He's got to get used to me,
how we should play-- how we both rule.
It is weird to have him here now.
¶ Oh, oh, look who's here to cause some trouble ¶
¶ Oh, no, better make that drink a double ¶
¶ The city lights...
Fucking hell-- spring break has hit this place
like a ton of bricks.
¶ Don't stress about my dress ¶
¶ On your road to success
I've never been anywhere like this in my life.
I've not seen anything like it.
There's not only like a couple of hundred people.
There's 6,000 people.
It's absolutely everything you can imagine. It's class.
¶ I tease, tease, tease ¶
¶ I got you geeking off my love ¶
In the UK, I've got a girl sussed.
I know exactly how I play it
and exactly what they want to hear.
In Mexico, it's a whole different ballgame.
I've got to adapt. I've got to learn their ways.
You know what? I can't fucking wait.
¶
I feel like I'm really getting to know Charlotte
and Sophie and Holly, like, much more, like,
and I feel like they're giving me a chance as well,
'cause they're not having anyone else's opinion blocking them.
But whether that's gonna change or not, I don't know.
My mission-- pulling a worldie or two.
¶
Me and Gaz, we've got a few birds up.
We're having a big dance. It's going well.
It looks like those two are banging on the first night.
¶
I think I'm gonna have to rename it the Mexi-comb-over.
¶
I've only been in Cancun five minutes
and I've already pulled.
It's fucking brilliant.
Gary's attaching on. High five, Gary.
I respect him, and I wish him luck.
¶
All of a sudden, mine pulls out the fucking boyfriend card,
and she's having a fucking laugh.
Fucking two seconds ago, she was grabbing me cock.
Fucking not honest, like...
It's just the first night.
The rest of the time here is gonna be fucking amazing.
¶
I'm jetlagged, I'm knackered.
I don't know what time it is.
I don't know where the fuck I am,
and all I want to do is go home.
Taxi!
¶
For me, tonight was up there
with one of the best experiences,
one of the best nights I've had in a long time if not me life.
Oh!
(laughter)
Firstly, in my mind, I'm pissed,
thinking I was probably gonna be horny being out,
and all my-- I look over at Charlotte.
(laughter)
(spitting) (laughing)
Charlotte's this new, feisty, hot woman
that is not gonna give in to the parsnip.
I'm really missing Vicky. Um, I'm really missing her.
You didn't know that? No, Gary, don't.
Get off. Stop it. Gary, we're just friends.
Gary thinks that he can get into me whenever he wants,
but he is sadly mistaken.
I'm not. I'm chilled.
I'm so chilled that I feel like a Buddha.
(laughter)
I've got a feeling this could be me
turning over a new leaf.
Bye.
(sighing)
Adios.
¶
At the minute Vicky isn't here,
um, but I've got something to look forward to,
to be excited about, and when she does get here,
that's when it all will be good.
¶
Last night was amazing. Paint everywhere.
Gary touchdowned with a minger
and then tried it on with me,
and I said, no!
One-nil to Charlotte! Arriba!
I'm actually pleased Charlotte said,
like, "No, Gaz, you're pissed. Go to bed."
Because now, there's no awkwardness.
I might just ride out this little friendship thing
and just see how it goes, unless, obviously,
I don't bang a bird for about three weeks.
¶
(doorbell rings)
The doorbell goes. I'm hoping it's Jay.
Hello. How are you doing?
All right.
Like, who the fuck are you, like?
It's only me new boss, Cancun Chris.
And in walks James with what looks like a bounty hunter.
Guys, I'm Cancun Chris.
Best name in the world.
Who fucking thought of that one, eh?
Your grandma, 'cause it's boring as fuck.
And I sent you here to look after the house.
We've got to all respect the house.
Now that's already went out the window,
'cause me and Becca's already pissed in the pool.
In the other room, I have a bottle of tequila
on the top shelf.
Hands off. Very precious.
If you touch it, I will fuck you up.
We're all gonna be mortal off the tequila
on the top shelf in a couple of days.
Now, today, I need two people to start your new job.
For today, it'll be you and you.
Do not fuck it up. Be on time.
The two worst people to put together.
They can't stand each other and they never will.
Now, I don't want to have to come back to the house
and sort through any fucking mess.
The rest of you, go out and have a great time.
Have some fucking fun.
What about Cock Chris?
Cocky (bleep) Chris who thinks he's Mr. Gangster of Cancun.
Bye! Bye!
Whoo! Whoo!
¶
Right. I'll catch you another place. Ciao.
I'm not looking forward to going to work whatsoever.
Obviously Vicky doesn't get along with Becca,
so it might be a little bit uncomfortable.
Me and Ricci don't even talk to each other.
We've got nothing in common.
It's-- it's gonna be a nightmare.
¶
Hello.
I don't really want to speak to this girl.
My plan of attack is to speak to as many people,
try to get them on the jet skis,
and then leave it as that.
Would you like to come on the jet skis?
Uh, later, yeah.
Would you like to go on the jet skis?
Uh, no, we have to leave right away.
I can't be asked.
I want to go home. I want to get drunk.
Do you want to go on the jet skis?
Oh, no. No, sorry.
Rebecca just fucked it all.
I was dreading it a little bit today, right?
'Cause obviously you're with Vicky
and me and Vicky aren't, like, best friends.
Everyone knows that.
I can take her or leave her.
Eh, I'd definitely prefer to just leave her, though.
¶
(line ringing)
Hello?
Hello.
All I want to do is ring Joel,
and I can't wait to speak to him.
So, what you been doing then, Joel?
Have you been keeping up your end and being good?
Have you been behaving yourself?
(Joel laughing)
Have you? Why are you laughing?
(woman's voice in background)
Who the hell is that?
He's out with girls
while I'm 100,000 miles away in Mexico.
Is this really happening again?
Really, I can't trust him.
So, are there a couple of girls?
Is this really happening? I thought we were besties.
I thought you wanted to be in this.
He's like, "Sophie, just 'cause I'm in a relationship
doesn't mean I'm in prison."
No, you're ju-- no, that-- no, you're just being called out.
So, where-- where the fuck are you by, anyways?
Sophie's getting angry.
She's starting to raise her voice.
Are you lying to us?
So, where are you now?
I want to know where you are, who you're with,
and what you're doing.
Fucking two can play that game. Fuck off.
So, Joel's at home, partying with some girls.
Well, I'm gonna go out
and I'm gonna party the fuck with some boys.
He's a fucking-- no. Nothing's changed.
He's fooled us all again. Stupid prick.
It's shit that this has had to happen
on the first phone call, man.
Joel, what are you doing? Oi.
¶
How hot is it, man?
I'm fucking sweating.
Me and Jay are knocked out. It's been a long, long flight.
The heat is literally overwhelming.
What the fuck have you got in there, like?
¶
I have got a lass back at home, but you know what?
I haven't come here to be chasing birds.
I've come here to have a mint time with the lads,
good crack, and good banter.
I couldn't care less about Rebecca.
I'm being totally fair.
She's about as much fun as a poke in the eye.
I want to see Ricci. I've missed him loads.
I know it's not been long, but I've missed him, like...
Vicky, it's only two days. Think about me.
I'm gonna be away from my lass for five solid weeks.
I'm really enjoying myself in the house,
but there's still Vicky and Jay to come,
and I'm actually dreading seeing Vicky.
I just don't want her to come in and fuck things up,
'cause at the minute, it's really nice.
Mexicano. (doorbell rings)
Fucking hey!
(cheering)
The villa is amazing. It's ridiculously impressive.
There's so many people there to greet--
me and Jay are the last-- that it's kind of--
it's easy to overlook some people,
like, you wouldn't necessarily want to say hello to.
I'm not gonna beat around the bush.
I wanted to ignore Becca, so I fucking did.
(laughter)
As soon as Jay and Vicky walked through the door,
like, my mood completely changed.
Like, I felt like I needed to stay quiet.
¶
Whole bed.
Oh!
I'm sharing a room with Ricci and Sophie.
Three in the bed, the little one said, "fuck off."
Oh!
And bite.
Just make sure...
(laughter)
I've never seen anything like it.
It's like a sperm cell
darting towards the egg in the womb,
and bang, it's fertilized.
(laughing) Get on the fucking bed now!
Everyone goes to bed.
Me and Vicky to the shag pad, get in.
¶
Are you getting up?
I... for sure.
We're all here now. Cancun, Mexico.
Time to smash it "Geordie Shore" style.
Bash!
(phone ringing)
Who will this be now?
(ringing)
Hello?
It's Rebecca.
Oh, you're joking.
Who the fuck is Cancun Chris,
telling me and Charlotte that we have to stay in?
He can fuck off, 'cause I'm going out.
Bye.
Dickhead.
¶
What? Me and Becca have got to stay in?
Cancun Chris can cock off, 'cause I'm going out.
Only one thing to do-- throw the day in Cancun.
Get your eyelashes on and fucking go to a beach party.
¶
Yes, I'm a player. Yes, I've cracked the UK.
Now it's time to go international.
¶
I'm sure I've just seen an American boy
do the slip-drop.
Americans-- they're good-looking.
They're all right, but I'm not feeling them.
I don't like their accent,
and I certainly do not like their dancing.
¶
Suddenly, me-- me hair's fell out.
I'm a little bit embarrassed,
and I just want the hair back in me own hands.
¶
How do I get me hair back? I really need it.
¶
Everything's going great...
until that stupid boy
who was using me hair extension as a lasso
starts to try and dunk us under.
I feel like I'm drowning.
I'm not used to getting salt water in me eyes,
apart from cum.
Whoo!
¶
I see Charlotte and this lad, and I think, come on, one lad?
Anything you can do, I can do better.
Next I know, the birds are chatting me up.
I thought it was gonna be harder here.
It's a fucking million times easier.
Are you all-- all single?
I'm single. Are you single?
My hand's in the air too.
I'm raising my hand. I'm single.
Are you guys single?
No, he's got a girlfriend.
Fuck!
She's the friendliest girl ever.
This is a fucking perfect day,
necking on some bird in the sea.
It does not get much better than that.
¶
(cheering)
¶
If Joel's out, partying with girls,
I'm gonna find some boys and party with them.
You guys are gonna do as many sexual positions
as you possibly can in 30 seconds.
What better way to get back at Gary
than to dry hump a boy onstage
in front of loads of other horny boys.
Yes!
We got one-- doggy style.
¶
I've got a boyfriend. How is this gonna end?
That's number two.
And a little sideways one.
And then I'm going with it,
I'm getting the most of it,
and I'm bending him all over
like an elastic band.
Give it to me now. That's one.
There we go. That's three.
Whoa!
I think I want to fuck this boy.
What do you think about couple number one?
(cheering)
what do you think about couple number two?
(cheering louder)
Couple number two just kicked ass!
(cheering)
I kicked ass on that stage. That'll teach Joel.
You're single now?
¶
We got pissed, we're drunk.
We've had an amazing time.
Now, all I want to do is get more hyped up for the night.
¶
(phone ringing)
Hola.
It's Jay.
Charlotte will be back. All right, two minutes, man.
Thank you.
Oh, you're looking for trouble.
Cancun Chris has told us to stay in,
but we've actually went out
and I think we're gonna be in trouble.
Hello.
It's Charlotte.
Hi, Cancun Chris.
All right. Okay. Bye, Cancun Chris.
Good talking to you again.
We've just got all the family back together,
and now I have to leave them all.
I fucking hate Cancun Chris.
I'm gonna go and pack.
Fuck off.
Unless we just hide.
Cancun Chris can get fucked.
He's an absolute asshole. This is all his fault.
We got fucked in the ass!
Cancun Chris is a fucking rim licker.
That means he licks all the asshole all the time.
We're gonna drink all his tequila like it's water.
Whoa. I don't think we should do this, like--
We're going away, so I can't stop myself.
I think we'll regret it.
Well, somehow, I don't think I will.
¶
Cancun Chris has said that the behavior that we've done
is not acceptable and to pack our bags.
Fucking dickheads.
They should have just stayed in when they were told to.
They've been told to pack their bags and go.
We're a bit upset but we're still gonna hit the town anyway.
¶
Aah! (laughing)
¶
Now, the Vicky/Ricci situation, it's just wrong in a nightclub.
I know they love each other,
but it is a little bit awkward for us to watch.
They're isolating theirselves from the group.
There's a bath and a boudoir back at home.
Go and fucking mate.
Fucking hell, is this all they're gonna do all holiday?
They may as well not fucking be here.
¶
Back to my mission-- pulling a worldie.
¶
I'm in luck.
I've pulled out the two best looking birds in the club.
¶
In a minute, I'm fucking mortal.
The last thing I want to be doing
is entertaining these worldies.
I don't know what it is with Americans.
They're fucking nuts.
Fuckin' I'm gonna be licking vodka off her tits, aren't I?
Fucking get in.
Want another one?
It's only fair if she does some off me.
After all, they're just as good, aren't they?
It does make me a little bit jealous.
I wouldn't mind James' tongue in my mouth.
I noticed Holly's mood has just changed.
I really like the girl, but it's not gonna happen again.
I'd rather have ten minutes with these two than Gaz' type.
I'm having a brilliant time. I'm having a right old laugh.
Then Vicky comes over.
See you later. I'm going home.
¶
Why on earth would you go home?
You're in Cancun.
Now it's time to party, let your hair down,
get your fluffs out.
Don't go bloody home, man.
They've changed. Vicky has changed.
¶
See, in the UK, fair play,
I've got a degree in pulling birds.
I can pull fucking anything.
Over here, I'm like an apprentice.
¶
Tonight, I want an American student
I can smash and fucking mash in the morning.
¶
To me, the game is fucked. I wanted to bang.
I went fucking straight in there
and just took 'em both.
Three-way kiss, three-way kiss! Kiss!
Second night, fucking bosh.
Yo!
¶
Gaz has not only smashed it on the first night,
he's already got a lass back.
Her friend gets pissed, and I'm like, oh, my God.
So, a threesome's off the cards.
Bullocks. I think we're going home.
I still got one.
I'm just gonna take her back and out
and do the fucking business.
¶
I don't know what it is about James,
but I thought I didn't like him.
But when I look at him,
there's kind of like something there
that just makes me want to bang him.
All I'm thinking is, please, no one be in the shag pad.
I didn't want Ricci and Vicky to be in there.
And I just poked my head around the corner,
and there was no one in.
I was like, "Yes! Come on, babe.
Let's go for a cuddle."
(imitating horn blowing)
¶
Charlotte's not here.
That means I can do whatever I want,
and that is banging.
¶
If Charlotte was here right now,
she would punch Gary in the face twice.
(whispering)
¶
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ If you wanna go wild, if you wanna go wild ¶
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ If you wanna go wild, if you wanna go wild ¶
¶ Everyone's here to party
¶ Let's party, party, let me go wild ¶
¶ Oi, oi, let me go wild ¶
¶ Let's party, party, let me go own that ¶
¶ Own that own that